Just because your story didn't have any grammatical errors doesn't make it good fiction. And nice way to protect your story by dedicating it to Sarah Burke so people would feel bad criticizing it. I saw that as a really cheap escape and impolite.
Not saying this story is better, personally I think this whole skiing fiction is awkward and pubescent fan fiction. But next time don't be rude to someone, especially if they're emulating you, and your story wasn't that great to begin with either.