UPS gripe sheet...hilarious must read!

5

562056961108

New member
UPS Airlines

Just in case you need a laugh:

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one; a reassurance to those of us who fly routinely in our jobs. After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

P:Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit

S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget.

 
hahahah thats so funny i can see them getting bored and writing this shit though thats what i would do
 
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

Bahaha favorite one, nice find!
 
Holy shit those are funny!

I'm trying not to bust out laughing right now (hard to do in a super quite office :P)
 
I couldn't help it. Two of my co-workers came over to read the list once when I started laughing.
 
ding ding ding yes sir, misfiring is usually just called missing. Although I know absolutely nothing about airplane engines.
 
Jet engines don't misfire. And I've never heard the term "missing" used in reference to an airplane engine...no idea what they're talking about there.

 
Its all made up as a joke, originally from Australian airlines, someones just changed the airline in there.

Also, about the engine, engines can fall completly off cowlings, it happens, i went in the A380 simulator with my dad last week(he flew the first Emirates a380 to NY) and we did a simulated engine fire+engine missing circuit.

Also, you dont need a college degree to become a pilot!
 
It may happen but that would be a pretty big deal - i.e., not the kind of thing the pilot would just write down in the maintenance log and be like "Oh, by the way, the plane caught fire and the #3 engine fell off." That's sweet your dad flies 380s.

 
hahahaha i love this one

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.
 
i like the flight attendants that actually joke around with you when your getting ready to take off they always make the trip fun.
 
These are linked from my flight schools website, along with these two which are pretty funny.

* Problem #1: "#2 Propeller seeping prop fluid."

* Solution #1: "#2 Propeller seepage normal."

* Problem #2: "#1, #3, and #4 propellers lack normal seepage."

* Problem: "The autopilot doesn't."

* Signed off: "IT DOES NOW."

 
Its somewhat of a generic aircraft joke but still hilarious nonetheless. (I think it started with the military, due to the one that mentions a targeting radar, which to my knowledge would almost definitely never be installed in a commercial plane.) And Qantas is the only long lasting airline with no deadly accidents
 


My dads far right, they had 4 pilots because of the distance, my dad did cruising on the way there, and take off/landing on the way back.
 
...i want to be you. Or actually your dad. To be an airline pilot is an accomplishment, let alone be the pilot on the first commercial flight of a new type for an airline. How long was that flight anyways?
 
word dude my uncle and cousin are pilots, and it seems so awesome. i am contemplating between going to be a pilot, or an air traffic controller. i'm leaning towards the ATC, simply because it's an easier job and they generally get paid more haha.
 
Atc is super hard, thats why they get paid more, my dad was going into ATC before he switched to being a pilot. And, ATC guys are now mostly sitting in rooms looking at screens, you most likely wont be in the ATC tower these days. Plus, flying feels so much better, BUT pilots could soon be gone, and jobs in the industry will slowly decline as oil prices increase, i strongly recommend you go into the military as a pilot, more flying time because of goverement oil.
 
Depends on where you work. Working somewhere like Chicago would be super hard and stressful, somewhere like Salt Lake City, not so much.

And yeah, definitely a really really shitty time to be getting into the airline industry.

 
Its difficult anywhere, think about all the aircraft that are passing 40,000 ft above your head that need clearence etc.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top