Weirdest things your parents have ever said to you...

my mom found my scale, but she said she figured it was for science class. i said, "yea, science class, thats it."
 
a few years ago I went to High North and my mom was driving me to the airport. On the way she says "Now I know you're going to whistler, and there's probably going to be a lot of dope. I just want you to know that If you try it and feel paranoid just stay calm and the feeling will go away. When I visited my old friends in California I smoked up with them. Maybe it's because I hadn't done it in a long time, but I started to feel a bit afraid. And that's just normal."
 
Also related to drugs: My parents were giving me 'the talk' and telling me that anything I wanted to try I should do at home. They went on about different drugs and my dad started describing his favourite acid trips to me.
 
oh that scale one remindd me of another.

ok so im leaving my parents and sitting in my car in the driveway. im packing a bowl for my 30 min car rride home. its all sitting in my lap, I have 1 "thumb" size nug in a small glass jar. I pulling stuff off and packing the bowl, as I see out of the corner of my eye, my dad coming to the passenger window to ask me something. i cant react fast enough and he see the bud in my hand. the bowl is somehow hidden by my sleeve and i move it into my crotch so he cant see. he ask's what it is? i just like uhh i dunno. he then says, is that chewing tobacco? i reply, yup, thats what it is. he then tells me how he cant stop me but saying its bad for my health. damn was taht a close call.
 
for some background...my brothers friend is a pretty big dealer and my dad was talking to my borhter about it the day before.

then the next day we were painting out basement and my bro wasnthome and he randomly goes..."have any of jays friends tried selling you pot...like alex or someone"
 
I remember this chicks mom told her on the way out the door "if you are gonna park at least shut the car off some guy and girl died once and the girls head was in his lap if you know what I mean!"
 
my mum and i were taking a walk along santa monica's pier and ended up walking on the boardwalk at venice beach (we were traveling up and down cali looking at colleges and stopped for a walk) and for all who dont know venice beach its kinda a hipie-eque scene w. lil' shops and stands on the boardwalk. so theres a small store selling pipes, bongs, etc. etc. which for somereason she went in and started looking around

mum: "vat pretty lil' scultures and whats that smeel?its rather nice, how much is zis?" (my mum has a thick russian accent)eh, i guess its not so funny
 
Well...i was on my way home from a fat smokin sessy and i was gettin home and i thought my dad would be asleep since it was a friday night cus he works saturdays and he should be asleep so i wouldnt get caught...well i get in the house and hes still awake so like a true stoner i go right 2 the fridge and pantree to avoid contact. I tell him im home and walk in to the comp room...well he walks in and tells me 2 turn around. My eyes were hella bloodshot and he says "Man u look stoned 2 the Bone dude!" with a big ol grin...and im like yea im purrrty blazzed dad...he replies " me too..." I was dumbfounded...later he asked me if i had n e more budz and im like yea i do and i asked why...he then proceeds to ask me if i want to match some bowls...we went and took bong rips out of his piece from highschool. haha wierdest night of my life
 
Mom: I don't like you playing that grand theft auto game.

Me: What? Why not?

Mom: I don't know, ever scince you got that game you've been wear all these sweaters.

Me: Well that could have something to do with the weather getting colder . . .
 
Whenever I bring good looking girls over my i can always find my dad spying on us and then he will have me come talk to him and remind me this. he says "remember if you're gonna hump, then you better wrap your stump." its just weird
 
in the car today, my dad was explaining to my friend how they change transvestites from girls to boys. he talking about how they are able to create a working erection and how you can pick the size you want. it was pretty gross.
 
hahah siccck man! so chill, my dad asked me if i wanted to share one time so i go "serously" and he said no cauyse he had his own.
 
so i'm watching tv when i'm little and an ED commercial with bob dole comes on and...

me: dad, what's ED

my dad: uh, it when your dinky doesn't get hard

it is so funny now that i look back at it
 
My parents and I have had off and on arguements about the people I hang out with... Anyways, one day I ask if I can go skiing with Ashley (sister of an ex boyfriend) and my dad agrees saying that he has a lot of respect for her and shes probably a good person for me to be hanging around. And then he has to go and say basically Ashley is a person I can see your brother marying... That just ruined everything.
 
I was getting with this girl that had a bad reputation and my mom told me "Chris stop thinking with the wrong head" (refering to my penis) it was gross
 
Okay well my parent didn't say this but my frinds dad did. Okay so he is Pete and my friend is Hulia, and they're caucasion. So Hulia is talking to him about how our math teacher has a Lesbian haircut yadda yadda yadda. Then Pete says, Just cause you look black doesnt mean she can call you nigger. or something really really really close to that.
 
My 11 year old brother asked my dad how to spell whore today. he was like "dad, how do u spell whore?" and i thought to my self, "this aught to be good" and my dad goes "what did you say will?" and my brother goes "how do you spell whore? you know, like 'when you woke up in the morning you look like a whore' you know, like what you said when we were playing horse" and my dad goes "i never said that" and my brother goes "well how do u spell it?" and I go "will, i dont think you should say that" and my dad goes "will, a whore is someone who sells their bodies, you know, like for sex." my brother goes "o, well maybe i souldn't use that word then" to that i reply "good observation will"
 
My friends mom before we went on our grad trip to cancun, told him that, and 'when your in mexico and you your friends decide to share a prostitute to make sure that you go first and wear a condom'.
 
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