Meth_time art/music/writing thread

nneth_time

Member
Here is some of my art, music, and writing.

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http://chrisbonell.bandcamp.com/

http://soundcloud.com/chrisbonell/little-melody

Food.

Wigwrom sat at the table. The meal his wife had prepared was sitting in front of him. She had left for work a few minutes ago without saying goodbye. It had been this way for a while. There was no doubt that their marriage was slowly decaying around them. Ever since the birth of their son, Jr, they had not had much time alone. Such a needy child, requesting so much love and attention. It really drained them both. But as he sat there, with his plate in front of him, there was hope in his eyes. He reached the cutlery to his side with his tentacle, and introduced to himself a mouthful of delicious scrambled human. It had been displayed beautifully, like that of a five star restaurant would have. And with that first bite, there was no doubt that their love was still alive.

High school.

Stacey. Stacey was the pride of the lone cafeteria table pushed to the corner of the room. Her cheap outfit worn the same each day was the peak of popularity amongst the empty seats that so casually surrounded her. The double helping of today's lunch resting on the tray in front of her ginormous arms complemented the double chin resting just underneath the mountain that is her face. Stacey was big, there was no doubt about it, but her ego was not. Most days it would sink lower and lower into her own plump being in an attempt to protect itself, but the kids would always find a way to cut into her and knife it. Tormented daily at school, Stacey would come home to her abusive father. No better now that he is sober than before when he was not, but at least the molestation stopped.

oh, and here is my tumblr:

http://oh-fuck-oh-no.tumblr.com/
 
Uh, what?

The hand drawing is pretty cool, the others were a bit too out there for me to enjoy.

I didn't really like how short the writing was. You're trying to paint a picture with too few words, I think, and so the picture is unclear and muddy. The first piece is a bit jumpy, and it was unclear to me why the food gives him hope. The second piece has some of verb/tense disagreement, so I'd look into that. I didn't quite get this one either. You're painting this strange vignettes that don't seem to mean anything. They don't grab me. I don't care about your characters. I think if you added more and made these into "short stories" rather than just single paragraphs, your characters would be more relatable/likable/understandable. Nah mean? Right now they're just not doing it for me.
 
When people post work in MA, it's assumed that they are looking for comments, be it "That's awesome, good job" to a long crit, positive or negative.

So, you didn't ask for and didn't want crit... but you didn't ask for anything else either. So do you want this thread to just be a silent gallery of your work as you produce it that nobody comments on?
 
"Oh, cool stuff, Meth_time!" - 1337

"I like that picture of the naked woman" - bigspence

"That 12 minute piano song is pretty neat!" -thugaim

"Good stories" - macmahoon

"SICK" - Tanner Hall

etc, you know.

 
agreed...if you post something anywhere to the internet realize that you have expressed what you want to show, now other people are going to express what they have BEEN shown
 
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