Overheard in.......

Mezmerize19

Mezmerize19

Active member
I absolutely love these sites. If you dont already know, its a bunch of sites that have quotes that people have overheard that they find humorous. One of my recent favorites is:

Chemistry professor, demonstrating suction filtration: ... And you have to stop the cock before you turn on the water, or it will just [frantic hand motion] come all over your face.

The sites are:

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/

http://www.overheardatthebeach.com/

http://www.celebritywit.com/

http://www.overheardeverywhere.com/

Also theres ones for stupid things customers say:

http://notalwaysright.com/

I find these sites so amusing so I thought that for those of you who dont know about them, go and read. Theres some really funny shit

 
Guy #1: Dude, that chick is so hot.

Guy #2: Yeah, I would so pee in her butt.

Guy #1: Oh yeah, I'd pee in her butt, too.

Random dude, passing by: What the fuck?

Bahhahahah LMAO must have been someone from NS.
 
Little boy passing by a midget: Mom! Mom! I just saw a people-kid!

i laughed. these are pretty good
 
im thinking of putting this one in my sig, but i heard it at the slopestyle yesterday while streaming" I am nobody. Nobody is Perfect. Therefore I am Perfect"
 
I heard going up the chair like a couple weeks ago this guy saying to another guy
"He can do it himself! Stop bossing him around!" and then he hit him with his pole and skied off.. haha
it was quite comical
 
hmm, some of my favorites

Hobo: Hey, any of you fellas got a match?

Drunk guy: Yeah I got a match, my ass and your face!

Hobo: I hear ya.

Med student guy #1: Wait up, you're saying that nearsighted means you can't see far? But it should, like, mean that you can't see near.

Med student guy #2: Yeah, I know, it's like backwards or something.

Guy in puffy coat to NYU student: Hey, you -- you wanna buy a puppy? [Opens coat revealing puppy.] It's cheap.

SAT prepping kid #1: What's hydrolysis?

SAT prepping kid #2: Dude, don't you play Grand Theft Auto? Hydrolysis is what makes the cars bump up and down.

SAT prepping kid #3: Um...Hydrolysis is the splitting of things in water.

SAT prepping kid #2: Whatever. Same thing.--

Girl #1: ...but I don't know what I'll do if I get pregnant.

Girl #2: Just take a pill.

Girl #1: Great, now we can't go swimming.

Girl #2: Why not?

Girl #1: 'Cause it's raining. That'd be, like, double wet.

Girl #2: Oh.

Fat black girl running in bikini: Yo, bitch, why you didn't tell me my titty was hangin' out?! Shit!

Innocent, spooked bystander girl: What?!

Fat black girl running in bikini: Never mind, bitch!

Creepster: Her dad says I'm too old to be hitting on a 13-year-old girl, so I do the math. But if you let them get their belly button pierced, they are going to get attention.

Chick on cell: Yeah, we got a ticket for going 80 miles per hour on the way here, though. Wanna know why? We were trying to catch up to a giant truck full of chickens!

Black guy to friends: Now I can officially say I am the darkest nigga on the beach.

Little girl: Lifeguard! Lifeguard! What do crabs eat?

Lifeguard: Little girls

Old lady #1: He told me he has never lasted more than three minutes with anyone!

Old lady #2: Really?? That poor, poor woman of his. No wonder she got a boob job and bites her nails so much.

Housemate: So, last night I was so high on acid that I thought the whole beach was made of cocaine, and now I can't breathe.

Chick #1 disappears into bedroom with dude.

Chick #2: Go ahead, bitch, suck his dick. It's sandy and it tastes like me.

Lawn Care Customer: “Can you fertilize me next week?”

Ski Resort Guest: “Hey! You guys really go all out.”

(Me with puzzled look on face)

Ski Resort Guest: “You guys have that robotic bear crossing underneath the lift just as we went over.”

Me: “Sir, we don’t have any robotic bears.”

Ski Resort Guest: “What? You mean that was a real bear?”

Me: “Yes sir.”

Ski Resort Guest: “Ahhh. We were gonna hike down but I think we’ll just take the lift.”

The customer needed help adding his music into his iTunes library. I showed him how, and this is what happened:

Customer: “… Uggghhh!”

Me: “What happened?”

Customer: “Well, I’ll be honest. It’s adding my porn.”

Me: *silence* “Oh….”

Customer: “Please make it stop! I don’t want porn on my iPod!”

Me: “Click the little X near the top.”

Customer: “Okay, it stopped.”

Me: “Try adding the My Music folder again.”

Customer: “It’s doing it again! Oh God!”

Me: “Okay, uh… let’s just move it from your My Music folder to a new folder in My Documents.”

Customer: “Okay, I’ll do that.”

(few seconds of silence pass while he moves the files)

Customer: “Oh, man. It’s gonna take 24 minutes for all the files to move.”

Me: “Twenty-four minutes? Are you sure?!”

Customer: “Yes, I’m sure.”

(I show him how to do some other unrelated action while the porn is moved)

Customer: “Alright, great. Now that we’re done concealing my shame….”

 
o jeez.

Customer: �This DVD player doesn�t work. It won�t play my DVDs. Can I get an exchange?�

Me: �Well, lets see if we can get it to work.�

(I take the DVD player over to the AV wall and quickly hook it up to our system. Under 30 seconds to do so, the customer in tow)

Me: �Oh, here�s the problem. It seems that the disc somehow ended up upside down in the DVD player.�

(I flip the DVD over without even looking at the disc or anything and push it back in, turning back to the customer)

Customer: �Oh great! I knew something wasn�t quite ri��

(Suddenly, coming up on all my TVs, blaring through the sound system that is usually playing a music DVD, comes blasting �Bow Chicka-Bow Bow!� and a rather grotesque scene of cheesy porn. I think it is the fastest I have ever moved, because by the time the first customer turned around to see what was going on, I had the AV cables yanked)

Customer: �Uh� That�s where that went! Heh�� *VERY sheepish look*

Me: �Okay, all fixed. Need me to help put this back in the box for you?�

Customer: �No, thanks. I can do it. Thank you for all your help.�

(I guess I wasn�t quick enough or just the sheer recognition of the music line, because I had two customers laughing very hard and one old lady who walked out very fast)

 
Man: Oh, your dog is so cute. Is that a Yorkie?

Woman: Oh, yeah, it is. His name is Lucky. I've had him for a looong time.

Crazy man nearby: Lucky... I stabbed a guy named Lucky 20 years ago. Not so lucky.

--1 train

Overheard by: andy
 
Hospital worker #1: Oh my God! Did you see those warts?

Hospital worker #2: No, I missed them.

Hospital worker #1: How could you miss them? Weren't you holding the labia?

Hospital worker #2: No, that wasn't me.

Hospital worker #1: Are you sure? I thought that was you.

Hospital Worker #2: No, I wasn't holding any labia today.
 
Dude #1: We win. Majority rules.

Chick: But Erin* agrees with me! It's a tie!

Dude #1: Yeah, but you're women. No one cares about your opinion.

Dude #2: Unless you could put it in some sort of sandwich form.

Guy on cell: Well, last night I had food poisoning, and today I had beans, so this could get interesting.

(Denver Airport)

Woman modeling outfit from fitting room: What do you think?

Husband: That outfit makes you look like Garry Shandling!

Girl: I hate faux-hawks. I can't believe they're coming back in style. They're the worst hairstyle ever.

Mother: I think mullets are the worst hairstyle ever.

Girl: At least mullets are honest!

(Boulder, CO)

Chick #1 exiting bathroom stall: I can't believe I'm getting my gun tomorrow.

Chick #2: Yeah... Too bad they can't put color in it. It's going to be pretty ugly.

Chick #1: It's a gun.

Chick #2: Doesn't mean it has to be ugly.

Chick #1: Yeah, it would be cool in purple.

Girlfriend: Oooh! Baby, we should get a dozen donuts!

Boyfriend: Okay. Do you wanna pick six, and I'll pick six? [Girlfriend gives icy stare.] Fine, you pick all twelve. I don't care.

Girlfriend: Twelve? I said I want a dozen.

Boyfriend: Um, honey, twelve is a dozen.

Girlfriend: I know what a dozen is, and it's not fucking twelve! I'm not fucking stupid, you know!

Boyfriend: You're, like 25 years old! How can you not know what a dozen is?

Girlfriend: I know what a fucking dozen is! [Looks around] What the fuck are all of you laughing at?!

x-year-old boy screaming at parent: I want a beer!

Passerby: Get that kid a beer, quick!

(Islands of Adventure, Orlando, FL)

Three-year-old in stroller: I want to get out.

Mother: No. [Child starts crying.] You can't get out. Mickey Mouse will eat you.

Cashier: Um, have a magical day.

(Disney World)

Tween girl, to dad and three younger siblings: I can't believe we're eating dinner at a Target...

Lady: Um, I want a side salad without the cheese, and--

Burger drone: --No.

Lady: No?

Burger drone: Not without cheese. It comes with cheese.

Lady: I can't have it without cheese?

Burger drone: There's no way that could possibly happen.

Annoyed guy:

You want me to talk to you during sex?! Let's do it on the kitchen

counter! That way I can make you an omelet, too, while we're at it!

Girl: So, felching is when I rim you, right?

Guy: Something like that.

Girl:

Is it like a frumpie? I think I'm more comfortable getting fucked in

the ass by a girl than a guy. I mean, it's like the oral thing -- I'd

rather lick a pussy while you fuck me than suck a dick.

Guy: Alright.

Girl: I can't believe your neighbor knocked on your door to shut us up! That was too funny.

Guy: She's British. She doesn't really understand rough sex, just tea and finding her husband in her thongs.

 
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