Proofread this for me

Meh42

Active member
this is going to be my latest letter to the ski basin for a terrain park

suggestions are welcome


Dear Ski Santa Fe,

As I’m writing this to you now, I’d like for you to know that I speak for Santa Fe’s skiing and snowboarding youth. On behalf of them, I’m writing to you in order to beg you to put in a terrain park. Last season I wrote you an email on the same subject, I’ll incorporate some of the things you said in the response in this letter.

To start, please disregard any notions that such a park would involve a huge amount of snowmaking that Santa Fe does not have the water to sustain. Although the resorts that choose to be on the cutting edge of the freestyle scene do use an incredible amount of water to make their parks, you don’t have to have the best to attract a new wave of youth to your resort. In fact, the largest snow guzzlers are half-pipes and huge tabletops, neither of which are absolutely necessary. World Class resorts who plan to open half-pipes early in the season pre-dig trenches for them in the dirt; Ski Santa Fe could accomplish the same thing to create jumps without huge use of snow. Even if you were to forgo such aerial obstacles, a rail and box park would be perfectly acceptable to get your foot in the door, so to speak.

When you responded to the last email I sent you, you stated that only five percent of all skiers/snowboarders use terrain parks. Since I’ve heard rumors that Ski Santa Fe used to have a park, and since I’ve lived here over 5 years and never seen it, I would assume the last time you collected that data was when you ventured to put in the last one. Suppose you put in the park exactly five years ago, the snowboarding and especially freestyle skiing scenes have practically exploded since then. Even if that percentage has remained constant, when you zoom into the youth demographic that number probably jumps to at least 50 % of ages 12 – 25. These kids are the future of your ski resort. Eventually even the current tourists that supply Ski Santa Fe with the majority of its revenue will grow old and be replaced by the very same people who are riding our nation’s parks today.

Only a week ago my friends and I traveled to Telluride for the weekend. Not only did we spend the majority of our time in their Air Garden Park, we met huge amounts of other like-minded youth who love to spend their whole day in such places. The underlying point here is that Telluride has a very small standing populace, the majority of its inhabitants are tourists. Does that remind you of Santa Fe? The point I’m getting at is that even tourists (who provide most of our revenue) would make use of such a facility.

Since riding a lift on a foreign ski basin provides plenty of opportunities to meet and interview new people, I began asking a few questions of the people I rode with. First off, to signify the immense tourist population, the closest I found to someone from Telluride was some kids from Montrose, a town a few hours away. Secondly, every single older person I talked to had skied at Santa Fe some time in the past. You have already cornered the adult demographic mainly through the rustic feeling Santa Fe exudes. Why not extend your reach into the younger generations, so that they plan trips here, get excited to come here, and generally help lure their parents into our fine city?

Although I’m sure insurance could represent a monetary hurdle, the increased revenue from larger crowds could easily make up for it. If liability presents such a struggle that you want to take steps to avoid it, why not implement a system where those who want to ride the park have to qualify in some way and pay extra? Although if you executed it in a pass program instead of by tickets it has the possibility to reduce tourist access to the facility, liability could be drastically reduced, while adding profits.

On a closing note, although I’m sure there are many more pros that could be discussed to putting in a terrain park, this letter wasn’t written to argue the point for you, merely to pique your interest so you could complete the research I’ve begun. Never forget that the youth culture represents the future of skiing, and therefore that of Ski Santa Fe.

Sincerely,

Chris Chares, Season Pass holder at your fine resort.

___________________________________________________

-Chris

'but think if i fall in love with a super model and she only gets wet in the pants by kids who no calc shit i wanta be READYYYYYYYYY!!!!!' - (0)jarjar(0)

'Hey, check out those chicks up there'
'dude, they have child lift tickets'
'uhhhhhhh'
 
using a shitload of commas e. hemingway perfected the art of the short sweet sentence that ends with a period

 
also big words do not make a letter better they make it seam that you are shadowing the point so make it simple

 
i was gonna respond to your thread title by saying no. but then i read it. it does sound pretty well written and proffesional. good luck man.

-joe
________________________________________
'Some say her voice is as beautiful as the sirens from ancient lore, those of us who arent tone deaf just say she sounds like a cat and a broomstick mating.'
-My signature on the Stop Ashley Petition

P.O.S.E.R.S CREW
Rollers of NS unite!!!
603 for life
I'm conservative, just so you all know.

 
chris, don't start it with beg you, it sounds a little desperate. maybe suggest, persuade, or some word like that. also, is that what exude really means? it probably is but i heard it used differently. NO ASS KISSING with the 'season pass holder at your fiiiinnne resort.' it sounds like a kiddo hunter enticing the midge. just say like season pass holder or something. other than that it's kick ass.

____________________

I'm going back into my kitchen and continue to make out with fruit.-ice-is-scary

'i would love to be a engineer workin on the new 'high power' 6 liter toilets. i wonder if they get 300 pound guys to drop massive logs and see if they flush.'-4D (Chris)

no true, but you cant judge my english like you judge someone elses that live in for an example the US.. but still you can point out that, but not when i ask something that have something to do about flowers-dallan
 
yeah i actually never re-read it until i posted it and i realize alot of those sentences are somewhat long winded. also, im aware of the negative aspects of big words, but i also didnt use to many that i would define like that.

___________________________________________________

-Chris

'but think if i fall in love with a super model and she only gets wet in the pants by kids who no calc shit i wanta be READYYYYYYYYY!!!!!' - (0)jarjar(0)

'Hey, check out those chicks up there'
'dude, they have child lift tickets'
'uhhhhhhh'
 
yes i know what exude means robert, fucking putting out. if you exude an aura of fear, your making people around you feel fear. im not that great at defining things, but you get the idea. oh and that last post made me seem like an ass, i meant that i dont think i used that many big words, not that i didnt.

___________________________________________________

-Chris

'but think if i fall in love with a super model and she only gets wet in the pants by kids who no calc shit i wanta be READYYYYYYYYY!!!!!' - (0)jarjar(0)

'Hey, check out those chicks up there'
'dude, they have child lift tickets'
'uhhhhhhh'
 
the words arent to big i was just warning against possible use in revisions people think that they make them seem smart but it doesnt trust me not a bad letter just work on that sentence length

 
i think its pretty good, mos def get rid of 'beg' It sounds really intelligent and well written. Hopefully it will work

Ski New Jersey
 
Dear Ski Santa Fe,

I’d like you to know that I speak for Santa Fe’s skiing and snowboarding youth. On behalf of them, I’m writing to request that you explore the installation of a terrain park. Last season I wrote you an email on the same subject, I’ll incorporate some of the things you said in the response in this letter.

To start, please disregard the notion that such a park would involve a huge amount of snowmaking that Santa Fe does not have the water to sustain. Although the resorts that choose to be on the cutting edge of the freestyle scene do use an incredible amount of water to make their parks, you don’t have to have the best to attract a new wave of youth to your resort. In fact, the largest snow guzzlers are half-pipes and huge tabletops, neither of which are absolutely necessary. World Class resorts who plan to open half-pipes early in the season pre-dig trenches for them in the dirt; Ski Santa Fe could create jumps without huge use of snow. Even if you were to forgo such aerial features, a rail and box park would be perfectly acceptable to get your foot in the door, so to speak.

When you responded to the last email I sent you, you stated that only five percent of all skiers/snowboarders use terrain parks. Since I’ve heard rumors that Ski Santa Fe used to have a park, and since I’ve lived here over 5 years and never seen it, I would assume the last time you collected that data was when you put in the last one. Suppose you put in the park exactly five years ago. The snowboarding and especially freestyle skiing scenes have exploded since then. In the last 2 years, freestyle skiing has accounted for 45% of new ski, boot, and clothing sales. Even if that percentage has remained constant, when you zoom into the youth demographic that number probably jumps to at least 50 % of ages 12 – 25. These kids are the future of your ski resort. Eventually, the current tourists that supply Ski Santa Fe with the majority of its revenue will grow old and be replaced by the very same people who are riding our nation’s parks today.

A week ago, my friends and I traveled to Telluride for the weekend. Not only did we spend the majority of our time in their Air Garden Park, we met many other like-minded youth who love to spend their whole day riding jumps and rails. The underlying point here is that Telluride has a very small standing populace. The majority of its inhabitants are tourists. Does that remind you of Santa Fe? The point I’m getting at is that even tourists (who provide most of our revenue) would make use of such a facility.

Since riding a lift on a foreign ski basin provides plenty of opportunities to meet and interview new people, I began asking a few questions of the people I rode with. First off, to signify the immense tourist population, the closest I found to someone from Telluride was some kids from Montrose, a town a few hours away. Secondly, every single older person I talked to had skied at Santa Fe some time in the past. You have already cornered the adult demographic mainly through the rustic feeling Santa Fe exudes. Why not extend your reach into the younger generations, so that they plan trips here, get excited to come here, and generally help lure their parents into our fine city?

Although I’m sure insurance could represent a monetary hurdle, the increased revenue from larger crowds could easily make up for it. If liability presents such a struggle, you could take steps to avoid it. Why not implement a system where those who want to ride the park have to qualify in some way and pay extra? Although this approach has the possibility of reducing tourist access to the facility, liability could be drastically reduced, while adding profits.

On a closing note, I’m sure there are many more pros that could be discussed to putting in a terrain park, this letter wasn’t written to argue the point for you, merely to pique your interest so you could complete the research I’ve begun. Never forget that the youth culture represents the future of skiing, and therefore that of Ski Santa Fe.

Sincerely,

Chris Chares, Season Pass holder at your fine resort.

Looks great. I changed a couple of minor nitpicks, but that is a great letter. Good luck man.

'It's the skills, not the bills.' Some random NS member who obviously has things much more figured out than most.
 
'I’m writing to you in order to beg you to put in a terrain park.'

use implore instead of beg... sounds better. overall very professional and well written...

 
hey, thanks to everyone who took the time to read it and make some suggestions. special thanks to zacman, i had to read it a few times to notice some of those changes you made.

___________________________________________________

-Chris

'but think if i fall in love with a super model and she only gets wet in the pants by kids who no calc shit i wanta be READYYYYYYYYY!!!!!' - (0)jarjar(0)

'Hey, check out those chicks up there'
'dude, they have child lift tickets'
'uhhhhhhh'
 
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