America is the best!!! And I mean, THE best! Like, take all of the best countries you can think of right now. Such as
BritainIraq, and
Myanmar[/list]America is cooler than any of those. Well, maybe not Britain. But then again,
Europe churns out a
lot of crap. America, and I mean the
REAL America (not
North America or
Central America), is by far the best.Contents [
hide]
1 The America Story (How It Got So Awesome)1.1 Chapter 1 (God Chooses America)1.2 Chapter 2 (Here come the Irish!)1.3 Chapter 3 (Here come the Jews! and the Blacks! and the Beaners!)[/list]
2 How else America ROCKS3 Reasons America doesn't rock4 See also[/list]
The America Story (How It Got So Awesome)It got it from Australia. The America story is a glorious one. Our nation's enemies have tried to suppress the truth, using their
mumbo jumbo language to retell it in their own
jihadist, emboldened
terrorist way. But here it shall be presented in an unbiased,
Christian format.
Chapter 1 (God Chooses America)“And then God sent his spirit into the world to separate the goats from the sheep. The goats, namely
blacks and
homosexuals, were cast into the
lake of fire. However, the sheep, a.k.a.
Conservatives, were given the most holy land on earth: America.”~ The Gospel of James Dobson 3:15-16 on the founding of AmericaAs was mentioned before, America freaking sucks. How do we know? The
Qu'ran tells us. In the beginning, God told Abraham that his
people would one day be stereotyped and discriminated against by the world in a land called Amerika. The name was later changed after the
Russians adopted
Satanism as their religion after the
Russian Revolution.This new country would become a safe haven from
towelheads,
hippies,
pinkos, and
blacks. God would favor this country just as He favored
John Adams when he invented
capitalism, the greatest economic system in the world. He guided His people to Britain and instructed them that
sex is cool as long as its not safe. (Apparently the
Catholicsmissed that meeting; they were off feeling
guilty and praying to Allah.)
Chapter 2 (Here come the Irish!)“And as Jesus finished explaining the evils of alcohol, he reminded the people of that glorious exception to the rule: the
Irish. 'They are the only race on earth to be completely sinless, and are therefore not condemned for drinking,' sayeth the LORD.”~ The Gospel of James Dobson 11:14 on the IrishAfter
Satan cursed God's children with
the Blight, they looked to God for guidance. He led them to the party barge that is the United States, and they took with them their rich culture and drinking games. Considering that the National Anthem was derived from the tune of a drinking song, it seemed as if America was welcoming them with open arms. The Irish were persecuted or something, and they worked very hard as
cops and stuff. And of their line came one of the greatest
men to ever live:
Bill O'Reilly. He is living proof that the Irish were the greatest thing to ever happen to America.And THAT'S another reason why we
KICK ASS.
Chapter 3 (Here come the Jews! and the Blacks! and the Beaners!)“And Jesus said unto his disciples, 'God only has enough love in his heart for one race. And unless a black chick starts giving me head right now, I'm thinking that He still loves the whites.”~ The Gospel of James Dobson 30:2Unfortunately, the only thing keeping America from exploding with flavor is the fact that minorities are still stinking up my country! We have Jews everywhere, Blacks in our schools, and Mexicans running across our borders! What did we do about it?We turned to our Fearless Former Leader,
George W. Bush. He came up with such wonderful ideas, such as
9/11,
Hurricane Katrina, and the
Iraq War to send these dirty animals to their graves, leaving our nation pure, just as God wanted it.
How else America ROCKSWe're BIG -- No, I didn't say 'bigoted.' (I don't even know what 'bigoted' means.) I said BIG. We have a lot of land, we have a lot of people (who are also big), and we have a lot of stuff. Still think America is just a bunch of egotistical, ignorant racists? Then checkit the fact that...We have WEAPONS. -- That's right, we have the technology to make South Korea an island if we want to.
We have STUFF --
iPods,
Corvettes, fancy phones, and little dogs whose parents were a long haired
chihuahua and a
diamond. We got that bling goin' on, and we're proud of our indulgent economy that has a few wealthy individuals living off the semen of the majority of the population that gets
sodomized at the gas pump every day. You live in America, bitch.
We have the GREATEST LANGUAGE EVER -- That's right,
English is the only language in the world that is
bullshit-free. And don't say that other countries speak it too, cause we're the only country that speaks it good...er, right. All your other languages, like
Spanish,
French, and
those African clicky noises, can't be understood at all. They're nonsense. Gibberish. Verbal diarrhea. We're awesome.
We have lots of MONEY -- Our banks have the technology to print limitless amounts of money for the good American people to spend on whatever it is they want, not only to purchase nukes for our great leader,
Sarah Palin, to use to defend our pure homeland. Whatever the Gay anti-free-market capitalists say about our plummeting currency is just propaganda and part of a conspiracy by the reptilian
Europeans to use the
Euro to dominate the world and create a One World Government.[/list]
Reasons America doesn't rockTerrorists, black people and recessionSee? America is the best! And everyone else thinks so. Cause we're the best!