Super funny stories

Hrmmm I found the funny in this.

Last fall semester I went out with buddies drinking. I got plastered as did they. On the way back we managed to pick-up 2 chicks leaving a busted up part on the street corner. I don't remember getting back to our house. Next day I get woken up, I'm face down on my floor next to a puddle of puke. I get moved outside to a futon on our balcony. After finally coming alive I go into my room. I climb up to my top bunk and there is puke fucking everywhere on my bed. At the foot of my bed there is puke all over every syllabus I had that semester.

I think the kicker is the picture taken of me while passed out on the floor. I had my nutsack somehow tucked through my legs and managed to goat everyone who walked into my room. So while multiple friends were laughing at me I got the last laugh by getting to kick em all.

 
One time while i was at camp my mom left my hampster in the sun too long and it over-heated, died, then it's fur burnt off before she found it.
 
This one time i was leavin my girlfriend's house and i was backing down her driveway, and her cat ran right infront of my car! I hit it and it scampered off hurt and i didn't know what to do so i drove away! Then made a thread about it.
 
one time i drank a whole bottle of coffee liquor not realizing it would get me drunk, i proceded to go outside, pass out on the concrete patio and tear my knees and elbows to shreds and then woke up, went inside and proceded to fall down and entire set of stairs and breaking the whole railing off by snapping every rung on it and then i cracked the bottom step.

needless to say A LOT of superglue was used to keep his parents from finding out.
 
Your wasted story was fucking weak though... heres a funny story...

st pattys day last year i skipped class and started drinking with a few buddies around 11 am. i kept dinking and drinking at this party at a buddies house. it was raging and i drank way too much green beer. i dont remember anything from about 130 til its about 530 and im waking up in my buddies dorm room. I wake up and the walls are waving and melting and i look at my hands and they were warping and then i started freaking out... i shortly realized i was on a halucinogenic substance i assumed it was acid. thankfully about five minutes after i woke up about five of my friends come in the room and theyre laughing asking how i was feeling. i was like yo im tripping. and they were like yeah fool you took three hits hahahah what the fuck fool you took em like an hour and a half ago... i was like oh titties. thats not good. hahaha. turns out as i was raging at this party with a bunch of people my friend ben gave me free acid since he bought a sheet the day before. i decided to take three. they drove me back to my friends dorm and while they stayed in the car and baked it i stumbled to his dorm and decided to nap. soo now were caught up with how i got there. my friends also on acid and i go outside to mellow out. but i was freaking out. had it been any other day i wouldve had a blast but not today... oh no not today... that morning my car got towed by the CU. it is 170 dollars to pay for the ticket. and another 100 dollars to get it out of the impound. i had 0 money in my bank account and i had to drive to DIA (denver international airport) by 10 am tomorrow. to catch a 12 o clock flight to california. i was pretty fucked especially still drunk a whole night ofpartying ahead, not to mention a mind full of acid. i tell my friends im freaking out and my dilemna my very good friend ian said hey just chill out we will get it taken care of nothing you can do now i'll help you out tomorrow. still i was freaking out. the trip was very strange and uncomfortable... not bad... but uncomfortable. were chillin around just smoking and keepin it mellow when i get a phone call. on the phone i think im talking to a kid tyler and he tells me he is coming to boulder for the evening of saint attys and he wanted to meet up so i was like fuck yeah come meet me itll be great!! it wasnt tyler it was these fucking homos james, kolby, and AC i knew from highschool. to this day idk how they got my number. any way i accidentally invited them to chill. so peaking on acid having a weird fucking time drinking some more in a kids room these kids are like yo were here come get us in. so trippin dick thinking ill see my friend tyler i see these fucking guys. i take them up to the room we were at and the vibes are just really fucking weird. really really fucking weird the kids that came to boudler are uncomfortable im uncomfortable every one was... not to mention half of us were on acid. i basically take these kids out side and say this no shit i say this to them "look i dont fucking like you guys i am on too much acid with way too much shit on my mind, im drunk, and i thought you were tyler bush on the phone, you guys need to get the fuck out of here." one of them proceeded to punch me in the face. we fought and i got him on the ground and was punching wildly cuz i was literally more scared than i have ever been in my life. my friends break it up nd the kids bounce. im freaking out blood pouring out of my face... scariest thing ever, i have a car in an impound and 270 dollars to pay with no money to my name at all. my friends and i finally mellow out and they talk me down from what couldve been a horrible trip. we go out to the hill trip around smoke weed meet with people party a little. then i kept drinking and drinking i dont remember shit... by the time i start rememering things its about 2 in the morning and im tripping harder than i had been all day... again while drinking and partying Ben showed his face again... with more acid... and i was drunk and took 4 more... nice move drunk schoon... nice. so now its 2 in the morning and my friend ian is trippin with me just hanging out. the next morning he spots me the money for my car he drives me (great decision i know..) to the airport. i go through dia still very much tripping on acid and very much about to get on a flight to see my mom and dad... i went through the ringer for a day had literally the weirdest trip of my life honestly i could write a book on that night and it wouldnt do it justice. but during the night i had an experience with at least 15 of my closest friends that they like vividly remember. at one point as i was with my friend broker i broke three car windows. dont rememebr it. i went to a party with my buddy nick at one point around midnight. met a whole group of new people and i guess we were all just sitting there and i randomly yell.. guys im sorry im on fucking acid. and everyone started laughing and i freaked out and bailed. i was alone then ian found me walking around aimlessly on the hill in boulder yelling "call ian: over and over into my phone.
the next day when i was in california myfriends kept calling me to see what happened to ask if i rememebred doing stuff with them. my parents saw me and were like what the fuck have you been through the past 24 hours and again still on acid i just said i became hunter s thompson for the last day... they knew exactly what that meant, they actually nursed me and kept me chill... turns out my dad did some acid back in the day, so everything worked out better than expected.... now mother fucker thats a good wasted story.
also me ian ben and our good friend bacon who were all there that night who all had just as weird fucking trips as i had decided that for the rest of our lives every st pattys day we will gt wasted on green beer and take three hits of acid.
 
Last winter I had to cross the US border on a business trip, I got near the border, realized I had a joint, and instead of being a responsible adult and throwing it out the window, I pull into a park and wander around for a 1/2 hour, I was gonna drive around for an hour and come down a bit.

The second street I turned down was the bridge to cross the border, I started flipping out, and once I saw the sign that said no U-turns I pretty much lost it. Pulled out my documents and passport, everything seemed alright. Then guy border agent asked me if I had been drinking or doing drugs, I tell him no, and he starts typing an essay into his computer. Buddy tells me to go pull up to customs because "we have some questions to ask you." He points at the place and I park and get out.

I walk into the place and see 12 counters each 1 numbered, I tell the guy at the counter #1 who I am, and I go sit down. I get called up to counter #5 and he asks me some questions, and I go sit back down. I get called up to counter #11, and answer his questions and sit back down. I see a bunch of guys behind the counters talking, looking back at me, talking and then they disperse. At this point about an hour has gone by and I'm started get scared, but wasn't too worried.

Another half hour goes by, and I hear "Mr. Jordan please approach counter #13." I was kind of confused I counted 12 counters when I walked in, so I stood up and walk to counter 12 like an idiot, there was some guy staring me down so I look away, and see a door into a much smaller, empty room. I walk in there's only 3 counters in this room. I walk up to the desk and buddy standing there has my passport and a letter sitting in front of him, he asks me some of the same questions and tells me to sit back down.

At this point I'm thinking I'm free and clear, and I'll be out this place in about 10 minutes. I start to relax and want a cigarette, I look around and see a no smoking sign, so to kill the time I decide to pull out a king size paper and my rolling tobacco and started rolling myself a cigarette. Right before I wet the paper, I look up and see a guy standing there. I lean back a bit and he pulls a latex glove out of his pocket and snaps it onto his hand. He starts walking towards me, a straight look on his face and real confident, his hand raised like he was gonna turn off a light switch. My jaw hit the floor, and I let out a little "Oh fuck..". Everything just gets real quiet. Buddy is still walking towards me real slow, and I start tripping, hard. I thought "This is it, I'm gonna lose my ass cherry." It was all I could do, to stop from crying. He gets closer to me and every step he takes is slower than the last. He walks in front of me and turns a bit looks me dead straight in the eyes, and pulls the glove past his wrist. He didn't say a word, and he bent over and reached for the garbadge pail, and changed the bags.

He walked away as quick as he bent over, probably trying to supress his laughter. I hear somebody burst out laughing in another room, I look through the glass wall, into the room where I initially came from, and there's probably 10 people plus all the guards just laughing their asses off.

Moral of the story: don't smoke weed or hash before you cross the border.
 
You mentioning the fact that you puked everywhere makes you sounds like an 110 lb bitch that can't hold her alcohol...
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top