the absolute dumbest jokes you've ever heard

petek

petek

Active member
this was said to me by a retard(no seriously)

'where do gay people shop? Fags are us'

Mind can make a heaven from hell, and a hell from heaven
 
hahahahahahahahah!

...............................................................................................

-steve

[i treat each day like its game seven in overtime.

born to shine at home and over border lines.]
 
this isnt a joke but one time when i was coaching this rec soccer team some little fucker on my team came up to me and said,

'you wanna know a great practical joke? you give somebody a brownie, but instead of a brownie, its really poo.'

...............................................................................................

-steve

[i treat each day like its game seven in overtime.

born to shine at home and over border lines.]
 
another good one is

'There is this guy that whatever he wears, the stains come off. There was this stain on this girls blouse, so when he put it on, the stain went away, but the same women also had a stain on her panties. The stain-cleaner put it on, but the stain didnt go away. Why? because she ragged in it.'

^those are the actual words to it.

on the greek ship

lolypop

its a sweet trip

to the candy shop

where bon-bons play

on the sunny beaches of peppermint bay
 
whats purple and tied to my front porch?

he's my nigger ill paint him any color i want!

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

'You can't argue with idiots, they drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.'

'so basically i lost my penis trying to have sex with my cat' Misty7

I like my eggs like i like my runs,poached

'Who's not 18 yet? What? LA LA LA LA LA LA! I can't hear you.'~Jay aka rebel

'five0 is a crazy sexy nutcracker motherfucker'~Everyone
 
A HUGE DILDO

how do you circumsize a whale????

Four skin divers HAaa my freshman sciene teacher told me that

________________

'my pants be saggin cause im' rappin' my ass off' OH SNAP!
 
why are cows soo happy all the time?

cause everyday is a field day.

'The only way you can ruin the present is by worrying about the future'
 
what did the chicken say to the egg?

I have no fucking clue

--------------------

HIGH NORTH SESSION 4

The Hot Sauce Champion of the World
 
So go with me a minute here:

Mickey and Minnie mouse were getting a divorce. So in Divorce court, the Judge looks down at Mickey and says 'Mickey, it says here that u said that your wife is crazy.' And Mickey replies 'No, I didn't say that at all, I said that she was fucking goofy.'

Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.

-Not enough money for a summer camp this year-session 4
 
^That one's actually funny.

J.D.'s Hall of Fame for Stupid Posts:

''mad trix is a gay name. go with the k2's.'' -Linepunk

''Dude, Americans or Canadians didn't invent english, the British dudes did.'' -Chauncy

''Gay people are fags'' -Atlantaski

''dude i am literat i just cant spell worth shit u got prob with it bitch'' -Bridgerbowlskier

''Gay marriages are gay.'' -SUpilot

'if it werent for women, i wouldnt have to wear condoms' -Hucksterjibber

''This board seems to have gone downhill since i joined'' -ADjunkie
 
Told by my math teacher today:

What did the constipated mathmetician do?

Worked it out with a pencil.

 
I got one on a popsicle stick the other day:

Q what time is it when your out of clothespins...

A time to get more clothespins

________________________

(Ross)

SRMC

cBf
 
^

...

There are three kind of mathmeticians. The ones that can count and the ones that can't.

____________________________

'i think you put the B in buttfuck and i put it in you'

-lateralis

'Screw porn, get a girlfriend'

-PhattTim

'yea yur fuckin speechless you ass fuck u can go fuck ur god damn uncle and then ill shoot u then u cant ski so go fuck urself u little bitch i dont care how fuckin good u are but i no u can fuck my cat so fuck off and never talk to any uv us again u fagget ur a discrace to skiing u fucking cunt rage dooch back FUCK FACE FUCKER'

-taxiYellowskier
 
^Reminds me of a geek joke...

There are 10 types of people in the world: Those who can count in binary, and those who can't.

J.D.'s Hall of Fame for Stupid Posts:

''mad trix is a gay name. go with the k2's.'' -Linepunk

''Dude, Americans or Canadians didn't invent english, the British dudes did.'' -Chauncy

''Gay people are fags'' -Atlantaski

''dude i am literat i just cant spell worth shit u got prob with it bitch'' -Bridgerbowlskier

''Gay marriages are gay.'' -SUpilot

'if it werent for women, i wouldnt have to wear condoms' -Hucksterjibber

''This board seems to have gone downhill since i joined'' -ADjunkie
 
where do you find a dog with no legsss

where you left it...

whats teh differance between a bathtub and a pile of dead babies... you cant fuck a bathtub

________________

'my pants be saggin cause im' rappin' my ass off' OH SNAP!
 
Q: What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs hanging on a wall?

A: Art

Hippies - they want to save the world, but all they do is smoke pot and smell bad.

Pabst Blue Ribbon is the greatest beer ever.

What did the five fingers say to the face? SLAP!

Chapelle's Show Cult, Bitches

 
WHy don't seagulls fly over the bay?

Because then they'd be baygulls (bagels).

Q: How many NS.com members does it take to answer a simple question?

A: 10. One to answer, three to say 'How fucking stupid are you?', three to say 'This has already been asked a thousand times', and three to say 'Who the fuck cares anyway?'
 
Why didnt the skeleton cross the street...

...because he had no guts

Why does the gingerbread man wear shorts?...

...because his legs are crummy

Don't hate the player. Hate the game!
 
What's better than licking a dead babies' choda?

... Going to the stanley cup finals.

I kid you not... this is the worst joke I've ever heard!

----------------------------------------

To join 'WE RIDE BIKES' PM bakerlocal

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To join 'THE HOCKEY CULT' PM con_cept (me)

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How much bird seed should you get for a quarter?

None, quarters can't eat bird seed.

Hippies - they want to save the world, but all they do is smoke pot and smell bad.

Pabst Blue Ribbon is the greatest beer ever.

What did the five fingers say to the face? SLAP!

Chapelle's Show Cult, Bitches

 
Spanish teahcer breaks this one on us the other day...

'so a horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, why the long face?'

i was going to go for a quad daffy but i was like, why huck? -mommy
 
theres two muffins sitting in the oven. one muffinsays the the other muffin 'man its really hot in here' then the other muffin yells ' OMG ITS A TALING MUFFIN'

_______________________________________

do not speak unless you can improve the silence
 
dumbest one I know:

you - what does a 600Lb parakete say?

them - I dunno

you (in the loudest deepest voice you can muster) - CHIRP

life is too short to have any regrets
 
wats yellow and smells like paint?

yellow paint

*OFFICIAL NS SQUID*

BITE IT...you scum bucket fucking whore - GG Allin

I see you standing... you think your soooo cool... why dont u just, FUCK OFF- Guns n Roses

 
^that's actually pretty funny

Hippies - they want to save the world, but all they do is smoke pot and smell bad.

Pabst Blue Ribbon is the greatest beer ever.

What did the five fingers say to the face? SLAP!

Chapelle's Show Cult, Bitches

 
so a rabbi and a priest are sitting in a boat in the middle of a lake, the rabbi turns to the priest and says 'worst joke i've ever been in'

Jeff

Poniverus
 
What did they fish say when it hit the cement wall?

-dam

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

All NS jibbers have to ask them self's one question: Am I progressive like the auto insurance or am i just Aflac?

HOLLA! ANCIENT REPRESENT!! ANCIENTINC.COM

 
what do you call cheese thats not yours?

nacho cheese.

what do you call cheese that isn't yours?

life is too short so love the one you got cause you might get run over or you might get shot - sublime

save lives. ride line.
 
Another lame-assed joke told my Alaskan friend-

'wanna hear the 360 joke?'

'.. uh, yea sure.'

**spins 360 on the ground**

lol

 
this was told by a supply teacher for physics a while ago:

q: what kind of music do mummies listen to?

a: wrap music

'GhostDragon is like milk. sometimes when it sits too long in thr fridge it gets crusty things around the cap that sometimes fall into your glass when your not careful.' - cj

- Michael Jackson loves me.
 
one day.. pony went to cayotes. cayote asked pony why his voice was so quiet. pony said. cause im a little horse

________________

'my pants be saggin cause im' rappin' my ass off' OH SNAP!
 
why did the blind man walk off the cliff

Becasue he was all coverein blood and he didnt want to live anymore

a handicap kid told me this

 
'how many abled bodied people does it take to screw in a lightbulb... One

________________

'my pants be saggin cause im' rappin' my ass off' OH SNAP!
 
my friends physics teacher loves your momma jokes but you have to listen to the mains voice to get the sheer genius of them. anyway here they are

'your mommas so fat that she has smaller, fatter people orbiting her'

ALASKA PRIDE
 
^not funny

whats brown and sticky?

A STICK!

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

'You can't argue with idiots, they drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.'

'so basically i lost my penis trying to have sex with my cat' Misty7

I like my eggs like i like my runs,poached

'Who's not 18 yet? What? LA LA LA LA LA LA! I can't hear you.'~Jay aka rebel

'five0 is a crazy sexy nutcracker motherfucker'~Everyone
 
how many football players does it take to screw in a lightbulb-

-the whole team, one to twist the light bulb, the rest to take turns slapping his bum

 
why the 1st koala fall out of the tree?

cos he was dead.

why'd the 2nd koala fall out of the tree?

cos he was stapled to the 1st koala.

why'd the 3rd koala fall out of the tree?

cos he thought it was a game.

 
how many dirty stinking apes does it take to screw in a light bulb.

3. 1 dirty stinking ape to screw in the light bulb and 2 dirty stinking apes to throw feices at each other.

------------------

Good Fun With A Hand Gun
 
a guy walked into a bar. HAH!

what do u call a guy who lies on your doorstep and welcomes people?

MATT!!

i liked t-roys

===================

fear makes it fun

member of the association against clubs

newschoolers.com. giving YOU something to do

 
Man, these ones my friend told me and they are absolutely horrible, as in not right.

Q Whats better than doin a 13 year old girl in the shower?

A Slickin her hair back and acting like its a 10 year old boy.

NASTY!!!! His name is FattyPete$$ if you wanna give him hell.

hmm..... another... but from a popsicle stick

Q What did the beach comber name his daugher?

A Sandy

-------------------

'I wanna monster truck, Fuck the bus' - Matt Sterbenz after checkin out the Freezing Point bus.
 
^thats harsh... there was something like that on love line a long time ago... a gay guy called in, said he liked experimenting with sticking the plunger to the bathroom floor and getting a little bum action... then he says one day he slipped.

___________________

Silly Rabbits. Pink is for cheese! –stevexs2

i love watching people get nutted. i hate seeing naked fat people getting the box munched - BallinBU

numbers are for jewish investment bankers - sleezemcfly

im a straight up thugged out ghetto prep - ATLANTASKI

Looting, it's the new way to buy stuff! - Jib_This
 
why do cows crap in the grass ?

BECAUSEI FUCKED YOUR MOTHER

dumbest thing ive ever heard

************************************************************

-Matt

my one friend was pushed into a pole and he riped his sack open on impact now we call him stitchie

What our sport needs is love, not everyone trying to be cooler than each other.-skimack
 
crytal needs a park, i remember that from love line it was facking disgusting.

i was going to go for a quad daffy but i was like, why huck? -mommy
 
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