Post a drunk story thread

Changethattape

Changethattape

Active member
So this weekend i got shitfaced and i woke up with like 30 forks shoved down my pants and forks taped to my arms. Oh yea and i found a sharp tap dispenser down there too. All i can say is i was mad confused

 
The beginning of our story starts in west wilson...the dorm across the street. Fast forward slightly, and there we are, playing super mario (SNES rocks!) and taking shots of Burnettes. After taking about 8 or so shots in quick succession, I'm feeling it a little bit. The super mario gets put on hold, and we head across campus to a house party. An hour or two and 6-7 beers later I'm a little bit beyond the sensible drunkeness stage, and start doing stupid shit. My first mistake, was leaving the house. As i'm wandering around, no idea where I am and helplessly lost, I walk into a house. Or at least thats the first thing I remember. Inside the house are 4-5 people in the living room, passed out on their couchs. I think one or two of them might not have been comatose, but I don't really remember. I decide to sit down and chill with them for no apparant reason. After a small amount of time, I grow tired and want my bed across campus, and leave, deciding to trek back towards home. I do not remember much of the walk, but the next jump in my memory leads me to none other than....the police station. Not sure how, or why, i went there, but I indeed walked straight into the police station. As I walk up to the front desk, a young lady around maybe 20 years of age, is working the front desk and begins talking with me. I do not remember much of the conversation other than her asking me if I had been drinking or not and I stubbornly denying it. As I began to realize where I was, I started getting slightly scared. But alas! The story ends well. The girl at the front desk actually ended up not really caring that I had been drinking, looked up the number for the campus taxi company and called them up for me! A short while later, and a $3 taxi ride I don't remember and I'm back at home, passed out in my dorm room. I wake up the next morning to a strange ring tone. It is about 7 am and I look around my room, trying to figure out what happened last night. I look at my desk, and realize that my phone is gone, replaced with a nextel motorola phone. Shit. My hat (first hat I ever crochetted) is also gone to my great dissapointment. I call my phone, and no answer. Damn, I'm starting to feel kinda pissed, and am still very drunk. I pass out again, wake up a few hours later to the phone ringing, being called by my phone. Thank god! It turns out, the house I randomly walked into had it, and i had grabbed the wrong phone upon departing. They drove over to my dorm, we exchanged phones and I was invited to stop by anytime I'm in the neighborhood. Needless to say, it was a good night, and I was drunk most of the day. The hangover was a bitch.
 
Oh ya I fell down the stairs at the house party too, i forgot about that. And i guess I boned while dancing my friends really really hot cousin, but I don't remember that either.
 
one time, i was wasted, took a huge bong hit, and felt the urge to puke, and i didnt want to puke on the kids floor. So, i did what any sensible person would do and puked in a pillow. i put it back on the bed, laughin to myself at what the kid would do when he found out, and dont remember another thing all night. i wake up the next morning in the same bed, covered in my crusty puke, and immediately puke again. --------The End_----------
 
how funny would it have been if you walked into a house and it was a family with little kids right in the middle of their Friday night movie..hahaa
 
one time i drank a flaming shot, not a good idea, and to quench it, i drank another shot, i didnt eat for three days cuz i was puking up black shit-i dont reccomend it
 
omg omg. this one time, i chugged 4 beers and i was soooo wasted i couldn't see straight. i thought i had alcohol poisoning
 
i was in the vip room of this posh bar in columbus for a friend's bday. she paid a retarded amount of money for the room, and 3 bottles of goose for like three hundo a piece. anyway, i'm mixing drinks like anyone would with unlimited free goose. soon, i'm pretty blackout. on a glass table are sitting an ice bucket, three bottles of goose (two unopened) and two giant karaffes one containing cranyberry and one containing tonic. anyway, i evidently thought the table was a perfect place to sit down. i smashed everything including almost twelve hundred dollars of alcohol. i left immediately. can't go back to boma. good times.
 
damn that sucks so hardcore

I've done plenty of shit but one time I made out with my best friends sister. He was cool with it though.
 
oh, and another time, i fucked one of my best friend's girlfriends. needless to say, we're not best friends anymore.

turns out the kid is kind of a douche anyway, and i ended up dating the chick for like a year. didn't end up too bad, but it's never good to fuck your friends like that.
 
It was the first time me and my 3 friends actaully got drunk. I think we were in grade 8. Anyways right after school, at about 3pm, we walk up to my buddies house and start slamming his parents booze. His mom gets off work at 5pm by the way. We are complete dumb asses and think we will not be drunk by the time she gets home. I don't remember much after about 3:30. I do remember seeing my friend standing at the top of his stares, about 30 steps, so I run at him and football tackle him down the steps and we hit the hard wood floor. I guess I left after that with another one of the guys. I dont remember walking home. Usaully the walk from his house to mine is not even 10 minutes long but it took me over an hour. I get home coverd in mud, leave my shoes on and walk around my house. I found out later that my friends mom comes home and sees one of the kids laying face down in his own puke. She continues to walk around the house where she then finds her son passed out naked with an erection on her bed.

Needless to say we were all in alot of trouble and didnt drink for along time after that.
 
not too epic, but the most recent one is that my last night before spring break this girl and i are the last people left in the dorm so we decide to try and finish everyone's alcohol, otherwise campus po will throw it out when they search the rooms. so about 3 hours later she leaves cause she has to catch a plane in the morning. so i have 3 beers left to finish and i go to work. i sit at my computer, turn on some tunes and start pounding them. thats the last thing i remember. the next thing i remember is waking up to my alarm at 9am completely naked on my bed and all of my clothes are lying in a huge puddle of water in the middle of my floor. i roll out of bed still hammered, grab a pair of shorts and maybe 30 seconds later my RA opens the door to tell me that i need to get my stuff and leave the dorm because theyre closing it. had i set my alarm even one minute later i wouldve had by far the most awkward experience of my life.
 
haha glass tables and drunk people must not mix. I got really really trashed at this girl's party one night, and right before we were about to leave I decided to sit on her glass table. I fell straight through, and immediately got up and left. The girl later found out it was me and was going to make me pay, but its been a month since and she still hasn't said anything about it
 
i'm sure. if i were insulting you i'd be insulting myself. i'm just saying that it's retarded that we both sat down and couldn't like blame it on tripping or being unbalanced.
 
mehhh i dont want to talk about it....

ill tell an old one

in like 8th grade or something my parents were out to dinner on a weeknight and i was sick...but in 8th grade i was a borderline alcoholic so i started drinking their vodka and had about 6 shots or so...thats a lot for a 90 lb 13 year old. but since i had a real bad cold i decided to take my robbitussin, i decided that i was really sick so i took about 8 times the reccomended dosage (about 3/4 of the bottle) i tried to get my brother to take me to a hs hockey game but he said no and ran out the door as i struggled to put my shoes on and drove away. i had a few more shots because i was dissapointed. at this time i stumbled my little ass into the bathroom and threw up a few times then passed out on my bathroom floor, my brother came home after the game and i had been passed out for about 2 hours and my parents were due home in about 5 mins. i went to bed still covered in vomit and in a cold sweat, my parents never knew.

pretty fucked up for a kid who was in middle school i would say. especially considering this happened to me about 5 more times before i was 15 and still have never been caught as a jr. in high school. but i dont wanna share my worst one...it involves me losing "something" in a room with multiple people in it...
 
i went to a bar in brooklyn and got pretty shitfaced, for some reason i didnt wanna piss in the place i was in so i walked out side where there was a bridge over a highway, so i dropped trou and started pissing onto the highway at that time 4-5 cars started driving by i nailed each of em, even the one that attempted to swerve outta the way... im pretty proud of that one
 
falling asleep peeing on a tree outside in the winter=really cold and getting wakened by ur best friend. to later find a stick in ur crack. cool.
 
there was this one time where i got super emotional while i was drunk because the guy i was dating at the time was being an ass. anyways, i climed a pole while crying apparently.
 
Over winter break me and my buddy got a litre of Hornitos tequila because it was his last day in Crested Butte before he had to go back to Montana. We went to a friends house and started taking shots every 5 minutes. We did this for about 30 or 40 minutes before we decide to go try to get into the bars. We went to nearly every bar in crested butte and got carded at them all, so we couldnt get in. Then we decided to go to the public restrooms and take more shots. After a few more shots we decided to go back to the bars and get in at all costs. We tried saying we were designated drivers and were trying to make money by giving drunk people rides home, but that didnt work either, so we decided to go drink some more. By this time my memory gets cloudy, but we climbed up onto the roof of a bar and snuck in through a window. We took more shots in the bar and were having a good ole time, but Crested Butte being such a small town it was inevitable that we saw some of our old teachers and friends parents and such, so we left and decided to catch the bus up to his house. By the time we got off the bus our alc. was gone and we decided to go into the Elevations hotel and find some ladies to hit on. We didn't find any, but we did run into a few members of the band Mystic Roots. I dont remember anything from the time we got to the hotel and woke up the next morning halfway underneath his dads bed. But from what i can piece together we just chilled in the hotel with the band for a few hours and got backstage tickets for the concert the next day...but by the time i remembered that we could go backstage, the concert was over. Needless to say it was a good night.
 
"She continues to walk around the house where she then finds her son passed out naked with an erection on her bed.

"

hahhahahahhahahahahahahaaaaaa
 
so instead of doing any homework tonight i sat here and read all of those stories. absolutely ridiculous.
 
OMG hatch. you drank so much. i could only get down 43oz of smirnoff ice before i unloaded.
 
a lot of these are stupid, but here's mine, hope its good, this is also a fun game to play with a friend. pretty much me and my roomate decided to lock our door and finish a handle of captain in 3 hours......after the 9th shot in the first 45 minutes, i dont remember anything, good times
 
Well, St. Patty's Day morning I pounded 2 shots and shotgunned 4 beers then took a hot shower. Best feeling ever. You get absolutely hammered.
 
After drinking heavily one night I found myself back at my dorm looking at the door. Now at this point I have two distinct memories of how i got into my room. In the first scenario I calmly unlocked the door, entered my dorm, and went to bed. In the second scenario I tried to open the door only to find it locked. Confused, I kept fiddling with it trying to get it to open. I have no idea that I need a key to open it so I just stand there thinking, "O man I almost got it." After about five minutes my roommate opens the door and I'm still standing in the hall confused. I mutter thanks and go crash.
 
I just typed up my worst drunk story ever, but I don't think I can post it. It incriminates me in some bad shit, as well as someone else. I would maybe post it in a cult, but whatever.

My most recent one... I was in vancouver, coming back from a bar with my friend. We were both really shit-faced because we had thought last call was at 1:00 so we ordered a bunch of beers but then it turned out that last call was 3:00 so we kept drinking. Towards the end I thought she had the spins so I started drinking her beers too.

We were staying at a rather nice hotel, with a nice front entryway sorta thing with the big glass doors, the place for cars to pull up, etc. Well, we made it back there somehow, and we were standing right outside the front doors making a call to our friends upstairs to come down and let us in. We lit up some cigarettes while we waited. Now, the thing is, cigarettes give me a powerful urge to vomit when I am drunk. I did not take this into account. So I fucking let loose a torrent of half-digested teryaki right onto the ground and all over the front doors of this hotel. Then we fucking ran for it, as the lady behind the desk just stared in disbelief.

I think we went in through the parking garage or something.

My other one is way better, though... I wish I could post it.
 
heres a new one for you kiddies, courtesy of last weekend. and yes, it is relatively worth the read.

so the night starts off in the dorm with a bottle of cruzan rum, a 30 of natty ice, two funnels, and a handful of my closest friends. after 5 shots of rum and a couple beers, im starting to feel pretty good, and my buddy and i decide to break out the funnels for some races. after 3 one beer funnels, i challenge him to a two beer funnel race. at this point im real drunk so im not paying attention and i shout go! without remembering to actually put the funnel in my mouth. beer sprays everywhere and this marks the turning point of my night from tipsy dan to real drunk dan. after that failed attempt we go shotgun a beer, pack up the rest and head for a party. stupidly, my friends give me the backpack full of beer. once we get to the party i am doing my best to keep the beer safe while continuing to drink. after about half an hour of this i see one of my buddies from the soccer team and he has a bottle of whisky and a jug of hawaiian punch. hes real drunk to and offers to trade me both for one beer. it sounds like a great deal to me so i make the trade and chug the rest of the bottle (about 4 shots) because in my head it sounded like a good idea. this marks the transition from drunk ass dan to blackout dan. ive now completely forgotten about guarding the beer and when one of my buddies asks for a beer i search the bag and handed him a calculator. it was the last thing left in the bag, the shape seemed right, and i was too drunk to tell. i get bitched out and have the bag taken away. next i wander outside to see another one of my buddies doing a kegstand. feeling empowered i jump to the front of the line and get lifted up, outdrinking my 6'2" 220 friend, which was awesome, until i realized i was going to boot my tits off in about 5 minutes. i go back inside to try and find someone and see this girl i hooked up with a couple weeks before. i immediately point out this girl and announce to the party that she wants my balls. slick, eh? i was too drunk to get laid that night anyway, so no harm no foul. i stumble outside and remember that i reallly need to throw up. i wander back to the woods and throw up for close to half an hour. trying to walk back to the house i bail out. while laying on the ground several things are going through my mind: 1. this is kind of comfortable, you could probably just sleep here for the night; 2. you idiot, youre probably laying in the entire party's piss and vomit; 3. you should really apologize to that girl, otherwise youre never going to hook up with her again. after careful review i decide to act on thought #3. still laying on the ground in whip out my phone and try to call her. instead of calling her though, i accidentally delete her number. shit. i decide i need to go find her so i try and get up. within the first two steps i trip in a giant mud puddle and lose both of my shoes. i am now crawling on my hands and knees digging in the mud for my shoes. i find them both, put them back on and make another attempt to get up. five steps later i bail out again and decide that i am defeated and will just sleep on the ground. luckily, my friends are smarter than i am and one of them happened to be pissing in the woods right about this time. they see me, come and pick me up and drag me up to the street where i am loaded into a cab. the cab driver thinks im too drunk and will only drive me if my friends hang me out the window so i cant throw up in the car. everything is fuzzy up til this point, but during the cab right i black out completely. i guess i spent the whole ride just talking shit to one of my friends. once i got back to campus, i was carried up the stairs to my room and was tossed into bed fully clothed. my roommate said that when he came back about an hour later i was leaning off the bed throwing up into my backpack. when i woke up in the morning i was covered in dirt, smelled like puke, and was still wasted. quick summary of the day, i had to work at a softball game where i threw up while working, my hangover kicked in at 5pm, just in time for me to write an 8 page paper. it was awesome.
 
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