Teachers...

F

fairygirl

Active member
My teacher was trying to explain to us the basic plot of Romeo and Juliet. Here's how the conversation went:

Teacher: 'Class, Romeo and Juliet is a play about sex.'

Deanna: 'I thought that it was about true love?'

Teacher: 'Are you crazy? The first thing Romeo thought when he saw Juliet wasn't 'I love her', it was 'Man, that girl is hot. I want to nail her'. Romeo was a player.'

Deanna: 'Oh.'

It was hilarious!!! I almost died laughing!!! My teacher is 40 something, and hearing her say 'Man, that girl is hot. I want to nail her'.

Anyone else have some stories about their teachers?

'Bob gets drunk in a park alone and gets arrested for getting in a fight with a group of teenage girls.'
 
my teacher (who is white) said : 'I hate white people' really loud one day.

$1080PLP$: 'i just love canadian boys.. ' but really it was Brooke.
 
yeah our teacher said something along those lines

and she's also not bad for a teacher

Smoking pot leads to uhh... I forget.
 
'What the hell is the Pythagorean Theorom?!'-my english teacher, and he was definitely not joking.

'I'm the guns of navarrone motherfucker!!'- Jules
 
'your a fucking idiot' is what my metal art teacher told me, it made me feel all good inside

___________________

Paulou

Call me the bus driver cause im going to take you to school
 
my 75 year old spanish teacher decked a kid who was completely acting out.. the kid had a broken nose, and was bleeding everywhere, lol

-Andy

Hostess!

'With Treats THIS good, Who needs Canada?'
 
the best was my tech teacher

while pounding his fist into this palm thing ' one day..(then he holds up his fist towards a student).. you can sue me all you want.. i'm gonna make it good!' also whispered into an annoying kids ear 'fuck off'

Smoking pot leads to uhh... I forget.
 
Teacher: Why didn't people like the Mormons.

Student: ahh because they had many wives.

Teacher: Yes, and i know what your all thinking, big orgy porno thing, no! they were religous people.

there was alot more to that but i dont feel like typing it.

all the worlds a terrain park and the people are just jibbers.

-NewSkool Shakspere
 
i have a science teacher who is insane! he's mr.mackey like, you know, southern accent and crap. but the funny thing is, he'll write on anything! he sits on stools with his feet together like a bird, and he flips out sometimes, it funny ass shizintz.

bunch of f**kin' savages in this town
 
My favorite teacher says shit like 'When I call you all bastards, I mean it in a loving way,' and 'I love grey days, it makes me think of death, Dont you wish you were dead, it would be so relaxing and peaceful' The guy is awesome, all we do is exchange stories during class. For my other teachers, they all suck!

_____________________

Andrew

Hey sweet thang, may I offer you a fish sandwich?

-Leon Phelps a.k.a. The Ladies Man
 
my geography teacher told us a story about his childhood and how his friend put a cat in a drier....it was halarious!

Mauii - Ontarian Jibber

Call me Mike!
 
i ran into an old teacher of mine outside a pub about a month ago.. anyways, he asked me if i wanted a drink, but i said i had to run we were on our way to a movie.. he said 'no worries'.. and proceeded to pull a mickey of whiskey outta his sleeve. greatest teacher ever.

 
My Drama history teacher- 'David Hasselhoff is a big fucking asshole.He needs to get his bitch ass back to Baywatch.' We were watching a play with him in it.

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'The Chinese believe, that if you find a discarded panda tooth, you have the power to summon godzilla.'- Sifl and Olly
 
'Know what? you are going to hell' My relegion reacher to me

me back 'what if there isnt one and you wasted all of the time you could have enjoyed'

him....nothing. He hated me

' Come on, Abortion is funny you Culties!'

my math teacher on Joke day after someone told an abortion juke and a bunch of people from the crabzy chirch in town went psycho.

' Well have a good weekend, Im gonna get wasted'

My Brit. Lit. teacher on a friday

'He got fired? What did he do?'

'He jumped off of the roof again'
 
My grade 12 english teacher was convinced that every ad in every magazine had the word sex written at least 50 times. We often spent the entire class looking at ads up close, and he'd try pointing it all out to us, but we all thought he was crazy.

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'That's my cancer wishing face' - yellowsnow4U wishing cancer upon the server that kept us away from NS
 
My government teacher-

'A car can have a bumper sticker on it that say 'Save the trees, kill the (Pause)...I don't know...Mexicans.'

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'The Chinese believe, that if you find a discarded panda tooth, you have the power to summon godzilla.'- Sifl and Olly
 
my us history teacher (talking about oral tests)

'well uhhh, my first oral experience wasnt so good..'

_____________

seth
 
We have had teachers try and hurt us, our math teacher flipped over a desk at some kids, and my english sub kicked the table these kids were at. but the best thing a teacher has ever done was on this Ashland trip. It was one of the teachers b-day so the went to have 'one' drink to celebrate. Well they're gone for 3 hours and come back totaly wasted. man we took advantage of that night, man sooo many kids got drunk and there was so much crazy shit going on at the hotel.

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The morning after you and a babe who was formerly 'just a friend' have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is NO reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.

 
Hmmmmm.... haha.. okay this might not have anything to do with the origional thread but I've been writing down quotes from my teachers and this is what I've got this week

'get on your knees now!!!'

'If you don't know where it's been don't put it in your mouth'

'I am not an old dirty man'

'Shut the fuck up'

'J'ai du bonheur'

'Teaching you kids gives me pleasure'

'You are a dirty pute'

Hmm... that's all i can remember from this week... hah... byebye

~Join the Brooke fan club today!!!~

*Proud Resident of the Dirty Part of Surrey*
 
I once had a teacher who had her husband deliver 'packages' to her throughout the day. The packages contained a white substance.. lol She was fired part way through the year.

My grade one teacher was evil. She had the class decorated in black, the windows were always shut, and the lights were always off. She once threw a student in the garbage can, and she also gave me a headless barbie. It was pretty freaky to me when I was six.

My Humanities teacher in grade eight threw fits. If someone's binder wasn't organized enough, she would pick it up and throw it against the wall, or out the window. She called some guy in my class a 'Fucking Idiot!' and carried him out into the hall, after throwing his stuff out the window.

'Bob gets drunk in a park alone and gets arrested for getting in a fight with a group of teenage girls.'
 
Most of my teachers are insane. The students have driven them there. I never want to be a highschool teacher EVER.

My English teacher: is still a little boy and so when we don't understand Romeo and Juliet he makes one of the other kids explain all the racy jokes because he's too shy.

My Science teacher: has been teaching science for 16 years and started the special program at our school. She leaves partway through the year every year for 'personal reasons'.

My Choir teacher: has been pregnant four times. Enough said.

Shall I go on?

'Uh, What is he doing?'

'What does it look like he's doing?'

'Well should he be doing that?'

'I dunno, should he?' - Late night CBC TV.
 
Oh yeah, and my elementry school teachers hated me. They put me out in the hall and they've called me stupid. It damages a small child to the point of no repair. My grade four teacher threw chalk at one of her classes. I never found out what happend to her...

'Uh, What is he doing?'

'What does it look like he's doing?'

'Well should he be doing that?'

'I dunno, should he?' - Late night CBC TV.
 
im proud to say, (well not to proud) but my school has been able to send 3 teachers to the looney bin, also its a sad day when we are unable to make the sub cry

___________________

Paulou

Call me the bus driver cause im going to take you to school
 
Oh yeah!! We sent my grade six teacher back to university. It was sad. She was tiny, like 5 feet tall, and all of the students were taller than she was. She had a stupid rain-stick, and the guys would always hold it above her head and taunt her with it. She had an emotional break-down around Christmas of that year. From k-7 my class was known as the worst in the school. We were so proud of our rep. lol

'Bob gets drunk in a park alone and gets arrested for getting in a fight with a group of teenage girls.'
 
-I had a teacher throw a text book at a kid once.

-One teacher taught us really weird words. like masticambulistophile, and herstory. and flocinoccinihilipipilification. spelling might be off, but they are real words.

-one prof at the U of A has a fro, but is bald in the middle, he puts the mike down on his gut instead of near his mouth. U hear weird noises. They might be from his stomach we were not sure.

i could go on for ever but I am bored

d-spin to win

I graduatete from bovine university as a scientician. I'm not a grade A idiot.
 
ive had teachers show up at partys before hammered out of there mind, they are both drama teachers and the coolest teachers i know, we swear around and them and they swear around us, if we outside of the theatre smoking weed during class time and on school property,and they catch us they just laugh and keep walking

___________________

Paulou

Call me the bus driver cause im going to take you to school
 
i go to boarding school and one of our teachers is such a stoner. one morning he came in looking a bit dopey and my mates go 'hey, Gozman' (his name is mr O'gorman by the way) ' come have a spliff with us' they were joking but he was like (say this in your best stoner voice) 'man, you should of got me, like, 20 minutes ago'. they just cracked up. he was stoned off his nut.

~Get a haircut and get a real job~
 
We stressed a teacher out so badly during class, she strted smoking right in the middle of it.

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'The Chinese believe, that if you find a discarded panda tooth, you have the power to summon godzilla.'- Sifl and Olly
 
last year we had this tiny woman teacher who was sorter than anyboy in our class, and she was very nice and funny. But oneday she got angry and she like exploded!! it was avesome our class worst troublemakers and teacher`s nightmares were all like sheeps after it!! Damn we all almost wet our pants we she shoutet at us!

Me need snow!!
 
my english teacher is a drunk and a stoner, it is the coolest thing in the world. we spend the entire class talking about weed and alcahol, and everyone in the entire class comes to that class drunk and stoned, inclufing the teacher, haha crazy shit goes down

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------WINTERisLIFE on AOLhttp://www.cobaincase.com/ LIVE FAST DIE PRETTY., 'I play Russian roulette every day, a man's sport, with a bullet called life'-SOAD 'i tried em once..felt gay.' -NS.com member on skiboards

 
hey 1080enemy, i had a teacher teach the word flocinoccinihilipipilification to us as well.. crazy stuff.

 
and I cant forget Mr. Hollerbach. He was this crazy german guy we had in 7th grade. It was his 1st year teaching, and he quit after a month. We would always fuck around in his class. There was this big huge industrial fan you could tilt straight at the ceiling, so we would always put chalk into it and big clouds of dust would come out. We put crayons on the radiator vents so the classroom smelled like shit. One of the fat kids used to steal his lunch a few tmies a week. Too much to recall right now.

Wait until you hit college, profs are all crazy, and cool as hell

'He got fired? What did he do?'

'He jumped off of the roof again'
 
One of the Spanish teachers in my school got fired from another school for spraying 409 in some kids eyes. She also threatens to crucify people and kill them in odd ways, like hanging them from their feet and letting them starve to death.

Don't hate me because I'm beautiful, hate me because your woman thinks I am.

 
my sixth grade math teacher would walk up to us while we were taking a quiz or doing problms and if we were wrong he would sometimes rip the page up and throw it in the trash

~'dont eat me, i have a wife and kids...eat them!!' -Homer
 
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! my world hist. teacher is new this year, shes the shit. its great if my friends are talking in class shell come over and scream at them in their ear, all in good fun, or throw her notes and pencils at them. just today, this kid in our class was talking when one of our other teachers was talking. she came up, (lightly) strangled him while screaming 'SHUT THE HELL UP!!!', then the kid was like 'when im older, can i send the bill for my hearing aid to you?' fucking hilarious!

CO represent!!!

'Nobody has ever skied the K-12 and lived!'

 
well, i did have this male vice-principal that got a boner everytime a student walked by him. notice i didn't put a female student. yea, he's just a tad on the odd side. thats the same thing, right?

 
oh yeah, yknow how some teachers are afraid to point out our tricks that arent really that sneaky? shes the opposite. she'll tell someone to shutup and walk away. well, yknow how most people will start the conversation again in a lower tone? shell point that out in front of the whole class. good teacher. she wont get fired, at least until she draws blood or something

CO represent!!!

'Nobody has ever skied the K-12 and lived!'

 
we have an english teacher thats like 500 years old. he just rambles on all day. right now were reading a mid summers nights dream.... its the gayest book and we have a wierd teacher. he goes on all day about how shakespear is always talking about ass or buts or whatever...

'I've said it before and I'll say it again.... democracy just doesn't work'
 
I had the best history teacher last year in eight grade. he would make jokes all class and make fun of really annoying people. One day we had slave runaway day. one person would run anywhere in the school and hide then another would go out and catch them. we took turns and it was so fun. then we had a world war 1 paper airplane fight, he put a net across the class and made bunkers with the desks and chairs and we threw paper airplanes at each other the whole period. he was the best teacher ever

----------------------------------------

Got Yoohoo?
 
At class one day we were all excited cause the cool music teacher was coming in and we were gonna just pretend to work and talk all hour. Then the Devil teacher which everone hates comes in and says. She'll be having her class instead. So we all are like 'screw that' and everone turns there backs on her. It was so hilarious cause we sat like that for 15 min. And she was freaking out no knowing what to do. Finally a higher teacher comes in and makes us turn around. Good Times Being Rebellious against fucked up teachers.

'Pipe Is Nice'
 
i wish i had cool teahcers, i have one almost funny thing that happened, i was in geometry and theres this kid who is a huge stoner and hes always pissing the teacher off by swearing and stuff during class, and hes always making fun of anti drug commercials and stuff, hes reallly sarcastic, but one day we went outside

teahcer-oh shit, i messed up...shit!

cam-hey!, no swearing in in class!

teacher-but cam, we arent really in class right now

cam-oh yea, fuck that shit!

it was funny at the time, and one time my science teacher kicked a chair all the way across the room cause 3 people didnt do their homework, and he was getting all pissed and kicking kids out of class, it was scary

-Mr. Jeff Kiesel

tva tva uuuh
 
I had a teacher that almost had like a break down. She was shaking her head back and forth going up and down between her legs Screaming 'Shut UP !' 'Detention Detention Detention!' And we all got detention.

'Pipe Is Nice'
 
At 9th grade we had a teacher who was an alcoholic... we went on a field trip in Greece once on which she was a supervisor and she was so fucking drunk they had to fly her ass bac kto Finland in a helicopter...lol

Ride hard, you can rest when you die.

'You know what I really want in a girl? -Me.' -Jimmy Pop
 
hahahaha...im gonna laughin for days! that wuz great! a helicopter cuz she wuz too drunk...hehe

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~Hot Tamalia :o)
 
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