i should address this...
Lena and i are planning to get married, likely next summer (as opposed to winter, spring, or fall). the problem we're having, though, as i mentioned in the not stoked thread, is that her dad hates me. he's VERY old school and thinks i'm bad news for his daughter. i dress kinda crazy, i don't have a job, i'm going to an art school (as opposed to a "real" school), and i appear perfectly content living off the money my parents send me (i'm pretty good about always appearing as though all's well, but Drew and Les can tell you i bottle up a ton of stress... living off my parents doesn't make me happy, it's just my only option right now and i know how much my dad makes, so i don't actually feel bad about it- i'm just not "proud" of it). we've been very open about our intentions to get married in the next year and a half or so to pretty much everyone else, but considering we still have to be careful about approaching her ultra-conservative parents about it, she hasn't let me put a ring on her finger yet.... yet.
her parents are moving back to Serbia in June and taking her with them for two months (she has a lot of friends she wants to see, so it's not just that they're dragging her with them), before she returns to live with me here in Vegas. unless there's some problem getting her back here on time, she'll have a diamond on her left hand come the end of August... i was actually planning to take her to Lollapalooza in early August and "officially" ask her when we were in Chicago, but she likely won't be back in time for that and i'd rather give her a week or so to recover from the move before blowing her mind with a stoke-gasm.
so, it might have been a slight embellishment since she hasn't let me buy her a ring yet (since she doesn't want her dad killing me), but there's no way i'm letting her go... i love her and we both feel like this is where we're supposed to be. Drew saw us together... we're perfect together- we compliment each other like best friends and the contradictions we've found make us better in the end.
ok, something i haven't told ANY of you and this is REALLY heavy, so be ready... i tried to overdose on vicoden the day after Christmas. i've had a rough time with opiates over the past few years and i think that combined with the cab sav i was drinking didn't agree with my stomach... i ended up SUPER fucking high, lying in the bathroom, puking up blood, wine, and pills for about 24 hrs or so. i haven't even told Lena this, but my life felt like it was in complete ruins and i didn't want to keep living. Lesley helped me get my head back through January, but after we hung out in Tahoe and i returned to Vegas i became very depressed and the day Lena and i met (less than a week after i returned to Vegas... i got really bad really fast) i had spent the better part of the afternoon searching for the bottom of a bottle of Jack and playfully running a knife across my wrists.
since being with Lena, i've never loved being alive this much in my entire life. i seriously haven't had a single bad day, morning, afternoon, night, hour, minute since we started going out. it's been night and day- Lesley made some comment to me a while ago that i talk hard about suicide and death and maybe that's the way it comes off, but i really and truly did not want to be alive. it isn't that Lena has given me purpose or makes me want to be a better person or any of that cliche bullshit... i just love being alive with her, doing stuff with her every day, making love with her, talking to her, waking up next to her, looking her in the eye and knowing that she's feeling the exact same way i am.
i'm in love and it saved me. not just my life, but me, as a person. i'm never letting her go.
