Post a stupid joke thread
- Thread starter theoz
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breckfreeskier
Active member
Two muffins are sitting in the oven.
One muffin looks over at the other muffin and is like "Man is it hot in here"
the other muffin screams "AHHHHHHH a talking muffin"
One muffin looks over at the other muffin and is like "Man is it hot in here"
the other muffin screams "AHHHHHHH a talking muffin"
illadelphlife
Active member
A blond is sitting at a bar reading a newspaper and it says
"3 brizillian people died today"
and she goes "o my how much is a brizillian"
lol
wat did the atlantic ocean say to the pacific ocean
nothing they just waved
"3 brizillian people died today"
and she goes "o my how much is a brizillian"
lol
wat did the atlantic ocean say to the pacific ocean
nothing they just waved
SirFryanator
Active member
ahahah that took me about 10 seconds to get but then I loled
ButteredToast.
Active member
^ ?
ski420patrol
Member
A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street whey an 8 year old boy walks past. The priest says to the rabbi "want to fuck him?" The rabbi replies "out of what?"
mellifluous
Active member
what did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
where's my tractor?
HAHAHAHHAHAHAAAAAAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
where's my tractor?
HAHAHAHHAHAHAAAAAAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
al_britskiier
Member
Guy: I went out on a night out the other day, £2, all you can drink
Girl: Sounds good, where was that?
Guy : Swimming pool...
Theyre always talking behind your back.....Hairdressers
Pregnant woman has massive cravings, she wants some snails, asks her husband to go get her some, before he leaves she says,"now dont be stopping off at the pub on the way, i wont be happy if you do" The man agrees and goes off to snails r us for his wife, and gets the snails she wanted. However, he passes the pub on the way back, thinks just one pint wont hurt, but this leads to more and more pints. He ends up getting proper wasted. He arrives home with his wifes snails at 6am, but drops them on the floor at the doorstep. His wife hears the commotion, opens the front door, "WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN" screams the woman, The husband replies, "Come on boys, We're nearly there now"
Well theres my contribution, English humour some of it, so sorry if you dont get it!
Girl: Sounds good, where was that?
Guy : Swimming pool...
Theyre always talking behind your back.....Hairdressers
Pregnant woman has massive cravings, she wants some snails, asks her husband to go get her some, before he leaves she says,"now dont be stopping off at the pub on the way, i wont be happy if you do" The man agrees and goes off to snails r us for his wife, and gets the snails she wanted. However, he passes the pub on the way back, thinks just one pint wont hurt, but this leads to more and more pints. He ends up getting proper wasted. He arrives home with his wifes snails at 6am, but drops them on the floor at the doorstep. His wife hears the commotion, opens the front door, "WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN" screams the woman, The husband replies, "Come on boys, We're nearly there now"
Well theres my contribution, English humour some of it, so sorry if you dont get it!
0123456789
Active member
a bear walks into a bar ,the abrtender says; "what can i get you"
the bear says"a.................beer"
the bartender says"why the big pause"
the bear says"cause im a bear"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!lol
the bear says"a.................beer"
the bartender says"why the big pause"
the bear says"cause im a bear"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!lol
[]Soul_Steeze[]
Active member
a duck walked into a bar and the bartender says "what can i get for ya?"
the duck asks him if he has any gwapes. the bartender says "hell no, this is a bar, not a grocery store!"
(Next Day)
the duck comes back in and the bartender says "what can i get for ya?"
the duck asks him if he has any gwapes. the bartender says " you just asked me that yesterday, and i told you No! if your not gonna get somethin to drink, get outa my bar. If you come in one more time askin for gwapes, im gonna nail your stupid little feet to the floor."
(next day)
the duck walks in and goes to the counter and asks the bartender if he has any nails. the bartender says " uh..no why?" then the duck says "Got any gwapes?"
the duck asks him if he has any gwapes. the bartender says "hell no, this is a bar, not a grocery store!"
(Next Day)
the duck comes back in and the bartender says "what can i get for ya?"
the duck asks him if he has any gwapes. the bartender says " you just asked me that yesterday, and i told you No! if your not gonna get somethin to drink, get outa my bar. If you come in one more time askin for gwapes, im gonna nail your stupid little feet to the floor."
(next day)
the duck walks in and goes to the counter and asks the bartender if he has any nails. the bartender says " uh..no why?" then the duck says "Got any gwapes?"
woolymammoth
Member
how many ski patrollers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
one, he holds it up and waits for the world to revolve around him
one, he holds it up and waits for the world to revolve around him
MADmidwest
Active member
-How do you stop a Rhino from charging?
-Take away it's credit card.
OKay that one's stupid but i like racial ones
-What do you throw a drownding black man
-His wife and kids
-Take away it's credit card.
OKay that one's stupid but i like racial ones
-What do you throw a drownding black man
-His wife and kids
samwise
Active member
i posted that one in the other thread... jerk!
but no worries here's my stupidest one
So two ducks walk into a bar. They sit down, and the first duck orders a drink. The bartender serves him his drink, and five minutes later, the first duck drops dead. Horrified, the second duck looks over at the bartender and asks, "Oh my god, what did you put in his drink!?!?!?!"
The bartender leans in real close to the second duck and says..... "Poison"
but no worries here's my stupidest one
So two ducks walk into a bar. They sit down, and the first duck orders a drink. The bartender serves him his drink, and five minutes later, the first duck drops dead. Horrified, the second duck looks over at the bartender and asks, "Oh my god, what did you put in his drink!?!?!?!"
The bartender leans in real close to the second duck and says..... "Poison"
carbon.pulse
Active member
A
woman is paying for her groceries. She pays for some eggs, bacon and
milk. A man behind her says, "You must be single." The woman looks at
the man and then at the groceries and says, "Yes, but how did you
know?" The man replies, "Because you're ugly."
woman is paying for her groceries. She pays for some eggs, bacon and
milk. A man behind her says, "You must be single." The woman looks at
the man and then at the groceries and says, "Yes, but how did you
know?" The man replies, "Because you're ugly."
Skierguy1234
Active member
ok, so two friends are hunting and the one guy shoots himself...
his friend rushes over. he's not moving.
so the guy calls 911....
"Hello 911!? i have an emergency!!! my friend shot himself hunting, he's dead!"
"Sir Sir, calm down, make sure he's not still alive"
"Chit Chit...BOOM!!!! ok, now he's definitly dead"
pretty dumb.
his friend rushes over. he's not moving.
so the guy calls 911....
"Hello 911!? i have an emergency!!! my friend shot himself hunting, he's dead!"
"Sir Sir, calm down, make sure he's not still alive"
"Chit Chit...BOOM!!!! ok, now he's definitly dead"
pretty dumb.
Cloud.
Active member
Why is helen keller a bad driver?
cuz she is a girl.
why does beyonce always say to the left to the left?
cuz she has not rights.
a man is drivinghis car and hit s a women.. whos fault is it?
the womens, she shouldnt have been outta the kitchen.
a man is driving his car and hits a wome.. whos fault is it?
the mans, he shouldnt have been driving in the kitchen
cuz she is a girl.
why does beyonce always say to the left to the left?
cuz she has not rights.
a man is drivinghis car and hit s a women.. whos fault is it?
the womens, she shouldnt have been outta the kitchen.
a man is driving his car and hits a wome.. whos fault is it?
the mans, he shouldnt have been driving in the kitchen
Alexander_Keith
Active member
A man walks into a bar and pulls up a stool beside a black guy. After a bit of small talk they get talking about football and order themselves another round. Halfway down the glasses the man interrupts the black man and asks him "I don't mean to be forward, but can I offer you a blowjob?" The black guy stands up and cracks the guy in the face and walks over to the pool table. His friend at the pool table comments: "Damn Terry you sure dummied him good, what'd he say to you?" Terry replies "Damn fool tried to offer me some kind of job"
Skierguy1234
Active member
What the difference between a Volvo and a Mercedes? Princess Diana wouldnt be caught dead in a Volvo
In a hospital waiting room a guy is anxiously waiting for his wife to have their first baby, after 2 hours, a nurse comes bouncing though the labor room doors with a little baby cradled in her arms and asks for Mr. Johnson, the guy proudly announces " that would be me!" he jumps out of his chair and runs over to her and says " is that my baby?", the nurse replies "why yes!" she starts to hand him the baby, and instead, grabs it by the feet, swings it over her head, and slams it into the tile wall and it's brains and guts splatter everywhere; the guy then says "Jesus Christ, what in the hell did you do to my baby ? !!!!" she replies, "April Fools!, it's already been dead for an hour."
Two brothers are opening presents at Christmas. The younger brother has 20 presents and the older one only has one. The younger brother says to the older one, "Haha, I have 20 presents you only have one!" The older brother replies "Haha, you have cancer."
Why did hitler really kill himself? He saw the gas bill.
There were three men who were lost in the forest, and they were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king then told the prisoners that they could live if they passed a trial. First step of the trial is to go to the forest with the cannibals and gather ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruit. The first one came back to the village and said to the king, "I brought ten apples." The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to shove the fruits up your ass without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten by the tribe." The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced in pain, so he was killed, eaten, and went to heaven.
The second man arrives at the village and shows the king his ten fruits--blueberries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this would be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter, dropped the blueberries, and therefore he was also killed, eaten, and went to heaven.
The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, "Jim, why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?" Jim replied "I couldn't help it, I saw Bob coming with a cart of watermelons."
In a hospital waiting room a guy is anxiously waiting for his wife to have their first baby, after 2 hours, a nurse comes bouncing though the labor room doors with a little baby cradled in her arms and asks for Mr. Johnson, the guy proudly announces " that would be me!" he jumps out of his chair and runs over to her and says " is that my baby?", the nurse replies "why yes!" she starts to hand him the baby, and instead, grabs it by the feet, swings it over her head, and slams it into the tile wall and it's brains and guts splatter everywhere; the guy then says "Jesus Christ, what in the hell did you do to my baby ? !!!!" she replies, "April Fools!, it's already been dead for an hour."
Two brothers are opening presents at Christmas. The younger brother has 20 presents and the older one only has one. The younger brother says to the older one, "Haha, I have 20 presents you only have one!" The older brother replies "Haha, you have cancer."
Why did hitler really kill himself? He saw the gas bill.
There were three men who were lost in the forest, and they were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king then told the prisoners that they could live if they passed a trial. First step of the trial is to go to the forest with the cannibals and gather ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruit. The first one came back to the village and said to the king, "I brought ten apples." The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to shove the fruits up your ass without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten by the tribe." The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced in pain, so he was killed, eaten, and went to heaven.
The second man arrives at the village and shows the king his ten fruits--blueberries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this would be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter, dropped the blueberries, and therefore he was also killed, eaten, and went to heaven.
The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, "Jim, why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?" Jim replied "I couldn't help it, I saw Bob coming with a cart of watermelons."
uosdwiSrjewoH
Active member
What do you call a man with no arms and legs lying in a pile of dry leaves?
Russel
What do you call a man with no arms or legs floating in the ocean?
Bob
What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other?
Eileen
What do you call a chinese woman with one leg shorter than the other?
Irene
Whats better than winning the Paralympics?
Walking
Russel
What do you call a man with no arms or legs floating in the ocean?
Bob
What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other?
Eileen
What do you call a chinese woman with one leg shorter than the other?
Irene
Whats better than winning the Paralympics?
Walking
twin-tip-hero
Active member
you sick bastard. haha that is funny but oh so wrong
kzrstf
Active member
why is there no mexicans at olympics?
all mexicans who can jump high or run fast have already left their country
What do we do with black when they die
you take their skins to make swimsuit
...
what do you do when the swimsuit are screwed up?
You fill them with shit to make more blacks
all mexicans who can jump high or run fast have already left their country
What do we do with black when they die
you take their skins to make swimsuit
...
what do you do when the swimsuit are screwed up?
You fill them with shit to make more blacks
carbon.pulse
Active member
haha i loed so hard
Barefootin_Fiend
Active member
What do you say to a black jew?
Get to the back of the oven!
Get to the back of the oven!
bibs_skibum
Active member
oh this is wonderful. I lold and rofled and jizzed
zesty_buddy
Member
Andrerw you dirty joke stealer!
These jokes are fricken hilarious
These jokes are fricken hilarious
white+wolf
Member
How did Hellen Keller's parents punish her?
They left the plunger in the toilet.
They left the plunger in the toilet.
white+wolf
Member
I love this thread
