My Review of 300

III

III

Active member
Okay, so since everybody else on the planet seems to have this movie's cock down their throat I decided to make my own review to express my thoughts and feelings.

In my opinion 300 was just another high budget recruitment film, with no substance beneath the fancy icing of animated violence. I'll start with the plot. There wasn't one. All of you who saw the movie, think back and try to tell me what happened as the movie progressed. (Spoiler Warning, but read anyway because every line of the movie was more predictable than Romeo and Juliet) We see the Spartans trying to decide if the infant king to be is deficient enough to chuck him into their dead baby pit full of bones. Then he kills a wolf and they make him King for some reason. Next the Persian messenger came, the Spartan King, being an asshole, pushed him into a hole. The King then fucked his wife in a scene that they totally ripped off of one of the clips on Bangbros.com (I pissed my pants laughing when the montage switched to doggy style) Then the 300 Spartans left even though the council or whatever didn't want them to and met some other Greeks who were portrayed as week cowards (its not as though they were the first great thinkers in history or anything) then they walked to fight the Persians, stopping to condemn the barbarism with which the Persians murdered a village of Greeks (because throwing live babies into a pit full of bones is totally cool) On the way they meet this ugly guy who wants to fight, and the asshole King says no, so the ugly guy goes and cries. Then they fight the Persians for a while, nothing really changes here, in fact, I'm not sure they even said what they were trying to achieve by holding off the Persians. At some point the Persian king talks to the Spartan King in front of all the armies, and he puts his hands on his shoulders from behind and it looked like he was playing just the tip with the other dude's ass crack. Anyway back at home the Queen wants the council to do something (doesn't matter what, it doesn't go anywhere), so she lets some guy rape her (second part of the movie where I peed laughing "This isn't going to be quick, and you're not going to enjoy it") Then the guy accuses her of being an adulteress, and she stabs him, and miraculously a bag of change falls off of him, and so the council comes to the obvious conclusion that anyone with change on them is corrupt, so everything is all peachy again. So back at the battle the King sends one guy home to tell the story of what happened. Next another porno scene where the ugly guy goes to the persian king's tent and gets lap danced by a bunch of naked chicks. So the ugly guy, in return for bitches and hoes, tells the Persian King how to get around the Spartans and kill them. Then the Spartans all get killed. That's it, that's the movie. The only thing that changed from beginning to end is that the Spartans died. No unifying idea held the movie together aside from the theme of "Fighting for Freedom!" Which brings me to my next point. The theme song for 300 should have been "Proud to be an American." Every time the Spartan King stood up and preached to the other spartans, he said something along the lines of "WE MUST FIGHT TO DEFEND FREEDOM, AND LIBERTY, AND JUSTICE!"

or "TO BE A CITIZEN YOU MUST FIGHT FOR OUR FREEDOM!" Great so the Spartans are fighting so that they can be free to keep throwing babies into a pit, yeah the Spartans really were saints. I couldn't have cared less when all the Spartans got slaughtered, because the filmmakers totally failed to make us empathize with them. The King was a total jerk, the soldiers never really talked, and the most remarkable thing we learn about their daily lives is that they kill babies. None of the characters in the movie were human, a fact that wasn't remedied by the film's acting. The producers could have cast Keanu Reeves for every role and achieved the same results. There's a good reason we've never heard of any of the actors in 300: they all suck. It reminded me of the voice acting from a Star Wars video game. That's probably why there were about six lines of dialogue in the whole movie, the director decided to cut his losses. Now what everyone is going to say is that its not supposed to be an Academy Award nominee, and that the action was awesome. Which I can kind of agree with. The fighting scenes were intense, but I thought they got toned down a lot by the excessive use of Matrix style slow motion shots and bells and whistles and shit like that. By the end of the movie, I was itching to see some real time Braveheart style raw bloody brawling. In conclusion 300 was stupid, and there is a God because he made the imax theater that we wanted to drive two hours to sell out before I could buy tickets.
 
No dude your so fucking wrong. 300 was the most epic battle movie to come out in the last 7ish years EASILY. This movie will just wow you again and again. I fuckin loved it and im goin back to see it again next week.
 
You're writing a review that more knocks on the culture of Sparta, and their beliefs, then the film itself. You repeatedly bring up the pit where they judge whether or not the children were strong enough to be fit for the Spartan lifestyle. This was the norm for them. They believed in a Quality based, unified and strong nation. Just because it is abhorrent in todays culture doesn't make it abhorrent then. It was their way of life.

As well, while the movie doesn't have a large plot, the movie covered everything it was supposed to. The battle of Thermopylae. Where 300 Spartans (and a few thousand greeks) made a stand against the Persian army, to send a message, and to buy time for Greece to unify and defend herself. The 300 Spartans died but not before inflicting terrible damage.

The movie was based on a graphic novel, and so it loses some historic accuracy, and gains some "powerful" dialogue and occurences (As well as characters). The dialogue you bring up is made 1.) For a movie, it's dramatic. 2.)These dramatic phrases in real life can inspire great things. and 3.)They were fighting a bit for freedom and democracy.

So while I'll say the movie wasn't ground-breaking or amazing, it was a good film, and it covered everything it was supposed to. I was happy going in and happy leaving.
 
the movie was awesome, there was a plot, and a few things in there are meerely your opinion because, from what i read, you didn't understand the plot and therefore you decided there wasn't one. there maybe some sketchy parts but all in all it had a plot and was a great film.
 
wait wait wait. I didn't understand the plot? By saying that there was no plot, I was saying that the plot was flimsy at best. I was making use of hyperbole.
 
the coins that spilled from the dead guy after he got stabbed had the face of xerxes on it showing that he took bribes from xerxes and was therefore a traitor
 
who cares about the plot, it had some good ass ownage/fighting action ive seen in a long time. sex and violence: thats what people wanna see!
 
Well its not based on history, or so they claim, just the graphic novel. But it is obvious that it was derived from history, especially from parts of Herodotus (hell, there are practically quotes taken for The Histories and the same arrogance is achieved, but nothing really substantial). So it works as an adaptation of the novel, especially visually, but terrible from a historical view. The fighting was nice and all, but all the shit that happens back in Sparta is weak. No substance to the characters, weak dialouge, etc. Just some shit that seemed like it was thrown in to make it more "dramatic." But it is an action movie, so I guess that stuff isn't necessary (but it would have been nice and plausable at the same time). I liked it for that, but only liked.

One thing that pissed me off though was that they talked shit about the Athenians (albeit it was only like 1 line), yet they were leading a Greek navy the same day destroying the Persian fleet at Artemisium, so... yea...

eh
 
i refuse to read that epic. it was a sick movie if you disregard historical accuracy and dont value a well developed plot and theme. period.
 
I don't give a shit about historical accuracy. I just felt as though I was watching someone play PS3 on a huge TV.
 
well since its based on history about 300 spartans and free greeks fighting the persian army, id say they have the plot pretty much figured out. and about recruiting. WTF man, are you that pissed off with your life and the war that you have to blame everything on it. if you dont like violence then dont go see a movie about a war...
 
The guys right. The movie barely had a plot. You pretty much got the whole thing from the trailer. Plenty of gore though. But yeah, overall it was pretty lame.
 
clearly none of you have taken any classes on ancient greece. sparta was a crazy fucking citystate and i thought that movie told the story of sparta in a way that mixed the old fantasy religions with amazing cinematics. it was an amazingly powerful movie and didn't stray into hollywood's script-shitting writing. i loved every second of it.

..also, that one part with the horse/donkey thing playing the sitar, amazing. hahaha.
 
boring!? the movie was about the battle of thermopolyae, and the main basis of it was the action itself, showing the superior spartan tactics and the tenacity of spartans in the face of millions of soldiers.

also, yes, there was a combined total of roughly 2 million men in the Persian army.
 
Please tell me how it didn’t fall into Hollywood script writing. Just one example... I do believe Queen Gorgo was mentioned a whopping 3 times by Herodotus, our chief historian. Now of course this isn't supposed to be historical, but regardless, she never did any such thing as the movie portrayed. And since they tried to make her seem so... so... pivotal? influential? powerful? is a direct appeal to Hollywood; giving a woman power! Giving her a decisive speech! Have her expose the traitor within! how crucial! It may seem sexist, but there was never such a thing in Sparta. It seemed like a forced composite. Most epic movies seem to have some grand speech; Braveheart, Gladiator, Lord of the Rings, they all have it. It just seems all too typical. I’m not saying these other movies suck, but its been done time and time again.

And powerful? The only person you can really give a damn about is Leonidas, because he is well developed (we see essentially his whole life, and some good insight into his being). Also, we don't really even grasp the reason why this war is happening. It just kind of happens, with no prelude of any kind really. The rest of the characters are just there, save a couple. The loyalist in Sparta? The Queen? do we honestly give a shit about them? or their strife? We only see them for a few minutes, with worthless dialogue.

 
What the hell are you talking about??

Arrowheads have been found in fucking tombs from Mycenae (amongst many places), predating this war by roughly 700 years!
 
yeah i agree as well. except historically sparta and athens did not like each other at all. athen's was definitely known for being the intellectual and bauchanliean (is that a word?)society. meaning basically that one line shitting on athens was accurate. and sparta was obviously the society of warriors, they valued valor over wit/logic absolutely. I kind of enjoyed seing the mythology included in it though. it was kind of interesting. i have a hard time liking it for anything other than the fight scenes, which had too much slow-mo anyway. so yeah. i hardly liked it.
 
since i, for some reason don't have the option to quote your post i'll just do it manually.

"In my opinion 300 was just another high budget recruitment film,..."

The movie was done mostly in CGI, meaning that theres about 50 or so different people in the movie - 25 per side lets say. Hardly any of the fight scenes were shot outside, just about everything was drawn out then computerized, effects etc. And just so you know, CGI and the fact that this movie had an R rating (means less money to market it, smaller audience etc.) you should be able to tell that this was indeed not just another high budge recruitment film - i'm going to quit typing because i hate it but you see where i'm going
 
ok, well the mycenaens still used bows, minoans used bows (but not in that great of numbers), and so on, so that still predates Archaic Greece by a long period of time. But the important thing is the Persians used bows and arrows.

And correct me if Im wrong, but at the palace of Darius (father of none other than Xerxes) there was a tiled frieze with archers on it. So if bows came along hundreds of years later, there seems to be a discrepency.

 
Im sorry, I just have to reiterate.

Odysseus picked up the arrow from the table and laid it upon the bridge of the bow, and, still in his chair, drew the bowstring and the notched arrow back. He took aim and let fly... Book 21, 444-8.

Now even if the Odyssey picked up characteristics throughout the dark age, it was still written down before the Persian Wars, so once again, you are wrong.
 
Who here as ACTUALLY read the graphic novel?

Because, skier_boy dude, i totally respect everything you say, im just wondering if you've read the graphic novel, because that would explain a TON of things, and help show the licenses the director took.

 
Would everyone just shut the hell up about its historical accuracies. This movie was made more closely to spiderman or x-men than any historical war movie. I guarantee they werent going for accuracy at all. This movie was great in a filmmaking perspective also. It opitimizes(sp?) the action genre. Its like every action movie ever made was building up to this film.
 
CGI BLOOD IS GAY REALLY REALLY GAY.. but yeah movie was ghey good decapitation.... but yeah when the chick was gettin railed i yelled. TEAR HER A NEW ONE!!!!! and i thouth it was funny when the senator was .. "whom is this" good cuckle there. but really movie sucked
 
Be a man, that movie is awesome. Killing peopleThrowing babies into a pit, nailing chicks, killing bad people, blood, and killing people. Sounds like a good movie to me.
 
w/e after studying athens and sparta last year i still want to see the mocvie, cause the premis is a potential to be real good. if this is a movie that i want to see hammered as fuck then i'll go hammered as fuck. SPAARRTAAAAAAAAAA!~!!!!
 
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