Things you do while you shit

imagine this, you go to wipe and somehow it was a poorly aimed wipe and a little poopie gets on your hand, then you realize expelling of solids from your anus is not over so then you go to continue folding clothes but your finger is a little brown and you stain your clothes. once you go to wear them the next day you get embarrased badly
 
sometimes i leave the door open so i can yell for people and then they see me and smell my rank smell but usually i just txt or call someone but i got to shit now so yea late

and sometimes i will do the old poopsterbae = poop and masturbate

or the poochewsterbate were i have a dip in while taking a shit and i masturbate its awesome
 
You know when you sit for too long and you can feel the poop stuck to your asshair? that sucks. the most important part is def. the wipe! you have to be standing too. i dont mean any of this squatting 50/50 half sitting shit, i mean like good posture standing upright.

thats how its done

 
i hate when things are going on when i shit... i love silence and a warm bathrrom where the toilet seat is warm as well, i usually just fold my hands and think about things silently, with no distraction, wheather it be girls, school, friends,family, skiing or whatever... jsut think about shit that you dont usually have time to think about... thats what i do
 
nol joke, i sit here on ym desk chair surfing the web until i REALLLLY have to go poopiez, then i book it about 25 feet out of my room; i know its HUGE and you are jealous, then i go down the cherry wood floor on my hallway, chill my balls off after making contact with the cold tile floor. my nipples get hard then i put toilet paper on the seat to keep my cushies warm otherwise the pleasure of poopiez isnt nice, i take about 93 seconds on the can then flush, wash hands run back into my HUGE room and continue surfing NS.

 
nol joke, i sit here on ym desk chair surfing the web until i REALLLLY have to go poopiez, then i book it about 25 feet out of my room; i know its HUGE and you are jealous, then i go down the cherry wood floor on my hallway, chill my balls off after making contact with the cold tile floor. my nipples get hard then i put toilet paper on the seat to keep my cushies warm otherwise the pleasure of poopiez isnt nice, i take about 93 seconds on the can then flush, wash hands run back into my HUGE room and continue surfing NS.

 
i write poems sometimes.... mostly about pooping. Or play the guitar, i feel like i make the most beautiful music on the toilet
 
Dood u hav a HUGE ROOOOM? Like OMGollerz dooood ima gonna come over to your HUUGE ROOOOM and plant marijuana plants all over but you wont notice cause its so HUUUUGE. And eventually my plants will get as HUUUGE as your ROOOOOM and then youll be like OMGollerz how did these HUUUUGE plants get in my HUUUGE ROOOM? And I come over with my HUUUGE machette and harvest my crops and as payment for the use of your HUUUGE ROOOOOM I just off your dick (it itty bitty) so that you can go get plastic surgery and get a HUUUUGE vagina.
 
Well a couple times I used to take this small portable black and white TV with me, now I either read or play psp, or read shampoo bottles or something. I have pooing(sp) like down to a science cause I have quite a weak stomach I get diarreah quite frequently. I always pad the seats so they are warm. ANYWAYS.......This thread made me lawl quite a few times .
 
My friend has a 3 foot long iguana that lives in his bathtub named Chong. Its tradition that when you take a shit at their house you have to hold Chong on your lap.
 
whats the point of brining your laptop? can't get off aim for 4 minutes? can't stop browsing ns for a few moments? i'm confused with the world
 
ha well for me it depends on the situation. Usually when those gastric feelings start to arise i begin my battle plan. Thus bringing me onto my 3 battle formations

Normal, "Relief-Shit"

-Usually bring a thorough reading utensil that will stimulate my brain cells resulting in a boost in intelligence EX: Time, Popular Mechanics, Playboy, etc

Runny Death Shit AKA. Diarrhea

`-That shit hurts therefore i usually bring some Angry music to stimulate my adrenaline such as Suicide silence, as i lay dying, and norma jean. I will then typically begin to mosh with my towel rack and the shampoo bottles in my bath tub to bring out my anger for eating (usually Mexican) Food that causes this such extremity

Contipated Ass-Buster

-This is when its time for the novel/ Electronic device. Sometimes a Ds, sometimes Hamlet. and always those little stress dolls. Only one problem with this plan: i may be flanked with a broken bloud vessel from the intense straining

 
nothing when im taking a dump its straight up bussines time, get in there do what i have to do an get out. not to say i dont enjoy it most of the time... i'd just rather be doing something else than sitting on the shitter for longer than 10 mins
 
agreed. i heard they did a study about it in the U.K. and its now proven that girls dont actually poop, just rose petals once a month
 
read freeskier, thats where they all are, on a table/shelf thingy within arms reach of the toilet. and personally i think eating while shitting is nasty, yea yea, theres the whole begining and end of the cycle at once thing but its damn gross.
 
Mostly Im in so much of a hurry that i dont even have the time to grab a mag but sometimes i take a donald duck mag with me
 
bet the family is not from the US...or i dont see a holding a iguana and shitting ritual in any family...
 
jam to tunes and read..

worst shit ever is when you sit there for too long and you get a crusty asshole cause you dont wipe and youre too busy being occupied.. sucks.
 
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