Seriously if you go out and get that drunk, but cant find the means to come home and bang a girl you should just go throw yourself into oncoming traffic.
'And shepherds we shall be, for thee my lord for thee, power hath descended forth from thy hand. That our feet may swiftly carry out thy command. So we shall flow a river forth to thee, and teeming with souls shall it ever be. In nomine patrie, Et fili spiritu sancti'-Boondock Saints