Trapped in my house and time is running out.

CaptainObvious.

CaptainObvious.

Active member
Ok NS, I have a story for you. I'm going to make it quick because I don't have much time.

I'm working from home today, so I was just sitting in my living room. I heard a faint tap on my front door. It didn't sound like a knock, but I got up just to make sure. I arrive at my peephole and peer outside and this dilemma is staring right back at me.

There are three tiny children in my front yard raking my leaves and sweeping them off my porch.

Yes. There is.

I have to leave my house in 40 minutes and in order to do so, I have to cross my driveway and get in my car that's parked on the street.

Now, I know these children live next door, but I'm not particularly chummy with them. Not because they're bad people, but they don't all speak English, and there's only about two people who are consistent residents - both of which I've spoken to frequently. The children, however, not so much.

Do I simply open the door, say "thank you" and carry on with my life as they work in my front yard?

Do I ignore it and just leave?

What if they ring my doorbell in 20 minutes and tell me they raked my leaves. It's stupid if they expect money, but they're like 5-years-old. It's the nature of home ownership that kids might hit you up for cash. I DON'T CARRY CASH!!! Can I toss them some Clif bars? I got a lot of those.

Help me NS. I'm a prisoner in my own house.
 
That's easy.

Burst out of your front door screaming "RUN! HE'S GONNA KILL US ALL!!!" sprint to your car and speed away like a boss whose yard just got raked.
 
Better yet... Go outside and tell them what a wonderful job they are doing. Ask them to get the back yard as well. Once they are engrossed in your back yard, away from your car, make a break for it. Boom both front and back cleaned and groomed.
 
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Update:

They have scattered the leaves BACK onto my porch (yeah..I'm serious) and abandoned their half-gathered piles of leaves. They appear to have retreated into their house...but for how long, I cannot know.

I can only hope that their milk and cookies occupy them long enough for me to make my daring escape.
 
you can always make a flash bang or some type of distraction that would briefly incapacitate them long enough for you to make a break for it.
 
plant some sort of trap in your yard, so when they rake it triggers and captures them

that'll teach em
 
It's go time.

Still no sign, but I don't want to be lulled into a false sense of security.

I've armed myself with Reese's and Kit Kats to use as flares in the case of an attack.
 
Are you high or something? Why is a grown man besieged by a small group of children?

Just tell them to fuck off, run at them and make snarling sounds.
 
Update: I escaped unscathed. This is a breed of lazy-leaf-elf I've not encountered before. I fear, now, that they have seen me depart and know that my return is imminent. My hunger got the best of me and I am now unarmed...
 
If they're not gone soon bark at them and force them into the trunk of your car. If they're that young you should be able to stick to this plan and break them like twigs. Shit now I have wood....
 
I'm home. They were no where to be seen. I can only assume their other neighbor was in the same mindset as several of you and the children are now weeping in someone's basement.

........Oh and my fucking leaves are still on the ground.
 
DeebieSkeebies....you called it.

I was working in my garage this afternoon. I look up and there a 6-year-old standing in my driveway looking at me. I put down what I was doing and the conversation went something like this:

Kid: One time, we raked your yard.

Me: You raked my yard? (looking out over my leaf-covered lawn)

Kid: Yeah, it was a few days ago (It was weeks ago)

Me: Oh cool, thanks a bunch man

Kid: Well....we.....we were hoping we could get paid

Me: (absolutely dumbfounded) You serious?

Kid: *Nods*

So I was fucking blindsided and my mind went absolutely blank. I didn't have cash regardless of how I should have responded. I asked if he liked candy and if he was allowed to have it. I grabbed a little bag full of leftover Halloween candy and told him to share it with his friends.

It was a parenting moment in which I should have told him that before they do work they need to check with me and make sure I wanted it done and we would then talk about payment, but I failed. 100%. Don't even have kids yet and I'm a shitty parent.

tl;dr - Kid came back weeks later looking for money. I'm a puss and gave them candy.
 
Awwww man this is just like all the times I roll up to a golf course with zero cash on me and just a card and some dude comes up to my car trying to take my clubs out for me and get a tip. I feel like such a dick!
 
Oh god. Captain, I fear they will shovel snow from your path and driveway this winter as well. May you stay strong in these fearful times
 
I'm just going to chime in and say that I am thoroughly impressed with the drive and well-spoken individuals in this thread. Great updates OP. Everyone please carry on with these hopeful keystrokes
 
OP I feel I may have jinxed you. For that, I give you my utmost sincere apologies from the deepest depths of my heart. If they return in the winter for their same duties, Then you have my sword....
 
Hahaha love this thread.

You shoulda told him you wanted payment for the leaves they stole, tell them you're going to the police.
 
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