What Is.....

no shit. i thought i had herpes in my mouth for like a month. turns out it was just an ulcer from drinking chalula straight all the time at work (we had chalula chug offs). that shit sucked, i got the nick name herp-lip for a lil'. so embarassing. oh and i was putting hydrogen proxide on it to clean it and it just irraitated the hell out of it and made it all gnar gnar......that was the worst month of my life. i had to talk to guests and shit. (starts to tear up)

oh another great time was when i bought my trailer in breck. i had nothing but a couch and i took my girl up there. i was super stoked. we video taped fucking all over the house, i still jerk off to that every now and then. ::sign:: too bad she just moved to rome.
 
jerking off to your own shit would be awesome.

and my older brother had something that when i was like 10, my uncle kindly told me "thats what happens when you eat pussy"
 
fuck i feel like i need to out do you, but i don't feel like typing that much but i haven't gotten any std's yet thank fucking god
 
lucky man.

mind you im only telling the good stories i enjoyed....there are plenty of horror stories.

the worst and probably the best:

so last year i am leaving this frat party, just got my girl hooking up with my friend on the side of the dance floor (which was okay, cuz we were in a fight and i was being a cock, plus my buddy was blacked out. rather him than some jock faggot). anyway, so i leave the party and start heading home, all of a sudden some girl is on my arm. we stop and get a pizza at cozmo's on the hill. afterward we head back, i ask if she's coming to my room. she is. bakc in the room she starts sucking me off, i grab my camera after asking if its okay. she agrees. 20 minute blow job occures, then i turn the cam off and start finger bangin her. she squirts out some shit (i've never in my life seen this) and it's all over my wrist and hand. i ask kinda laughing "what the hell was that, did you cum already?" and she just says no, so then i feel it and it's just like piss. so i ask "did you just piss on me then". then girl gets offended, flips out and starts punching me. i put my foot in her chest and laughing tell her to get out as i gather her clothes. she flips out even more, like crazy screams. wakes up everyone in my hall. then she see's my brand new computer (still working!) and throws it on the floor. i flip and pick her up and throw her out the door, she's naked. all these kids are already in the hallway. she's yealling "call the cops he abused me" and im in the bleeding all over the place outa my nose. i gather her clothes and blow my ose in them.....tons of blood, haha. then i open the door and throw them at her. meanwhle all the kids on my floor are like "chris, what the fuck dude? what'd you do?"....before i can even answer this girl is like "I want the tape!" and starts hitting me again, i'm holding her back by the head, she's still getting couple blows in. so i yell, "you guys see that i'm not doing she, i'm letting her hit me" and everyone is like "yeah man, she flippin'!" so someone grabs her. mind you she' still fuckin naked. I tell her i can't give her the tape cuz i have other shit on there (some skiing and that video i made in the breck trailer that first day). anyway, she finally leaves and i promise to record over it. i call the cops ask what i should do, they recommend i record over it. so i record some boxing over it. and then clean myself up, i have blood everywhere....all over the walls and shit. it was by far the craziest night i've ever had, but i tihnk i handled it alright for being wasted outa my gore. i had scratches all over my body, still have scars. my girl gets made everytime she looks at them, cuz she didn't sleep with my buddy, she just walked him home.

terrible, terrible night.
 
ahhahahahahahahahahahahahaaha my god you are the fucking man. not a crazy place or anything but that was hilarious, i love how most kids would be like "what the fuck im gonna kick my friends ass and shes a dumb slut" and your just like "w/e tho its chill" hahahhahaahah you shoulda kept it though. i wanna hear the conversation with the cops "hey so i just uhh recorded a girl performing fellatio on me and she pissed on me so i yelled at her and she punched me in the face, what should i do?"
 
haha that's pretty much how it went. the cop laughed and was like "man she sounds crazy i'd just record over it so you don't have to worry about anything."

two days later a kid on my hall knew the girl and she said she'd call the cops on me if i didn't record over it. i showed him the tape and told him to tell her i already called the cops, and that if my computer broke i'd be coming to her for some money.

all in all everyone in the hall got a kick out of it. i was the kid that got his ass whooped by a girl for the next couple weeks.
 
there's always a bad story to every good one, but lets see i was with my girlfriend (the one i'm with now) and i absolutely hated my ex she put me through so much shit so one weekend while my ex was on vaca we snuck into her house (knew where the spare key was) and had sex all over her house, in her bed on her couches on her kitchen table, fucking every where oh and i video taped it and to top it off i came on her pillow when we were done, i still don't think she knows about it but that was like a month ago lets get into some shit

-banged a girl in my car with her brother passed out in the front seat

-had a party at my apartement two girls ended up in my room, one passed out so i fucked the other one then got pissed and kicked her outta my house, in the comotion of kicking that girl out the other one woke up so i fucked her too

-gondolla at killington

-on my buddies sailboat (motion of the ocean)

-outside a school in front of a cop which was fun to talk my way out of fortunately i knew the cop

-got wasted and fucked a girl on my balcony while i was having a party so that was in front of like 70 people or so

-a few threesomes i didn't enjoy myself as much as i thought i would

-with my girlfriend in my brothers bed and his bed frame broke

shitty nights

-fucked some slut at a frat party when i oke up my cell phone and wallet were gone

-fucked an ex and woke up in the middle of the night puking not realizing where i as or who i was with wow i bet that girl felt like shit

-banging this slamming blonde girl and my buddy traynor walks into my room and starts screaming "AJ BEERPONG NOW" and then proceeded to hump the girl until she got off me and ran into the bathroom so i played until i got hammered then tried to fuck the blonde again but i couldn't get it up cause i was too drunk i was fucking pissed so i tea bagged the kid that cock blocked me
 
there are better one's i'm just fucked up right now so i'm not thinking clearly i'll post some tomorrow after i'm not so fucked
 
hahahah man i love these stories....you're way more of an asshole than me (hard to imagine). i just fall into these things though.

the last one was definately epic.

ah man, i'd rather not say my count. i'm not in it for a pissing contest. just here to share good and funny stories.
 
i'm just spiteful plus a few years at Umass and you learn to treat girls like that as they are
 
for sure, i get my assholeness from my mass. friends. they get plenty of ass like that too, its fucking funny. they have a well mannered assholeness though, when i go into asshole mode i either almost get beat up (still not sure how i haven't woke up without a black eye) or thrown outa a party.
 
word...

im trying to think of a good one right now hmmm.

oh when i was 16 i was getting my first bj (had sex just not a bj before) in my basement on the floor, my dog kept coming over and it was a huge turnoff for me and i started to go soft so it came over again for like the 3rd time and i punched it in the face and my girl was like "what was that" and i was just like "erm...nothing" and my dog went away, she kept going.

then my dad came down and we are both sitting there naked so i throw a blanket over us but our clothes are out anyways so he knows, not a big deal really so i grab our clothes (he was going to bed) and we run upstairs and start fucking on my couch, we are watching 3000 miles to graceland and shes on top, a sick scence comes on so im like "stop for a sec" but she wouldnt so i picked her up and bent her over the couch and buried her head in it so that i could watch the movie while i fucked her.

then i nutted and she squirted all over my couch and i told her she had to wipe it up but she wouldnt so i threw a pillow over it and then she left after a bit so i went downstairs and told my mom that the cat pissed on the couch and that she had to clean it up.
 
it's cause we're fucking insane we had riots and shit last year but it can be rough i've woken up in protective custody and shit, gotten arrested for parties so i moved out of amherst (where Umass is) but i definately feel like i'm becoming the next tucker max however i do feel an asshole/womanizer cult coming u down? everyone can just trade fucked up stories and shit
 
haha i always get tucker max when i tell my after the weekend stories. you know i'm down for the womanizer cult. i've been one since cub scouts son! create and invite.
 
yea i don't wanna hear about how you were having a bad day because your nil broke and decided to take it out on your boy toy by make him beg for sex and then blue ballin him.
 
seriously i want hard shit only like you chopped his dick off for jizzing in your hair or some shit
 
oh and to shed light on the last story the blonde girl came back over for a few nights where no one was playing beerpong
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top