Most rediculous thing your parents have said to you.

"If you get caught selling drugs in college I'm not paying for any of your college anymore, your dad will have to".

"You already have a pair of skis, you don't need anymore" (now I have 4 or 5)
 
hahahahah that ones pretty funny. Parents just dont understand
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"we love you... really" as they think of sending me to france to live with my relatives and go to school there.
 
if you get a tattoo we're not paying for your college.
...3 and a half years into college and 3 tattoos later, if you get another tattoo we're seriously not paying for your college.
ha.
 
about 15 min after my brother got caught for smoking weed my mom says to him "daniel, does this mean your doing coke?"
 
not to me but my bro:

as we drop him off at syracuse university, surrounded by ghettos with lots of dangerous people, my mom says "dont fall off of your bed out the window. it could be dangerous"
 
mom can i go skiing tonight?

no.

why?

its a weeknight

are you joking?

nope bye

happend to me tonight so thats why im on here and not out there
 
remember when they had deodorant in spray cans? maybe they still do, anyway i had one in my gym bag in high school and my sister swung the dam bag around and hit me in the head with it. So i pushed her into a wall and she started crying and then my mom told me it was my fault and that i should be a better brother. i nearly ripped her head right off for that one.
 
One of my friend's dad's said "You're on the edge of my envelope Jason"
My mom said "You are a son of a bitch" and I replied with "You are my mom, you know that?"

 
mom "its rainin and the roads are skick so no you cant go out to eat with your friends"
dad "why not dear? they are old enough to drive responsibly"
mom "because our daughter got rear ended by a drunk two weeks ago!"
me "mom your a little to paranoid"
mom "well i dont care its to wet outside"
dad "all well son its a weeknight anyways"
mom "if you want to go out so bad we will go to the drive-in"
me "NO its to DANGEROUS out!"
dad "haha"
mom "i dont care!!! i dont care its not even slick out"
me "so i can go to buffalo wild wings?"
mom "NO, its to dangerouse out"

 
Mom - "You can smoke pot, just don't do it alone, that's depressing."

Dad - "Nothing lasts forever except taxes and herpes."
 
that is depressing. honestly, who doesn't have friends they can smoke with? i feel sorry for them.
 
mom: what is hotboxing?me: you're out of your fucking mindher: yep!
dad: video games are a waste of time, i mean i don't see how you can sit there brainlessly for so long living in someone else's world. i mean that guitar game isn't even musical, it's total bullshitme: valid point, but you were playing guitar hero all of last night and you hate it because you fail on easyhim: no i wasn....wait, how do you know?me: i could hear the crowd booing and you getting mad, you almost broke my guitarhim: fuck
 
me after geting caught smoking weed in highschool

"Oh soo you like to mellow out with your friends and stuff"-yeah why would you not wanna be mellow when your stressed out? wtf

by the way my moms not the most relaxed person so thats why i think its dumb that shes always uptight and shit but im the complete opposite.

 
mom-"do you still wear those plastic wrist things?"

me-"wristguards?"

mom-"yeah, do you?"

me-"no i use to wear those snowboarding. i ski now..."

mom-"i think you should snowboard again and use them so you don't break your wrists"

me-"nahh im good"

dad-"are you interested in girls yet?" (this year)

me-"dad you caught me looking at porn in 3rd grade."

mom-"get a job"

me-"im going to be a a ski instructor when the hill opens."

mom-"you got 3 c's on your report card im not letting you get one."

me-"but.."

mom-"no go up to your room."

 
my dad doesnt say anything ridiculous to me he just looks at me like he's dissapointed in my condom beanie and baggy/hobo-ish clothes.
 
Smoking alone is actually really fun and relaxing. I'd much rather smoke with my homies 90% of the time, but just chillin, readin a book with a fat j can be such a nice change of pace.
 
"take the dogs for a walk, they're telling me they want to go walk"

"Acid melts your brain"

"skiing's for fags"

"a joint is equal to a pack of smokes"
 
Truth. Smoking with other people is usually preferable but smoking alone every once in awhile can be a lot of fun. My dad has said so much outrageous shit to me I can't even begin to list it here, I'll post a couple off the top of my head.

"The legal age is only 17? Weird. When I was 18 I had a girlfriend who was 16 and she loved to fuck" - Dad

"Dad, leave me alone, you're being an asshole"

"You can't fucking talk to me like that, I'm your father"

"You're talking to me like that..."

"Stop being such a little prick, Andrew, I'm your father"

"..."

 
- My dad moves a bottle of BBs from the living room to kicthen counter,- 20 minutes later My dad accidentily knocks the bottle off the counter, BBs go everywhereDad - "Ben what the hell, why would you put those there!?!"Me - "are you serious, i put those in the living room..."Dad - "well pick these up"me - "nope, bye"
 
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