Mental Health

[cory.iyoob]

Diet and exercise are great, but there are a lot of people that absolutely benefit from taking prescription drugs. I think the fact that they are corporations and for profit is somewhat irrelevant. They made the drugs with hopes of profit, but that's the same with anything. If they weren't making money they wouldn't be doing it. That doesn't mean that all medicine is bad.

Also I don't think that depression is sold as something we know everything about. Even regarding pharmies doctors are tweaking the dosages or trying different drugs to find something that works for each person, then evaluating things farther on to see whats helping, what isn't, and if they can make things any better.

I'm glad that things are working out for you but swearing off all medications because your mom and sister still had issues is crazy to me. Also there's no guarantee that without the meds they'd be better off. The whole down with the corporations thing gets a little old. Not every large company is evil, not every doctor is trying to kill you.

I had pretty bad OCD for a while, all through school. Also at one point was scared to even go into the store, or walk down the hallways of school. Like to pay for my gas, sometimes I'd sit in the car just waiting, terrified to walk into the store. I had all kinds of patterns I had to repeat or I'd freak out. I worked through a lot of stuff with my own behavioral modification although I didn't know what that was at the time. I'd force myself to go into places, or talk to random people, even if, especially if it gave me anxiety.

God damn I relate to last paragraph of the quote heavily. Check your messages. I agree with on a lot of points and haven’t ever ruled taking them completely out for myself. I’m just in a way better place now and I’m happy I’ve shown myself it’s possible to get better without them. But I also only just turned 18 so I have a lot of life ahead of me where these symptoms could relapse. In terms of importance for me the diet and exercise were least important, more of distractions tbh. For me the most important things were family, friends, finding something you can put your obsession into (skiing) and active changes in my mindset in terms of understanding my weaknesses (aka im not just crazy but have high dopamine levels haha)

You provide a very good point about sister and mother also. I was only basing my opinion slightly off of the view of what I’ve seen from them since that’s more just a small amount of antidotal evidence. Also I do not think most doctors themselves have bad intentions in any way all (most doctors probably are friends or related to someone that’s depressed, it’s not an us and them thing) I always saw it more of a large system that sometimes becomes defective because of its desire to make more money. I also find sometimes doctors need to pay closer attention to recent evidence. For example, why do some doctors still prescribe antibiotics for non bacterial colds when it’s known that they aren’t effective and it’s going to lead to antibiotic resistance?

Maybe my skepticism of doctors is caused by a loss of a close family friend from an OD after he was started on pain pills. Along with many other family friends becoming hooked. This caused me to do a lot of research on the opioid crisis which is very clear example of a medical fuck up (66,000 deaths per year from ODs in the US, more than car crashes at this point).

But yea all the power to you if they work for you. From what I’ve heard, they are most effective against disorders like OCD and anxiety rather than depression. My point was more that these should be a last resort especially they aren’t guaranteed to work forever, the withdrawals can be be suicidial.

 

[theabortionator]

God damn I relate to last paragraph of the quote heavily. Check your messages. I agree with on a lot of points and haven’t ever ruled taking them completely out for myself. I’m just in a way better place now and I’m happy I’ve shown myself it’s possible to get better without them. But I also only just turned 18 so I have a lot of life ahead of me where these symptoms could relapse. In terms of importance for me the diet and exercise were least important, more of distractions tbh. For me the most important things were family, friends, finding something you can put your obsession into (skiing) and active changes in my mindset in terms of understanding my weaknesses (aka im not just crazy but have high dopamine levels haha)

You provide a very good point about sister and mother also. I was only basing my opinion slightly off of the view of what I’ve seen from them since that’s more just a small amount of antidotal evidence. Also I do not think most doctors themselves have bad intentions in any way all (most doctors probably are friends or related to someone that’s depressed, it’s not an us and them thing) I always saw it more of a large system that sometimes becomes defective because of its desire to make more money. I also find sometimes doctors need to pay closer attention to recent evidence. For example, why do some doctors still prescribe antibiotics for non bacterial colds when it’s known that they aren’t effective and it’s going to lead to antibiotic resistance?

Maybe my skepticism of doctors is caused by a loss of a close family friend from an OD after he was started on pain pills. Along with many other family friends becoming hooked. This caused me to do a lot of research on the opioid crisis which is very clear example of a medical fuck up (66,000 deaths per year from ODs in the US, more than car crashes at this point).

But yea all the power to you if they work for you. From what I’ve heard, they are most effective against disorders like OCD and anxiety rather than depression. My point was more that these should be a last resort especially they aren’t guaranteed to work forever, the withdrawals can be be suicidial.

I mean, do your research, and get a second or 3rd opinion about anything major if you want, but I would be "skeptical of doctors". They're not always right, sometimes they fuck up, the prescription addiction especially with opiates sucks, but doctors are genuinely trying.

I personally hate going to the doctor and avoid the places unless I'm stupidly sick, or I know I broke something. That said it's not because I think they're trying to kill me, but I'd rather deal with stuff on my own, plus years of not having insurance. As far as ODs, I feel you. I'd be stoked to go a year with finding any friends ODing. Unfortunately doesn't seem like I'm going to have that happen anytime soon.

The drugs were given out a little bit liberally sometimes, but I absolutely don't think they did it with poor intentions. If your patient is hurting you want to fix the pain so they can live semi normally, sleep, do tasks without the pain. Unfortunately they ended up wrapping a ton of people into the shitty fucked up world of addiction. I mean even the scripts I got when I cracked a vertebrae and and my femur were gnar. I was only 16 then and they were giving me pills in mg and amounts that you can barely even find these days. So I feel for people, because myself and anybody else that ever got heavy dosages could have just as easily gotten addicted. Hell even people from shit like wisdom teeth.

I wish we would put more effort into research and treatment, I hope we decriminalize all drugs ASAP, but I can't shun medicine or feel that all doctors are bad because of this.

I don't take any right now. I know a lot of people that do and it's been life changing, I know a lot of people that don't and make it work. It isn't just for OCD.

I think that people should do their research and not go into anything blindly, but I don't see how they should be taken as a last result. Like let me get to the point where I'm so close to killing myself, and then try to do something about it. That doesn't seem very proactive.

Like I said, I'm stoked things are working well for you but people talking to their doctors and trying some of these drugs to get their lives on track is absolutely OK. If you don't want to and can manage, go for it, but don't tell people they should stay away from it.

I've seen friends who were a fucking mess before actually get their shit together and be productive. It's a crazy world out there. One thing doesn't necessarily work for everybody. Some people will struggle to find good doctors or a solid medication plan that works for them. Other people will find something that works, and be in pretty great shape.

 

[cory.iyoob]

I mean, do your research, and get a second or 3rd opinion about anything major if you want, but I would be "skeptical of doctors". They're not always right, sometimes they fuck up, the prescription addiction especially with opiates sucks, but doctors are genuinely trying.

I personally hate going to the doctor and avoid the places unless I'm stupidly sick, or I know I broke something. That said it's not because I think they're trying to kill me, but I'd rather deal with stuff on my own, plus years of not having insurance. As far as ODs, I feel you. I'd be stoked to go a year with finding any friends ODing. Unfortunately doesn't seem like I'm going to have that happen anytime soon.

The drugs were given out a little bit liberally sometimes, but I absolutely don't think they did it with poor intentions. If your patient is hurting you want to fix the pain so they can live semi normally, sleep, do tasks without the pain. Unfortunately they ended up wrapping a ton of people into the shitty fucked up world of addiction. I mean even the scripts I got when I cracked a vertebrae and and my femur were gnar. I was only 16 then and they were giving me pills in mg and amounts that you can barely even find these days. So I feel for people, because myself and anybody else that ever got heavy dosages could have just as easily gotten addicted. Hell even people from shit like wisdom teeth.

I wish we would put more effort into research and treatment, I hope we decriminalize all drugs ASAP, but I can't shun medicine or feel that all doctors are bad because of this.

I don't take any right now. I know a lot of people that do and it's been life changing, I know a lot of people that don't and make it work. It isn't just for OCD.

I think that people should do their research and not go into anything blindly, but I don't see how they should be taken as a last result. Like let me get to the point where I'm so close to killing myself, and then try to do something about it. That doesn't seem very proactive.

Like I said, I'm stoked things are working well for you but people talking to their doctors and trying some of these drugs to get their lives on track is absolutely OK. If you don't want to and can manage, go for it, but don't tell people they should stay away from it.

I've seen friends who were a fucking mess before actually get their shit together and be productive. It's a crazy world out there. One thing doesn't necessarily work for everybody. Some people will struggle to find good doctors or a solid medication plan that works for them. Other people will find something that works, and be in pretty great shape.

While I might be overstating the dangers of these antidepressants I kind of feel like you are understating them. I’ve been doing research for the last few days and here’s what I’ve found. Really if you stay on these drugs for longer than 6-8 weeks it’s at least somewhat dangerous. These drugs change your nuerochemistry and should be taken seriously.

“In other words, antidepressants are effective against chronic, moderate and severe depression. They probably don't work in the treatment of mild depression.” This comes directly off of herehttps://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0087089/

If you are for example getting bullied at school or just lost a loved one. These medications aren’t meant for you.
https://ssristories.org

Look at this website for horror stories of people committing crimes in either withdrawal or in use of this medication. While some may say that of course these people would have done this with or without medication. But it seems like a lot of these people were dealing with somewhat mild anxiety and depression and their medication sent them over the edge to kill themselves or someone else. In fact, 35 school shootings can be traced back to antidepressant use
https://www.cchrint.org/school-shooters/

I understand correlation doesn’t equal causation but this is very scary stuff.

It’s also becoming more well known that the withdrawal from these drugs can be hell and can make it almost impossible for you to ever get off of.
https://mobile.nytimes.com/2018/04/07/health/antidepressants-withdrawal-prozac-cymbalta.html

You might ask why you’d ever want to get off them if you are feeling better with but they commonly carry side effects and the risk of no longer working.https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Akathisia this a disease that could be caused by up to 30-40% of users on some anti-depressants.

This is along with the other side effects about half will have.

nausea

increased appetite and weight gain

loss of sexual desire and other sexual problems, such as erectile dysfunction and decreased orgasm

fatigue and drowsiness

insomnia

dry mouth

blurred vision

constipation

dizziness

agitation

irritability

anxiety

They have also been known to cause serotonin syndrome in some people. Where they experience a lack of the mood regulating chemical serotonin in the brain. It’s caused by unusually high levels on serotonin in the brain. This is probably caused when someone with normal levels of serotonin is put on an antidepressant.
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/serotonin-syndrome/symptoms-causes/syc-20354758

This is all that I found in a few hours of research and I’m sure there are many other things to look out for when taking antidepressant and anti anxiety medication. Some people now are arguing that they shouldn’t even be taken for more than 6-8 weeks and don’t just start taking a drug because you’ve been down in the dumps or have had a few weeks of even major depressive symptoms. Just know that when you do take these drugs you are opening a can of worms and it may result in some very awful things.

 

[theabortionator]

While I might be overstating the dangers of these antidepressants I kind of feel like you are understating them. I’ve been doing research for the last few days and here’s what I’ve found. Really if you stay on these drugs for longer than 6-8 weeks it’s at least somewhat dangerous. These drugs change your nuerochemistry and should be taken seriously.

“In other words, antidepressants are effective against chronic, moderate and severe depression. They probably don't work in the treatment of mild depression.” This comes directly off of herehttps://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0087089/

If you are for example getting bullied at school or just lost a loved one. These medications aren’t meant for you.
https://ssristories.org

Look at this website for horror stories of people committing crimes in either withdrawal or in use of this medication. While some may say that of course these people would have done this with or without medication. But it seems like a lot of these people were dealing with somewhat mild anxiety and depression and their medication sent them over the edge to kill themselves or someone else. In fact, 35 school shootings can be traced back to antidepressant use
https://www.cchrint.org/school-shooters/

I understand correlation doesn’t equal causation but this is very scary stuff.

It’s also becoming more well known that the withdrawal from these drugs can be hell and can make it almost impossible for you to ever get off of.
https://mobile.nytimes.com/2018/04/07/health/antidepressants-withdrawal-prozac-cymbalta.html

You might ask why you’d ever want to get off them if you are feeling better with but they commonly carry side effects and the risk of no longer working.https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Akathisia this a disease that could be caused by up to 30-40% of users on some anti-depressants.

This is along with the other side effects about half will have.

nausea

increased appetite and weight gain

loss of sexual desire and other sexual problems, such as erectile dysfunction and decreased orgasm

fatigue and drowsiness

insomnia

dry mouth

blurred vision

constipation

dizziness

agitation

irritability

anxiety

They have also been known to cause serotonin syndrome in some people. Where they experience a lack of the mood regulating chemical serotonin in the brain. It’s caused by unusually high levels on serotonin in the brain. This is probably caused when someone with normal levels of serotonin is put on an antidepressant.
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/serotonin-syndrome/symptoms-causes/syc-20354758

This is all that I found in a few hours of research and I’m sure there are many other things to look out for when taking antidepressant and anti anxiety medication. Some people now are arguing that they shouldn’t even be taken for more than 6-8 weeks and don’t just start taking a drug because you’ve been down in the dumps or have had a few weeks of even major depressive symptoms. Just know that when you do take these drugs you are opening a can of worms and it may result in some very awful things.

Dude, mental health is crazy. There are things that work for some people and dont for others. Even when things are working peoples lives can get rowdy because theyre still having issues.

I could probably find a website for baby Tylenol horror stories if I googled it.

If you don't want/need to take depression meds thats great, but don't tell oher people they shouldn't because you googled a few things yesterday. I know people that were fucked before they got on meds and have reallypulled things together. I have several close friends on anti depressents, antipsychotic, anti anxiety meds where its really helping them.

There are lots of depressed people taling meds. If something bad happens it doesn't necessarily mean it was the meds fault. Also it's well known that they can make people more suicidal sometimes, especially teens. They warn you about it.

I get it, you're 18, everything's a conspiracy but don't tell other peoplewhat they should do regarding mental health because you read a few things and feel super woke.

Sorry that I don't want to shun doctors knowledge, my friends experiences, because you think that everything is out to kill you.

They sure as fuck aren't perfect but damn, there are a lot of people seriously bennefitting from using them.

That's really all I want to say on this.

 

[cory.iyoob]

Dude, mental health is crazy. There are things that work for some people and dont for others. Even when things are working peoples lives can get rowdy because theyre still having issues.

I could probably find a website for baby Tylenol horror stories if I googled it.

If you don't want/need to take depression meds thats great, but don't tell oher people they shouldn't because you googled a few things yesterday. I know people that were fucked before they got on meds and have reallypulled things together. I have several close friends on anti depressents, antipsychotic, anti anxiety meds where its really helping them.

There are lots of depressed people taling meds. If something bad happens it doesn't necessarily mean it was the meds fault. Also it's well known that they can make people more suicidal sometimes, especially teens. They warn you about it.

I get it, you're 18, everything's a conspiracy but don't tell other peoplewhat they should do regarding mental health because you read a few things and feel super woke.

Sorry that I don't want to shun doctors knowledge, my friends experiences, because you think that everything is out to kill you.

They sure as fuck aren't perfect but damn, there are a lot of people seriously bennefitting from using them.

That's really all I want to say on this.

Chill out, I’m just warning people that these things can do really scary shit for some of the people that take them and that you should be careful. The difference between this and Tylenol horror stories is this effects a huge amount of it’s people. And I’m friends and family with many of people that regret taking them. Although you happen to know also know people that gained a huge benefit from the medicine. Your opinion holds no further weight than mine does because we are both basing our opinions off our own personal lives. Just because I’m only 18 doesn’t mean there aren’t plenty of adults with the same exact opinion as me.

 

[Mingg]

Chill out, I’m just warning people that these things can do really scary shit for some of the people that take them and that you should be careful. The difference between this and Tylenol horror stories is this effects a huge amount of it’s people. And I’m friends and family with many of people that regret taking them. Although you happen to know also know people that gained a huge benefit from the medicine. Your opinion holds no further weight than mine does because we are both basing our opinions off our own personal lives. Just because I’m only 18 doesn’t mean there aren’t plenty of adults with the same exact opinion as me.

BTW this is in response to you and borty. Just don't want to scroll bomb everyone haha.

While its true that antidepressants change your brain chemistry, that's honestly their purpose. Not all mental illness is based off of experiences alone - like stated before in a situation of sudden loss or an isolated instance. In a lot of cases of mental illness or addiction your brain chemistry is changed, which can happen in a multitude of ways, and medication may be the best way to get your body back in balance.

Take for example, a computer - you have your hardware and software. Hardware is the physical nature of the computer(brain) and the software is the programing(thought processes/interworkings of your brain). Sometimes you can fix a computer by updating its software and rewriting the programs(therapy) and other times you need to work on the hardware too(medications).

 

[cory.iyoob]

BTW this is in response to you and borty. Just don't want to scroll bomb everyone haha.

While its true that antidepressants change your brain chemistry, that's honestly their purpose. Not all mental illness is based off of experiences alone - like stated before in a situation of sudden loss or an isolated instance. In a lot of cases of mental illness or addiction your brain chemistry is changed, which can happen in a multitude of ways, and medication may be the best way to get your body back in balance.

Take for example, a computer - you have your hardware and software. Hardware is the physical nature of the computer(brain) and the software is the programing(thought processes/interworkings of your brain). Sometimes you can fix a computer by updating its software and rewriting the programs(therapy) and other times you need to work on the hardware too(medications).

I see what you mean, That’s a good point.

 

[theabortionator]

Chill out, I’m just warning people that these things can do really scary shit for some of the people that take them and that you should be careful. The difference between this and Tylenol horror stories is this effects a huge amount of it’s people. And I’m friends and family with many of people that regret taking them. Although you happen to know also know people that gained a huge benefit from the medicine. Your opinion holds no further weight than mine does because we are both basing our opinions off our own personal lives. Just because I’m only 18 doesn’t mean there aren’t plenty of adults with the same exact opinion as me.

Im just pointing out that you can find "information" on the internet for anything. It doesn't mean that it holds that much weight, or that its even factual.

I mentioned that people should be careful, seek out different opinions, but the udea that all medicine and doctors are conspiring to ruin your life is delusional.

I'm really not trying to be a dick. Age isn't necessarily relevant but the "i read some things online the last day or two" definitely is.

Also there are people that have been persuaded to get iff their meds by friemds, family, church, and things haven't gone well.

It doesn't work for everyone. Some people have severe fucked up shit that a little hike with a friend every weekend isn't going to fix. Im sorry you cant grasp that. Im happy things are looking up for you but sweet fucking jebus you seem to have no idea what is going on in some peoples heads.

Meds absolutely benefit many people. Thats a smple fact. Dispute it, read articles that say that's fake news, but it's just a fact. I never said they were for everyone, i never said that there are not risks. Just simply that it's bullshit to tell people that they should stay away from anti depressats because in your 2 days of internet reading believe that everything a lie.

Im not mad, im not hating, i just get frustrated at the thought of giving advice on real medical issues, with pretty much nothing.

I don't necessarily have a ton of information. Im not a doctor, i haven't done heavy research, i havent taken classes. Im just saying this shit works for people. It shouldn't be taken as lightly as eating a piece of candy, but nothing should.

Doctors aren't sitting their conspiring to ruin your life. They're not perfect, some care more than others, but they're definitely trying to help.

Go ahead and downvote this as well.

 

[cory.iyoob]

Im just pointing out that you can find "information" on the internet for anything. It doesn't mean that it holds that much weight, or that its even factual.

I mentioned that people should be careful, seek out different opinions, but the udea that all medicine and doctors are conspiring to ruin your life is delusional.

I'm really not trying to be a dick. Age isn't necessarily relevant but the "i read some things online the last day or two" definitely is.

Also there are people that have been persuaded to get iff their meds by friemds, family, church, and things haven't gone well.

It doesn't work for everyone. Some people have severe fucked up shit that a little hike with a friend every weekend isn't going to fix. Im sorry you cant grasp that. Im happy things are looking up for you but sweet fucking jebus you seem to have no idea what is going on in some peoples heads.

Meds absolutely benefit many people. Thats a smple fact. Dispute it, read articles that say that's fake news, but it's just a fact. I never said they were for everyone, i never said that there are not risks. Just simply that it's bullshit to tell people that they should stay away from anti depressats because in your 2 days of internet reading believe that everything a lie.

Im not mad, im not hating, i just get frustrated at the thought of giving advice on real medical issues, with pretty much nothing.

I don't necessarily have a ton of information. Im not a doctor, i haven't done heavy research, i havent taken classes. Im just saying this shit works for people. It shouldn't be taken as lightly as eating a piece of candy, but nothing should.

Doctors aren't sitting their conspiring to ruin your life. They're not perfect, some care more than others, but they're definitely trying to help.

Go ahead and downvote this as well.

Yeah I think I took your last message the wrong way. I understand they have benefits for people with serious depression all I said was stay away if your not on the edge (by edge I don’t mean of suicide, I mean more you’ve been struggling for a long time and you know it’s not just a phase). They aren’t things for people that are sad because they are going through a breakup. I understand your point of view and also think it’s valid.

 

[theabortionator]

Been kind of dicey the last few years. Last month has been ultra fucked.

Got denied health insurance so my plan to maybe get my mental health shit figured out is pretty much shot. Also that means my bills for my shoulder are out for collection. Stoked because they never did anything useful for me anyway.

Also realized I forgot to send the letter I wrote for a parking ticket I got at the end of my driveway a few months back. Got blocked out of my spot when I went to get an xray, and roommate left with keys. Couldn't quite get the car in, especially driving stick with my left arm. Parked it basically in the snow at the end of the driveway. Weeks since any snow. Super sunny day and the scumbag sheriffs gave me a $135 ticket. Not a $20 ticket, which I still would have been pissed about, but a fucking 135 dollar ticket. Like 135 US Dollars. What in the actual fuck. Dead end street, 200 feet from the dead end, at the end of my driveway. I get that technically you can't park on the roads for another 3 weeks from when this happened, but jesus fuck. There were cars parked all over all the time and I never heard of anyone getting a ticket. Roommate parked their for half the season and never got a ticket. I parked there for 1 fucking day and boom.

Also my car is kind of fucked now. Was having some issues and I think this traffic jam on one of the passes in CO might have done me in. Made it back to CA but it's pretty fucked. Can barely drive. If the car shits out here I think I'm pretty done with shit.

None of these things and a bunch of other stuff is completely fucked on their own, but add that with my worsening depression issues that were already pretty fucked and Idk. Anxiety is shot, depression is shot.

Idk, I can't keep track of anything anymore. I fucking lose everything, I can't remember anything, I'm sort of shitty with money now. Always had a phenomenal memory, always been absurdly good with money. So pretty stoked on all this. Also some other health bullshit that I'm not even going to bother to deal with because I can't afford to go see anyone.

I have this flight to Thailand booked for September. Worst case if everything gets fucked I'm going regardless even if I put mad shit on my CC there. Going to try to enjoy a fucking month for once.

If everythings super shot I might sell my car, after I fix it if I can get it back east, sell my drum kits, sell pretty much anything I own and leave the country for a while. Either till I get deported, killed, or find some sort of reason not to kill myself.

If somehow I'm back/still in the states might try to work another season, might just off myself in the fall. Not sure yet. Was tossing that around before pretty casually, but now with the car and other stuff and just generally being over it, sorta 50/50.

Would be cool to make it to next summer because I want to hit the next few Aussie winters. Landed a job at Thredbo 2 years ago, but decided to go back to Africa. But I can still get a work holiday visa for this next year, and then hopefully get sponsored or find a different visa after that. Also was going to give Schneestern another shot. Got hired previously before but Austria dicked me around on my visa. Would probably try to go to another country. Or I know I guy in Norway who hooked me up with a job option a couple years ago. Might see if he can help me find any work there. I love that country. Also have some more trips I haven't done. Haven't done south America, Haven't road tripped Canada to Alaska. There are some hikes and mountains I want to hit. It'd be fucking dope to do a season in Antarctica. Also maybe the slim chance that I end up in a decent relationship like a normal person, that'd be chill. Also would feel pretty shitty about ditching out on friends. I would hope they'd understand, but I know it's still kind of shitty.

Idk, basically trying to think of things that I still haven't done or other reasons not to kill myself. I'e had this idea for a while that if shit ever gets too gnar, just sell everything and do stuff, travel, see people, hit new places, and either find a reason not to do it, or have one finals killer adventure, a last hurrah.

I don't think my brain shit from my head injuries is going to improve. I know my depression and anxiety aren't without getting any help, and I'm not getting any help without health insurance. So pretty much I don't really see this going through.

That said it's all good. It's been a pretty wild fucking ride. Honestly didn't see myself getting to 29. So I've done better than expected. I made it to 40 something states, 20 something countries, something like 600 concerts, plenty of really fucking good friends, skiing/snerberding fun, camping/hiking.

Idk. Things went way better than expected. Not really bitter about anything. Honestly probably wouldn't even change anything. Wouldn't trade the good friends and wild adventures(even the sketchy ones) for anything. I don't have a death wish, I don't necessarily want to die, I'm just kind of over fighting. I drive a lot sometimes. That feeling on a super long drive when you just want to go the fuck to sleep, but you're fighting it and keep cruising, knocking away miles. The good fight is cool or whatever, but sometimes you're just over it. I've been pretty over it for a long time. I never had any intentions of making it to 60 or even 50. Would be cool to do a few more things, but I've felt content with the ride so far for a while.

We'll see what happens. Maybe I'll find a reason/method to make things work and kick it around. Maybe I'll still be here in 30 more years, maybe I won't. Life is fleeting, random, and a fucking wild adventure. Going to do my best to enjoy whatever is left. Either way it's been real.

Wall o random text but whatever. Also totally sober atm so this wasn't some weird drunken stuff. Yolo or whatever.

 

[theabortionator]

Just had nowhere to really post that and not into the weird facebook status thing.

 

[cozzey]

Just had nowhere to really post that and not into the weird facebook status thing.

When shit hits the fan, sell everything and get a van for your South America trip. Try and survive for as long as you can and then try and go to the next place. If you don’t like somewhere you can just leave, it’s the ultimate freedom if you can get the funds.

 

[theabortionator]

When shit hits the fan, sell everything and get a van for your South America trip. Try and survive for as long as you can and then try and go to the next place. If you don’t like somewhere you can just leave, it’s the ultimate freedom if you can get the funds.

That's kind of what I've been doing. Worked a bunch of different places, did some random travel off that or just getting the fuck out of the good ole USA. I've depleted most of the loot I had saved. Got some good fun out of it though.

Was thinking of finding some shit hole shack near the beach in Indo or Costa Rica or something and trying to rock a couple months and surf errday. Idk now though. I surfed the last 2 summers, but realized that's about the only time I was in the ocean for years. Actually jumped in with a buddy late night last week, but really been out of the water. I guess the year round winters added a bit, and getting older. I used to be all about the ocean and swimming in general. I guess maybe I'm just not that aquatic anymore.

Also at least I have an option for rent and a job set up for the winter season if I want it.

 

[cozzey]

That's kind of what I've been doing. Worked a bunch of different places, did some random travel off that or just getting the fuck out of the good ole USA. I've depleted most of the loot I had saved. Got some good fun out of it though.

Was thinking of finding some shit hole shack near the beach in Indo or Costa Rica or something and trying to rock a couple months and surf errday. Idk now though. I surfed the last 2 summers, but realized that's about the only time I was in the ocean for years. Actually jumped in with a buddy late night last week, but really been out of the water. I guess the year round winters added a bit, and getting older. I used to be all about the ocean and swimming in general. I guess maybe I'm just not that aquatic anymore.

Also at least I have an option for rent and a job set up for the winter season if I want it.

Im in the jungle of Costa Rica rn. Definitely wish I was on the coast but this was kind of my mental breakdown and time away from my normal life before I return.

 

[theabortionator]

Im in the jungle of Costa Rica rn. Definitely wish I was on the coast but this was kind of my mental breakdown and time away from my normal life before I return.

That's legit. I dig getting away. Booked a lot of random flights or drove my car random places in the states the last few years. Put 90 miles on the car in 2.5 years and was out of the country 10ish months of that.

I'm hoping things work out for me because I like tahoe. Probably will only do 1 more year at the same mtn but there's plenty of options and I have better paying offers as well. Would be cool to lock down to an area for a while, and grow a friend base instead of meeting people and then dipping.

I def feel you though. They say you shouldn't run from your problems but when shit gets too real, I start looking at plane tickets. Actually booked this Asia trip because I was feeling really shitty and depressed. So at least that's something to look forward too. Gonna try and check out several countries.

Never done any south america though. So that's next after this trip I think if I'm still kickin around.

 

[cozzey]

That's legit. I dig getting away. Booked a lot of random flights or drove my car random places in the states the last few years. Put 90 miles on the car in 2.5 years and was out of the country 10ish months of that.

I'm hoping things work out for me because I like tahoe. Probably will only do 1 more year at the same mtn but there's plenty of options and I have better paying offers as well. Would be cool to lock down to an area for a while, and grow a friend base instead of meeting people and then dipping.

I def feel you though. They say you shouldn't run from your problems but when shit gets too real, I start looking at plane tickets. Actually booked this Asia trip because I was feeling really shitty and depressed. So at least that's something to look forward too. Gonna try and check out several countries.

Never done any south america though. So that's next after this trip I think if I'm still kickin around.

Wishing you the best of luck

 

[theabortionator]

Wishing you the best of luck

Thanks, we shall see. I'm sort of indifferent. I'd like things to work out but I'm sort of in for the ride.

I did just catch 11 shows by this one band, a bunch of friends, and went down to Tijuana for the first time. Now hitting a bunch of shows of another band, and seeing a ton more friends. Hoping a few things work out, and maybe that my car makes it back to the northeast before it explodes.

Have fun in Costa Rica! If I book a random trip after Asia I'll hit you up. Def a fun sounding adventure to gtf away.

 

[GayWolf420]

Still battling post-concussion symptoms even years after the fact. Drank myself to the point of insanity almost in the last year, got that monkey off my back, now doing the therapy route and its been good, but tough too. Anxiety and depression really got the best of me and I failed out of school almost, girlfriend broke up with me, and lost jobs/unemployed and living at my parents. Its never too late to seek help, and its not an overnight fix. This shit will take years upon years. Hope you all get the help needed and finally get back to fully enjoying life. Theres moments that make you smile every now and then but battling substance abuse issues and mental health issues are tough as nails battles.

 

[DirtYStylE]

Take for example, a computer - you have your hardware and software. Hardware is the physical nature of the computer(brain) and the software is the programing(thought processes/interworkings of your brain). Sometimes you can fix a computer by updating its software and rewriting the programs(therapy) and other times you need to work on the hardware too(medications).

I really like the analogy. It's the first time iv'e heard it

 

[Casey]

My aunt showed me this like self care checklist thing for people who get depressed. It's like a list of things for when you feel like shit- brush your teeth, shower, read a book, call a friend type stuff- kind of a practical guide to help getting unstuck when you are feeling bad.

 

[theabortionator]

Still battling post-concussion symptoms even years after the fact. Drank myself to the point of insanity almost in the last year, got that monkey off my back, now doing the therapy route and its been good, but tough too. Anxiety and depression really got the best of me and I failed out of school almost, girlfriend broke up with me, and lost jobs/unemployed and living at my parents. Its never too late to seek help, and its not an overnight fix. This shit will take years upon years. Hope you all get the help needed and finally get back to fully enjoying life. Theres moments that make you smile every now and then but battling substance abuse issues and mental health issues are tough as nails battles.

I feels you dawg

 

[freestyler540]

Ive been to the edge myself in 2010. January 4th 2010 to be exact. My life was a mess, I couldnt get help, my so-called friends wouldnt answer the phone and my family was putting unbelievable pressure on me at the time. Due to my job, a safety sensitive workplace, I could not afford to get professional help or I would lose my medical certificate and lose all hopes to work in my field again. I had to keep things under wraps the entire time. Took 6 years to come back from the deep end on my own.

So Ill write up my story in hopes people with the same scenario can learn how I got out of it.

Back up to 2009; I just graduated top of the class, with honours from Marine Engineering technology in Owen Sound, Ontario. I moved back to my parents place in Quebec City in order to find a job, work up some cash and start living on my own. It was a high point in my life for sure. Felt like I had a future, support and a good loutlook on life in general.

I found work in the shipping industry pretty much right away. Started a day after sending in my resume. It was a tough learning curb; I was yelled at every day by the chief engineer and ridiculed constantly by my lack of experience. My first term lasted a month and I was tired and stressed out. Being a tough guy mentally, I thought things will get better. My second term, lasted two months, I was fired just because the chief engineer needed some entertainment and I was a good target due to lack of experience. I never talked big and really wanted to do my best. I got transfered to another ship and I was well received by the crew. I finished my 1st season in January after spending the holidays on board.

I hooked up with a girl that was quite a bit younger at the ski hill where I worked at as a ski instructor. It was a first for me, so why not try out this girlfriend thing and see if things could work out. Money was tight, but I still could ski in the winter. I wanted to teach park; so I signed up for the certification and the instructor failed me because he didnt like my style. (he was a racing ass douche from Montreal) I did the course with the acrobatic federation in the past and coached for a year, but could not get certified due to changes in administration. I requested with the acrobatic club to start the park group, but was outbid by JD Zigat and lost my position.

So, I tried bargaining with the head of the ski school to get another session. I got ignored. I even wrote up an outline to get a park and pipe program going, but it fell on deaf ears. However, when they needed help, I was the first to volunteer. Once again, I was brushed off to the sidelines when I asked for help to improve my skills.

Life at home wasnt much better; my parents found my stash of weed and began seeing me as a heroin-crack addict...pretty much treating me as such. Every day, my mom would constantly remind me of my failures as an engineer, as a ski instructor and her feeling towards the girlfriend at the time as well my failure as a human being and asked me to find another place. I ended up finding a place with my biological brother and his girlfriend and agreed to split the costs. The day before moving; I had my wisdom teeth pulled, but it didnt stop my parents from cheerfully moving my stuff out.

After the 2009 season, I went back to work on the ships and things got worse; The chief was a real asshole and I felt the pressure mount to try to impress him. I was getting yelled at for no real reason (his wife was ill and getting worse) and I did 2 straight months taking shit from all sides. During that time, the girlfriend was always telling me how wanted to break up, but would never actually do it. Money was super tight because I wasnt making a whole lot yet. My roomate was stealing money from me and began to blackmail me for money. He claimed I never payed rent (I always payed rent by check) and threatened to spread rumors on facebook if I didnt give him 900$.

By this time, I was loosing it. I didnt care about anything. I was moody, began to drink and didnt have a whole lot of passion for anything I used to love to do. I stopped talking to co-workers and finally got to go home when I got a relief. No one at the time knew what was going on and I was too ashamed to talk about anything.

When I came home after that work term; I burned out. I stayed in bed for 4 straight days, turned off my phone and disconnected from email or messaging services. I was completely exhausted all the time. I was skipping out on my job as a climbing guide, a job a truly loved and was very passionate about and spent all my time sleeping. When I finally woke up, I noticed a bunch of emails from the girlfriend and her friends about why I was being a asshole for not answering the phone or email. I didnt care at all. She finally broke up and I couldnt care less. The treats were piling up so as the notices from the government to pay up shit...I would brush them aside then forget about it.

Once again, I was called for work and the same shit was going on; getting yelled at, harassed and put down. I felt worthless and needed someone to talk to. I called my parents to tell them I dont have much life left in me. I needed help, but was told to suck it up; children in Africa are starving and you dont hear them complain how life is hard. I spent another christmas and new years on the ship, alone and no one to turn to. I remember standing on the railing of the ship and thinking drowning in cold water couldnt be as bad as living through this hell many times. My heart would race as I began to climb...but then backed down.

The tipping point was on January 4th 2010; I had enough of feeling like shit and nowhere to turn. I wrote up a suicide letter, unlocked my computer, deleted personal stuff and showed up for my watch. I poured some rubbing alcohol in with orange juice and tried to drink it. In my mouth, then taste was unbearable and spit it out. I sat there for a few hours and asked myself; who am I living for? I thought about it all night.

When I came back from my work term, my decision was made; by 2012, if nothing changed I am leaving to British Columbia. At first it was a code to say I wanted to die, but it turned into the answer. I gotta live for myself and fuck everyone else. From that day on, I accepted the fact no one cares about me, they just wanted to be right. I went biking every day and tried something new every time without thinking of consequences. I would get lost in the woods at night, on purpose; just to be able to find a way out. I would ski from 8:30am to 10pm, never caring about the physical pain. I would walk non stop when I could without a phone or money to bail myself out.

Nothing changed, I ratted out my brother to my parents, told them to go fuck themselves and never contact me again. Pack up everything I had and left to go road tripping. My car was payed off and I had enough money to live on the road.I payed off the government before leaving and made sure I could not be traced

 

[Titus69]

I dont really know what it is, I've just felt shitty lately since I made the move to salt lake. I can tell I'm super stressed out lately and feel slightly depressed, I catch myself eating shitty and feeling down a lot. I've pretty much been broke since I got here, but like a few other issues, that's my fault. Month before I left for utah we had to put our dog down who was essentially my best friend since I graduated and lived at home which was still one of the worst days in my life and wont go into any details but 2 weeks before I left my brother began feeling on edge, he found immediate help, but if anything it's making my time with this shit worse cause it drives my anxiety to think I'm gonna do the same but worse. Grew up constantly being shit on for stuff like my height, teeth (before braces,) and my book smarts. Pretty much since high school my life has been mediocre except whenever I'm skiing or doing one of the like 5 things I enjoy.

Worked a shitty minimum wage part time job for a year post grad that made me feel embarrassed every shift before moving up to an awesome full time job with great people that I left to come west, still have a fun job out here but it's not helping. I'd love to be in a relationship so i can have someone who can keep me stable and learn from and all that shit, but like today on a dating app (I know I know) I start talking to a girl thinking oh finally I can maybe get somewhere and bam already ghosted, makes me feel even worse about my self confidence and will only raise my social anxiety and trouble with women/people. Faking happiness is also so easy to me, i constantly think about the phrase/quote of how depressed people are nice to others, cause I really dont like making people feel shitty like myself so in public I always am polite and never argue cause I don't wanna stress myself and others out. I sometimes think about just sending to somewhere like Hood or back home in the presidentials where I am at peace and see where that takes me, just wanna escape my stress. I'm not really on the edge atm, my 4 best friends are out here but I'm still just losing my mind so often, I just want some fucking snow so I can do the one thing in life I truly love.

 

[freestyler540]

Ive been to the edge myself in 2010. January 4th 2010 to be exact. My life was a mess, I couldnt get help, my so-called friends wouldnt answer the phone and my family was putting unbelievable pressure on me at the time. Due to my job, a safety sensitive workplace, I could not afford to get professional help or I would lose my medical certificate and lose all hopes to work in my field again. I had to keep things under wraps the entire time. Took 6 years to come back from the deep end on my own.

Now to finish the story, ran out of time...

The summer of 2012, I finished my 2 months on the ship and went back to my apartment. I cleaned out my stuff, put it in a Uhaul storage unit, took as much as I could in my car, flipped off the roomate in hopes to never see him again and drove off to BC to complete my dream. I drove day and night, making a few stops at locations I wanted to go. I went hiking when I wanted, where I wanted; biking at locations I have only dreamt of and lived out of my MEC tent. I had 3000$ to live off until work called me back.

I drove from Quebec to Owen Sound, went to collingwood to ride, Thunder bay, Winnipeg, Regina, Canmore, Banff, Fernie, Invermere, Nelson, Rossland, Kelown and Vernon in 3 months. I biked everyday and lived in my tent. I had no bills to pay, always had something to do and relaxed with complete strangers every night. I risked my limbs on the hardest stunts I could find, rode the toughest DH trails people would only talk about and camped on the side of the highway. It was soothing to be out of the routine, never had to rely on people and I was truly the person I wanted to be. When I stopped in Nelson, I immediately fell in love with the town and the people felt like home...I feeling I never had anywhere else in my life. I found a place to live and kept travelling. By Kelowna, I was broke and went back to work.

I felt better at work; confidence was rising. I was making friends again. I didnt ever see the 3 months go by before finishing my work season.

To work out the last bit of emotional pain, I went skiing every day. 130 straight days from 9am to 4pm. I got to sweat out everything by hiking in the mountains, feeling fear again and breaking out of my shell. I even met a girl, but it didnt last long...however, It didnt matter in the slightest. I had my ups and downs, but the downs were getting shorter and further apart. I still had episodes, but the difference was a was able to cry again when needed. I built up a community of friends and felt like my life was back on track.

2 years ago, I was fired from my job from a piss test. On my way home, I had 50hrs to think about my situation, but for some reason, I saw a way out of it; it had nothing to do with self harm...it was suing the bastards who fired me. I had fighting power and things were falling into place. A year later, I won my case and everything went back to normal.

So moral of the story; when you are in a rut; change locations and start anew!

 

[Titus69]

Now to finish the story, ran out of time...

The summer of 2012, I finished my 2 months on the ship and went back to my apartment. I cleaned out my stuff, put it in a Uhaul storage unit, took as much as I could in my car, flipped off the roomate in hopes to never see him again and drove off to BC to complete my dream. I drove day and night, making a few stops at locations I wanted to go. I went hiking when I wanted, where I wanted; biking at locations I have only dreamt of and lived out of my MEC tent. I had 3000$ to live off until work called me back.

I drove from Quebec to Owen Sound, went to collingwood to ride, Thunder bay, Winnipeg, Regina, Canmore, Banff, Fernie, Invermere, Nelson, Rossland, Kelown and Vernon in 3 months. I biked everyday and lived in my tent. I had no bills to pay, always had something to do and relaxed with complete strangers every night. I risked my limbs on the hardest stunts I could find, rode the toughest DH trails people would only talk about and camped on the side of the highway. It was soothing to be out of the routine, never had to rely on people and I was truly the person I wanted to be. When I stopped in Nelson, I immediately fell in love with the town and the people felt like home...I feeling I never had anywhere else in my life. I found a place to live and kept travelling. By Kelowna, I was broke and went back to work.

I felt better at work; confidence was rising. I was making friends again. I didnt ever see the 3 months go by before finishing my work season.

To work out the last bit of emotional pain, I went skiing every day. 130 straight days from 9am to 4pm. I got to sweat out everything by hiking in the mountains, feeling fear again and breaking out of my shell. I even met a girl, but it didnt last long...however, It didnt matter in the slightest. I had my ups and downs, but the downs were getting shorter and further apart. I still had episodes, but the difference was a was able to cry again when needed. I built up a community of friends and felt like my life was back on track.

2 years ago, I was fired from my job from a piss test. On my way home, I had 50hrs to think about my situation, but for some reason, I saw a way out of it; it had nothing to do with self harm...it was suing the bastards who fired me. I had fighting power and things were falling into place. A year later, I won my case and everything went back to normal.

So moral of the story; when you are in a rut; change locations and start anew!

Jesus christ dude, that's one fucking story you got there. I hope you're doing well today and that case helped you financially what did you sue for? Idk what you failed for but if its thc, that's bullshit, anything else kinda makes sense.

 

[freestyler540]

Jesus christ dude, that's one fucking story you got there. I hope you're doing well today and that case helped you financially what did you sue for? Idk what you failed for but if its thc, that's bullshit, anything else kinda makes sense.

Well, declining mental health often has a lot of factors involved all at once. Its crazy how a burn out triggered everything. Then the vicious circle of depression keeps ya in that state.

Things are much better today. After taking care of myself, leaving people who ask too much has been the best thing in the long run. I reconnected with my parents, although it took years to work up the courage.

I learnt a lot from the 6 years of hell. I found answers deep down in the abyss and came back a wiser person. These answers came from the inside and my understanding of human nature is better. I can recognize the signs and pull back before things get out of hand. I learnt to listen when someone needs help with mental issues and deep friendship arises from coming back from the brink. One teaching is blood relatives means absolutely fuck all; real family are people who actually care...and I have found my real family in Nelson.

Yeah, it was a thc test I failed. The scenario was right to sue for wrongful dismissal. It took 11 months before my case was heard, but the company decided it was just better to settle. Hilarious part was I was hired back the day after the papers were signed because they were so desperate for employees.

 

[BigPurpleSkiSuit]

I'm too drunk to respond to this story coherently but I'm glad you made it out okay freestyler. I'm trying to decide what I want to do and if its indulge my ski addiction to the max or move forward with work and school. I don't know what I'll do but I'm glad you're making it

 

[freestyler540]

I'm too drunk to respond to this story coherently but I'm glad you made it out okay freestyler. I'm trying to decide what I want to do and if its indulge my ski addiction to the max or move forward with work and school. I don't know what I'll do but I'm glad you're making it

Action sports keeps me going; skiing, freeride mtb, rock climbing... all extreme sports gives me a drive to keep going and to seek balance. Being scared out of your mind tend to put things into perspective. All that matters in front of you and that split second of poor timing can cost you dearly. You can forget about work, personal relationships... that doesnt matter when you are hurling down a mountain at 70km/h.

But days end and you have to be able to prepare yourself for the next ones ahead. That is why I work on the ships; my summers are about making money and my winters are about riding. If you have to decide between work or skiing and you wanna ski every day; why not do both? There are so many careers that are seasonal, it just depends on what you can bear.

 

[xxACIDTRIPxx]

I dont really know what it is, I've just felt shitty lately since I made the move to salt lake. I can tell I'm super stressed out lately and feel slightly depressed, I catch myself eating shitty and feeling down a lot. I've pretty much been broke since I got here, but like a few other issues, that's my fault. Month before I left for utah we had to put our dog down who was essentially my best friend since I graduated and lived at home which was still one of the worst days in my life and wont go into any details but 2 weeks before I left my brother began feeling on edge, he found immediate help, but if anything it's making my time with this shit worse cause it drives my anxiety to think I'm gonna do the same but worse. Grew up constantly being shit on for stuff like my height, teeth (before braces,) and my book smarts. Pretty much since high school my life has been mediocre except whenever I'm skiing or doing one of the like 5 things I enjoy.

Worked a shitty minimum wage part time job for a year post grad that made me feel embarrassed every shift before moving up to an awesome full time job with great people that I left to come west, still have a fun job out here but it's not helping. I'd love to be in a relationship so i can have someone who can keep me stable and learn from and all that shit, but like today on a dating app (I know I know) I start talking to a girl thinking oh finally I can maybe get somewhere and bam already ghosted, makes me feel even worse about my self confidence and will only raise my social anxiety and trouble with women/people. Faking happiness is also so easy to me, i constantly think about the phrase/quote of how depressed people are nice to others, cause I really dont like making people feel shitty like myself so in public I always am polite and never argue cause I don't wanna stress myself and others out. I sometimes think about just sending to somewhere like Hood or back home in the presidentials where I am at peace and see where that takes me, just wanna escape my stress. I'm not really on the edge atm, my 4 best friends are out here but I'm still just losing my mind so often, I just want some fucking snow so I can do the one thing in life I truly love.

Dating apps are lame anyways, you would be better off meeting chicks in person as hard is it seems

 

[freestyler540]

Dating apps are lame anyways, you would be better off meeting chicks in person as hard is it seems

Its true, they tend to have internet based lives. Facebook is all they know and always want the easy way. By doing activities you love, the chances are higher to actually connect with a girl and make it last.

Based on experience, I never got a callback with online dating. Always met people while skiing or biking

 

[oiucheekykunt]

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3114154/

interesting, i always though people get more euphoric with high altitude.