Mr. Homer J. Simpson quotes



homer- remember that time i forgot how to drive?

marge- homer, you were drunk!

homer- and how......

'i ain't eating no ass mushrooms'
 
I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T! I mean S-M-A-R-T!

That’s what’s so illogical about being a Smurf. What’s the point of living, if you don’t have a dick? – Donnie Darko
 
'DOH!!!'

Sleep is overrated. But i do it all the time anyways cause im a fucking poser.

Don't forget to honk when you drive by Vern Fonk!!!!
 
But Marge, don't discourage the boy, weaseling out of this is what distingushes us humans from the animal kingdom... except the weasel

^^^Drop into the Pipe and Smoke it^^^
 
Woo'hoo!!

'Of course it hurts if you get your balls seperated by a five-inch-wide rail. But if you don't try, what's the point of doing anything?'

-Phil Larose, Canadian skier dude
 
and i forgot.....mmmmmm, beer.

'Of course it hurts if you get your balls seperated by a five-inch-wide rail. But if you don't try, what's the point of doing anything?'

-Phil Larose, Canadian skier dude
 
for just once i want someone to call me sir with out adding the phrase, you are making a scene.

I pitty the fool who don't use 1-800 Collect.
 
Where's my burito, where's my burito

- - - - -

The official NS brown-guy with the Matt Harvey seal of approval.

The official NS limo driver with the Matt Harvey seal of approval.

 
otto: Did you know hemp backwards is shmemp?

homer: did u know otto backwards is otto?

otto: wooooow, now im scared

this was when they were both stoned

 
homer: are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again?

lisa: right

homer: what about bacon?

lisa: no!

homer: what about pork?

lisa: no!

homer: ribs?

lisa: dad! those all come from the same animal!!

homer: oh right lisa, one MAGICAL animal...

Word to your mom Harvey. / This young girl, she's a freak.

'If I wanted to date a girl, I'd date...' -Cryss
 
-dont eat me, i've got a wife and kids...eat them!

-Boy, sporting events aren't about whether you win or loose!, thry're about how drunk you get!

-Operator, whats the number for 911!?

-Kill My Boss? Dare i live out the American dream?

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

''...ride away clean and smiling, and taunt the rail by waving around your middle finger at it. (Note: if you have mittens on then it's important to take them off before preforming this procedure.'' -Boyd Easley (on rail sliding)
 
i just saw a poster with a bunch of homer quotes on it but almost all of the were already said

 
OK brain. I don't like you, and you don't like me. Lets get through this so I can go back to killing you with beer.

There are 2 things in life you should never have to pay for:

1. Sex

2. Water
 
Marge- What's Bart doing digging in the backyard?

Homer- Looking for drugs.

Marge- But, Homer... there aren't any drugs in our yard... are there?

Homer- Oh, right... yeah, right... of course not.

What has a whale done for you lately?
 
(walking in to the alternative living store)

store keeper 'hello there'

homer 'and an oogabooga to you to'

______

'You're old enough to know that you won't get a lot of things in life because you don't have tits' - One of the 1/4 pipe builders at snowjam winnipeg to a couple young boys in response to why we'd let 3 girls on the ramp and not them

Don't think just jump.

 
Mmmmm....sacri-licious

----now i lay me down to sleep, blah blah blah my soul to keep, if i die before i wake ill go to hell for heavons sake.
 
'The best tonic is chronic'

________________

and i said: 'well, you see, night time and daytime are two entirely different times' - Skipimp_

Pimpin since Pimpin be Pimpin been Pimpin
 
Killer Dolphin(pointing at homer): Was it you that banished us to the seas?

Homer(picking up lisa): No, it was her, take the one who wronged you

 
Homer: Marge, where's that... metal deely... you use to... dig... food...

Marge: You mean, a spoon?

Homer: Yeah, yeah!

Homer: Well, I really should discuss this with my wife.

Salesman: scoffs Your wife? cracks an imaginary whip

Homer: What, you think I'm going to buy a $20,000 truck just because you make that noise?

Salesman: does it again and again and again

Homer: on his knees I'll take it!

Homer searches under the couch for a peanut

Homer: Hmm...ow, pointy! Eww, slimy. Oh, moving! Ah-ha! Oh, twenty dollars...I wanted a peanut!

Homer's brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts!

Homer: Explain how.

Homer's brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services

Homer: shut up brain or i'll stab you with a Q tip

 
SAXAMAPHONE!!!!

and 'let's go live under the sea!'

~~Phunkin Phatt Phreerider~~

#Cut the Jibba Jabb Crazy Fools! Start Skiing!#

*Be greatful, everyday, for snow, mountains, gravity and skiing*

@Talent Is Important, But Image Is God!@

 
cult people-come to our free weekend

homer- when?

cult people-this weekend

homer-how much will it cost?

cult people-its free

homer-and when will it be taking place?

cult people-this weekend

homer-and how much will this free weekend cost?

 
Marge: homer, the plant called.. they said if you don't come in tomorrow then don't bother showing up on monday.

Homer: Woohoo! 3 day weekend!

 
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