RACCOONS!!!

=nick=

=nick=

Active member
So here's my raccoon story. So i'm just chillin at my house, watching america's next top model you know how it goes. So behind me i hear this like scratchy noise and a thud, and i turn around and theres a fucking raccoon in my house (the door to my deck was open) trying to drag out my fucking cat's sack of catfood. SO i get up all startled and mob at the fucker, he dips out real quick and i put away the catfood. So i close the deck door, and then just look out to make sure hes gone...and theres the fucker chillin outside my house. I grab a broom and go out my front door and around my house (my deck is in the back) to trap him on the deck. So he sees me, and tries to flee past me and right as he runs past me i whip his ass with the broom, hella loud, and his side smacks up against the wall of my house and he dips the fuck out into the street, i run after him into the street with my broom and he peaces the fuck out. Just thought i'd share cuz that coon is not coming back to my crib anytime soon unless he wants to get his ass kicked again. Here are some pics i got of the fucker when he was chillin outside my house

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anyone else have any raccoon stories?
 
funny you bring this up... i know of a few people with good coon stories on here.

my favorite part of your story is how a raccoon can "dip out".
 
hahah. well, when i was young, i was playing hide and seek in my backyard with a couple friends. then i saw three monster racoonns going into my neighbours yard. it was fucked cause they were walking like,one after another, and they were honestly fucking huge.

i also saw one on a tree branch on the next street after mine... i have never had an odd raccoon adventure
 
There was one in my neighbors garbage the other night. Got scared off by my camera, and hasn't been back since.

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it was sunny and like 85 dummy, its not like i was expecting a raccoon to mobb on my cats kibbles.
 
alright, well this story is going to be hard to explain, so bear with me. I have a mud room, and a dog door that leads from outside into the mud room. I store dog food in the mud room, so this raccoon one night decides to eat some food. Well I thought it would be a good idea to catch a raccoon, so i grab one of those big rubbermaid boxes(that people use for storage) and embark on my journey. I start off by sneaking around my house and onto the deck(where the dog door is). so this raccoon hears me and then spooks out so he runs out the dog door too see what is up. Me, using my lightning fast reflexes, duck down behind the storage box and stay perfectly still. So after a minute, he decides nothing is up and goes back in to keep eating. So I start to creep closer, but yet again he gets suspicious and comes to see what is up. Well it turns out raccoons are pretty stupid, because they only sense movement, so as long as you are still they don't see you as a threat. Well after repeating these steps about 10 times, I am literally 1 foot away from the dog door. So when this little bastard came to investigate the next time, I lunged and trapped him under the rubbermaid. Success. But then what? Well, my buddy decided it would be a good idea to put the raccoon on a leash, so we put on some protective gear and thick ass gloves, but the little bastard escaped while we were attempting to subdue him.
 
one time i was coming back from a buddies house at night and i saw a coon in my tree. i hate coons(no racist) so naturally i wanted to fuck it up h-core. so i got out the power washer and hosed the fucker, he flew out of the tree and was like shocked or something because he didnt move, i continued to spray it and worked on its feet for a bit. i eventually let it go and it limped away.

another time when i was camping a coon kept getting into our shit so one night my cousin and i made an advil and rum pie to kill it. the next morning the whole pie was ate and a bit down the road there was a dead raccoon
 
haha that last photo you took is sweet.

and umm i saw a rabid one once crossing the street, it was so fucked up it was like dragging along all foaming from the mouth and shit all haggard, i almost wanted to hit it to put it out of its misery but i felt bad for it. it took like 2 mins to cross the road.

and the other day i came around this corner in my car and i slammed the brakes cause i though it was a cat, but it was a fucking possim staring back at me, ugly motherfuckers, so i tried to hit it but it got away.

and one more animal story, not a racoon, but yeah it was mad late and i was burnt as hell coming home, i kept seeing deer and almost hitting them so i was glad to be home safe, but when i go to pull into my parking spot in my driveway i see a large figure there, it was a fucking giant moose as tall as my house. i turned on my brights and it ran away and i tried to chase it down to get a better look but it peaced out too fast.
 
thats a fuckin dope idea. haha. put a leash on it. bring it on a walk. ha. that be fuckin epic. but there are no raccoons where i live. porcupines seem like a decent equivalent.
 
haha OMG i just remembered my dad has a pretty powerful BB gun maybe ill gun his ass down next time.
 
COON BASHIN!!!

Next time grab a baseball bat and nail the fucker in the head. Or just set up a snare on your deck, that should get him. We actually go coon hunting sometimes out here, its pretty much an unwritten rule to shoot them on site.
 
absolutely entire true story...I found it on my computer after reading this thread. I wrote it for some like eight grade public speaking thing we had to do

The highlight of this story though takes place on a Saturday morning. We were eating breakfast when we heard our dogs making quite a racquet in the vicinity of our garage. Upon further investigation our dogs had cornered an obviously rabid raccoon in our garage. We called the game warden for advice and although he seemed flabbergasted that we didn't have a gun, he eventually came to terms with the situation. He said "watcha gotta do rit ther is get cher neighbor, who do gots a gun, to shoot the danged old varmint an den clean da whole scene wid bleach." That neighbor was none other than Jay Bellanca. In his spare time he was either flying remote control airplanes, supping up tractors with nitros, or at his firing range, practicing. He was thrilled when he heard news of the situation and he was obviously the man for the job.

Approximately 30 minutes later I could see Jay marching up my driveway in camouflage hunting gear, as he drew closer I could see he was fully outfitted; he had on safety goggles, earplugs, two smudges of black just below the goggles, fingerless shooting gloves and yes a bullet vest with enough ammo to send any terrorist on a one way trip to Allah. He lined up the "coon" through his high-powered scope, and pulled the trigger.. .silence. Seems Jaybo forgot to unlock the safety. So he marched all the way back down to his house and reappeared a few minutes later. He once again kneeled down, lined up the shot and pulled the trigger. POW! Mind you now, the great hunter is less than 15' from his target. He shoots off the tail of the critter. Unshaken, Jay takes another shot. POW! He shoots the critter in the foot. Jay takes another shot at the limping, tailless raccoon and POW! He shoots its ear off. My dad although not typically swayed to show his compassion for the little critter. He is a true pragmatist and he told Jaybo he'll take care of it, grabs a shovel and smashes super-coon upside his head, putting the beast of a creature out of its misery.
 
well actually yeah see in steamboat a couple of days ago my dad chilled at a friends house their and anyway the power went out in the whole town and it turned out that the reason the whole town's power went out was because a raccoon got into the main electrical box thing and chewed threw the wires. So i li asked my dad how they new a raccoon did it and he said that when they went to check this power box when the power went out. The raccoon was still attached to the wires and got fried out of his mother fucking mind killing him obviously. Man it must have been a funny sight. so yeah
 
i was stopping by my parents house one time and as i pulled up i spotted a couple of coons between my parents house and the neighbors house. Now being the gentle animal loving person that I am, I thought it would be a good idea to grab my parents dog and take him for a "walk". This dog knows his place on the food chain, and as such tries to eat most animals smaller than a dinosaur. Needless to say he was pleasantly surprised when i "walked" him around the side of the house. He spots the coons and they spot him. They are cornered between my neighbors garage and their fence. I'm holding my dog back just far enough so the coons cant lunge at him as my dog attempts to rip my arm off via his leash and destroy everything that these coons know. Once the coons realize im holding him back they make a mad dash for a tree. i let the leash out just as they are starting to climb up this tree (and by climb I mean run faster than i have ever seen any creature move in my life) By this point my dog is really excited to kick the shit out of these animals. He grabs the ass of one of the coons just before it gets to safety and rips it off of the tree. After letting him get a small taste I pulled him back as I didn't really want him getting bitten by a fucking racoon. (They're dirty animals disease wise) I laughed. A lot. My dog was pretty happy about the ordeal too. I fucking hate racoons. If it wasn't illegal to discharge a firearm in city limits I would have gone to town with my 9, but this was almost as fun.
 
I was camping on a school trip and a couple of raccoons would come up to my tent and scratch right next to my head like every night and make these really weird creepy noises. They also went through my friends bag and stole his food.
 
what the deuce? i have only seen like 1 or 2 raccoons before on camping trips. i didn't know that they screw people over at their own houses. are raccoons as common as squirrels out west or something?
 
no i wouldn't...hence why i kept him back and only let him nip. i am fully aware of the capabilities of those animals in a life or death situation.
 
hahaha nick i would have loved to see you chasin that raccoon out into the street with a broom. i can see your dad and bro all bein hella stoked on it and like major male bonding with the meilleur fam. bahaha
 
When i see coons at my house i just get my gun and blast em, i blast em good. then i hang em up on the tree by the road
 
dude we got a family of racoons in my house now. theyre between the wall and the chimney. i saw the mother for the first time today, i was walking under the deck of our house and i looked up and saw her staring down at me then slowly going back. they're at the same evel as the basement of our house and my room is down there so i hear them fighting and making noise. if i can get the camera at the right time ill post em, but they're sneaky little devils
 
At the restaurant where I work we get them in the dumpsters and then my boss sends us out to throw shit at them
 
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