Most WTF Ski Stories!!!!!!

Mr.Huck

Mr.Huck

Active member
I know there have been similar threads on this, but I Searchbarred and didn't find any that had more than 2 stories and they were usually about crashes. Here's my contribution:

Vail Resorts Ski School used to have something called the Extreme Skiing Workshop. It was Chris Anthony's deal, and I was one of his coaches. It turned into almost like a vertical feet challenge with basically non-stops in the bowls all day long, with about a 15 minute lunch break.

One day only one guy shows up for the workshop and he tells me he just wants to get as many runs as possible. This statement would prove to be very ironic. We basically ski our asses off all day and at the end of the day we are coming up Chair 5 and the guy tells me he is going to have to hit the bathroom at the top of the lift. He explains that it is pretty urgent. I thought he had to piss and jokingly told him he could always go on "manual hold". He said that it was actually the other problem. "Oh".

We get off the lift and he starts skating as fast as he can over to the bathroom, but he slows down and I feared the worst. He goes into the bathroom and doesn't come out again for over half an hour. When he comes out, he tells me that he didn't quite make it. The guy had been wearing a one-piece suit and had basically filled it up. He had just thrown his underwear and longjohns in the toilet and had done his best to clean out his suit.

The guy had a pretty good sense of humor about it. When he told me what happened, the only thing I could say is "Shit happens". He said that he "still felt pretty crappy about the whole thing". Basically I think that we skied so hard that certain muscles kind of gave out. Secretly, I became known as the only instructor in Vail who had actually skied the "living shit" out of someone.
 
holy shit, no pun intended.

i don't think i have anything at the moment that can top that, but i'll try to think of something. dude wtf
 
Hahahaha, that's awesome. I don't think I really have any good WTF stories, certainly nothing on that level, but I am excited to see what gets posted in here.
 
Under the circumstances, he wasn't really in the mood to pose for pics. He was a Vail Local, who day traded stocks from his home and skied almost every day. I used to see him occasionally, but we never talked again. It was a little too awkward.

I know there have got to be some MOAR WTF stories. Post em up.
 
I saw patrol roll a snowmobile in the park once attempting to drift going downhill (real smart,) that was pretty funny.
 
I have a friend who overshot a jump and popped his pants on impact. not as good as your story, but kinda similar.
 
once riding up the triple chair at my mountain, i saw a snowmobile flying down the hill and then like 10 seconds later a ski patroller running after it. twas lols
 
somewhat related, my friend did a 360 off a jump, landed deep, and afterbanged so hard he shit his pants.... it was really funny. not nearly as good as OP though...
 
Since nobody else is, I will throw out another one that is kind of a two fer.

Pre-story for context:

GQ Magazine did an article on a few Vail Instructors. The reporter got these guys drunk and got them bragging. Some of what the instructors said was complete BS, like how they could leave their clients at the top of China Bowl and ski non-stop back to Lionshead, shower, change and be there to meet them at the bar when they got down. At that time there was no way to get from the top of China Bowl to Lionshead without taking a lift and we have never had showers in our locker rooms.

What got these guys in trouble and ultimately fired was their detailed descriptions of some of their female clients that they had been sleeping with. It was clear to the women, and more importantly to their husbands, who the instructors were talking about. So basically the article made it seem like every Vail Instructor was a sleazy bastard. Some would argue that was true but that is beside the point.

Story:

A little while after the GQ article came out, I am riding up the beginner chair lift with a female instructor friend. You get used to hearing instructors yelling different things on the beginner hill (TURN, SLOW DOWN, WEDGE), but on this occasion we hear an instructor repeatedly yelling SWALLOW!!!!! We couldn't see who the instructor was, but we both thought exactly the same thing. OMG, an instructor is getting a BJ on the side of the beginner hill. Holy shit, everything that they said about instructors is true. Later we found out what was really going on.

An instructor was skiing with a girl who had Cerebral Palsy. Apparently skiing required so much concentration for her that she would forget to swallow. She would literally be skiing down the hill with a 3 foot strand of drool trailing her if the instructor didn't remind her to swallow. Not making fun at all of her condition. What was insanely funny, and became the inside joke for that season, was the fact that everyone on the beginner hill came to the same conclusion when they heard the guy. For at least the rest of the season, it was pretty common to be standing with a group and have someone ski by yelling SWALLOW!!!

 
Back in the day, I heard of a closed course step down jump, where those fancey twin tippers do their tricks for the cameras.

A guy did a Cork 360 of a pretty big, poorly built jump -- Not comming out of his cork it was a Cork 360 to front ski tips into the landing, thus propelling him face first into the snow at an incredible speed, so hard that snow and ice got lodged behind his eye lid.

This resulted in a TKO of course and his limp body slid down the landing and eventually came to a stop.

There the sleds and patrollers invaded his personal space while he was TKO'd completely unconscious and when he finally came to, several minutes later the patrollers were in the midsts of strapping him down to a board.

Unaware of where he was, or that he had even been skiing and got smashed up on the jump, he snapped like an animal being wheeled off to the circus.

With his free leg he smoked a patroller in the chest, unstrapped his other leg and brawled with his captors/ potentially rescuers unconscious of what had happened.

Eventually the suspect was recapturned by a mob of do-gooders, wheeled to the hospital and given some morphene to put him in check.

 
holy shit. hahahahaha. and i think in this situation its just a ko, unless the referee had to stop the fight. reminds me of the scene from independence day where the alien comes to life and starts killing all the scientists haha

 
It's about a crash... But somewhere in the poconos, maybe big bear? Or something bear.. Anyway, when I was little we would always ski through the tree cause it was fun, and people would always say your were gonna hit one and get hurt. When we were skiing down some run, a tree on the left side of the hill had bloody snow all around the base and there was a guy scooping it up with a bucket. Wasn't anybody I knew, and I was just surprised to see somebody scooping it up.
 
This one doesn't top the OP but here goes. This one was a little scary for me at first, and I still don't know what happened to the guy, I hope he was okay. I was skiing last year and I saw some skis stuck in snow in the symbolic "X". I stopped right in front of these two guys because they were standing at the top of a trail I was about to go down. They were both standing up and talking and I could tell something was wrong with once of them. I think maybe he was just sitting down and then got up or something. Anyway one of the guys just falls backwards and passes out and his friend frantically tried to elevate his head by shoveling snow underneath it. Someone from ski patrol took him away and later on I saw an ambulance. I was pretty worried, I hope that guys is okay.
 
Hahahaha. I just noticed this, and lost it. Yes the guy wore a red one

piece and he would probably be in his mid 50's now. I can't remember

whether he wore sunglasses or goggles but I think goggles. That would be truly the most wtf thing ever if you actually knew this guy.
 
I was in the gondala (ganjala) at Killington and there's a family of four (husband wife boy girl) a 60 year old man and me. And the old guy starts ripping a bowl. It was kind of funny
 
alright so my story is a little fucked not a lol fucked but a family fucked
I was teaching this private lesson up at my local mountain when we stopped for a break and the kids dad that came over and gave his son a "beaver tail and for those of you who don't know what that is it is this
beaver-tail.bmp

So the kid who is around 8 or 9 finnishes up his beaver tail and we start heading to the rope toe. This kid is a beginer though and is skiing without poles because it is easier to teach him. While we are skating over he takes off one glove and puts his finger in his mouth, I had just thought that he had gotten something stuck in his teeth while eating and didn't think much of it while I was skating behind him. Then all over a sudden projectile vomit comes shooting out of his mouth all over his skis and the snow in front of him. I quickly skate up and ask him if he is alright where he responded that he was fine. I then asked him what he had done and he said that he had stuck his finger in his mouth like mommy did. I was completely in shock and didn't know what to say so we continued our lesson until his father came to pick him up. I then let the father know what his son and done and said when he then apologized to me walked over to the son where he grabbed him by the back of the neck and yell at him "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU, YOU FUCKING FREAK. DO YOU LIKE BEING RETARDED?". I was dumbstuck and just didn't know what to say or do. To this day i firmly believe that family like that are where serial killers are born.
 
Damn thats funny, i was ripping it in the ganjala at killy and after i packed the bowl i left my bag on my lap. I was so gone that i just ended up forgeting it was there and got up to exit at the top and left 3 gs in the ganjala at killy! i made someones day last year....
 
i once saved a kid on an anchor/t-bar lift, he didn't know ho to take the lift and stuck the whole t-bar between his legs instead of sitting/leaning on one of the arms, halfway up he fell down and to the side where there were trees, his one leg and ski still hooked behind the t-bar, so i skied off the trail and hung onto his t-bar, i clicked him out of his skis so he's free and wouldn't get caught in a tree and pull a muscle (since he was still hooked behind the t-bar with his right foot)Then his father, on the t-bar behind, steps off and begins to shit on me how i pushed his son off the t-bar, saying how he's gonna call skipatrol, pushing me to the side talking crap about me. In the mean time a snowboarder saw what i had done, knowing it was the right thing to do in the circumstance, and came in to try and cool down the skier dad, but he also just pushed him out of the way, i saw time to get back up, i gave him the finger and skied down ...biggest douchebag ever ....
 
That's just wrong. I think I would have seen this coming when I saw the dad handing the kid a pastry the size of a pizza to eat by himself. This dad sounds like he was in dire need of therapy.
 
when i worked at timberline. this snowblader came into the bottom of palmer. and he walked up to me and i saw some blood on his forehead. and he has this glazed over look in his eyes so i ask him. hey man you alright. he stares at me.. pulls off his beanie and a flap of his scalp comes with it and i see his skull and then he passes out.. i Scream FUCK!!!!!!,, call patrol and hes gets carted off, another liftie story.. going down mile canyon. low snow one side is all rock.. i se a guy laying in the rocks and both of his legs are going the wrong way... i run up to him.. and i can tell hes in shock, i ask him if he feels anything and he is like. well you know what my finger kinda hurts.... i call patrol on my cell phone. and this guy got air lifted to the hospital.... the guy ducked a rope and launched of the edge of mile canyon in to a rock field.... FUCK
i over shot a jump once and pissed myself a little...... not a total piss.
 
A friend of mine was riding up a four person lift with his mom, a stranger and himself. This stranger was wearing a faced mask on a not so cold day and has very long grey nasty hair. As they went up the lift on the left hand side of the lift after you get on there is an underwear tree. The stranger then pulled out a ziplock baggie and said in a high pitched voice"excuse me i dont have a good arm can you throw this it the tree for me". My friends was like "uuhhmmm.... NO". Needless to say the bag was filled with underwear. My friend and his mom told me and a couple other people about it and thought it was pretty weird but it got worse. We talked to some of the people who work at the ski shop at our mountain and they asked what the stranger looked like. We told them and they laughed. It turns out the strangers name was Mitch at one point but changed it to Mikenzee. On top of that the face mask was to cover up her face not because she was cold but because Mitch got surgery to look more like Mikenzee. They person is a transvestite and skis at my mountain all the time.
Me and another friend rode up the lift with it another time and it was a very uncoforetable situation.
 
Next time I am in Vail, I must find you. Solely to give you a high five, for this amazing thread.
 
It's still summer, I'm bored and wanted to see if anyone has any new material to add to this. Post up.
 
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