Post a joke thread

heres mine

Three couples went to a restaurant. The women wanted to compliment the men with something that was on the table.

"Could you pass me the sugar, sugar?" said the first gal.

"Could you pass me the honey, honey?" said the second.

"Could you pass me the bacon, pig?" said the third.

 
WHy are Redneck murders so hard to solve?

cuz there is no dental record and all the DNA is the same.
 
heres a pretty good one, Ive posted it on here before

And Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman all are having a beer at a pud when three flies land in each of their drinks.

The Englishman put the beer aside and refuses to drink anymore.

The Scotsman picks out the fly and continues to drink.

The Irish man picks out the fly, holds it by the wings infront of his face and yells

"ALL RIGHT YE MOTHERFUCKER, SPIT IT BACK, ALL OF IT!!"
 
Why did the kid fall off the swing?

He didn't have any arms.

What's green and brown and if it falls out of a tree it'll kill you?

a camo refrigerator
 
Q:why the the blond die.

A:she got out of the boat to push.

Q:why did the old lady fall out of the window

A:she was ironing the curtains
 
Why couldn't Hellen Keller drive?

-Because she was a woman.

What did her parents do when she was bad?

-Move the furniture around.

When she was really bad?

-Glue doorknobs to the walls.

When she was really really bad?

-Turn the stools upside down.

When she was absolutely terrible?

-Leave a plunger in the toilet.
 
fuck you

nah im just kdding

im jew and i kno more jew jokes than anyone else

what do you call a black priest?

HOLY SHIT!
 
i wanna hear some "white" jokes. everyone makes fun of black people but i've never heard a good white person joke before.
 
:p same but then they're all like where did u get this shit then i tell them newschoolers then they beat me down cuz they're fags.....and they snowboard
 
State Slogans

Alabama:

At Least We're not Mississippi

Alaska:

11,623 Eskimos Can't be Wrong!

Arizona:

But It's a Dry Heat

Arkansas:

Litterasy Ain't Everthing

California:

As Seen on TV

Colorado:

If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother

Connecticut:

Like Massachusetts, Only Dirtier and With Less Character

Delaware:

We Really Do Like the Chemicals in our Water

Florida:

Ask Us About Our Grandkids

Georgia:

Without Atlanta we're Alabama

Hawaii:

Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru

(Death to Mainland Scum, But Leave Your Money)

Idaho:

More Than Just Potatoes...

Well Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good

Illinois:

Please Don't Pronounce the "S"

Indiana:

2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free

Iowa:

We Do Amazing Things With Corn

Kansas:

First Of The Rectangle States

Kentucky:

Five Million People; Seven Last Names

Louisiana:

We're Not All Drunk Cajun Wackos,

But That's Our Tourism Campaign

Maine:

We're Really Cold,

But We Have Cheap Lobster

Maryland:

A Thinking Man's Delaware

Massachusetts:

Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's

Michigan:

First Line of Defense From the Canadians

Minnesota:

10,000 Lakes and 10,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 Mosquitoes

Mississippi:

Come Feel Better About Your Own State

Missouri:

Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars at Work

Montana:

Land of the Big Sky, the Unabomber, Right-Wing Crazies, and Very Little Else

Nebraska:

Ask About Our State Motto Contest

Nevada:

Whores and Poker!

New Hampshire:

Go Away and Leave Us Alone

New Jersey:

You Want a ##$%##! Motto?

I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right Here!

New Mexico:

Lizards Make Excellent Pets

New York:

You Have the Right to Remain Silent, You Have the Right to an Attorney...

North Carolina:

Tobacco is a Vegetable

North Dakota:

We Really are One of the 50 States!

Ohio:

We Wish We Were In Michigan

Oklahoma:

Like the Play, only No Singing

Oregon:

Spotted Owl... It's What's For Dinner

Pennsylvania:

Cook With Coal

Rhode Island:

We're Not REALLY An Island

South Carolina:

We Have Never Actually Surrendered to the North

South Dakota:

Closer Than North Dakota

Tennessee:

The Educashun State

Texas:

A Whole 'Nother Country!

Utah:

Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus

Vermont:

Yep

Virginia:

Who Says Government Stiffs and Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?

Washington:

Help! We're Overrun By Nerds and Slackers!

Washington, D.C.:

Wanna Be Mayor?

West Virginia:

One Big Happy Family -- Really!

Wisconsin:

Come Cut Our Cheese

Wyoming:

Wynot?
 
Oh and making fun of black people who were beaten in the streets and killed for trying to get equality isn't cool too? Loosen up it was a long itme ago. The wounds have healed and the holocaust is in the past. If we can't laugh and learn from our mistakes, why bother remembering them?

What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead nigger in the road?

The dog had skid marks leading up to it.
 
why does helen keller masturbate with her right hand?

so she can moan with her left.

Why did helen keller wear spandex?

so you could read her lips
 
a goldfish walks into a bar and the bartender says "what can i get you?"

the fish says "water"

yep, i heard it from that kia commercial or w/e
 
old...but if you havent heard it:

so theres this girl sitting on the beach with no arms and no legs; a torso. she is trying to catch some sun when she spies a rather attractive man walk by. she starts talking to him and says "well, my life has been hard, and ive never really hugged anyone before". the man feeling her doupt, thought whatever, and hugged her. the girl, seeing his kindness, then asked "well ive never kissed anyone before and..." so the guy figures ok ill kiss you. then the girl, feeling a little lucky, then asks "well ive never been fucked before and i would reallyl ike the experience". so the man picks her up and wails her into the ocean and says "NOW YOUR FUCKED!"
 
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