Beat up skinny white upper middle class wannabe thugs hanging around pot shops.
Get a car paying with sexual favors
Go to red rocks and push runners down the stairs
Go to all of the whitewater rafting places along I-70 and sabotage the rafts
Climb a mountain, kill a sheep, and chase small children with the sheeps bloody severed head as a hat
Go pond skimming at A Basin nekked
Go to Cecilia's in breck and get a disease
Smoke weed in a secluded cabin until it is legal to smoke in public
Have sex with a bear
Forget to buy the morning after pill and realize you must get married to the bear
When you are saying your vows at the wedding the bear goes into labor and a beautiful baby man-bear is born
Before you know it you have 5 children in your small cabin and need to get a larger house so you move back to the suburbs
As you continue to produce offspring you start to notice that each one is uglier, more deformed, and shocking than the last
This doesn't stop you and your loving bear wife, you continue reproducing and the neighbors are forced to move out due to the smell and damage caused to the water supply caused by the ever increasing extreme deformities in your children.
When you have reached your 87th child, it is nothing but a grey blob slightly resembling a massive drain clog
After a few days of having this creature in the house your other children quickly die off and you are left with the drain clog man-bear creature left
One night when your wife is asleep you sneak into the creatures room and raise the razor sharp axe over your head
As the blade thuds into the cradle, a the down pillows explode and when the feathers settle, the creature is no where to be found
When you wake up in the morning you see your wife in the doorway with the creature cradled in her arms
This was the last straw, after the incident with Janice in accounting, and with the head of the HOA, Phil, she knew it was time for her to leave.
For 30 years you sulk in your chair in the living room until finally you come to terms with what has happened you step outside into the bright sunlight and walk down to your nearest pot shop
Just for old times sake you decide to give one of the skinny white upper middle class wannabe thugs loitering outside a good old fashioned whipping
It turns into more than just a beating, all of your years of pent up rage is released onto the back of the head, neck, and back of your victim.
As the last drops of rage are spent and you turn over the crippled, lifeless body, you see that he has the face of your deformed drain clog man bear child.
POW!
A bullet through your skull ends your life for good and your ex-bear-wife stands behind you while gently blowing on the barrel of the magnum 44 in her hands.
