Author: JOSH NIVA
Anchorage Daily News
Staff
Date: August 3, 2003
Publication: Anchorage Daily News (AK)
Page: D1
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Jeff Tischer is 17, but he has an old man's voice.
He's had this quiet, almost gruff rasp for three months now, caused by partially paralyzed vocal cords. He can't finish a sentence without coughing, so he crams as many words into a breath as possible. They snowball, growing louder and quicker by the syllable, until they crash into a wheeze, followed by that cough.
'I hate it,' Jeff says, sounding scratchy.
Yeah, anyway. I don't have my parents' username and password for our newpaper site, but that's about my good friend, Jeff. There was a HUGE three page article about him because he was SO close to dying. He used Oxy Contin regularly, and had tried too much of some new drug he knew nothing about. If his mom had come into his room five minutes later to wake him up, he'd be dead right now. He really does sound raspy and whatnot.
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Sex is like math:
You plus me
Minus the clothes
Divide the legs
And hope we don't multiply
Cheers to skier chicks!
We may be few and far between, but we're definitely out there!