My first song.....

Up till about 30 seconds it sounded really good, you got the building up feeling really well but then it got kinda boring and started to sound like elevator music or something you'd put in the background of a commercial. You should add some vocals or something more... punchy and intense after 30 seconds instead of building up and then suddenly dropping off again.

Don't get me wrong, it sounds good and it seems like you know what you're doing but it just needs something before it's a really good song.
 
yeah, I see what you mean. I'll play with it and try to add some song structure, ie chorus and verse, then throw in the last section as a bridge and ending. Maybe.

Or maybe throw in the end section as a bridge in the middle, and then do verse chorus bridge verse chorus?
 
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