Most rediculous thing your parents have said to you.

Me-I'm going skiing tomorrow

mom- No its going to snow

dad-isnt that the point?

Mom-Reed what was your test grade

Me-90 b+

Mom-Why wasnt it an A?

Me-Because I missed 3

Mom-Go to your room i don;t accept B's
 
not a 7 or 9 point scale.

My mom is an enabler for skiing so I'm set there

"are you taking a ceramics class? this glass is really nice!" (yeah, she found a bong.)
 
my mom said a minute ago cuz of my grades: "ship up, or shape out..."( trying to say shape up or ship out!)hahahah
 
i siad something was gay while we were riding in the car and my mom said:
"nathaniel don't say that, i know many gay people and most of them are the smartest and most sucessful people i know." Honestly i would take it as a complement"
I said(after a 3 second pause):
"mom, your gay"
 
I go upstairs holding my skis and wearing my outerwear

Stepmom: going snowboarding today?

at the dinner table

Stepmom: a milf? what's that?

Mom: a "mother I'd like to fuck".

everyone else: uhh........ ok then.

Mom: why don't you find a nice jewish boy?

Me: mom, I'm not jewish.

Mom: yeah, but...

I show my mom a picture of my roommate and one of my classmates-a guy in 3rd year japanese.

Mom: he looks jewish.

Me: uhh yeah maybe.

Mom: I was just thinking, if you're both interested in Japan you could go live there.

Me: um.....
 
Its funny my friends that smoke pot are all unemployed or ski bums
while..
My friend that do coke are investment bankers and traders
 
Well one time my mom got my dad dick tacs for his birthday. There like tic tacs but shaped like dicks........
 
i know right???
one time me and my friends went there and came back out to find the car is dead, and of course no jumper cables, so after debating on what to do we call my friends supper rich (like hundreds of millions) uncle, he comes out and gives us a jump haha, we only called him though incase there was something really wrong with the car, then he would be obligated to take back to his castle, haha
^^^true story^^^^
 
my dad has a habit of doing this

"GET DOWN HERE AND PICK UP ALL THIS FUCKING SHIT!"

me-what shit?

him-that towel and...just pick up your fucking towel.

total douche but hes super funny.
 
haha. when i was like 9 on vacation in florida, my brother and i were yelling "allah akbar" out of the windows hella loud and everybody looked at us funny. then my mom was like, "so am i your taxi driver or something?"
all three of us laughed soooo hard
 
Hahaha, so typical of my dad. Does it with peoples' shoes all the fucking time. I hope I'm not as obsessed with my kids picking shit up as my dad is.
 
to day at dinner my mom was like trying to get me to explain my gf to my stepdad

and i did not want to so...

mom "peter tell rick about your cute little gf"

me "no mom now is not the right time"

so my mom goes on to explain her

mom "ya honey her name is TYLER"

step dad "what your a gay!'

me "dami't mom you just had to"

step dad "i cant have you turn gay to"

his real son is like 26 and a real homo

mom "ya so anyways his name is TYLER and he has a beard and nipple rings"

step dad "sigh you kids these days"

me "oh my god mom fuck off"

and i left
 
chicks named taylor are usually bangin' hot, in my personal experience. this leads me to believe that you are dating a bangin' hot chick and therefore i shall give you props and some +karma.
 
ya thanks boys ya she is bangen hot

like perfect bod

and ya my mom just likes to make fun of me like oh my little boy is growing up and im 16
 
not really saying something but this is up there.
so I got some old beater invaders for urban from a friend. He invited me up to hi cabin the weekend my parents do there cleaning. long story short my dad threw out my new elizabeths because i got "new" skis and those other ones were taking up space. Luckily he maned up to his mistake and but me another pair.
 
we have an on going joke (maybe?) that my sister is a giant lesbian, and i said that to my mom somewher e in a conversation about sex, and all of a sudden my mom was like:

"yeah, your sister and i have giant incestual lesbian sex!!!"

my boyfriend and i were like what the fuck.....
 
wow if i was you i would have shit a brick and flipped out i would be so pissed

you dont just throw out skis

i would freak
 
me "some ski patrol guy was telling me to get a helmet it was awkward"
dad "i wish you would to"
me "huh?"
dad "yeah the way you go down the hill, and throw yourself over those ramps"
me "are you serious? you taught me how to ski back in the day, and you never made me wear a helmet, so its pretty much your fault i dont now..."
dad "oh well.... ah.... i never thought you would be racing down the hill like you do now..."
me "haha... what did you think i would be doing 12 years after you taught me? did you think i would still be tethered to you?"
dad "ah well.... i...ah..... im just saying me and your mom dont want to have to change your diapers when you hit a tree full force with your head... and are paralized for the rest of your life...."
me "just kill me if i am ever like that"
dad "we probably would"
 
my parents dont say stupid things, they just say no to stuff that i want to do and have no reasons for it.
 
not to me but to my friends little bro
mom- get out of the house isnt their a party or something where all your friends are. we dont want you here
little bro- (he never left)
 
That party last night sure was crazy

This is the next morning after New Years after they walked down stairs to me and 50 of my closest friends playing Beer Pong on like 3 different tables and people scattered everywhere in mmy freinds basement with music blarring yada yada a normal huge party you would go to
 
I was talking to my mom about sleeping over at my friend's house on New Years-the roads were bad, I didn't want to get hit by a drunk driver. She wanted me home, I said, "Mom, do you know how good my friends are? What do you expect, I'm going to sleep with every guy there and do a lot of meth?" she replied, "Leah, sex happens. Drinking happens. Drugs happen."

Where I went, we just chilled and watched movies. Where she went, they all got super drunk and started shocking themselves with the dogs' shock collar. yeah.

My dad also told me I was "eroding his trust" for bringing a book into a room he told me not to, when i was cleaning and told me, "it doesn't mean that we love you any less, just that I have problems trusting you now."
 
i'm 18 and live on my own in Breckenridge. Went home for the holidays, and wanted my mom to drop me off at my friends house.

She poiint blank refused, becuase she wasn't sure for certain if there were parents home or not. So i'm like mom, you are aware that I live on my own, and my friends come over all the time and theres no parents?

She got mad that she didn't like my attitude and tried to ground me...but i'm pretty sure that doesnt work
 
I go into my moms room to say goodnight one night, after putting on acne stuff.

Mom: You smell like alcohol

Me: Ok mom

Mom: Well be careful

Me: Mom it's acne stuff

My friend Will (Junior in HS) was partying with his brother (Freshman at college) and his brothers friends after their parents went to bed. His dad comes down eventually and says to his brother and friends: "Guys, Will is young!"
 
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