Most WTF Ski Stories!!!!!!

One of my uncles ski patrol buddies was drinkin coffee with my uncle at the start of the season at the top of the mountain. Everythings normal, drinkin coffee, when my uncle notices something smells kinda weird. So he checks the coffee pot and finds three decomposing rats. He looks up and says; holy shit, shows everyone the pot. At this point the only guy to drink the coffee started vomiting, and didnt stop for half an hour. my uncle won 'troller of the year for that. fuck yeah alpental.
 
Skiing in the british uni slopestyle at easter this year and the snowboarder who won shit his pants hitting the second last euro x kicker (~50ft). He then went back to his apartment quick clean up changed boxers and went up for his second run stomped it to fuck and won. No lies his name is jack an he rides for nottingham uni.
 
That's really gross. If I drank dead rat coffee, I would still be throwing up now.

I was hoping that some patrolers would share some tales. I know those guys have some serious X files type WTF stories.

 
I have some decent stories from being an instructor:

One time me and some other instructors were waiting for lineup, and a hasidic jewish kid came up and asked us "Whats the difference between a ski and a not-ski?" Then he proceeded to ask for a free lesson.

Another time i was teaching a lesson, and it was the last run of the lesson and the kid i was teaching's dad came up to watch. within 10 seconds of us getting off the lift, a begginer snowboarder bombed down the hill and completely rocked the 7 year old that i was teaching.

Lastly, one night i taught a lesson while i had a mild concussion, and ended up throwing up in the middle of the lesson.

 
one time i saw a little kid fall into a net off the chair lift.................. best story i got.

oh and me and my friend saw this guy standing at the top of the ski hill with his back turned to us, he was facing this tree and my friend was like "HEY THATS MY BUDDIE FROM SCHOOL!!!! WHATCH THIS." and proceeded to push him down the hill, turns out it was a complete stranger taking a piss and peed all over himself. i was sorta laughing and the guy totally just went crazy on my friend, then later we saw him and the piss all over his snowpants froze and was clearly visible

 
Hahahaha!

My dad told me an hilarious story about something that happened on a trip he and my mom took with a ski club group. We lived in D.C. and the group came out to Colorado. There was one woman in the group who was single and clearly took the trip to hook up.

While they were all skiing one day she tells them that she has to pee. There is no bathroom nearby so they tell her to just go into the woods off the trail. They are all standing around waiting for her when they hear this scream. They turn around just in time to see her come flying out of the woods backwards, still in her pee squat with her pants down.
 
ok so the first time i rode up the 3 chair in BC my dad thought it was an automatic bar? so at the last second he lifts the bar up, uses me to push himself off the lift and i continue to go round at the top heading back down the hill. luckily there was a rope to cut the lifts power so my ski caught that and i fell into 2ft of piled up snow.

also on a ski trip this girl fell off the lift at the top and got stuck on a automatic conveyer belt to carry people of the lift area. she got stuck for a 5 minutes and was really pissed and people still wind her up about that now and it was 2 years ago.

most recently i was skiing at a dry slope with my 2 friends. at the end of the dry slope is a huge grass patch and hill. my friend who has never skied on a dry slope before puts his skis together and go straight down the hill without turning or attempting to lose speed at all. at the end of the run he continued of the dry slope onto the grass and faceplanted straight away.

also this kid on our schools trip to the local snow dome crashed through 5 fences to stop you. he went through the first one lost a ski, continued through the second one and broke it, went on to the third continued through that and lost his other ski and then faceplanted into two nets in front of a wall. hes not allowed to ski at the dome until he passes a skiing test now.

thats all i got for now
 
At chestnuts terrain park their is a valley running along the side and a dead 30 foot drop to flat at theend of the trail with a chainlink fence infront of it and a wood stall next to the fence. So one day im riding up the chairlift with my body and we see this older couple waving their arms frantically so we look whatrs going on. their young daughter prolly no more than 5 years old is going down the massive incline devoid of any jumps or rails headed straight for the horse. She comes in at about 60 miles an hour and clears the horse proceeding to land head first into the very tippy top of the chainlink fence. dont now what happened but I thought that girl was dead.
 
err...

Well, earlier this season, the snow was crappy, so I was in the park. All was well, but then I saw this one stereotypical nser with a massive hole in his pants. I caught up with him near the bottom of the hill, and asked about his pants. Apparently, while he was afterbanging, he leaned back too far, and they tore.

CSB, I know.
 
So at 17 I got burned out on racing and decided to do something else. To make some money and get a free ski pass, I started teaching skiing in the 3 to 6 year old ski school. My supervisor didn't want to hire me because SHE thought that male instructors couldn't safely teach little kids, because guys lack the organizational skills. I was pretty much on probation before I even started. One perk of the job was that I was the only guy changing in a locker room full of women. One, Fiona, was French, and would strip down to her panties on occasion. 17 year old occupational hazard was trying not to pitch a circus tent in my long johns while this was happening.

SmilingBob.jpg


The bathroom procedure at that time was that all the kids would have to go into the woman's bathroom. There would be one instructor in the bathroom helping the kids head into the stalls and one would be in the lady's lounge. This was a room that was attached to the bathroom but separated by a door. Because I couldn't go into the bathroom, I was the one that helped get the kids out of their ski gear in the lady's lounge and then sent them into the bathroom. Then I had a few minutes to chill while the kids were in the bathroom before I had to help them get dressed to go outside again. At first it was a little weird being in the lady's lounge but I got used to it and the women that were in there usually thought I was amazing for doing this. A few of them told me I was going to make a great father, and I got some "do me" looks from the teen aged girls. All was going great until:

Sixteen-Candles-Farmer-Ted-Moments-farmer-ted-2481171-1600-900.jpg


One day I went into the lady's lounge, stripped down the kids, sent them into the bathroom and then sat down on the bench, as was my routine. When I turned around I was looking toward a huge window, and it was a sunny spring day. As my eyes were starting to adjust to the brightness and I was anticipating the normal smiles from the women occupants, I became perplexed by a strange rhythmical movement going on in front of me. My first thought was that, for some reason, a women had decided to take her shirt off and play one of these:

cmSQUEEZE_article_wideweb__430x286,0.jpg


Then it dawned on me that her breast was actually inside of this contraption. It was actually an earlier version of one of these:

Manual-Breast-Pump.jpg


I guess I was a pretty sheltered child, and I had no earthly idea what a breast pump was or why a woman would need to use one. As the woman looked up, the expression on my face would have been the same as when I first saw this scene from the original movie "Alien":

chest-burster.jpg


12835111145z7qhV.jpg


Evidently, my expression must have been somewhat alarming. She screamed, and I dove out of the lady's lounge.

01-home-protection.jpg


That was the last time any male instructor ventured into the lady's lounge.

Do-Not-Enter-While-Machinery-In-Motion.jpg


Looking back on this now, I think the funniest thing about this whole episode would have been my terrified description of the event to my supervisor.

Waynes_World_Suck_and_Cut.jpg
 
I can't top the OP, but I've got a decent lifty story.

Backstory:

Working the Monday night shift at the local hill is probably one of the more boring ways anyone could think of to consume 4 hours. After the initial excitement of being a newly trained lifty wore off, which was about as long as it took to taste the coffee in the lodge, we immediately began to devise ways of keeping entertained. Shovel races got boring after a little while, and we soon learned that 'the lifts are not toys', the boss is not to be screwed with and that the only time said boss ever seems to show up is 10 seconds after you press the carrier mark button for the 400th time and the retaliatory rings begin. The bitter ass snowcat drivers ran over every snow sculpture we ever built and loading passengers wasn't a viable option because there was usually about 5 people on the whole damn hill.

Real story:

About halfway through the season everything changed for the Monday night crew. Someone had discovered that if you got your trajectory just right you could hit the emergency crash mat from about 20 feet up and avoid major injury. After a week or two of increasingly progressive arial maneuvers taken to various body parts on the mat and a few taken to shapack in the surrounding snow, the progression had reached its limit and it was time to combine our new game with our existing talent for screwing with people. A fellow lifty found the perfect balance when he rode up with a member of the maintainence crew, and just as he got to the mat accidentally on purpose dropped his coffe cup, screamed an almighty FUCK! and dove right out after it. The poor guy just about shit himself, although he laughed just as hard as the rest of us when we explained the joke. A few more Mondays were passed like this until most of the staff that couldn't fire us and worked that night had been subjected to our game.

Then we ran out of staff.

Next thing I knew I had been convinced to ride up with a rather large gaper who, we reasoned would be too fat to do something stupid, like try to save me, causing him to fall and sue. So, the cup dropped, the FUCK! was shouted and down I went. The last image I'd seen before diving was the guy's face and I hit the mat killing myself laughing at his expression. I rolled over, looked up and got a full second of staring right into that same face before Fatty McFats slammed into me like a meteor and I got knocked out for a solid minute or two. Thankfully the guy was ok, we were able to bribe him with a few free tickets and nobody got fired. I learned a valuable lesson that day, and will never again overestimate in intelligence of the common gaper.

That ended up being a longer story than I thought, props if you read it all.

 
Holy crap, that is hilarious. How did he fall off? Was he trying to save you or did he just pitch forward? Nice contribution.
 
We never really knew. I thought it had been excecuted perfectly until I looked up, and everyone else told me the the guy just kind of tipped out. Naurally, our subject/victim/whatever wasn't in the mood to chat about it, so the mystery remains unsolved.

I've got some more lift related stories that I'll post a little later, but that one was probably my favourite.
 
Kinda similar... My friend was skiing at the end of the day through the trees we were hitting drops and stuff and he hits an awkward natural jump that throws him at a tree he stands up and says in a sort of groggy voice, I just shit my self we all burst out laughing realizing he wasnt joking and there was a bulging on the back of his
 
Couple years ago I started taking freestyle lessons. As I live in a country with no snow and mountains I had to take them at a dryslope. The dryslope and all the lifts are really old, I even learned a lot of skiing techniques there 15-16 years ago.

The lifts there look like this:
thumb200_maart%202011%20020.JPG


It is a tow lift, with fixed tow handles which u can grab and put between your legs as well. They are really annoying because the carrousel at the top of the "mountain" is too high up so cable moves up too high, all the way past your schoulders sometimes. To counter this everyone used to just lean on the cable to push it down a little.

One day at the top, I try to get off the lift when I notice something is wrong. I can't get away from the cable and my arm is stuck. The lift drags me along and pulls me up. I kind off panic because the fence is really close by and behind that is the carousel. Luckily someone pulls the emergency stop and the lift stops. So I'm hanging there with my arm 2.5 meters into the air stuck in the cable. Apparently the cable had started rotating and my jacket got wrapped around it. (like a shoelace around a bike pedal) So the lift was emergency stopped which was a big relief. Now to get off the cable. The instructor came up to me and said he had seen this once before. I asked how they got the kid off he told me they had to cut off the arm of the jacket. I was like no way this is a brand new jacket, no way in hell you are cutting it off. So I asked if he could gather some of the other students so they could push me over the cable as it was too high for me to get over on my own (also because of the tension my muscles where under, i was kinda hanging on my one arm) So 3 people had to push me over the cable 4 times to unwrap my jacket from the cable. Afterwords we all had a good laugh about it, but if nobody had stopped the lift I would have been really fucked.
 
i was trying to learn frontflips on a small jump. first few attempts were okay, got the flip around but landed on the knuckle or sitting/laying down. then me and my friends were riding up the lift and started yelling 'my anus is bleeding' and 'my spoon is too big' from this video.

we get to the jumps and i'm all pumped to stomp my first flip. i go at it, punch hard, tuck, then ............... pain. my tailpiece rammed my gooch hard. i freaked out and thought i now had two buttholes. later i laughed about the 'my anus is bleeding irony'
 
One of the old asistant managers at my company was an amputee, and had a prostetic leg below the knee. He still skied, but just cruised around. One day at the mountain he was wasted and ate shit. His prosthesis got turned around backwards, so all the people around him thought he was seriously injured, they all started freaking out, trying to help him out and telling him not to look at his leg. He looks down realizes what has happened, grabs his shin and screams ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh at the top of his lungs while he turns it back around, stands up and skis off. The people trying to help him about shit their pants.
 
Haha

I heard a story about something like that happening at my mountain. Apparently one of the ski patrol guys rode up a lift with a guy that had a fake leg, so he had the brilliant idea to stage an accident in the woods. The guy agreed to it and the rest of the ski patrol ended up getting a little surprise that day.
 
Weird shit seems to be the norm at the ski hill where I used to work. You just stop asking questions after a while, because when nobody knows answers to important questions like 'Why is that snowgun on fire?' and 'Where the hell is the track that's supposed to be on this snowmobile?', one naturally assumes that nobody knows anything and just gets back to pretending to work.

That said, some questions just don't have answers.

Case in point:

One particularly busy Saturday, the load ramp was being a flighty, granular bitch. Anyone who has worked as a lifty will know what I'm talking about. The snow simply refused to stay on the wood form and yet turned to solid ice as soon as it was dragged off by some kid's toeside edge and deposited in any number of undesirable places in the head trap. Once it got there, I was forced to corral it and return it to the load ramp. To do this as safely as possible I had devised a route that allowed me to run constant loops retrieving snow and piling it on the ever diminishing ramp, all while taking my eyes off the lift for, at most 20 seconds at a time.

The lift in question was a relatively benign detchable high speed quad, and glancing away for such a short anount of time seemed harmless. Plus it was necessary if I wanted to avoid being run over by the chairs.

Everything had been going swimmingly, until I heard a woman scream 'STOP THE LIFT!'

Shit.

I whirled around, slammed the button and my jaw dropped. In the space of, tops, 10 seconds, the loading area had turned into the ski lift equivilant of a train wreck. Here's the rundown:

One kid sitting in chair, no skis.

One kid lying behind the chair, holding kid #1's skis

One hysterical mother peering under the chair, I assumed to find her skis.

One helmet rolling away

Poles everywhere

A lot of carnage for 10 seconds, but managable. Then I realized why mom was looking under the chair. Right in the middle of the whole debacle was kid #3. I hadn't noticed him under the chair at first as he was wedged in there pretty good. Upon further inspection, it was revealed that somehow he had managed to get his head stuck between the two beams supporting the terminal so tightly that he couldn't even slide his head out of his helmet.. His body was stuck under the chair, and I shudder to think of what might have happened to the kid if I had been a little slower to react.

It took 3 people holding the carrier back and another two pushing on the kid's head to get him out. To this day I have no idea how he could have possibly gotten his head stuck in there. The offending posts have since been padded up.

My apologies for another long one, but it was a true WTF moment.

 
Not really too awesome but I was skiing in crested butte a season ago, in phoenix bowl if anybody knows where that is and I was hauling out of the end of the run, because it opened up. I wasn't paying a ton of attention and being dumb, There was a kind of fork in the line I was taking both sides looked good but the left side got blocked by some dude I saw at the last second, so I cut right pretty hard and saw that the right side of the tree was just a huge drift of snow probably 4 feet high lol I hit this going really fast and got ejected from my skis, flew atleast 15-20 feet no jokes. I landed next to this dude hiking out and he was like "holy shit dude where the fuck did you come from haha?" I didn't have a scratch on me and I stood up and went to retrieve my skis.
 
So I got two Killington Stories that are ok.

Story 1) Me and my buds we shredding all day and during the day some guy was about to drop into Ovation and ended up having a heart attack and died. We found out in line for the k-1 gondola. When we were riding up (with some random dude) we were talking about what happened. Then we asked the random dude if he heard about it. He said "Yea I was actually there, I'm a doctor and tried to save him." We all were like wtf, and asked him if it was fucked up. He said, "I deal with this all the time, do you guys smoke?" Well long story short we smoked with the doctor and then did a run with him.

Story 2) Pow day at killy, but everything was tracked, so we saw some fresh pow by powerlines and ended up riding down the back side of the mountain and it took us 10 hours to get out. I guess it happens to alot of noobs because we found two other people down there. The one kid had alpine trekkers and left us because we were moving too slow. Funny thing is we made it out right before dark and that kid was still lost with his phone about to die. we still don't know what happen to that dude.
 
Another one, we we skiing on a storm day at homewood, there were about 12" to 18" of fresh, having a great time laping the same lift all day. About halfway through the day, we get down to the main run next to the lift, which if you know homewood, there had been nobody at all day. My buddy infront of me pulls down his pants to moon me, then decides to throw a 1 off of a little roller and falls straight on his bare ass. I ski up to him and there was a small brown and red streak in the snow, apparently when he fell, he cut his asshole and shit a little bit. He was in pain and I just couldn't stop laughing....one of the funniest things i've ever seen on the mountain, but every time I tell the story, the reaction I get is wtf!?!?
 
I have a homie that on his first cork three attempt, landed so backseat that he literally sat down and took his look pivot 14 up the ass - He had to receive 10 stitches in the hospital and had to sit on a ring for the better part of three months. I have pictures but I don't think you guys would enjoy seeing them
 
It was a rainy ass Wednesday night this past season towards the end of the year and I was having fun lapping the rope with a couple homies, all of a sudden I see a couple flashes of lightning. Me not thinking much of it, I went down to the lift to get on so I could get to my car at the top of the hill before they shut the lift off.

So we get on the lift and we are about 100 yards from the unloading point (we were sitting at the highest point) and the lift stops. And we kept seeing/hearing big cracks of lightning all around us. The lift actually stopped because it had lost power due to the storm. The ski patrol guy comes out of the hut up top and yells to us that they were going to do a lift evacuation and it would take about 20 mins to get us off. The realization that I was on a metal chair attached to a metal cable while soaking wet on the top of a hill during a thunderstorm didn’t sit too well with me and I was actually scared as fuck.

Somehow they got the generator to kick on and we finally got off the lift after sitting there for what felt like much longer than the 5 minutes it was. I Was skiing down to the top parking lot to get to my car, and all of a sudden (maybe 30-45 seconds after I got off the lift) this big ass bolt of lightning hits the lift tower that our stopped chair was right under. At that point I didn’t know what the hell to think and all I could think on the drive home was that I dodged death by about 30 seconds.

I watched this out of the corner of my eye, but to back this heavy claim about a week later I was talking to some of the lifties about the whole incident, and they said they bolt actually did hit the lift tower.
 
2 stories here.

1: We were shredding the spring day with a pretty good sized group, and I was charging along at the front just doing our usual hot lap so I only heard about this after the fact. Basically one of our snowboarder friends was taking it easy for a second when another snowboarder in yellow pants came up and behind him and sprayed him with a huge ton of spring slush and pushed him over. This was clearly not done in a nice way. Naturally a skier friend from our crew who was at least a few beers deep saw this, and skied a bit below him, then while hitting an air came up and shoved the perpetrator over. We all continued our lap, and stopped on a cat track where this exact story was relayed to all of us. Apparently the snowboarder was behind us, but definitely coming our way. We were running a crew at least 8 strong with a few intimidating looking people in the mix. The snowboarder comes around the corner before the final groomer, and we start to yell at him, at which point he decides to say fuck it and instead of taking the groomer, avoids us by going down a very moguled steep trail. We go out to the bottom of said trail, at which point we've all decided, if he wants to start shit, he can, but its probably not worth it. He boards off while yelling stuff, and everyone else yells back at him. We haven't seen him since, so we're keeping our eyes peeled.

2. Riding the tram during COVID at the bird this year, and there are maybe 20 people in the cabin, so pretty roomy. One guy isn't wearing a mask so the tram operator hands him one and says he has to wear it. He puts it on, and then starts to go on a fucking tirade about how it's all fake, and the whole thing is bogus. Literally everyone tells him shut up, we don't want to hear you spewing gibberish, as he starts to go on and on about the size of the virus. He yells, "NANOPARTICLES THEY'RE FUCKING NANOPARTICLES! YOU GUYS ARE ALL FUCKING SHEEPLE." some 15 year old in the tram then yells at him, "HEY, I THINK I HAVE SOME NANOPARTICLES ON MY DIIIIIIIICK." This shut him up because he realized he cannot fight a 15 year old without legal repercussions, but needless to say one of the best tram rides of the year.
 
The other day at a Mary Jane lot (unpaved, unmonitored) I had to snipe a spot. It was a little tight, but fine. Everyone does it. Before I even opened my door this severe douche looking kook is walking around my car eyeing it, looking at other cars, looking around, then proceeds to tell me I have to move my car. We had words, I told him to fuck himself, and he said he'd be sure to clip my car on the way out. Anyway, a couple hours later I see this pussy skiing alone and he had 2-foot long orange pieces of cloth attached to each of his pole handles for visibility or something, and a fucking N95 mask on.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top