Start of a South Park Script I wrote. could i get some thoughts on this

H

Holyflyingskiman

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Act one

Scene One

Stan, Kyle, Cartmen, and Kenny are at the bus stop playing with action figures.

Cartmen hits Kyle’s action figure with his: BAM your dead.

Kyle: What why?

Cartmen: Because the Jews can’t fight wars.

Stan: What the hell are you talking about Cartmen?

Cartmen: Ahem every war in history.

Kyle: Shut up Cartmen you don’t know what you’re talking about.

Cartmen: Yes I do. Rome war Jews slaves, World War 2 Jews Camps, Middle East hasn’t stopped fighting in thousands of year Jews.

Kyle: Cartmen just stop it now before it gets way out of hand.

Kenny:?

Butters runs on to scene: Hey guys you got to try this!

Stan: What is it?

Butters: Well it’s a candy bar that I got from that guy in the van.

Kyle: What kind of candy bar?

Butters: Some foreign kind I guess the guy didn’t speak no American.

Kyle: You mean he can’t speak English?

Butters: Yeah.

Cartmen grabs the candy bar from

Butters: Let me try. (He eats it)

Butters: Hey…

Cartmen: WOW that’s the best candy bar I have ever had.

Butters: I wanted to eat that. Now I don’t have any money for another one.

Cartmen: If those candy bars were sold in stores they would sell out. (Pauses for a moment.) You guys oh my god. We should buy all the candy bars off of that guy in the van and sell them our self’s, and we could make millions.

Stan: With what I only have a dollar.

Kyle: Yeah I don’t have any money either.

Cartmen: Hmm….

Kyle: Cartmen what are you thinking of doing?

Cartmen: Nothing… Butter’s here is a dollar go to that guy in the van again and buy another candy bar.

Butters: Really wow gee thanks Cartmen.

Cartmen: Any time.

Butters goes over to the van: Hi there mister can I get another candy bar.

Guy in Van: See.

While the Butters gives the man the money Cartmen hopes in back of the Van and steals the boxes of candy bars.

Stan: Cartmen is an asshole.

Kyle: Oh yeah.

End scene one. Cut to Commercials.

Scene Two Act Two.

Cartmen is in the school yard with a

stand set up: Come one come all and try THE best candy bars in the world.

Kid: I want one.

Cartmen: That will be two dollars.

Kid: What no way.

Cartmen: Fine then you can’t get to eat the best and most awesomeness candy bar in the whole wide world then.

Kid: Ok here. (Hands Cartmen two dollars and eats the candy bar.) Wow that is really good I want another one!

A line forms at the stand.

Kenny: ?

Stan: Yeah it’s just a candy bar what is the big deal. I’m going to go get one.

Cartmen: Why hello Stan… Care to try the best Candy Bar in the world?

Stan: Yes I do.

Cartmen: That will be two dollars.

Stan: Fine here. (Stan eats the candy bar.) That is really good wow.

Cartmen: I know I’m going to be rich from selling them. I have already sold out of the first batch.

Kyle: You can’t get rich from them your are already sold out. How are you going to get more of them?

Cartmen: I will find that guy in the van again.

Cut to the Guy in the Van

Cartmen walks up to the front of the van: Hi there I would like to buy all your candy bars.

Guy in van: See

Cartmen: How much do you want for them all?

Guy in van: See

Cartmen: Give me the candy bars!

Guy in van hands one candy bar.

Cartmen throws it to the ground: No god damn it I want all of them.

Guy in Van: See.

Cartmen: Do I have to do every thing my self. (He walks out of scene and comes back with a stick in his hand and hits the guy in the van over the head and steals all the boxes of candy bars from him.)

Cut back to School yard and candy stand with a long line.

Stan: Where are those candy bars from?

Kyle: I don’t know, we should go ask the guy in the van and find out why they are so good.

Kenny: mumble yeah.

End scene two.

 
haha that was pretty funny. I liked the top part the most though(action figures and such)
 
so you've got about...oh...three minutes tops including commercials. You've got a way to go.
 
so is the van guy sposed to be mexican and saying si? cause it was confusing me, and i only thought the top was kinda funny, probly alot better if i couldof watched it tho
 
it is going to turn in to version of Blow the movie but with candy. and the guy in the van is from colmbia and stan and kyle find out from him that the candy is coming from down there and they go down there to see how it is made and why it is so good, and they find out coke leafs are being used in the candy, and back in south park all the kids turn in to candy heads, and cartmen is going to be put in juvy for dealing illgal candy.
 
not bad, but like the guy up there^^^^ somewhere said, cartmans scheme to take the candy needs more complexity.
 
make sure kyle is an outsider and then you will have a carbon copy of the faith+1 episode and the metrosexual episode
 
its good man. you should try to write out the whole episode. also, maybe instead of catrman hitting the guy in the van, he just goes in the back and takes everything, and the guy is just like "see"
 
South park kicks ass. you should hav cartman say like he always does about his plans to make 10 million dollars. Great start
 
good start but where butters says "ooh thanks cartmen" you spelled cartman incorrectly and he calls cartman "eric" mostly
 
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