The Joke Spot

One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the

local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem, my

husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very

embarrassing. What should I do?"

"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you.

I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will

motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a

good poke in the leg."

In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing

this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the

ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones.

"Jesus!", Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the

hatpin.

"Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister. Soon, Mr.

Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is

your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards

Mrs. Jones.

"God!" Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin.

"Right again," said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr.

Jones again winked off. However, this time the minister did not

notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few

motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her

husband with the hatpin again.

The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore

him his 99th son?"

Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that

goddamned thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half

and shove it up your ass!"

"Amen," replied the congregation.

www.highsocietyfreeride.com

your a good friend...to throw rocks at. TL.

AWwwh you picked her up, I was gonna mount her. stu

Man created alcohol, God created weed. Who do you trust?

 
This one is probaly better heard than read but...

A mushroom walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender refuses to serve him and tells him "we dont serve your type here". The mushroom, caught off guard replied "Why not? im a fungi (fun guy)"

Like a virgin on promnight!

-Thom Savery

please pardon the cacography

.C.C.R..P.P.P.

'naahhmahhnahh

hahhh ... i mean ... the weekend of monday'

"go down to the bottom bunk and finish yourself"

"I may be the last to cross the finish line, but at least im in the first race - pun intended"

 
A blonde, Brunette and a red hed are stranded on an island. While they were walking along the beach they came a cross a lamp.

The red head picked it up and rubbed it. A genni popped out a siad i will grant you each one wish.

So the blonde wishes that she was 20% smarter so should could get off the island. The genni turns her into a red head and she swims off the island.

Then the red head wishes that she was 50% smarter so she could get off the island. The geeni turns her in a brunette and she builds a raft and sails off the island.

Then the brunette wished that she was 90% smarter so she could get off the island. So the genni turns her in to a man and she walks across the bridge

www.highsocietyfreeride.com

your a good friend...to throw rocks at. TL.

AWwwh you picked her up, I was gonna mount her. stu

Man created alcohol, God created weed. Who do you trust?

 
hahaha

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Do you suffer from uncontrollable urges to spin, jib and jump off random objects??? if so... we can help. join the "uncontrolable urges to spin off things... while wearing shoes cult" today!!

 
How do you tell if a black lady is pregnant

You stick a banana up her kooter and if it is half eaten you know theres a monkey on the way......No Hard Feelings if you are black....sorry

I Love Head

Momentum Session 4

 
a dad is tucking his little daughter in and she goes "god bless grammy". he thinks oh how nice she must have learned this in church school. the very next day her grandmother drops dead. that night he is tucking her in and she goes "god bless grandpa". the very next day her grandfather drops dead. the dad is thinkin oh shit this is weird. prolly just a coincedence. that night she goes "god bless daddy" and hes like "fuck, i dont wanna die" so the next day hes very careful. he goes into work early and stays there late. at midnight he breathes a sigh of relief and drives home. whe he gets home his wife says "honey there you are i was worried about you. you know, the weirdest thing happened today. the mailman dropped dead right outside our house.

whats your name?

whose you daddy?

is he rich like me?
 
^ & this quote are hell funny!

-----------------------------------------

if I ever see Shane McConkey, I'm going to point at his skis and go 'Dude, they look like waterskis!' just to keep the trend going.

.

member of the sds suicide watch focus group
 
how many irish men does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A. Two one to hold the bulb and one to drink until the room starts spinning

 
a old one;

little johnny came back from his first day at school and told his mom he learned a new word, bastard, he asked what does it mean, well his mommy said humm

not to make things complicated she said oh that just another word for visitors, or guests,

next day he saqid mommy whats shit mean, oh johnny thats just another word for food.

next day mommy what does fuck mean?

oh johnny that is just another word for getting dressed.

Then saturday night they had company over,

the door bell rang, Mommy said Johnny could you get the door were not finished getting dressed.

Johnny answers the door, and says

Oh hi you Bastards, The shit is on the table & mommy and daddy are in the bedroom Fucking!

Stress will get you nowhere,

 
bump

a good friend is the guy who bails you out of jail...
a best friend is the guy on your right saying, 'damn that was fun'
 
An old Italian man lived alone in the country.

He wanted to dig his tomato garden,

but it was very hard work as the ground was hard.

His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison.

The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.

Dear Vincent,

I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant

my tomato garden this year.

I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden

plot.

If you were here my troubles would be over.

I know you would dig the plot for me.

Love Dad

A few days later he received a letter from his son.

Dear Dad,

Not for nothing, but don't dig up that garden.

That's where I buried the BODIES.

Love Vinnie

At 4 a.m. the next morning,

FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without

finding any bodies.

They apologized to the old man and left.

That same day the old man received another letter from

his son.

Dear Dad,

Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now.

That's the best I could do under the circumstances.

Love Vinnie

"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will." Mahatma Gandhi

Jeremy
 
^ good one

what did michael jackson say once he gotout of the courtroom?

Man, I feel like a kid again!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~***************~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sheldon

If it aint Gorilla, it aint Steeze

 
So its sunday and all the good little boys and girls are in religimous edumacation. The class is discussing the afterlife and what it takes to get into heaven. then the teacher asks what part of the body the children think enters heaven first. little andrew raises his hand "ma'am i think it is your head becuase you need a good mind to always do the right thing in Gods kingdom"

-"thank you andrew, very good. anyone else?" litte bonnie raises her hand.

-"i think its your heart becuase you must have a good heart to love and serve the lord."

-"very good bonnie. is there anyone else?" little olivia from the trailor park raises her and 'ah shit' thinks the teacher. "yes olivia?"

-"i think its your feet"

-"y your feet???"

-"well the other day i walked past my moms room and she was on her back with her legs in the air. she was screamin 'oh lord! im comming! im comming!' she would have floated right up if the plumber wasnt laying on her."
 
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