So my friend wrote this poem...

[skibikeclambake]

I was wondering what evryone thought about it. She did it pretty quickly, so dont hate:

I take my first step out into a different world

fresh powder dusts the mountain like a (insert word here, she couldnt think of one)

the cold brisk winter air takes my breath

every muscle in my body anxious to move

releasing the pressure of my day

here i can relax, there are no distractions.

my whole world changes

i feel free to explore this world that is mine

as i take my first step

thats it thats all.

let me know what you think

 

[joey.]

thats sick

 

[no_steeze]

pretty good, some of the words could be more descriptive and it would make the poem better

 

[b-ladd]

the snow is to the mountain as the powder is to the donut...

 

[Scolson]

It's not done.

 

[[~_~]]

mines better

 

[Dustin.]

It needs correction with punctuation. That's key to making it flow correctly, I didn't really know how to read it at first.

 

[smooticus]

eh

 

[comeatmebro]

idk i didn't think it was THAT great. decent, but nothing amazing.

 

[skibikeclambake]

guys, i wrote it as it appeared on the paper. she took about 5 minutes to write this (i needed a poem for my next class) i wouldnt bash on it too much

 

[comeatmebro]

then why did you ask for thoughts on it if she wrote it in 5 minutes? you should know it's going to be criticized if she wrote it so quickly.

 

[snarfsnarf44]

A+!!!!!!!!!