"Mr. Garrison: I just don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die."
Mr. Hat: I'm your friend, Mr. Hat, Stan. You can tell me anything. Now, who hits you? Is it your father or your mother?
Stan: Well, neither one. It's my sister.
Mr. Garrison: Your sister? For God's sake, quit being such a little wuss! Stop wasting Mr. Hat's time with pansy, little fu-fu problems. And give me back my cocoa!
Mr. Garrison Quotes (1 - 8 out of 28)
Mr. Garrison drops the sugar-coating and gives the children all the blood and guts that comprises the fucked-up world we live in. Praise be.
Mr. Garrison: How would you like to go see the school counselor?
Cartman: How would you like to suck my balls?
Mr. Garrison: What did you just say?!
Cartman: Oh, I'm sorry (Clears throat and pulls out megaphone), actually what I said was, "How would you like to suck my balls, Mr. Garrison?"
Quote Rating: 9.4 outta 10 - Vote Now!
Mr. Garrison: I just don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die.
Quote Rating: 9.2 outta 10 - Vote Now!
Mr. Garrison: Does anyone know what sexual harassment means?
Cartman: When you are tying to have intercourse with a special lady friend and some other guy comes up and tickles your balls from behind.
Quote Rating: 9.0 outta 10 - Vote Now!
Mr. Garrison: Let's start the day with a few new math problems -- what is five times two? Yes. Clyde?
Clyde: Twelve.
Mr. Garrison: Okay. Now let's try and get an answer from somebody who is not a complete retard.
Mr. Garrison: Who was in charge of the feminist movement of the early '60's?
Cartman: A bunch of fat old skanks on their periods.
Mr. Garrison: Right. But who was the fattest, oldest skank on her period?
Cartman: Shut up - you fucking jew!!
Mr. Garrison: Eric, did you just say the 'f word?'
Cartman: Jew??