Most Embarrassing Ski Story

I was skiing at mt bachelor and bent a pole pretty bad so I started using my other pair which were too long. I went for a 360 off a jump and clipped the flag with my pole. I crashed and the flag came out of place and slided down the landing.
 
There was a closeout at keystone and a slid off to the right and basically hit both my skis on the parallel rail and double ejected, that was under the ski lift too.
 
told this story in another thread, but:

I was doing a tip-stand in the lift line. I went to drop back down, my tips dug in, I fell forward onto my face and got a concussion.

good memories.. or lack thereof
 
Last run of the day three years ago coming down from I-70 at keystone. I was right under the lift and tried to hop the rope to leave. One ski got caught and I ended up tangled in the safety rope directly under the A51 lift for 15 minutes while everyone on the lift threw shit at me and made jokes. Safe to say it was the worst day of skiing in my life.
 
In grade 12 my school finally got a ski club and a few girls had been asking me to do a backflip for them non stop for a couple weeks prior to our first time up. first run through the park i did a backflip with all the girls standing beside the jump. turns out i didn't have nearly enough speed and landed flat on the knuckle double ejected and did a penguin slide down the landing. once I came to a stop i just laid there embarrassed, girls laughing their asses off. they've never let me forget about it
 
This was when I was like 13 I believe. Still ashamed of myself. We were just getting to the hill and my mom was about to drop us off. I saw some people racing and they weren't doing so hot and I said a bunch of awful stuff about how they were skiing like a retard. Walking into the chalet a couple minutes later I saw a "Welcome Special Olympics" poster. It hit me and then I turned around and there was an older special needs guy talking to who must have been his mom asking if he did well. I felt horrible about it and my friends gave me a lot shit because of it, which i deserved. They still like to bring it up especially when I'm talking to a girl and telling them a story. "Hey tell her about that time that you were making fun of the disabled kids at special olympics, she'll love that one!" which leads to an awkward and embarassing explanation. I didn't know it was special olympics...I learned retard jokes aren't funny that day.
 
new rail in the park down flat down 2-tube

too much speed and got air of the kink

out of balance and landed straight to my ribs at the very end of the rail after flying all the way from the flat section

bruced em ribs
 
Ahh asians.... I was cruising at a good speed (zooted) when i dry humped the fuck out of some dumb tourist bent over fixing her ski, she tumbled down into the abyss of trees while i got verbally and then physically attacked by her ancient wong tong grandmother in front of everyone (took a ski pole to the face.).
 
Was hitting the park alone waiting for my friends to show up and was texting on the lift on the way up. forgot were I was and didn't keep my tips up and had my legs bent under the chair and had to crawl on my hands and kneed away from the lift.

Was downloading from the glacier at whistler in the summer, the poor depressed lifties thought it would be funny to put some money on the ground right were you get off. being the Jew that i am, i see the money and immediately bend down to pick it up and get rino raped in the ass by the chair swinging around and role like 50 ft down the mountain. I'm pretty sure I made those lifties life's.
 
-front 2 off a dfd at killington

-shitty plastic marker binding heelpiece and brake snapped off

-landed switch on one ski, other brakeless ski is now careening down the hill, goes under the fencing at the end of the park

- i ski like a crazy man on one foot after my other ski so I at least know where to look for it

- I found it in a treewell roughly 500m from the bottom of the park, and had to ski out to the bottom holding it.

Then i was there last year and the EXACT same thing happened on a super shitty lame flat box, to the same bindings (which had been replaced on warranty) so needless to say, I got look pivots
 
this happened last year, i was really involved into a conversation i was having and i kept stepping foward in the chairlift line and accidently stepped too far in too far and i got stuck sideways on it, while my skis took out the kids ahead of me, one on each tip.lift opperator called me the plow for the rest of the day
 
Last year was my first year really getting into park and trying new jibs. I was still unsure about trying rails with big gaps. But I knew I had to get over the fear and just practice until I got better, and learn to commit. Last day at Gore there was this really long flat yellow rail with maybe a 3-4 foot gap so it, so I needed decent speed.

Went to just do a simple 90 on 90 off but pussied out at the last second and panicked, did more of a 30 on and came about an inch away from completely destroying my balls. It left a lovely bruise that lasted for a while. View attachment 666044 All my friends laughed while I was stuck on the rail cross-eyed.
 
so i was working one day, i usually get to teach either kids that have never skied before so i was pretty pumped to get an advanced group. we were just about to go out when one more kid gets added on and its this girl who literally cant hear and cant talk but can ski pretty amazingly for a 5 year old. we get on the lift and she fucking tries to jump off like 15 feet in the air. i caught her by the arm and pull her back up as everyone watches and cheers only to accidentally fling myself off the chair as soon as i pull her up. fell on my face and the only reason i didnt get fired was because my supervisors knew the girl was a fist full of problems and everyone saw me save her ass. i broke my nose though and it was one of those instant tear things.

more embarrassing story: skiing trees kinda high and saw that i was about to hit a fallen tree, it looked too high for me to jump and it seemed high enough so that i could lie back on my tails and ride under. my knees hit the tree and like dislocated my kneecaps or some shit and my friend thinks it would be funny as hes riding by to plunge his pole into my uterus and i pee myself and i had to explain to all my friends down in first aid why im all pissy. they still call me tinklebell
 
Back in the early 2000's when my 9 year old self thought snow blade's were the sickest things ever i decided to try some out for the day. I was rocking what looked like cross country ski poles with these blades you know super steezy. So anyway my dad brought me in the park with these and we decided to hit the super pipe, first hit... lame second hit was like to the moon, i came away from the lip and towards the centre of the pipe, both blades dug straight into the ground and i fucked my knees couldn't walk crying intensely in front of all the cool park dudes. dad called me a pussy and made me ski back to the car. was on crutches for a 3 weeks.
 
Be at mount snow just after Dew Tour in January '08.

First run of the morning, frozen cord on the two big jumps.

Hit first one, make landing.

Heading into second booter start to get "zipper" action on the frozen cord.

The buzzing of the cord against my skis eats just enough of my speed.

Still go big, but smash into knuckle 5 ft from landing.

Horrible pain, can't feel my legs, so much pain.

Lie at bottom of jump for 10 minutes, can't move.

Finally stand up, just want to go home.

Feel that my ass is wet for some reason.

Very weird, why is my ass wet?

Put hand in ski pants, return with brown wet shit all over hand.

I shit my pants on impact.

Go home, eat 5 advil, drink 8 beers.

Quit skiing forever.
 
Get back from heli-skiing in 5 feet of fresh

Ski local resort with 6 inches of new snow with a bunch of buddies

Hit 12 foot goof around cliff

Lean way back as if I were to land in 5 feet of pow

Backseat mach-chicken for a good 150 feet until double eject

Collect skis/dignity
 
thanks for the soiler alert, but what was the story? i was peeing behind a snowgun once, and had to fart. (greatest feeling in the world is peeing and farting at the same time) next thing ya know, it was not a fart. skied down the hill so arched so it wouldn't spread anymore then it already did. i probably looked like i got but raped in the woods and was leaving in shame.
 
I was walking at a nearby service station in ski boots and the floor was super wet. I turned the corner to go down the next isle, completely ate shit and on the way down my feet took out the postcard stand. Hundreds of post cards were now drenched in the wet snow i had carried in. I was afraid id have to pay for all of the postcards and booked it, almost falling again.
 
Wasn't paying attention and thought the lift had already swung around to pick up the people in front of me when in fact it had not and therefore proceeded to wreck me and the dad and his little kid who were in front of me.
 
Was skiing one weekend at moonlight basin last year with the homies and just fuckin around in the big park since it was a warm day. There was this double-dance floor box thing at the end that I had hit all day. The first box had a little lip at the end, then a small gap and another box going downhill so nothing too special, just something to screw around on. 2nd to last run I was coming into the box, hopped on it strait and somehow my left ski started to slide toward the edge so I tried to shuffle my feet to get my balance back but it didn't work. Like a retard during my little chicken dance my ski went off the edge, my right ski went up the lip and I fell head first into the snow beside the box. I did a summersault and rolled onto my ass, didn't really hurt myself but all my dignity completely went out the window. Luckily only one of my friends saw me and gave me some shit for the rest of the day, coulda been a lot worse I guess.
 
Nollied off a knuckle, caught tips to face, concussion.

Walk into the lodge so concussed that i thought i was still dating my ex girlfriend and that the reason my face was bloody was from shaving..
 
in front of probably about 25 people i caught my tips just hopping over a little null and knocked myself out. didn't even hit my head, just hit my chest so hard and knocked the wind out of myself so bad i got knocked out. my finest moment.
 
was cruisin with my buds pretty fast and tried to spray them. Some old ambassador right behind me couldnt see cuz of the snow cloud I caused and rammed into me. He ejected and did a faceplant. His ambassador friends yelled at me while the guy that was hurt yelled "Cut his pass Jonny".
 
Last year skiing at breck with my friend we were just lapping the park on a nice sunny day, just riding up the chair after a good lap in park lane when my friend says he has to shit so we ski on down and roll up to the bottom jump line my friend hits the first and knuckles hard,he skis down to me yelling "I shit my pants, oh Fuck!" the poor dude had to make the waddle all the way to the bathroom in ski pants. Once he got to the bathroom he did the best he could cleaning up, but his underwear were so bad he threw them away. Worst part about the story is at the time we both didn't have our licenses being 15, and his dad was a ski instructor and was teaching a lesson so he had to ski the whole day with no underwear on.
 
late last season Killington, decided to take a diff route so I took snowdon triple, made a wrong turn and ended up on conclusion. For anyone that doesn't know, it's a double black run with huge bumps of ice with exposed branch/dirt/whatever. Oh, and it's under lift line too. Too lazy to re-set my binding(started season as type 1, was type 3 then), I insta-ejected and found myself holding onto patches of grass so I don't slide downhill. My skis? about 30ft UPHILL. Had to wait for someone to come down for help. And that, is the conclusion of that day. (Did Killington name that trail because of similar stories?)

Also, hiking beginner park with 3 other kids that if you add their ages together it's still younger than I am. Yep, old and suck at park.
 
My boy and I just got done ripping our face off in the parking a lot before the first run. We were stoned as fuck and as the first chairlift came around with the safety bar already down. Us being dumbasses laughed and tried to sit down on the bar... Ended up face planting off the lift in the first 5 feet and had to stop the lift for 10 mins, the line was huge and everyone stared at us while we just laughed our ass off
 
Showing my class how to ski backwards, look behind me, makes note of how close slow sign is. Look back to my class, have them turn around and get ready to ski to the lift. Turn straight into slow sign, flip over, bring it down on top of me. I was tangled up and being laughed at by eight year olds.
 
I was skiing and couldn't make it to the lodge in time and shit my pants. Then I hid those pants in my locker because they stank and I was so embarresed. I went home that day and couldn't find my phone. A year later I found my phone in those pants when I was cleaning out my locker.
 
tried to hop a fence at the bottom of the main park at mammoth snow was soft and didnt get the pop i was expecting and took the fence out had to get my skis untangled in view of everyone and if that wasnt enough a few runs later i come out the bottom of the park switch and was carving through the opening in the fence lost my edge and took the same fence out again so much shame couldn't ride that park the rest of the day
 
This didnt happen to me, but a guy I know got a concussion and, with great detail, repeatedly told ski patrol about how bad his girlfriend was at giving head
 
I was in steamboat with a lot of people and it was the first day we were there. We were going down a really steep double black, and I was one of the younger ones there but decided to go towards the front. I turned sideways at the top to look at the run and caught an edge. I rolled all the way down the run hoping to not hit any rocks(I didn't). When I finally stop rolling I look up and my skis and poles are all like 30 feet away from eachother and one of my skis is stuck in the ground on one side sticking up in the air. Everyone was just at the top of the run laughing at me
 
Just thought of one. More funny than embarrassing.

I was a little kid and my folks had taken me on my first real ski trip. We went to Park City. It was insanely cold so everyone was wearing tons of layers.

My dad took me to the men's room. This guy comes in, runs up to the urinal and starts trying to get ready to piss. He searches for it, pealing back the layers, then starts cussing, looks over at my dad with this panicked look on his face and says "I know it was there when I got dressed this morning". My dad was dying and almost pissed all over himself. Not sure whether the guy ever figured out where his dick was or whether he just went.
 
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