Mad beck moves in by stealth
This one house I lived in in the mid ninteys had developed a reputation as a house of sin. A batchelor pad from hell. With my two flatmates John and Nigel, we had collectively removed a wall (So John could see the TV from his bedroom), destroyed the kitchen with exploding homebrew beers, had more parties than ought be legal, pissed the neighbors off no end , developed a "special place" in the local constabularys hearts and generally lived the good life of the batchelor.
Now all of us where fairly , shall we say, feral. I myself was a fairly hardcore student specialising in "Tavernology 101". Its amazing how many years a degree can take by not actually turning up. John was THE character all those pot paranoia films we laugh about where based upon , and a mean guitarist too. And nigel was a stage roadie who vaguely remembered being sober once. There where a cast of plenty of assorted musicians, potheads, "party girls", and welfare wizards who at any point of time would be asleep on our couch , drinking beer in our bathtub, vomiting in the backyard or ... well you get the picture.
Now one day, coming home from university I find sitting in the front yard an unseemly but not untypical looking redhaired girl sitting in the front yard amongst a pile of cigarette butts.
"Uh hey, who are you?" I ask.
"OH HI! I'm Beck, I'm waiting for nigel."
"Right cool. Come in and have a beer."
Later Nigel strolls in. "Hi Beck!". "Hi Nigel.". We set about getting smashed. Next morning I wake up, she's asleep on the couch. No big deal. Theres usually some hungover fool on the couch.
Over the next few days, the piss ups keep happening (Again , not unusual) and she keeps sleeping on the couch. By this time she's part of the furniture.
The warning signs should of started becoming aparent. The house is clean. Theres a new pink toothbrush in the kitchen. Theres a fucking fern in the lounge room. But being as we where, we hadnt noticed this. And anyway. She's Nigels mate. Whatever.
So a month passes by. She's pretty much living on the couch. By this point of time, she's fucking John, and the lad has fallen head over heels for her, and it all seems pretty normal.
Cue 5am. I get a knock on my bedroom door.
"WAKE UP! ITS TIME FOR TITANIUM COFFEE".
"wha?" I yell out, "Go back to bed Beck, I've only just gone to bed myself."
"WAKE UP! TITANIUM COFFEE".
The door flips open and she stumbles in with this MAD bug eyed look in her eye. I'm making vague Anger noises, and she squats down right over my crotch and leans over and tries to kiss me. She spills a cup over of hot water into the bed. The water is full of nuts and bolts and twigs and all sorts of mad shit. Oh yeah, she's not wearing a thing.
"Oh I spilt the titanium coffee. Wanna fuck?" she blurts out.
I push her off me and leap out of bed, the wang swinging in the wind, grab my rug and wrap myself in it. Shes lying on the floor gargling. "What the fuck beck? Your with John and youve just spilt a cup of hot water and twigs and bolts all over my bed."
She gurgles something about titanium coffee, goes to stand up then falls over. Its pretty clear somethings wrong.
I walk into johns room and wake him up. "John man, beck came in, tried to fuck me , is ranting wierd shit about coffee and cant walk properly. Somethings wrong."
John gets up looks in my room , swings around and says "Did you fuck her?". "Brothers honor bro. Mates dont date mates dates." He goes to get her a dressing gown, and we help the clearly out of her brain girl dress. She pisses herself in the process. In my fucking room.
John then says "You deal with her man. I'm Sick of her shit." and goes off to bed. So I sit there for the next 4 or 5 hours trying to get this girl sane. She just gurgles , rolls her eyes around her head and keeps ranting about "titanium coffee." The kitchen by the way had been trashed by her. "Gravox" gravy powder was spilt everywhere. The food was strewn out of the fridge. Yeah man, she had obviously been going off in there.
Finally at around 10am I decide to take her to the doctors, and after getting her dressed, lead her across the suburb to the doctors surgery. What should take a ten minute walk takes over an hour. She keeps falling over.
Well the doctor knew straight away what was going on. "Frontal lobe epilepsy. She'll be mad as a nutter for the next two weeks. You have to keep an eye on her.". "Can we just put her in hospital?" I ask. "No. Shes not a threat to anyone or her self." the doctor offers.
That night us lads sit around the table to discuss what the fuck to do about beck;-
"John, its your girlfriend. You deal with her." I say to john. He looks at me all pissed off. "Uh huh. Im breaking up with the mad bitch. I want nothing to do with her."
"Its your friend! YOU do something about her", Nigel says to me.
I look at nigel all puzzled. "Mate, she was YOUR friend. Remember? I come back home and she's waiting for you."
Nigel looks puzzled. "No dude , That day she was first over, I came home from work, and she was out the front, and she said 'Hey, I was waiting for you guys to get here'. I figured she was one of your mates, I talked her a bit. She seemed cool, but I couldnt let her stay inside when I went out again.".
We look at John. "Uh no guys, I met her when she was pissing up with you guys."
The amazing revelation hit us there. This batshit insane girl picked a house at random and just moved in. And us lads, stoned as ever DIDNT EVEN NOTICE a new person moving into our 4 bedroom house.
Well, anyway, we decided she had to go. We ruffled her bag and found her adress book. Pretty soon we had located her parents and they rushed over. Turns out the girl had gone missing a month and a half previously from the local mental ward and thus hadnt been having her medication , causing her to have an attack of the crazies. They took beck home, and presumably got her readmitted to hospital.
And it was a shame. Madness aside, beck was kind of cool. She could drink with the best of them and when she was sane she was good people.
I never really saw beck again after that. Story has it she married some finance dude, had kids, went mad again and now lives fairly permanantly in an asylum somewhere. As crazy as she was, I'm sure all the lads miss her.
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Some people are trying to snowboard here!
Oh I get it. Sorry to ruin your day.
