So,
Where do I begin?
The last month has had it's up's and down, just like all other months, but for the past 2 weeks, i've been working 80-to-88 hours a week, IT's crazy, I work 3 Jobs, THe longhorn pub, 18 Below, and Merlins bar & Grill, All as A cook. The money is really good, but the fact that for 5 days a week all i do is wake up at 7 in the morning and i don't finish until 11pm, it's fucked up to say the least, but i love my jobs. I'm living in staff housing which is dirt cheap, but it's also dirty, it's the ghetto what more can i say? except im never home...
On my day off yesterday i took care of important business, such as getting a haircut, I also played my weekly baseball game which was cool, I'm Always drinking at the baseball games, My nick name on the team is 'White Lighting' but i don't know where that name came from....
Story time
NOt to spread rumors or anything, but apparently last tuesday i walked into tapley's pub with a lit cigerette in my mouth, and asked the bar tender for a beer, he said no, because i was fucken hammered, and i had a smoke in my hand, So i put the cigerette out on the bar and asked again for a beer, Again, Tank (THE Bartender) said NO, So i threw my butt out in his tip cup and said 'there motherfucker, I gave you a tip, now give me a beer' They sent me home in a cab,
but that's all hearsay anyways, i would do no such thing...
About a month ago I slept with a stripper which was cool, but 3 weeks ago wasn't so cool,
SO im at work, and i have to take a piss, so i go downstars to the washroom and wipe out my dick.
It was shriviled like a fucken pickel, skin peeling off, my ball sack looked like rought leather, it was fucken sick, I knew you could get herpies, even if your protected, (rubbing of the ball sack on puss) Well, i went to the StD clinic, Turns out (Doctor laughing at me) that it was a yest infection, FOr fuck sakes, a fucken yeast infection, i didn't even know guys can get that shit, but i'll take that over herpies any day, no more dirty girls,...
I smoke alot of weed while im at work, which is good because it calms my nerves, and as far as other drugs go, well, the E is good, and the coke is better, but i've got that shit under control, except MOndays' thru Wednesdays,
Mondays are my friday so after work i go to the karaokee bar and 80's night at tommy's africa's...tuesdays i ski then play baseball, then go get hammered at the beagle, and the wednesdays, if im not too hung over i go skiing again and then some drinking at bufflo0 bills, (industry night) free booze 7-9 for longhorn staff ALL SUMMER!!!
LAst night was fucken nuts, we lost our baseball game as usual, (even thought the white lighting got home twice) then it was off to the horn to get a free natcho platter, with chicken and bacon, AHHHHHHH,,,,, so good, then it was off to the beagle, but the night didn't stop there, SO after last call, where outside the bar, and me and justin are talking up two 17 year old blondies with cute little blue eyes, Well, after i scared them off, by coming on too strong, we were left standing outside the bar like losers, then all hell broke lose, this fucken tourist starts sucker punching people for no reason, he hit 4 people from behind, then when my buddy ryan was telling him to leave and go home, he took a swing at ryan, i was not about to let that shit fly, I grabbed the fucker by his shirt and gave him a few shots in the face dropping him right to the ground, then ryan runs in and kicks the fucker in the ribs, i gave him a few more solid punches to the face, before getting jumped by his buddies, I get pulled off him and thrown in to 2 other guys so i crack on in the jaw, before the put me on my back, i turned over and covered my face, and prepared to get beat down, but i saw the troops running to my aid, they only got a few good shots in, then people pulled me out and those fuckers got what was coming to them... then i went back in again for more, but i accidentally sucker punched the wrong guy in the back of his head, it turns out the guy I hit was on 'my Side'... opps,
Even after all that excitement the night did not stop there, but the rest of the story is a little 2 graphic and gross, (I'll Tell you if you want, but it's probley better if you don't know.....(soon to be on the internet no doubt...)
ANd that was a normal Tuesday night in whistler, The next night was spent at BUfflo Bills, it was industy night, (FREE BEER) I had six Pints before Justin and I headed over to MO Joes to watch a bikkini contest, we did a few rails, and tried to meet a few contestants, but no dice... I got home at 3:00am and had to work a double the next day starting at 7 in the morning...
Next day, After 2 very rough shifts I headed to the beagle for a pint with my buddy Greg, that was the night,
On Friday i worked in the morning but got off at lunch, so i hitch hiked down to Squamish to go cliff jumping in a lake, i brought a 15 pack of wild kat strong, cliff jumping was cool, i got winded jumping off a 40ft cliff after doing a corked 720 to over rotation to nut sacking and getting winded, it's on film, pretty cool, actually... ON the ride home i got to lay down in the bed of a pickup truck rocking down the highway, i was drinking beer in the back, pretty cool, got to town, and ended up passing out on Justins couch, when i woke up 2 hours later i was drunk and didn't know where i was... We headed down to mo JOes, that night, it was pretty fun, there was a staget, and the chickes where all hot, We then headed over to the savage beagle, Outside we met a chick that had been looking for justin for weeks, (one night stand) it was funny, she was pretty trashed, anyways, the rest of that night is history... it was a good time
_
Well, not everything always goes as planned, it turns out a few days after rumors where floating around about the fight, I got banned from 3 of the bars in town, Tapley's, Longhorn (which i work at!, and BUfflo bills, which really sucks because i can't go to industry night any more...
Well, Saturday and sunday really sucked, all i did for 2 days in a row was wake up at 7:00am and work pretty much the next 16 hours in a row, walk up a big hill to walk home, and then go to bed, only to wake up and do it again....
NOw Monday's are my kinda nights, cause i get off at 11pm and it's my friday, so it's time to go drinking and get into trouble, SO i started drinking at work at about 9pm but it was cool because mondays are really slow, and i was down all my work, so by the time i was off i was drunk, ANd then i saw Santa, Then it was off to karaokee, I showed up late at about 11:30 and they'd closed the request lists for the night, but i know the DJ so i got him to jump my up the line up so i could sing, I had time to down a few pints, and go skiing, thing it was mayhem! I rocked the stage 3 songs in a row, althought i was not a part of anyone of there groups bands, but i grabbed the mic and took over the motha fucker, I bailed on group out big time with purple pills, d12 THey didn't even know the words, i didn't even look at the screen, Pussy popping, acid dropping guy, dope headed guy, .... la la la...
Well, the three songs when over great, i even did some standup at the end of Bhohiemin Rapcity
i useed the beat and said some jokes,
WHy can't blondes count passed 68 ;0 ?
Because 69's a mouth full...
There's 3 girls in a bar talking about there men and sex,
1st girl says 'I call my man '7'Up... because he's 7 inchs and always up!
2nd Girl says, 'I call my man 'Mountain Dew' because he always wants to mount and dew me
3rd girl says, 'I call my man 'Jack Daniel's' Jack Daniel's? the other girls Say...
Ya, because he's a Hard licker...
hohoho...
Well, the girls just call me craiger, 'MInute Maid' ....... ha, fuck I wish...
'What's a bungee jump cord, and a hooker have in common?
If the rubber breaks your FUCKED!
What to you call a Mexican gay bowling team? (or chinese WOn on WOn)
Wan on Wan
Why don't Jehovahs witnesses get knock knock jokes???
Well those are some of my good WOn's but i got the best pick up line ever,
WHo has 2 thumbs and likes blow jobs? (Point thumbs at chest and say 'This GUy'
SOme how i don't think that WOn would work...
After the karaokee my night went on quite alot later, and IT was a GREAT time, believe me on that, i got nookie!
ANyways, that's always a great way to end a story, but watch out, craiger's got some MAsterbatting to go do at base ball tonight, but remember it's not wheather you win or lose it's how drunk you get...
-Craig
Pt 2...
Well, they say all great things come to an end, and i guess that's true,
as i've said before be careful what you wish for the other morning i made the comment 'I wish id'
get fired' Guess what,
Apperently showing up drunk and drinkiing a beer in the dishpit is against the rules at 18 below, ha ha, imagin the head Chef of whistlerblackcomb, telling you ... Your done... oh well, 3 years down the tube... Sweet,
So baseball on tuesday was pretty fun, white lightning made another apperance... we lost again, no suprise there, but as always i got home 2 times,
Tuesday was messy, i almost got arrested, for pissing on ranbow theather, i was going for a leak when i heard a car roll up behing me, the guy asked what are you doing? nothing i say, i turn around and it's an rcmp, so he asks me to give him the beers in my pockets, so i give him 2, then he says, he wants the other one from my back pocket, done,
then he tells me 'yOur in a lot of trouble' he starts calling for back up, and askes my name, i told him it's Ryan St. Jerome, .... but i wasn't about to stick around, i fucking book it, i started running so fast, You can't catch the White LIghting!
So after that i went to the horn, had a few beer, then i caused a whole bunch of noise up at staff housing, I tried climbing into a girls apparetment window, she had a mess screen in the way so i kicked it out, she started crying, mabey showing up a 3 in the morining isn't the nicest way to wake somebody uppp,,,, BUt the fun didn't stop there, oh no, i know about 4 different peoples houses to harass, i think i even went skiing on Tuesday but i can't remember...
the next morning was the day i got fired from 18 below, so that puts us up to Wednesday,
after getting fired, i went up the mountain one last time while my pass was still vaild, it was dope, after skiing, it was nap time and i crashed hard, the plan was to stay in all night,
yea right, it was free beer night at bill,s but i didnt go, until i got a call to go out with a few people, i went down into the village, and i smoked a cocco blunt with a chick and my friend Mattaus,
then i went to bills, it was like a high school dance, i knew everyone there, and i had a instant camera, good times,
i went home, and the plan was to go hotubbing witth 3 chicks and craiger,
but they all passed out, so i passed out with one of them, it was cool we talked about sex for about an hour, and she called up her man, i went streaking at that point with an aussie flag as a cape, then i put on a strip show,
He dude never showed up and i told her, she'd might as well settle, we fouled around a little bit, just as i was starting to get somewhere she tells me she too drunk and wants sleep, whatever shit happens, i went home and that brings up until now,
THis moring THursday Jully 22nd,
A dude from AA called me, James the head chef had a talk with him, he said i can get my job back next winter if i do some counciling, im down,
i had a talk with the dude this morning and he doesn't think im an acholic, he says i just like to party a little too much, actually the term is bing acholic, but i don;t judge.
anyways now i mail this letter,
and go to work,
cheers-
CRAIG
JUly 22 2004
Locals night at Garf's
SO another day another dollar,
work was cool, we had to stay an extra hour open because the managers son brought 20 people in for natchos 5 minutes before close,
after that, we had a beer, then went to garf's, the line up was huge, but that's to my buddy Seyoung, we got in right away VIp Stezz,
Inside the bar i knew about 50 people, really good time, jumped up on stage and did some dancing...
After the bar, standing outside trying to pick up road kill, (didn't work)
I roll a joint with my boy Jeremy, SO were puffing on the blunt, when to fucken cops roll up,
Hey son, You'd better put that out...
yea, SO they search all of us head to toe,
THey found my brand new Phat bag of cronic,
it hurt to see them walk away with it,
after that they did a record check, we were all clean so they let us off with a warning,
10 minutes later they probley smoked my shit,
WHat ever, on the walk home, i passed out on the hill,
i got awoken buy some dude, i walked up the hill with him and we had a beer,
we went back to his pad, and rolled a joint,
after that, i came back to my building,
so i had to wake up Andrew, because i don't have a house key, and he let me in where i shortly after passed out on the couch,
tonight is going to be crazy,
$20 outdoor party all you can drink,
yea yea,
Craig
live by the N.E.R.D
