Shittiest moments?

Shukovski

Shukovski

Member
Ns, what are your worst stories involving shit?

No C&P, original content.

I once did parkour and tried to jump over a sewer canal.

Needles to say, I fell in.
 
One I remember the most:

Worked for our City a few years ago and did mowing and other odd jobs and weed whacked a giant fresh pile of dog shit hidden in the grass.

It was everywhere.
 
Here we go:

My most shittiest moment occurred during a nondescript week on a nondescript day. At the time I was living in a student home, twenty guys, two bathrooms and no one cleaned. During this week I was having the trots badly, so bad in fact that I had to race to the toilet every hour or so to involuntary relinquish my bowels from their slippery, chunky contents. At the part where the story kicks off we find me sitting on the toilet with my MacBook that was playing an episode of House M.D..

I had been there for about an hour, the stream of shit departing via my rectum seemed to be endless. Then it stopped, I waited a minute or two, wiped my ass-hole front to back and flushed the toilet that was clearly struggling against such a giant festering pile of what used to be a bag of nachos. I stood up, pulled up my white boxer briefs and walked to the sink. At this point I have to tell you: that bathroom was massive, I've been to concert halls that were smaller. Just as I got near the sink, I collapsed, I couldn't move my legs any more.

After an hour of my nerves being constricted they where now free and send a myriad of signals to my brain, mostly consisting of: pain, pain, pain.

As I lay there on the ground for about a minute enduring the worst possible pain I suddenly felt my sphincter relaxing, another wave was coming. I desperately tried to claw my way towards the loo, but to no avail, the dirty tile floor gave about as much grip as a well lubricated dildo. My insect kept me going but as a heap of old crusty poo and puke was collecting under my fingernails the floodgates opened and tsunami of brown gooey liquid with a few hard crunchy bits collected itself my boxers and coloured them brown.

Then at that moment the door opened(there wasn't a single lock in the house) and the Swiss exchange student spotted me laying, on a puke riddled floor, boxers full of shit and immobilized whilst House was being mad at Cameron on the MacBook in the background. He looked at me with utter disgrace and contempt, as he slowly closed the door.

What do I win?
 
walking out of the diner with my buddies 3 summers ago..both of them lifted a leg and farted..i did the same and instead sharted..proceeded to hide behind the diner's dumpster and wipe my ass with my socks while my freinds laughed till they cried and videotaped it..sucked at the moment but always a good laugh when i look back at it.
 
When I was working for Weed man doing lawn care stuff I would pee in people backyards when I had to to go, but it often took a while to find a good spot where no one would see.

So onetime I cut it really close, had to go so bad and when I finally found that good spot I ran to it and accidentally shat myself too. I was able to clean it up mostly, but I still had to work the rest if the day in shit pants.

(I had a bad UC flare at the time; for some justification)
 
This wasnt me, it was my friend but I was there too.

My friend took a shit in my other friends dorm at camp, and clogged the toilet. He flushed it and it started to over flow. My other friends didnt notice so we went out and skated. We all went back home and we got a call saying the dorm floor was covered in shit water. My friend had to get up 6am to clean all the shit water up.

Im not sure what was worse, sleeping in the dorm with shit water, or cleaning it up
 
one time i took a pretty massive dumper at my buddies moms place.

her powder room washroom was literally right beside the sunken foyer at the front door.

its was one of those poops with like 10-20, 4 or 5" perfectly cylindrical logs.

so anywho. i pooped. flushed. and we went out to a movie shortly after.

got back from said movie, and the toilet had over flowed, all the water had collected in the sunken foyer, and all my logs were just floating about all nimbly bimbly.

ive never laughed harder in my life.

my buddy was pissed.
 
i was at a party at this dudes house and we were kickin it outside in his back yard. Well, apparently he has a septic tank in his back yard that we were completely unaware of. This septic tank was covered up with an old board to keep animals, kids, etc. from falling in, etc. Over the years the grass surrounding this board started to grow pretty thick thus disguising the board from plain view.

Of course, as nature would have it, the elements slowly began to rot out this board over the years thus greatly diminishing its structural integrity.....diminishing it to the point that it could not support the 170 pounds of one Mr. Barefootin_Fiend. I unknowingly stepped on that board and went straight through the fucking thing. Next thing I know I'm up past my fucking knee in shit/septic tank.

I was fucking livid. Not just kind of upset...we're talking get the fuck out of my fucking way or I'll kill you fucking pissed off. I happened to be dressed in a very nice pair of dress pants & a very nice pair of dress shoes....both of which were now ruined. I immediately stripped down to my boxers right there in the yard, threw my clothes and shoes in a beer box, and stormed off. I threw them in my trunk and sped out of there like a bat out of hell.....steaming with fury the entire fucking time. Of course, everyone else thought it was absolutely, pants shitting, fucking hilarious. They were wrong. It wasn't fucking funny at all. Neither was the nickname "Poopy" that they tried to don me with for some time after said event. Ass holes.

 
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