the funny story thread

b-ladd

b-ladd

Active member
this is a thread for funny stories. post em here.

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fear makes it fun

'check it out! im excercising and eating junk food at the same time!' me, while on the bongo-board, with a bag of doritos in my hand

'im a mugger!

ill mug ya!' - crazy 9 year old

member of the association against clubs

newschoolers.com. giving YOU something to do.

 
c'mon! if you're gonna start a funny story thread, you need to kick it off with a funny story! get your head in the game!

___________________

- Ian

That's Mr. Bangor to you!

'I'm an accomplished, certified shitter.' - Jooky

'Thats called 'Stealingg' Money , its 'Illegal'.' - P-JO

'use your crutches as pole-vaulting-mechanisms and launch yourself into water' - rsd

'Detactive, it's TAP, not tax. You'd TAP that ass.' - Darksider17

RTGAHMKFNTWTKTAEPCBTWAACAKALH

N2S Media
 
i live a boring life, and heve no funny stories, therefore started a funny story thread so that i can hear other peoples funny stories. but there was this one time....

===================

fear makes it fun

'check it out! im excercising and eating junk food at the same time!' me, while on the bongo-board, with a bag of doritos in my hand

'im a mugger!

ill mug ya!' - crazy 9 year old

member of the association against clubs

newschoolers.com. giving YOU something to do.

 
you don't deserve my stories.

The more you want something, the less likely it will happen.

stealin and dealin screamin semen like a demon

My going rate is 25$

LICK MORE MOOSE!!!!

GROW MORE TREES!!!!!!

Opinions are like assholes, everybody's got one.
 
skipimp_ owns all the rights and patents to funny stories on this website.

Teddy

SRMC

Poniverus

''We should be penguin poachers. We raid penguin farms to make super special chocolate Penguin FFFCHWWW Milk. Then after the milk harvest we can keep the penguins as our pets. DANK shit if you ask me.'' -FreshCoast
 
harsh p-jo. thats harsh.

===================

fear makes it fun

'check it out! im excercising and eating junk food at the same time!' me, while on the bongo-board, with a bag of doritos in my hand

'im a mugger!

ill mug ya!' - crazy 9 year old

member of the association against clubs

newschoolers.com. giving YOU something to do.

 
here you go - i was at the vip show in NYC last year, 'movie premiere' open bar, i drank for two straight hours until i could no longer stand, i made it until intermission of the movie-- i sat in a corner the rest of the night, the night night seth morrison fed me water. i later on go kicked out and wound up passed out in an alley from 11 at night until i woke up at 130 am. i ran back to the club to find myself left behind by my ride......i ended up staying in the bands hotel room and hitched a ride to the next show in the poconos. and did it all over again i hope this year compares

Listen to dad---shit in the woods not the toilet
 
I have a great story from last night...

So my dad was teaching me to drive...seeing how I just got my permit a few days ago. We drove around the circle in my driveway until I got used to the buttons and stuff. When we finally got to driving out in the street in my neighborhood, we were driving down my street, and there was a group of maybe 6 7th grade guys walking down the middle of the street(not actually sure on ages), and they were like pissing me off cause they weren't moving, but were like 'I think you're hot!' and still standing in the middle of the road. To scare them, I stepped really hard on the accelerator and they like screamed and ran. It was funny cause my dad started yelling at me like 'YOU CANT DO THAT SARA!!!! YOU JUST CANT!' when we got back to the house, my dad was telling my mom what I did and she just laughed saying that they deserved it.

-Sara

*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*

skihood.com
 
was that u she nearly ran over?^^ i would laugh if it was

===================

fear makes it fun

'check it out! im excercising and eating junk food at the same time!' me, while on the bongo-board, with a bag of doritos in my hand

'im a mugger!

ill mug ya!' - crazy 9 year old

member of the association against clubs

newschoolers.com. giving YOU something to do.

 
that's what i would have done if they didnt move. except i would have clipped one of them to show them who's boss.

-------------------

***Official NS Drunk***

God is a concept by which we measure our pain - John Lennon

Listen to Bob Marley

 
she lives in oregon dumbass

-------------------

***Official NS Drunk***

God is a concept by which we measure our pain - John Lennon

Listen to Bob Marley

 
'clipped one of them'? fuck that. run them down like the dogs they are...

Teddy

SRMC

Poniverus

''We should be penguin poachers. We raid penguin farms to make super special chocolate Penguin FFFCHWWW Milk. Then after the milk harvest we can keep the penguins as our pets. DANK shit if you ask me.'' -FreshCoast
 
then i would get arrested. thats never good. and it would damage my car. clipping does the same thing, just enough to knock them over. blood would be a bonus.

-------------------

***Official NS Drunk***

God is a concept by which we measure our pain - John Lennon

Listen to Bob Marley

 
no, you get a rear wheel drive car, and do a donut, and punt them across the street with the tail of the car. that's how to do it with ghetto bling bling steeze.

oh, the car has to be pimped out, or else the cops could catch your non-blingness.

___________________

- Ian

That's Mr. Bangor to you!

'I'm an accomplished, certified shitter.' - Jooky

'Thats called 'Stealingg' Money , its 'Illegal'.' - P-JO

'use your crutches as pole-vaulting-mechanisms and launch yourself into water' - rsd

'Detactive, it's TAP, not tax. You'd TAP that ass.' - Darksider17

RTGAHMKFNTWTKTAEPCBTWAACAKALH

N2S Media
 
heres a story

i was at my friends house and we were leaving to go catch a bus so right as we are out the door he says 'ohh shit i forgot something' and runs inside im not about to wait for him so i tell him i going to the bus stop, so i walk down to the bus stop and my friend thinking he has beaten me there by taking a short cut, runs down a set of about 20 stairs to sacre me but at the end of the stairs, beofre i can see him i hera 'ohh shit!!' and i se him fly out of the stair well and fall head first into the concrete, he got up said he was fine and turned around, and says 'i just fell down 10 stairs without touching them' it was very funny.

__________________________________

smoke bud, it gets you high.

COC session E

'crowns are badass' - Itsbackfliptime.
 
hahaha^ that kid is superman

----now i lay me down to sleep, blah blah blah my soul to keep, if i die before i wake ill go to hell for heavens sake
 
thanks for the recognition east coast.

Last night eh?

ok, So i start drinkin pretty early, about 7 or 8, and I yelled to the cabbie 'yo homes, smell ya later!' and busted out my bubba, on sale for 11$ sweet. Went to a hawaiian party down in the next rez building...it was a fuk-a-yak-lax or some shit where you soak fruit overnight in a tub full of booze then eat the fruit. all the girls were completely loaded by 7:00. i proceeded to get shitfaced and hit on all the girls i could. I grabbed an egg from the fridge (check out this line I made up on the sopt) and I would go up to all the hot girls and be like 'got a present for you, hold out your hand and close your eyes' and then Id put an egg in their hand...they'd be like what the fuck? and then Id say 'Now we can have babies!!' and then and then NO AND THEN! and thennnnn I hooked up with some women and got some didgits...but they want babies so I ain't gonna call that shit. I head out, after realizing someone STOLE MY BUBBA from out of the fridge, some guy saw some other guy put it under his jacket...what a wierdo. So I saw a bubba outside, so I thought it was mine, I grabbed it, and walked over to the new res, which is all 1st years, the high school type. I hear' yo buddy!' and some guys come up and are like, you stole our bubba....and I knew they had one too, so i gave it back just as security rolled up and gave them fines for having open booze...hahahahaha, then I threw a bunch of sod all over the roat, I made it a grass road, un rolled it everywhere. Then it was off to the campus bar where i got on stage and busted out all the worst dance moves I could think of, all alone on the stage, making fun of every song that came on, cause they all sucked, and asked this girl if she wanted to have a sleepover. She said sure! sweeet. went to her house and played till 5 am. then I woke up at 7 for my canoe class at 7 30. we were on the river canoeing, and I didn't get to go home before class, I stank like smokes and booze..i don't smoke...and I had no canoe gear. fuckin gongshow. Then IO spent the rest of the day lowering classmates over the roof of the college learning how to do a crevasse rescue for mountaineering class. I love fuckin school.

theres last night.

i got better, but thats freshest in my mind.

The more you want something, the less likely it will happen.

stealin and dealin screamin semen like a demon

My going rate is 25$

LICK MORE MOOSE!!!!

GROW MORE TREES!!!!!!

Opinions are like assholes, everybody's got one.
 
this one time i was in nord dakota wid jon traboda...

UNBAN MOMMY!

One goose plus two goose foh. Sometimes you gotta slap em togedduh.
 
What the hell, I thought you left?! ^ I was so happy that day.

|Carl F-G|

____________________

Accept no one's defitnition of your life: Define your self. Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim.

- Terrible One

 
you talkin to me?

The more you want something, the less likely it will happen.

stealin and dealin screamin semen like a demon

My going rate is 25$

LICK MORE MOOSE!!!!

GROW MORE TREES!!!!!!

Opinions are like assholes, everybody's got one.
 
he was talking to assjibber500.

Teddy

SRMC

Poniverus

''We should be penguin poachers. We raid penguin farms to make super special chocolate Penguin FFFCHWWW Milk. Then after the milk harvest we can keep the penguins as our pets. DANK shit if you ask me.'' -FreshCoast
 
uhhh... there is no assjibber500.

did you make a joke?

The more you want something, the less likely it will happen.

stealin and dealin screamin semen like a demon

My going rate is 25$

LICK MORE MOOSE!!!!

GROW MORE TREES!!!!!!

Opinions are like assholes, everybody's got one.
 
this one time, my idiot friend was right behind this school bus, following it on his bike. he wasnt paying attention, and the bus stopped. he noticed right before he was about to hit, hit both brakes, went over his handlebars, and hit the back of the bus. the bus driver then, instead of asking if he was ok, then proceeded to call the cops on him. apparently, its illegal to accidentally hit a bus. so my friend has a court hearing/trial on tuesday, and its looking like hes gonna get fined. dumbest thing ever.

===================

fear makes it fun

Before 1954, when the United States was in the middle of the Cold War, the pledge did not include a reference to God. In adding it, members of Congress said they wanted to set the United States apart from 'godless communists.'

member of the association against clubs

newschoolers.com. giving YOU something to do
 
I started typing a few, but it just doesen't sound funny written down. It has to be a really good story to be funny when you read it.

**********

'Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream.'

'I understand small business growth. I was one'

-Dubya!
 
Picture Jeff Kiesel singing Ms. Jackson in your car. That's my story. funny shit, he was all into the 'oooooooh's'

in the year 3030, everyone wants to be an MC
 
after going driving 6 times with ym permit i got pulled over by the cops, yea it sucked even tho it was for a broken tail light or something it was scary.

 
ha ha ha that sux

no, you get a rear wheel drive car, and do a donut, and punt them across the street with the tail of the car. that's how to do it with ghetto bling bling steeze.-Bangor

 
ok, today my freinds jerrod drew and i walked up into the woods throwing rocks, so were up a good way right, and theres a used condom, we go over poke it with a stick, laugh, then we see a towel, COVERED IN CUM, it was nasty cause drew picked it up with a stick and threw it on me!!!!! it was still wet. god damnit it was so friggen gross, but we all laughed it was great.I hope i dont find a randomn towel covereed in cum again

no, you get a rear wheel drive car, and do a donut, and punt them across the street with the tail of the car. that's how to do it with ghetto bling bling steeze.-Bangor

 
A week and a half ago I drove down to Ocean City Maryland for a night cause my friends from another school were kickin' off their last night of senior week. Well what should have taken me 3 hours to get there turned into 6 and a half hours because I can't follow directions. Apparently I took the wrong RT 1 and I wound up in the ghetto of Baltimore by the John Hopkins campus. I saw a drug bust, ghettos, and a whole lot of scarey gangstas. After spending some quality time in Baltimore because I couldn't figure out how to get out of there, I went on to see the rest of Maryland because I once again failed to follow the directions that my mom got for me when I called for help. I finally got there at 9:30 and decided I needed to make up for my long as drive. After we smoked many many cigars we started drinking. On my fourth drink I puked because I was force to drink 151 and we just don't mix. I took my shot and walked back to the kitchen to get another drink. I stood by the sink for a second and very casually said 'I just don't like 151' then puked in the sink. I keep drinking and I remember most of the night but when I woke up spooning with my best friend, Gregg, at 11 in the morning, I couldn't find my only pair of shoes that I took down. I am almost positive I never left the house cause they wouldn't let me (lots of cops down there), the house was pretty clean cause lots of kids left by the time I left so the shoes remain a mystery.

Join me in Whistler from June 20-26... it's gonna kick! :)

 
Three days before the final exam in a psychology class at a large university, the professor reminds her class about the final, she says, 'Now class, if you are not here for the final you will fail the class no excuse is acceptable, the only one that i will accept is if you contract a terminal disease or an imediate family member dies, no other excuses.' A few seconds go by and one smart assed guy in the back of the room raises his hand, she calls on him, he says, 'What about sexual exhaustion?' the teacher rolls her eyes and then replies 'I guess you'll just have to use your other hand then.'

*******************************************************

a good friend will always bail you out of jail, a best friend will be sitting there next to you saying that was fucking awsome

time flies like the wind, fruit flies like bananas

 
ha ha ha a ha^

no, you get a rear wheel drive car, and do a donut, and punt them across the street with the tail of the car. that's how to do it with ghetto bling bling steeze.-Bangor

 
we bet this retarded kid to smoke a blunt on a bus. he got a 30 day suspension and had to go to court... oops.

To Huck. v. The act of throwing oneself off of a cornice, cliff, rock, or any other thing that results in an attempt to fly.

If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.
 
OMFG ha ha ah ah ah^ thats friggen funny as hell man

no, you get a rear wheel drive car, and do a donut, and punt them across the street with the tail of the car. that's how to do it with ghetto bling bling steeze.-Bangor

 
Ok i got a good one... i always tell this when i'm drunk, it's a rugby injury story...

Soooo i was playing rugby against a team, and i got caught up in a ruck (let's call it a 'pile-up' for all you non-rugby players). All of a sudden a foot comes towards my face and i get kicked right in the eye. I blank out for like 5 seconds and then get up and finish the game. My sister comes and picks me up and drives me home. As soon as i get home, i puke all over the place cause apparently i had a concussion. So i'm like, that's not good... and then i go over to the sink and i blow my nose and all of a sudden my eye just puffs up. I start screaming 'oh my god, my eye.. my fucking eye!!!' Meanwhile my sister is in the background laughing her ass off cause my eyelid is the size of a large grape. So she drives me to the hospital and they take a bunch of x-rays and 3 hours later the doc sez everything is fine, the increased pressure from blowing your nose just made your eye puff up, you'll be fine tomorrow. So we go home and i go to bed.

Next day, i wake up, my eyelid is still as big as it was the day before. So i'm like, fuck it, whatever i'm going to school. I get to school and i blow my nose again, and my eyelid gets bigger. So big that when i put on my glasses, it pushes against the lens and the glasses fall off. So i'm like, fuck, that's not good.. and i call my sis and she comes and picks me up from school and brings me back to the hospital. 4 hours later, i get a head scan and the doc finds a small hairline fracture at the sinus where my nose is connected to my eye. He sends me to another doctor at a different hospital where they special is eyes. I go there, and after seeing 6 different interns and 2 doctors, the doctor finally sticks a needle in my eyelid to freeze it, and then another fucking huge needle in there to drain the air... all i hear after he sticks it in is 'SSSSSSSssssssssss'. Then he instructs me to not blow my nose for another month or do anything strenuous.

Moral of the story, stay down and cover your head in rucks until the ruck is broken.

 
that sucks, what happens if you sneeze? will there be like a baloon exhaling like sound?

To Huck. v. The act of throwing oneself off of a cornice, cliff, rock, or any other thing that results in an attempt to fly.

If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.
 
Oh, that's over with now... the crack healed up so i can sneeze all i want. But before, if i sneezed, the eyelid would get bigger again.

 
ok so when me and my friend were in like 3 grade we went randeomly exploring in the forest near my house, so as you can imagen, we get totally lost and like were like 'or fuck!' and so we litterally walk around for hours, and like somehow, we randomly end up at the back end of a mall, like a shopping center, so im like 'salvation at last' and so i go running tords it but my friend for some reason was a complete dumbass fucker, and for some reason he doesn't want to go get help at the mall, so i try do convince him but he insisted that he just finds his way home wandering through the woods and hopefully firnds my house, so i go to the mall and he goes through the woods and so i call my mom and she picks me up and when i get back to my house my friend is like there im like 'how the fuck did you get back' hes like, 'i followed the stream to you house' and so then it was over and im talking aobut it now, not really funny, but i thought we were like skrewed back in the woods

the term 'fuck you'actually came from 'pluck yew' it was from when the english was fightin the french and the french would cut off the englishes middle finger because they used it to pluck the yew which was a bow and arrow....so they would show their middle fingers to the french

-Bristolrider
 
this girl i know got her vagina ripped because her boyfriends cock was too big and she had to go to the hospital to get it sewned up. her excuse for her mom for the blood on the blankets was that she tried to fit 2 tampons in at onse. she wasnt supposed to bang for 3 more weeks but she did it with a different person the very next day

ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

( . Y . )

SUMMER
 
sarah you are a bad driver.. that was my lil bro.. assshoel.. what kind of insestive person are you.... i hope you feel dirty for what you did and you cannot get the screams of pain our of your head..

RRRRRAAAAZZZZMAAATAAAAZZZ

Matty Jeronimo: maybe he will give us magic fairy dust

Matty Jeronimo: skiing fairy dust of course
 
yesterday i went biking wiht a bunch of friends. and on the way to this ledge i ran right into a post and made 2 poeple fall on me. but the really funny part comes next. were were biking wiht these 2 drunk dudes that new a secret location to find pigeons.well we didnt really wanna catch pideons but they went there adn came back with 3 pigeon there back pack. then they got the bright ideo to releasy them in a mcdonalds. on the way to the neerest mcdonalds the guy will the bad fell in trafic adn nerly got ran over. then we suddently realized that the birds probably died. so we checked the bad and there was piss adn siht everwhere cuz they shat themselves from being scared. anyways.. we got to the mcdonalds adn released them in the bathroom adn waited for someone to go in. but after a while the drunker of the 2 guys went and released them in the eating room adn people where juts like wtf, it was the funnnyest most random thing ever

 
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