Public Farting, the classics!

L

Lanemeyers

Active member
Please post your favorite public farts:

Mine:

My buddy was walking through the movie theatre near my home and was like 'watch this' and he walked ahead of me, right up behind this couple buying tickets, approx. 30 yrs old, and cocked his leg and let out a real doozy. THe guy turned around, gave him the thumbs up and said 'OH YES!' and then his wife slapped him across the face! We rolled in the parking lot for 20 mins. funniest shit I've ever seen!

and I'm spent....
 
i did one during core testing in school once, i was sittin in the back of the room and tried to just let it out slow so no one would hear it

 
shit forgot to finish, but we all know where ^ that leads and i was sittin next to a really hot girl, so it was almost not funny.....almost

 
i was in the hall talkin with a bunch of people between class and i let one rip and the whole group broke up and left

 
today i was takin a test and i called me teacher over and while she was talking to me i ripper a big cheek scrambler and the whole class laughed. it ruled

SEARCH & DESTROY!
 
Perhaps I should make this a competition of who can boost the best rauncher in public! Rossicratch! I applaud you! Game on....

and I'm spent....
 
In kindergarten I was really gassy and I am farted and it made this kid laugh, so I kept on doing it becuase I liked the attention. Anyhow, I kept squeezing them out and then suddenly I passed the point of no return and shit myself. My teacher was a stereotypical kindegarten teacher so you had to do dumb stuff like ask to go to the bathroom in sign language, so I'm sitting there with shit in my droors going nuts doing the signs for that and she keeps ignoring me. Finally she got pissed and told me that I couldn't go becuase calss would be over soon. Class ended and we had art class, I don't know why I didn't go between the two classes, but the art teacher let me go. I don't know what I was thinking, but instead of wiping it out or throwing my underwear away, I just stuffed a bunch of toilet paper down my pants and went back to class. I am sure that I smelt like death. When I got home at the end of the day I had forgotten what I had done and went I took a piss I found a nice surprise, finally I got cleaned up, but my ass was itching terribly for a day or two. Life's a bitch.

''There's no fruit on the tree without the roots.''

 
Damn that story deserves some kind award or something. Truley inspirational Alpentalik!

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Andrew

A proud memeber of the NS.com Cousin Exchange Program

 
One time my cousin had the shits at the ski hill and as he was leaving he started to cry cause he must have had a SanFrancisco Hot Fart and melted his nuts. Thus leading to a storm of hot soup in his drawers. He still swings fist when I tease him about it!

and I'm spent....
 
the other day in Keyboarding class everyone was really quiet and i ripped one. It was funny.

There is nothing motherly about mother nature. Except for her big mountainous breasts.
 
in history class like 3 years ago..my friend was siting next to me and were looking at slides in the dark and my teacher is a small old guy...everyones super quiet...and my friend goes hey dude do you want to hear me fart so im like yea ok, thinking it wouldnt be loud..holy shit he squeezed out one of the loudest farts i have ever herd...i could not stop laughing i almost pissed myself and in the meantime my teacher has a huge smirk on his face and stopped talking, everyone thought it was me those bastards...but it was hilarious

///Estes///
 
i was in a macdonalds and my uncle was sitting on those plastic hollow seat things and he let one rip and it echoed through the whole place and the cooks and everyone applauded

 
i ripped a really loud one last year in school and it lasted for about 5 seconds then it instantly turned to shit, it kept comming out making noses, it was bad, and stinky...

-Grant

Chicken Wang?
 
Oh my goodness, I've got another one...I was at my friends apartment the other week and we were out on the porch enjoying a cigarette after some heavy drinking. My friend has been trying to hook up with this other friend of ours...so she's is sitting on his lap and they are sharing a cig. Next thing you know there is a huge ass tear that fucking echoes down the alley. Everyone is lookin at my friend thinking it's him, but instead he looks like he's about to cry...it was the girl sitting on his lap! She doesn't care about that kind of stuff, which is cool, but you don't always expect it...it was funny.

''There's no fruit on the tree without the roots.''

 
girs fart?

that's sick. they shouldn't

yea so am i the only one who has let em loose during the sit ups in gym class? i doubt it.

Brody

i wont drop out of high school for skiing, mom

www.fateclothing.com

any fate questions or orders, let me know.
 
alpentalik your first story should go down in history. and about girls that queef, that is disgusting.

My sister was telling me about one of her classes a few years ago. she let one go, sbd. once everyone in the room smelled it and started commenting she joined in and got the whole class to blame the kid that was sitting in front if her. she never confessed.

Ever fart on the trampoline? every time ytou bounce your ass relaxes and you can't hold it in. it's hilarious when it happens multiple times.

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someone find the messanger, and don't forget to shoot.
 
Today during stagecraft I farted into a microphone which sent the sound all over the theater. Nobody knew who it was though cuz i was hidden in the booth where nobody could see me.... kinda lame but it was fun

 
Here's another favourite:

Setting: My best friend's uncle's wedding.

I was his date as the reception after the wedding was open bar, oh yeah and I moonlight as a homosexual. WHile at the church, my buddy Dave lets out a holy one on the pews. I being the biggest lover of farts in the world instantly started to die. Everyone around was looking at Dave and I was crying I was laughing so hard. Even his mother turned around and was like'DAVID!' Hahahaha, i laughed for probably 20 mins. through the whole ceremony! Perfect!

and I'm spent....
 
good god, i fell over reading that kindergarten story..to whoever wrote that, you are my hero

my best was in math, i was reading a freeze and i just ripped a juicy, but yet long fart, the whole class broke out into laughter and the teacher threatened to send me to the nurse, for a 'physical examination'

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i was checking the uhh endline for the rotary gurter..gah im, retarded..
 
I was playing monopoly a while ago and my mom was sitting next to me and she reached over to move her piece and she let one rip right in my face. We had to quit playing because she was laughing so hard she collapsed on the board.

 
the other day was picture day and my freind sat down to get his picture take and the woman said smile but instead he farted and she started laughing

SEARCH & DESTROY!
 
Rossiscratch, that is gold. I wish I could fart on command. anytime someone tells me to do something, I'd say sure, and let one rip instead. then act like I'd just did what they asked. nice

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someone find the messanger, and don't forget to shoot.
 
a buddy of mine can suck air into his ass then fart it out.

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Big Gulps eh? Well cya later

anal sex is unnatural wheres progression with that - bibskis
 
now thats talent

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seth

Fairygirl: Why must you be so damn good looking? Why?? lol

nipe: Thats right Diabhal, because we're skiers
 
The kindergarten story is money, i almost shit my pants laughin as i was reading it. I remember once like 5 years, when i was in 6 grade, i was in math class, we had just taken a test and i finished early, i was bending over under my desk to grab some books and i ripped really bad, i felt like an ass, but now in retrospect it was some funny shit..

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Mountain Creek represent....NJHC

*Proud member of the HoBum Posse
 
Sneeze Fart Dump - embarrased

Also landed really hard after taking a 40ft air and this squeezed a pleasant little larval bum-ferret into my keks.

I love gymnastics and trampolines but nothing beats a 'Gymnastic Tramp' for fun

 
dude today in math class my teacher was wrighting on the board and i swear he let one slip and only my freind and i laughed because you have to one some one farts no matter what and he was like o im sorry excuse me and he turned all red and shit hhaha it ruled.

SEARCH & DESTROY!
 
hhhhhhhahahahahahaha! accidentals are the best!

'there a girl at my school who has asked questions in class like 'do sperm bite? is george washington still alive? who won the revelutionary war? can you parachute down to earth from the moon?' and so on. she a junior, and she asked the george washington one this fucking year! everyone in my class wants to kick her in the face.'

-Iggyskier
 
i was over at a friends playing playstation, we had just eaten something and i was rippin hard, so after a few he says 'dude stop, its starting to scare me' i kept goin and after about 5 more and 1 freakin huge one he says 'ok get off the fucking couch, i dont want ne stains or tears on my couch'

i also know this girl that gets gas off chicken dumplings, thats her name now

and do u guys ever rip so hard it hurts/bleeds

 
Oh my, once again I have another one...

OK, before Lacrosse games the teams line up opposite each other and the ref says some cheesey quote and establishes hitting distances. It is this pretty serious time, you stare down the other team and try not to look away when they look at you. It's all ceremonial and important. Anyhow, we are all lined up, trying to be hella tough staring each other down and the ref's talking about how its a great day to play and he doesn't want to see any foul play....and boom, i ripped the fattest cut right in the middle of it...everyone stopped, looked at me and burst out laughing, even the ref. It kind of ruined the moment, and I got a huge headache from laughing too hard with a helmet on, but it was all good, funnny shit.

'Shit? I don't shit...I throw up out of my anus.''
 
haha shit in third we had to run a mile for the first time and this kid while running screams to the teacher that he needs to crap and the big bad gym teacher was like noooo keep running and the kid was begging with him while running around the track and finally the kid crapped his pants and a little poo nugget came out of the leg of his pants and he kicked the poo nugget and it almost hit him in the face

~Fuck you I'm straighter than a pair of Olin Mark IV's.
 
since we're on the topic of poop nuggets, mY buddy's mom was telling me about an incident with him and his sister. He used to have to bath with his sister when he was little. his sister was I think 3-4 years youger than him. ok, so they are both sitting in the bathtub when she has to go the bathroom, sh eis too young to care. but my friend was freaked as hell. then she started splashing and beating the water with her hands. smashing everything up into little peices. He never got out of the tub, but tried to climb the wall/ stay out of the water/ cower in the corner of the tub. the whole while his sister is having the time of her life. I'll never let him or his sister live that story down.

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someone find the messanger, and don't forget to shoot.
 
crazed skier isent tell a lie i go to school with him. Some kid shit his pants running the mile and kicked the nugget. no joke.

SEARCH & DESTROY!
 
when I was 18,4 of my friends + myself went to Mexico. One guy insisted that we go deep-sea fishing 'so he sets it up.We went early in the morning and I was super hung -over.It was an extremely low budget crappy boat and all we had to drink was warm Corona's.Within half anhour I was feeling really queasy and started puking over the side of that godforsakin' boat.I was illin' bad.After about 1.5 hours the only fish was a 3lb red snapper that the guide caught.What a joke! We returned to the dock and i was still vomiting over the side only now I had to shit real bad too.{it felt like diarreha}.Upon arrival I ran to the boathouse.Inside there was a group of old mexican dudes playing cards.'Is there a washroom I could pleeeese use ?!?..' I said with a serious look of desperation+pain on my face.They paid no attention to me so I ran/waddled past the card game through the door to where I guessed the toilet was.There was a small stall w/ no door ,no water in the toilet,and it was fuckin'filthy.Upon crossing the threshhold into the stall I was hit with a stench that would curl your toes.That was it. I started puking uncontrolably.At the same time I lost all control of my bowel and started shitting like crazy.I hadn't even turned around,pulled my pants down,or sat down.I was vomiting, pooing everywhere,pissing and crying all at the same time.Once the eruption stopped,I was in a state of shock.I was wearing white karate pants that were now completely soiled brown.I had no choice but to remove these slimey pants and tried to wipe myself with the small bits of my pants that weren't already covered w/ shit cause there was no toilet paper.I feeling totally ill + helpless.I turned around and my buddy Tim was standing there , eyes opend wide w/his mouth hanging open w/ a look of horror, astonishment,all he could say 'HOLY SHIT,WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?!! I said,' I need help',I was standing naked from the waist down, the floor,walls,and myself covered in poo.'What should I do?'I told tim to find me something to wear.He looked but there was nothing .Icould see a dirty old Mexican blanket inthe corner+I told Tim to ask the old dudes if he could buy it from them but they paid no attention to him.I then told him to just grab it.He threw me the blanket which I wrapped around my waist and made a run for it.Man,did I ever stink+there was still diarreaha all over my legs.Then we had a 20 min.cab ride back to the hotel. Good times.alpentalik I loved that kindergarden story.

 
we have a winner. Why the karate suit? Sounds like you got judo chopped in the colon.

I hadn't even turned around,pulled my pants down,or sat down.I was vomiting, pooing everywhere,pissing and crying all at the same time.
 
I heard of this thing on Regis and Kelly Live this morning about Homosexual Karate Fishing in Mexico. Had all these guys on TV chuggin bottles of water that they just scooped out of the Gulf. They were like 'watch this, I'm gonna chug all this Mexican water and then we will karate fight!' They seemed to be having fun at the time, of course, Rege blanked lots of butts and dicks out of the broadcast but still very informative!

I hadn't even turned around,pulled my pants down,or sat down.I was vomiting, pooing everywhere,pissing and crying all at the same time.
 
flexmacman has taken the cake. we have a new winner. don't you just feel soo proud?

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someone find the messanger, and don't forget to shoot.
 
hahhaha, flexmacman. that is the funniest story i have read in a long time. oh man, i was crying i was laughing so hard. lol. that's defientnly the winner.

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peace--->chris

***Go big or go home**Just Bodagin'***

Proud Member of the Hobum Posse
 
Skibum and I have had some classics, One time we where in science and the teacher had the over head on and she was tlaking so everyone else was silent, well the teacher stopped for a moment and I mean it was so quiet you could heare a pin dropped. But.....I dropped my pencil, I figured no biggy and bent over to pick it up and........BriPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP......One of the biggest farts in my life. Usally when someone farts no-one says anything cause they don't want to be the only jerk, for like 2 seconds no one said anything and I thought I was safe.....Then this girl sitting next to me goes 'ANDREW!!! EWWWWWWWW!!!!' really loud, and thats when the shit really hit the fan, the whole class lit up like a match with laughter, even the teacher started laughing, this went on for like an hour or at least it seemed. And in the end to put the iceing and the cake, the teacher says the classic line 'ok moveing on', when she said that I knew everyone agreed with her and I sank as low as a septic tank.

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Keep it live 24/7 365

*Proud Member Of The Hobum Posse

 
lol. i remember that hobo. that was really funny, i was sitting next to you, and i heard it, then i looked at you, and you looked back for the 2 seconds of silence. hahaha, the surprised 'caught-off-guard' look on your face was hilarious. omg, that was sooo funny. then everyone laughed, it was absolutly hilarious.

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peace--->chris

***Go big or go home**Just Bodagin'***

Proud Member of the Hobum Posse
 
In like pre-school some kid had took a shit in the sand box and I was playing in it and I though I was squeezing and breaking apart clumps of mud, then the teacher came running over and picked me up and said 'No no no no! Thats poop' I responded with a simple 'Mud' and she said 'smell your hands Andrew so I did and I knew it was poop and she picked me up to wash my hands off and for the rest of the day I wouldn't stop crying. It was a long time ago but I think they sent me home cause I wouldn't stop.

Also this is one of those things where you kinda had to have been there but anyways, one time in science class agian, my freind Mark-who really thinks farts are funny- goes 'hey Andrew listen to this'..........BOOOOOOOM!!!!! Hey thought it was gonna be one of those silent C sharp farts but it was a huge fart and the whole class heard it, it was funny.

++++++++++++++++++++

Keep it live 24/7 365

*Proud Member Of The Hobum Posse

 
I got drunk at a works do, climbed onto the restaurant table in front of fifty colleagues and proceeded to cock my legs up by my ears and lit a bum beard scorcher. Then I rolled off the table onto the shocked managing directors lap

I love gymnastics and trampolines but nothing beats a 'Gymnastic Tramp' for fun

 
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