Need something funny to make my next status on FB

[chill_davis]

HELP ME OUT

 

[Mr.Turtle]

threads

 

[GayWolf420]

"Little sister walked in on me jacking off. Asked her to finish me off. Pretty good night I must say."

 

[Dylan_]

what are you a 14 year old hormonal female ?

 

[Gameboy]

My hand is too fat to shove it into the Pringles can so I'm forced to tilt it.

 

[Heinzler]

just came out of the closet to my parents..what a night!

 

[deleted5]

decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire.

 

[BigJew]

Believe it or not, when you hit puberty your hand won't fit either.

 

[chill_davis]

used that one already, some of these are comical, keep going.

 

[.jersey]

Going to be a daddy!

 

[Gameboy]

that's such a funny joke.

 

[Rachy]

"I got this status from NS"

 

[Wolffy]

you should make a status saying something that someone would say if you left your facebook open at their house to make it look like you have friends ?

 

[Bi-ShredinalGuy]

Im so manly my sentences dont even have periods.I bought a book called "Tiger's 18 favorite holes," I was dissapointed when I found out it was about golf.

 

[BigJew]

Sorry, I'm just bitter that my large hands have negatively impacted my pringle eating experience.

 

[chill_davis]

don't make it too gay

 

[Gameboy]

I forgot to take my phone when I went to poop and I was bored the entire time.

I'm trying to text at a red light but I keep getting all green.

I'm kind of hungry but my roommate has guests over so if I go into the kitchen and I have to introduce myself.

 

[Mr.DarthVader]

darn the tattoo on my gooch is starting to fade

 

[chill_davis]

THIS

 

[emilyiscool]

*tag friend*'s penis is a significant disapointment.

 

[Gameboy]

It's alright, let's go through this hard time together.

 

[J.M]

haha

 

[[evan]]

Holy fucking fuck. OP, your name is Will Basilicato isnt it.

Dude you're a fucking creep, you commented on like my friends pictures or something, shes in the 7th grade.

 

[chill_davis]

no im will Davis. how did you know my first name

 

[TACO-DOG.exe]

your'e in the 7th grade

 

[emilyiscool]

that would make him 12? hes 14 so hes probably a niner?

 

[J.M]

 

[[evan]]

oh you're not weird at all

some dude named will b just made the exact tiger woods status somebody posted in here

nah im actually going into the 8th grade and im 13

 

[chill_davis]

irony

 

[poptarts4life]

"Like this status if you have a big dick"

 

[Cufe.]

Penis: the other white meat

 

[*Bird]

aw snap king of the middle school!

 

[BootySpunk.]

I fucking hate newschoolers now.

 

[emilyiscool]

if you hate it so much why are you here?

 

[Pam_Beasley.]

my brother left his fb open and i wrote: "My nipples are so hard right now they could cut diamonds."

 

[wait.what]

 

[remove]

fought a renegade group of transient philipino hookers with a broken wiffle ball bat

 

[.Tom.]

"Oh I, I just died in your arms tonight

It must have been something you said,

I just died in your arms tonight

Oh iI, I just died in your arms tonight

It must have been some kind of kiss

I should have walked away, I should have walked away"

 

[Cufe.]

 

[DGski]

i've seen this on 2 of my friends statuses, its been used to many times

 

[BootySpunk.]

Because I have things besides NSG that I go on.

 

[b.dwyre]

Like this status and i'll guess how big your dick/tits are

unfortunately though, I know someone who actually made that status...

 

[TechnoPotamus]

"welp there goes my karma"

 

[chill_davis]

up

 

[541]

don't bump this thread let it die.

 

[Greenfield*]

FUCKING DYSON VACUMS THEY SUCK ASS

 

[.Tom.]

You do realise the song I'm talking about right? It was clearly a joke.

 

[ScotchWoodcock]

how about no?

 

[quaive]

IM GOING TO BE A DAD!!!!

 

[bromigo]

Best status ever. OMG THIS WORKS

1. Hold your breath

2. Die.

 

[Jamestown]

"I just drank a hole bottle of Martinelli's and had diarrhea."