Things you did wen you were younger that you never knew you werent supposed to do

i always used to shit on everything. for some reason i thought like how a dog has to pee on something to mark its territory i would have to do the same but by shitting on everything
 
We'd go for visits to the British Embassy in Chile and I'd take the pool net and try and catch those big gold fish out of the nearby pond. One day the ambassador himself out of nowhere pushed me into the damn pond while I was trying to net a fish, I guess he didn't like me fucking with his fish. I was only like 6 years old.
 
so i was 4 and my sister was 3. it was the middle of the summer and she wanted to go sledding. so i thought about what was the closet thing to a hill in our house, the stairs! so i got her toddler sled. it kinda looked like a plastic blue box to sit in with a rope to pull it. brought up to the top of the stairs byt he attic, so no one would see us. had her ho in and gave her a push! when she hit the wall at the end of the stairs and screamed my mom came running. she was sooooo pissed. but i honestly thought i was helping out my lil sis....
 
1. Me and my mate at a park at this little cheap ass plastic house thing, we shit through this whole in the roof that was directly over this sink. Also at the same park at like 12 we Put a huge pile of dry palm tree leaves on the roof of that thing and proceeded to set them alight, Whole fucking thing does up in flames fire negines are called out and have to put the thing out, didnt get in any shit from no one.

2. I knew what sex was when i was like 5 or 6, so while playing doctor i decided to try it out, didnt work, and to top it all off that chick is now acctually my girlfriend.

3. There was a fire in my school and everyone got evacuated, i was taking a shit in the toilet and the teachers obviously didnt know. I walk outside and no ones there, Then about 10 firemen sprint round the corner in the obviously towards the flames, on of them stops and picks me up and fireman carrys me to the nearest exit and just says "Run" I did so.
 
my dad did all the time, my best friend when I was little was a girl.

lets see...I tried shaving with my dad's razor, cut the shit out of my face. I was laughing until I saw my blood, and then flipped out

filled my supersoaker with grape juice and shot people at a school picnic. then bees chased them

drank coffee and went nuts

peeped on my friend's german babysitter changing...oh shit I got in so much trouble for that one

smoked a paper cigarette

showed my dick to my babysitters. haha I was a horny little kid

rebroadcasted major league baseball games without expressed written consent
 
one time i was on a city bus with my mom and i really had to take a shit so i got on the ground and took a shit on the bus.

when i was in france i took a shit right under the eiffle tower.

this one time my sister was making a chocolate cake and wouldnt let me lick the spatula with the chocolate on it so i grabbed a fork and threw it at her, it stuck into her foot and she screamed. i ran upstairs into my room and took all of my pillows and put them under my shirt, in my pants etc. because i knew i was gonna get a beating, so the pillows were my protection. when she came barging into my room she had a knife in her hand and i threw a couple of harry potter books at her and hoped onto my roof and waited until my parents came home
 
sorry for the double post. but one time, (my friend and me knew what we were doing was bad btw) were up at his cottage in like quebec or something and we were hardcore pyro's. like we would get coke cans and fill them up with gas and light them and shit. so we took like 5 boxes of matches in the forest and lit them all at once. the fire was huge and we wee scared so we ran away and went into his paddle boat around the island. when we came back like 10 min, later the forest was on fire, i know this is hard to believe but we set a fucking forest fire. we were soo scared and didnt know what to do. we thought it would just burn out. all the sudden like the water bomber planes came and were scooping up water and dumping them on the forest and shit. we were freaking out. they finally put out the fire and what was cool was one of the fireman helped us use the hose to spray the ambers out, that was fun.
 
-on christmas like 9 years ago (im 15) i kept going to the fridge to get a drink and they asked me what i was getting. and i was like "dats some good lemonade!" and i was jumping all over the place knocking shit over and my dad goes to the fridge and is like "whered the bottle of martini mix go?"

-i use to hump random stuff not knowing wat i was doing. i had to stop doing that after i did it to a girl in 2nd grade and she screamed

-i use to jump in the toilet when i was like 2-3 (pics...it did happen) thinking it was a jacuzzi just for me

-this kid threw woodchips at me in like 3rd grade so i took out my water gun and shot him dead and he played along since he was in the same mindset then i pissed on him

-i was being spun around on a tire swing and i got sick when i was about 7? and i ran to the door all dizzy and missed the wood when i went to knock because it was locked and i punched through the glass and puked all over my arm

-i was at my neighbors when we just moved to be welcomed when i was like 3 and i got a cookie and i was sitting on the floor and their dog took it and i punched it in the face

-i wud pop a squat on the side of the ski hill and drop a deuce and cover it in snow

-once a girl took my candy and put it in her mouth and i stuck my finger in there and got my candy back and ate it like 10 years ago

-i wud pretend to b jackie chan on the playground and randomly kick people off of stuff

 
-I was getting ready to jump in the shower and I thought I needed to fart, so I let her rip and I ended up shitting all over the bathroom floor.

-I made a skier out of pipecleaners at school, and I was pretending to shred, but then the pipecleaner skier needed some recharging, so I shoved it in an outlet. It exploded.
 
MMMM. this is great. peeing in the bathtub/shower/pool, i still do it. especially the pool. Um my best friend used to poop in his hand and throw it at me. no joke. only happened like two or three times. but it happened.... and we were 14
 
called 9 11 from a restaurant payphone with some friends and the dispatchers called the restaurant back and i think sent a truck. whoops
 
My uncle smokes alot of cigarettes and I used to go around to ashtrays and feed them to his dogs
 
My younger brother was walking in some parking when he was little, and everyone else was walking behind him, and all of a sudden, he paused breifly, and wiggled a little turd out of his trousers, and walked away like nothing had ever happened, leaving his dookie in the parking lot.
Kids a champ
 
peeing out my bedroom cause i was too lazy to go to the bathroom during the night...stopped after i pee'd on my dad :)))
 
i guess i was at chucky cheese one time and there was a girl in my way with her mom, and she wouldn't move and i called her a bitch and punched her in the face. we had to leave after that.

kid down my road used to think it was a good idea to put beads and things into his uncircumcised penis, needless to say he visited the hospital more times than would have been necessary.

used to think that a dryer was a washer and a washer was a dryer, so i used to put my clothes in the dryer along we a large amount of liquid detergent and turn it on.

used to think it was fun to throw on the parking break while my mom was driving.

 
When I was really little I use to sit on my brothers back while he laid down on his front and played video games. One day I took a shit in my hand and rubbed the doody all over his hair while he was playing a video game.

In like 2nd grade a girl told me I can't touch her here (she points to a spot where I later found out the vagina is). I touched her there. I get sent to the nurses office.

In kindergarten I'm at the water fountain. It's fucking hot out and I am enjoying my drink. The teacher says you have 5 seconds to drink the water. This bitch behind me (Alexa Schear for those that know her) says 12345 as fast as you just read it and starts poking me on the back telling me to finish drinking. So I take a big fucking gulp of water, turn around, and spit it all over this bitch's face. I get sent to the principal's office
 
we were at this kids birthday party which was at a hotel.

the party was in the pool room and there was a sauna.

i peed on the sauna rocks and it stunk the whole pool area up, luckily i didnt get blamed for it
 
sticking neon playdoe so far up my noes i had to go to the doctors so they could use super long tweezer to get that stuff out. everytime i blew my noes for the rest of that week it was neon. i was 4

also decided to stick my fingers into those little tiny holes in the sink dran, got em stuck. my dad had to take of the sink cause my fingers where the sive of cucumbers, also 4.
 
In my hood theres like a cul de sac one street over and my friends katie who was my age and evan who was her older bro by like 2 years. we were like 6 and this new kid moved in. he was a ginger named leighton and i guess he had ausburgers (sp.) but we didnt know what specail needs was so one day he wanted to ride scooters an we said no you stupid jackass so then the lil prick stole our rock fort in the woods and we proceeded to chase him down and beat him with wiffle ball bats till he gave it back. i didnt hear the end of that one and the kid end up moving like a year after

that rock fort was beast too. in the woods was an 1900's rock quarry and there were pits like2 0ft deep with caves and shit. we had a big squirt gun posted ontop and plenty of water ballons
 
one time when i was taking a bath i threw my john smith action figure down the toilet and flushed it. it fucked up out plumbing super bad and they had to dig up the whole yard to fix it

i also used to flip people off for no reason
 
i used to bring cap guns to school, through rocks at people. pee and poop over everything.

best is i would moon people all the time, when i was 5 or 6ish all of my relatives are at my house, and my cousins go and tell me i should moon my uncle, so i did, to this day he still remembers it.
 
One time I ran up to the girl on the playground and I was all

suck it SUCK IT SUCK MY DICK

she snitched and I got in trouble
 
well when i was around 6 or so. my mum would leave me with one of her friends to baby sit me when she worked nights. well this lady had a daughter the same age as me. and one night we where in her mums room on the bed. and we just randomly took our clothes off and started jumping around on the bed. i got a boner, and then her mom walked in. AQWARD !!!
 
well. i really really liked big trucks. except that i couldn't pronounce tr and it would come out as ef. so whenever i would see a big truck i would yell "LOOK MOMMY! A BIG FUCK! LOOK AT THE BIG FUCK MOMMY!" i found that hilarious when they told me
 
- me and my friend used to jump staircases from the top of the stairs and land at the bottom

- me and the same friend would have all out fights on the bus for as long as the bus ride lasted

- with the same friend we would have brawls in our houses then go to the mirror and check out our injuries

- sleeping bag sledding on the stairs

- piss off the deck even when my neighbors were in the yard

- piss through the screen door

- my first word was "owner" and i thought that was what a window was called

- throw snowballs at anything that moved.....once i hit a snow plow driver in the ear and he freaked

- Hit a Fedex guys windshield right in front of his face and he got out of the truck and said he would kick my ass if i did it again (i was about 7 years old)

- throw my cat up in the air and make him do backflips, mistys, corks, 360s and he would land on the couch

- play computer games for like 10 hours straight and ignore my parents when they told me to get off (nascar heat and NBA live 2003 never got old)

- cried and bitched to my teacher or parents to get out of any punishment (it worked when i fought this kid in like 6th grade)

- my sister always played the Princess Diaries soundtrack soooo loud at night when i was trying to fall asleep so i went into her room and snapped the CD in half.

and my favorite:

- i punched my teacher in the chest in 1st grade and was sent to the office
 
i used to give my dog beer cans because she would puncture them and drink it and go crazy and i thought she was really happy so i kept giving her them
 
throw stuff out the schoolbus window, once me and my friend dumped a whole box of goldfish right at a big intersection, it made a mess
 
my mom paid a lot of money for a standing tall lamp, and when it first came they had messed up and broke it on shipping, so she had to resend it, and then one day, i had a pillow fight with my friends in our really nice dining room and it shattered, was not a fun day.
 
Oh, and like a month ago I was jumping off my couch and spinning and well I lost my balance and I landed on the ping pong table - it wasn't cool. I'm such a kid.
 
one time when i was like 4 we were at an apple orchard and i really had to shit so i started shitting in a hole and right when i was squeezing it out the hayride came along with like 20 asian tourists and they drove right by me taking a shit and everybody saw

but i used to wipe my ass with my sister's towel because i was mad at her when i was like 6, it was really gross . and i swore a lot also
 
whenever it rained, my sister and i would go play in the puddles and cover ourselves with mud. Then we would go around, caked in mud, pretending that we were black
 
i used to take beer cans out of the recycling and fill them with soda.my parents would flip shit when they got home and saw me drinking.

i called a kid a pussy cause i heard my brother say it when i was like 4, got kicked out of summer camp. and my mom worked at the camp haha.

i dunno about all these pissing ones, ill pee anywhere pretty much as long as it isnt completely ridiculous. next to the interstate is no biggy.

 
more i didn't think of
- i used to poop in our driveway so the cars would run over it
-i peed on sauna rocks once (it was only 2 years ago)
- i got sent to the principals office 5 times in 2 weeks in 5th grade, once i broke some headphones, i forged my signature to the art teacher, i went on poopyjoe.com, i knocked a kid over and sat on his head because he made fun of my shirt, and i shot rubber bands at kids during class and it took the teacher 2 periods to find out
-i threw a rock through the pool window at my old school when there was a class in the pool and it almost hit someone
-my whole school threw water balloons filled with paint at our rival school when they walked up in their jackets and ties
-when we went sledding for recess and i wanted to get a turn i'd push the kid in front of me down the hill and then go
-i used to go to the bottom of the slide and sit there for like 10 minutes while all the other kids wanted to go, it worked out until one kid just went
-we made a snow fort in 4th grade (it was sick btw, it was like under a picnic table and you had to crawl through a little tunnel) and we pegged the teacher when it was time to go inside, i never got caught for that one
-we decided to throw snowballs at a car and i threw one and it hit the windshield of a car and it stopped and started backing up, i've never run so fast
-we used to play legos and we had characters and i once threw my sisters lego woman in the toilet and peed on her because she wouldn't play legos with me
-my garage had 3 windows on one of the walls and i broke all 3 of those, 2 of which were in the same day
-i threw a croquet ball at my sister's head and she had to get staples, my family didn't talk to me for a few weeks after i did that
 
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