Most epic stories?
- Thread starter dickhead1
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blackoutbill
Active member
This last saturday I was at a golf tournament with my dad and this guy was selling "oxygen infused water." He was doing demos and my dad told me to go humor the guy and try the demo. The guy has me touch my toes before and after I drink the water to show improvements in flexibility. As we walk away from the stand, my dad turns to me and says: "You're already limber enough, was he trying to make you suck your own goddamn dick?"
no_steeze
Active member
one time i was chillin with my bros and smoking some maaaad bowls see my buddy boots got some dank ass kush dat we was puffin pu all night and then i was like "oooh shit boyy lets get some taco bell i'm HUNGRY" so i toss on mah dope new hoodie and we get in my boy dex's souped up wrx with a dank ass sub in the back and drive to taco bell through mah suburban neighborhood at 2am blasting sick ass mashups that my bro carter makes because he got ableton for christmas yo so we get to taco bell and i orda soooo much grub yo and im like "ohh shit dex i forgot mah wallet n shit" but i didnt really forget my wallet so dex is like "aight man fine i gochu this time but this is da last" and im all like "k watevs man i kno i cn still get away wit dis shit" so we hop back in the wrx and im all like "SHOTTY BIETCH" but boots jumps in da front seat so i open da door and yank boots out o da car but in the process i spill his hawaiian punch all over his shirt nd im laughing my ass off becuz shits mad funny but boots is all like "yo fuck man i just got dis shirt" and im all like "shut it fag those tall tees r like 4 bucks at foot locker nukka" so hes like "wuteva man but u gotta get me a new one" and im like "fine bro i gotta go anyway to get some new kicks" so were drivin home and all o a sudden this cop faggot pulls us ova and is like "yo bros you is speedin" and im all like ooohhhh shit hes gonna find da weed so i yell "OOOHHH SHIT DEX HIDE DA WEED" but the cop hurd me say dat so hes like "erryone out o da car" so i slowly get out and by now boots is cryin and shit sayin he dont wanna go to jail and were all scurd as fuck but suddenly da cops radio is all like "yo we got some bitches shot up good" so da cop takes da weed and is like "if i see u bros again im urrestin ya" and wre like "ya sure sry broseph" and he drives away and were all like "ooohhhh shiiiiiit" and then we went back to dex's house nd played some modrn warfare 2 nukka nd went on chat roulette
Ended up partying with Public Enemy. My friend was going through her just lost her virginity whore phase and ended up going down on one of them in the bathroom (he was only 32, so not super weird). I then met a guy who was sitting next to our table, he asked me on a date. Went out the next night and it turned out he was on the admissions committee of one of the grad schools I was looking into. He ended up not being exciting and I ended up not applying to that program.
I once found airfare to Switzerland from Los Angeles for $160 round trip. A friend of mine and I ended up eating pizza and drinking beer for Thanksgiving dinner in Amsterdam. Then hanging out in zurich/zermat/and Bern drinking absinth and making friends with the locals. One of the best weeks of my life. Total trip cost me less than $600 including hotel/flight/train travel/food/alcohol.
My sorority raised over $35,000 in one night for the Make a Wish foundation. I won the $600 raffle that night and gave $300 of it back and then spent $300 that night on my friends impromptu birthday extravaganza. We became the largest non profit donating organization to MAW that night. They sent us a really nice plaque and we got to present to a National sorority convention. We donate small amounts all the time, but the fact that we averaged over $500 in donations from every member with out spending our own money in one night is a pretty big deal.
I once found airfare to Switzerland from Los Angeles for $160 round trip. A friend of mine and I ended up eating pizza and drinking beer for Thanksgiving dinner in Amsterdam. Then hanging out in zurich/zermat/and Bern drinking absinth and making friends with the locals. One of the best weeks of my life. Total trip cost me less than $600 including hotel/flight/train travel/food/alcohol.
My sorority raised over $35,000 in one night for the Make a Wish foundation. I won the $600 raffle that night and gave $300 of it back and then spent $300 that night on my friends impromptu birthday extravaganza. We became the largest non profit donating organization to MAW that night. They sent us a really nice plaque and we got to present to a National sorority convention. We donate small amounts all the time, but the fact that we averaged over $500 in donations from every member with out spending our own money in one night is a pretty big deal.
I forgot my best story.
Hopefully this doesn't get deleted for its inappropriateness level, and if you don't know what it is, and you are under 18.... don't look it up, your parents will not be pleased.
2 nights prior I had watched requiem for a dream for the first time. My friend explained the idea of circle jerking and that its huge in Japan when I questioned one of the last scenes of the movie...
Anyway, I was working the evening shift at a hotel front desk. There was a conference going on, so it was filled with business men. They asked me for directions to BJ's (brewery/restaurant). I gave them directions and then they asked for recommendations on food. I could not think of the name of their famous dessert. So I described that it was a giant delicious warm cookie with melty vanilla ice cream. Then sat there thinking out loud.... "pazooka, bazooka, bukkake?....." they all kinda looked at me really strange and I couldn't figure out why. They then asked again.. I repeated "bukkake, its a big cookie that everyone shares with melty ice cream." They then called their friends over and asked me to repeat it again... Again I said Bukkake.
They came back 2 hours later informing me that the Pizookie was delicious. I then realized the error of my ways.........
Pizookie....
Bukkake.....
Hopefully this doesn't get deleted for its inappropriateness level, and if you don't know what it is, and you are under 18.... don't look it up, your parents will not be pleased.
2 nights prior I had watched requiem for a dream for the first time. My friend explained the idea of circle jerking and that its huge in Japan when I questioned one of the last scenes of the movie...
Anyway, I was working the evening shift at a hotel front desk. There was a conference going on, so it was filled with business men. They asked me for directions to BJ's (brewery/restaurant). I gave them directions and then they asked for recommendations on food. I could not think of the name of their famous dessert. So I described that it was a giant delicious warm cookie with melty vanilla ice cream. Then sat there thinking out loud.... "pazooka, bazooka, bukkake?....." they all kinda looked at me really strange and I couldn't figure out why. They then asked again.. I repeated "bukkake, its a big cookie that everyone shares with melty ice cream." They then called their friends over and asked me to repeat it again... Again I said Bukkake.
They came back 2 hours later informing me that the Pizookie was delicious. I then realized the error of my ways.........
Pizookie....
Bukkake.....
blackoutbill
Active member
You are obviously making this up. Anyone that knows anything knows that everyone gets baja blast at tacobell, not hawaiian punch. Newb
Jamestown
Active member
One time I got this weed from the lab I work at, and me and my friends got mad blazed. One of my buddies fed candy to a diabetic horse and it died, but it happened to be a police horse, so he got arrested. Then I went to Jon Stewart's house and also smoked a blunt with Snoop Dogg. Then my buddy quit his job at some fast food place, and we got our friend out of jail.
pomme-de-terre
Active member
i think ive heard this story before...
Benedetto.
Active member
I leave this country in >30 days
clandemush
Member
i sold table sugar to some hammered kid who was trying to steal all our beer and told him it was coke once
okey, this story happened to a friend of mine, max
max is 3y older than me, he was in his 2nd year of college when this sory happened.
So, Max is a really chill guy, always in for a party, sometimes a bit too wasted but never over the top, until this happened...
Max was hitting on this girl for some time now (don't remember her real name) , they both were at a party and got fairly wasted. So wasted that the girl had to take max to her place and put him to sleep in her bed. While max was sleeping in bed with this girl he had a dream,( i am not kidding!), about a toilet.Max dreamed about having a shit on a toilet! -So you can already feel what is coming dont ya?Max woke up and yes, it had happened, he had crapped all over the bed! the sheets, the pillow, even on the girl! Luckily for max the girl was still sleeping.
Now the amazing part comes; Max, still half drunk comes up with the most amazing and daring plan i've ever heard in my whole life! Max takes some of his poo and rubs it very carefully in the girl's buttcrack, then he takes his cloths and freshens himself up in the bathroom (girl is still asleep)when he comes back into the bedroom he writes a post-it note saying; "WTF is wrong with you!? you're a sick bitch, i never want to see you again!"
and leaves...
You can imagine how the story continues....
for 3 years this girl was called "kak wijf" (roughly translated "the poo-bitch")!and everyone, even max's closest friends believed every word of this story, until one day max got drunk and started talking to his friends...
long story short, eventually the girl heard what really had happened and punched my friend max a black eye at his birthday party!
until today what max did is the most badass thing i've ever heard a man do!
max is 3y older than me, he was in his 2nd year of college when this sory happened.
So, Max is a really chill guy, always in for a party, sometimes a bit too wasted but never over the top, until this happened...
Max was hitting on this girl for some time now (don't remember her real name) , they both were at a party and got fairly wasted. So wasted that the girl had to take max to her place and put him to sleep in her bed. While max was sleeping in bed with this girl he had a dream,( i am not kidding!), about a toilet.Max dreamed about having a shit on a toilet! -So you can already feel what is coming dont ya?Max woke up and yes, it had happened, he had crapped all over the bed! the sheets, the pillow, even on the girl! Luckily for max the girl was still sleeping.
Now the amazing part comes; Max, still half drunk comes up with the most amazing and daring plan i've ever heard in my whole life! Max takes some of his poo and rubs it very carefully in the girl's buttcrack, then he takes his cloths and freshens himself up in the bathroom (girl is still asleep)when he comes back into the bedroom he writes a post-it note saying; "WTF is wrong with you!? you're a sick bitch, i never want to see you again!"
and leaves...
You can imagine how the story continues....
for 3 years this girl was called "kak wijf" (roughly translated "the poo-bitch")!and everyone, even max's closest friends believed every word of this story, until one day max got drunk and started talking to his friends...
long story short, eventually the girl heard what really had happened and punched my friend max a black eye at his birthday party!
until today what max did is the most badass thing i've ever heard a man do!
*Fujative*
Active member
exactly!
TheDude
Active member
there were two very good skier named thomas and simone. they were in a very pic movie making contest. everyone though the movie they made was very good. but then big bad jonny came in and didnt tell anyone how to make the movies good, so thomas and simone team didnt go very good. so they gave there movie away for free to all the little kittys and this made jonny very mad. he banned them from his land, never to return. now everyone is on there period over the big scary skier fight, and there afraid that there will be no more awsome o movies from thomas and simone. its all a mistery.
THE END.
THE END.
Gameboy
Active member
So this happened to me only a few hours ago
I was in the cafeteria at my school near a window. I decided to open it to get some breeze in. Right as I open it, a pretty decent size spider comes in the room. It was on the wall near our table so a girl started to scream so I laugh at her and then this happen:
Her: I hate spiders, they're my biggest fear!!
Me: Yeah I hate them too but like they're not that bad
Her: Would you eat this one for 50 bucks?
Yes 50 bucks to eat the spider. So I ask really? and then she says no but if you eat it I swear I'll give you 30 bucks. I turn back to look at the spider and it was discuting. I fucking hate spiders and this one was like black\brown with a little abdomen and medium length legs that were moving in a way that disgust me even more.
So I climb on the table to take it and then everyone in the room (including a teacher) comes to see what's happening. When the girl told everyone what was happening, I felt the pressure rise. One of my friends came on the table with me and offered me to take the spider and throw it in my mouth so I wouldn't have to see it (I couldn't kill it before eating it, I needed to eat it alive). I accept, and after a good 4 minutes of watching the spider move in his hand, I finally say go and he threw it in my mouth. I swallowed it right away and everyone started to scream. It didn't taste so bad but everytime I had the picture of the spider inside me, I started to feel bad. But the girl gave me the 30 bucks so I think it was worth it, but there's no chance of me doing this again hahaha.Plus, I received mad props from everyone for my courage!
I was in the cafeteria at my school near a window. I decided to open it to get some breeze in. Right as I open it, a pretty decent size spider comes in the room. It was on the wall near our table so a girl started to scream so I laugh at her and then this happen:
Her: I hate spiders, they're my biggest fear!!
Me: Yeah I hate them too but like they're not that bad
Her: Would you eat this one for 50 bucks?
Yes 50 bucks to eat the spider. So I ask really? and then she says no but if you eat it I swear I'll give you 30 bucks. I turn back to look at the spider and it was discuting. I fucking hate spiders and this one was like black\brown with a little abdomen and medium length legs that were moving in a way that disgust me even more.
So I climb on the table to take it and then everyone in the room (including a teacher) comes to see what's happening. When the girl told everyone what was happening, I felt the pressure rise. One of my friends came on the table with me and offered me to take the spider and throw it in my mouth so I wouldn't have to see it (I couldn't kill it before eating it, I needed to eat it alive). I accept, and after a good 4 minutes of watching the spider move in his hand, I finally say go and he threw it in my mouth. I swallowed it right away and everyone started to scream. It didn't taste so bad but everytime I had the picture of the spider inside me, I started to feel bad. But the girl gave me the 30 bucks so I think it was worth it, but there's no chance of me doing this again hahaha.Plus, I received mad props from everyone for my courage!
I am the one that threw the spider in his mouth! Yeah everyone was like you're fucking gross but I mean 30 bucks to eat a lil peace of meat not that bad eh!
Anyways he had +k for this and +$ so thats kinda epic!
I know Pics or it didnt happen but I swear to ski god that he did it
Anyways he had +k for this and +$ so thats kinda epic!
I know Pics or it didnt happen but I swear to ski god that he did it
rexalicious.
Member
so yesterday, i opened up my lunch bag during art class and found a chicken sandwich in it.then, i ate it.it was delicious.do i win?
clandemush
Member
hahahhahahah this is fantastic. i wish he had never opened his mouth and everyone still thought the girl did it
Gameboy
Active member
It wasn't to get attention, more for the cash and for my own pride of doing something impossible in my opinion, but yes it was gross and it did caught a lot of attetion. And the fact of claiming it is even worse I know, but IMO it was a good epic story cause on the moment it was.
Plus, in a moth or so, me and a friend are going to live in the woods for 4 days without any food or water so I will eat a lot of insects. I saw this challenge as a training for my fututre adventure.
Plus, in a moth or so, me and a friend are going to live in the woods for 4 days without any food or water so I will eat a lot of insects. I saw this challenge as a training for my fututre adventure.
Benedetto.
Active member
I thought that story was going to end in you losing your virginity to her or alteast a fucking decent hand job.
ReetsAdeets
Active member
Hay una persona se llama Tom. Tom
es muy muy athletico, deportista, graciosio, y bastante alto. Tom vive en Bellingham Washington.
Tambien, Tom encantan esquiar. Tom encantan esquiar mas su madre. El quiere
viver en Utah,
pero no tiene dinero. Porque Tom no tiene dinero, tiene que trabajador. Tom va
trabajadorar en el almacen. Despues dos anos, Tom va a Utah. Tom es muy satisfisio y agradecido. Vive en Provo Utah,
y el va a Powder Montana todos los dias para esquiar.
es muy muy athletico, deportista, graciosio, y bastante alto. Tom vive en Bellingham Washington.
Tambien, Tom encantan esquiar. Tom encantan esquiar mas su madre. El quiere
viver en Utah,
pero no tiene dinero. Porque Tom no tiene dinero, tiene que trabajador. Tom va
trabajadorar en el almacen. Despues dos anos, Tom va a Utah. Tom es muy satisfisio y agradecido. Vive en Provo Utah,
y el va a Powder Montana todos los dias para esquiar.
Some of these are awesome, that max kid is a hero, heres my story:
So one day, I decided to order a medium pizza from my local pizza place. I place my order and walk down to the restaurant. Anyways, I'm about to walk into the place, when out of nowhere comes this truck, and rips into the store right beside the pizza shop. Stunned I walk inside and said holy shit, I almost just got killed. The manager of the pizza place comes by and gives me my pizza for free (dont know why but eh fine by me.) The person who hit the drycleaner was some old lady and the manager of the store called her a dumbass. So that's my story of how I almost got killed, I know its not amazing, but meh
So one day, I decided to order a medium pizza from my local pizza place. I place my order and walk down to the restaurant. Anyways, I'm about to walk into the place, when out of nowhere comes this truck, and rips into the store right beside the pizza shop. Stunned I walk inside and said holy shit, I almost just got killed. The manager of the pizza place comes by and gives me my pizza for free (dont know why but eh fine by me.) The person who hit the drycleaner was some old lady and the manager of the store called her a dumbass. So that's my story of how I almost got killed, I know its not amazing, but meh
SteezyOhio
Active member
holy shit! you ate the whole cheese wheel then pooped in the fridge?
hoodratz47
Active member
one time i was down in santa cruz hangin out with some buddies who where going to school there... now i got drunk.. i mean drunk... i got kicked out of this party for pissing in a potted plant inside the house but it was a large potted plant so it did not seep. but none the less i got kicked out. so i walked down the street and went in to this guys back yard and finished off my pint of whiskey int the back of this guys ghetto boat that was under a tarp.... i lit up a j.... i puked hard core in the boat and then i heard a rustling so i bailed, and ran as fast as i could... then i blacked out . so i wake up on this grassy hill by sprinklers doushing me and i relize i am at a feild of a middle school. so i get up soaked to the bone and hung the fuck over, and start walking and i have no fucking clue where iam .. so i find a 7 11 and i call mitch an hes like jim. you have walked 3 miles in the wrong direction... but ill come pick you up......
that was a good one... glad i came out of it on top...
that was a good one... glad i came out of it on top...
hoodratz47
Active member
this is sig worthy
geteducated
Active member
ya, way better than rachys 'adventures of a spoiled brat' stories.
O.G.Surachai
Member
There is this homeless guy in New Haven, Conneticut that everyone calls Titanium Joe. So Titanium Joe was in a parking garage one day, high on cocaine, and he fell over the edge and down onto the street. At the exact moment that he was falling out of the parking garage Ozzy Ozbornes tour bus was driving underneath. He crashes into the bus and breaks every single bone in his body. When they take him to the hospital he goes into a 4 year coma and he gets so many metal rods and pins put in him he is called Titanium Joe from there on out. After getting release from the hospital he proceeds to sue Ozzy, for some reason, and wins millions of dollars in a settlement. Too bad for him, his then wife divorces him and takes all of his money and goes and buys an island off the coast of Florida with her new rich doctor husband, so now he is homeless. At some point his daughter dies in a building fire and his sister is killed by drug dealers but that's not really that important to the story. Now he spends his time begging at a pizza joints and stuff so he can save up enough money to buy a boat and go murder his wife and that rat bastard doctor. Aint that some shit.
pigglywiggly
Active member
going to make it short and sweet as possible.
took a tiny ass pumpkin from some random ass dudes house not even thinking anything of it, and put it right back a minute later, on Halloween night at like 2am. ended up he and his friends (all around 6 foot, and normal build, 40 years old) still dressed up as these weird ass clowns (they couldve been drunk, not sure) chased me and my friends around screaming that they'd kill us and stuff like that. after 30 minutes of being chased, we thought we lost them, but somehow they found us. ended up i took one for the team...one of the weird fuckers was about to catch my friend but i blindsided (more of just collided intentionally from the side) the hell out of him (mind you im like 5 6/7ish and 115 pounds, so i didnt do much.) he gets his balance back quicker than i thought and gave me a nasty straight punch right to the sternum. lets just say it did a little more than just knock me on the ground, it was a hell of a punch, but goddamn, it got my adrenaline running more than ever. he tries get on top of me (no homo) and attempts to ground and pound, but i realized what he was trying to do and i wiggle out and start fucking booking it, yelling my ass off for help. i had around a 5 and a half foot fence in front of me while being chased, and my friends were on the other side waiting for me. i DONT want to get caught by these 3 crazy fucks, so out of nowhere, i fucking donkeykong/ supermaned jumped over this fence. then i ran out in to a main road and practically got hit by 2 cars running across it. ended up got someone to drive me and a couple friends home...but of course...those guys were still outside looking for us. they saw us in the car and start chasing us. but we got away. havent seen them yet since thank god.
okay, so not short at all, but whatever.
and by the way, clowns are my biggest fear, so being chased by 3 queer's dressed up as them at 2am on halloween night is not the predicament i liked to be faced with. and yeah, i know, not that epic. but whatever, im bored.
took a tiny ass pumpkin from some random ass dudes house not even thinking anything of it, and put it right back a minute later, on Halloween night at like 2am. ended up he and his friends (all around 6 foot, and normal build, 40 years old) still dressed up as these weird ass clowns (they couldve been drunk, not sure) chased me and my friends around screaming that they'd kill us and stuff like that. after 30 minutes of being chased, we thought we lost them, but somehow they found us. ended up i took one for the team...one of the weird fuckers was about to catch my friend but i blindsided (more of just collided intentionally from the side) the hell out of him (mind you im like 5 6/7ish and 115 pounds, so i didnt do much.) he gets his balance back quicker than i thought and gave me a nasty straight punch right to the sternum. lets just say it did a little more than just knock me on the ground, it was a hell of a punch, but goddamn, it got my adrenaline running more than ever. he tries get on top of me (no homo) and attempts to ground and pound, but i realized what he was trying to do and i wiggle out and start fucking booking it, yelling my ass off for help. i had around a 5 and a half foot fence in front of me while being chased, and my friends were on the other side waiting for me. i DONT want to get caught by these 3 crazy fucks, so out of nowhere, i fucking donkeykong/ supermaned jumped over this fence. then i ran out in to a main road and practically got hit by 2 cars running across it. ended up got someone to drive me and a couple friends home...but of course...those guys were still outside looking for us. they saw us in the car and start chasing us. but we got away. havent seen them yet since thank god.
okay, so not short at all, but whatever.
and by the way, clowns are my biggest fear, so being chased by 3 queer's dressed up as them at 2am on halloween night is not the predicament i liked to be faced with. and yeah, i know, not that epic. but whatever, im bored.