Most rediculous thing your parents have said to you.

I was trying to put something together i cant remember what

Me: "Dammit i cant get this thing in!!!"

My Dad: "Hopefully you didnt have that problem with colleen (my gf) last night"

i just looked at him
 
Mom - "If i catch you smoking weed im gonna ground you forever."

me- "But i found your weed yesterday!" (joking)

Mom - " WHY WERE YOU IN MY CLOSET??!"
 
Hahaha, that's great. I'm not gonna lie, I love it when dads say shit like that. Reminds me of a conversation I had with mine when I was going out with my first girlfriend.

"How are things going with your girl?"

"Eh... OK. She's kinda annoying me actually, I think I might end it soon"

"Oh? Well you should get a few other options lined up first. Don't wanna go cold turkey now that you're finally getting some"

"Dad, that was wrong on so many levels"

"Can't have a dry spell after a monsoon, Andrew. I'd wait"

"..."
 
we were driving to steamboat and passes this park/campgroup called gateway park.

my dad says "huh gateway park would be a great place to get away with a kegger party without permission. you know since you are underage and all."

hmmm i take that as a sign to go have a kegger there...

 
ahahahha. see the thing is, im not really sure if my parents know im doing it or not... so im never sure whether to laugh like its all a joke, because they really have no idea, or like its for real. it puts me in an awkward spot.
 
Hahaha that's hilarious. I wish my dad was more like yours. Mine is always super stressed out and it's really awkward to talk to him.
 
mom: ayeee josh!(my mom wasted) come sit down here and have a glass of wine with me

me: id rather have a beer

mom: okay here you go
 
as my mom finds my pants in my closet

parents "woah what kinda plants are these?!?"

me "mothers day present!"
 
Mum: "I think you should be a lesbian until your 20. hmm then find a nice boy and have children when your 30. I want grand children. Just don't get pregnant. Actually do when you're 30 but not til then." Me: "what" Mum:"Just become a lesbian". Me:"Mum I have a boyfriend" Mum: "Oh Yeah. Shit well this was pointless." Me:"Yeah mum whatevs" and walked off.

Yeah cool story haha
 
Dad: " When the cereal bowls get old they start to absorb the liquid you put in them and then you have to buy new ones. "

Me: "No."

Dad: Yes.

Hahahah what the fuck.
 
have you been to france? 80% of the population there are either depressed, or are complete assholes. my dads entire side of the family lives there. and if i were to move there it would either be paris, or angers.... no mountains, unless you drive a few hours away (i wont have a car there) so that would be pointless. ive lived there before, and hated it. seriously, such a cold and bitter environment (people wise)
 
Mom-What are you doing? Whats with all that music in the background?

Me- Mom, We're getting hyphy!

Mom-Don't know what that is-wait, your getting high?

Me-No mom, we're just going stoopid.

Mom-shut up.

Me-PUT YO STUNNA SHADES ON

Mom-Dylan i cant understand you

Me-GHOST RIDE DA WHIP

Mom-K bye.
 
let me start off by saying i dont like my mom, i havent spoken to her in over a year she lives in seattle i live in portland she is a stay at home girl friend and has no job she is 45 lives with her boyfriend who she wont marry until alamony payments stop in 2 years.

now the story: se calls me 24 times in 20 minutes i dont pick the phone up on the first 23 times, i do on the 24th

she says im coming down to visit you when is a good time?

i say i dont know i will call you back after i look at my schedule.

i call her back and say im not doing anything on sunday after skiing around 5

she says im not wasting 8 hours of my sunday to come and see you

i hang up the phone

she calls back and says she didnt mean it and that she is under a ton of stress from the economy and asks if i think its the end of the world

i laugh out loud and hang up the phone.

she didnt call back
 
Mom- "the clothes you buy look like your a 300 lb homeless man."

"Tyler we are very proud of how you made over 6000 this summer but i think you should put all of the 3000 you have left away and get a job

Me- why i made 3000 i should be allowed to get new speakers atleast.

Mom- speakers are you kidding me if i hear you with those thump thump speakrs going down my road out of control ill take a ice pic to your car!"

me- technically its your car?"

 
not my parents, but my buddys dad. at his grad party, right before we went to college, and he is telling us about partying.

"you aren't going to enjoy just sitting around, i know that, but you gotta do your work first. its like my buddies in college. we would all do our homework, then when we were done, we'd go tell our RA and he'd say ok lets get drunk and wreck shit."

another great one was him calling my friend a fag for 2 weeks straight cuz he got his ears pierced
 
these are all ridiculous...i love it.

over the summer i got a ticket doing like 80 in a 55 or something and so i get the thing in the mail for it and my dad walks in the kitchen takes it out of my hand reads it looks at me and says well...80 is 80 its straight up and just walks away.

it was great.
 
Mom found a bowl and a gram scale in my room.
" hey i found a pipe and a viedo game memory card in your room."me- "oh yeah i knew it was there, pipes my friends"her- " okay but why was there two boxes of ziplocks up there two"me- "stuff"oh okay
 
mom- you need to eat more fruit

me- no mom get off me im good

mom- here eat a banana

me- NO MOM YOU EAT ONE!!

mom- dont drive to school today

me-how will i get to school then?

mom-get in your car and drive

me- oh ok mom gotcha....
 
not my dad but a friends. 3 of us walk into his house and we see 2 wine bottles on the counter and his dad and mom watching soccer on the couch

Logan: hey dad, hows the game?

dad: games good, but speaking of yellow cards i went and walked seans dog today we went all the way up and down the big hill

logan:dad what does that have to do with yellow cards?

Dad thinks long and hard: Hmmm...... nothing
 
my dad was tryin to tell my sister and i to shut up when we were on a road trip when we were like 12 and he screamed at us:

"stop jerkin off back there"

my mom almost died lol
 
mom: why do you wear your pants so low? it looks like you just took a huge dump in your pants!!!

mom: i wish you'd stop being influenced by your friends. if they all jumped off a cliff, would you do that too?

me: haha if there was snow or water below it
 
me: mom im scared im gonna injure my knee skiing again

mom: its ok honey just be careful skiing, dont do those jumps or rails, dont ski in the trees either that's dangerous and try to not go too fast... or just dont ski, choose another sport like ice skating!!

me: ha..ha.. ok mom thanks!!

my dad as i walk out the door to chill with friends "just remember cocaine is bad for you!"

my dad whos pretty much just learning to ski... haha was like "oh now you can just give me your old pair of skis! (164 k2 PE's), you only need 1 pair of skis"

when i came to my dad's house baked (I'm not stupid he just doesnt care, he used to sell weed in high school haha) he goes "ohh maan haha nothing you can do" (to himself)
 
i walk in blazed as fuck and start eating pickles

dad: Serge, go do your homework.

me: dad, its July...

mom: Serge, ive noticed your legs have become alot stronger since ski season started.

me: you look at my legs?

mom: have you been taking anything like steroids to make your legs stronger?

me: why would i...

mom: well i'd think it'd be to get the girls to look at you.

me: at my legs?

10 seconds

me: mom, youre fuckin weird.

 
"if you keep running up your phone bill i WILL have to kill you and sell your kindneys and other body parts to pay for it" i love my mom
 
a few days after getting busted smoking

me-"mom what did you do with my bong?"

mom-"your father smashed and threw it in the river because we were pretty sure that kids dad was gonna call the police"
 
"Aspen? Well yeah, that's a perfectly fine place for a guy your age to move as soon as you get out of college...what? No, I'm not being sarcastic...no, I'm not 'fucking' with you either, don't use that kind of language."
- My mom like 6 months ago...I was prepared for that convo to turn into a 30 minute debate over my future goals and blah blah blah, but the whole thing lasted like 20 seconds...then we talked about the weather cause I hadn't thought past it.
 
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