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The Origin of Neon Colors



Sunday, June 28, 2009 Update by Ian "Salmon Season" Golding



content start, article 9408, 1 pages

How

is neon created? Why is it making a comeback? These are the questions

they do not want you to ask. Many people are infatuated with the

unnatural colors, but very few know the troubling past behind their

creation. Since the discovery of neon pigments in the nineteenth

century, millions of people have died in the production of the colors.

Aside from a few rebel neon producers, one company (the CCC) is

responsible for the world's supply of neon. Though globally ignored,

every nation understands (and fears) the powerful organization.

Neon

peeked in the 80's, when one out of every three American owned a piece

of clothing decked out in the glowing colors. To produce such high

quantity of pigmentation, the CCC was forced to collect impossible

amounts of corpses (one of the prime ingredients of all neon

pigmentation) for the sake of matching demand. It is no coincidence

that the first wave of neon fashion runs alongside the introduction of

AIDs in the world.

Experts believed that as neon faded out of

fashion so would the infection, but that is not the case. Instead, the

CCC has made new attempts to introduce the fashion in mainstream

America. Their primary agents, including American Apparel, Urban

Outfitters, Kanye West, surrounding posse, and other hipsters, have

reinjected the craze, and new waves of killings have begun.

However,

the AIDS epidemic was not the CCC's first foray into global issues, for

their power stretches back over 100 years. The brilliant sheen on your

sneakers comes with a long and troubled history that is shrouded in

secrecy. In a possible multi-part piece, I hope to expose the repulsive

origins of this inhumane color spectrum one color at a time.

bluetitle.jpg
One

of the earliest and most popular neon colors, Electric Blue has nothing

to do with electricity at all. The color is actually one of the two

byproducts when silver nitrate is injected into the veins of a living

human. The other byproduct is a corpse. A Prussian scientist, Dr.

Busenitz, discovered that as the foreign fluid travelled through the

body of the patient, the subject's muscles gelatinized and turned the

glowing hue we all know. Though the original experiment (an attempt to

cure fits of hiccups) failed, the scientist is credited for finding

both the first neon pigment and the most painful method of death.

Through further experiments, he found ways to bottle the blue fluid and

processes to funnel the fluid through the scalp to avoid the liquefied

muscles from blackening and burning prior to the patient's death. Once

the sizzling of the body becomes louder than the screams, Dr. Busenitz

would stop applying silver nitrate. The glowing corpses would then be

put out on people's doorsteps as Dr. Busenitz knocked on the door and

ran into the Prussian woods. The startled people, believing they were

witnessing a ghost, would often shoot the corpse, and the bright fluid

would spill out onto their porch where porters were sent to collect the

ethereal spillings. For that reason, the original name of Electric Blue

was Ghost Blood Blue. Soon people were putting out treats and ghost

traps in an attempt to hunt the glowing bodies. When the doctor began

to grow tiresome of his pranks, he began siphoning the brilliant fluid

into airtight containers ready for sale. Thus was the creation of the

CCC.

draining.jpg
Determined

to make the best color imaginable, Dr. Busenitz attempted to find the

most pure pigmentation. The muscles of women, preferably young women

under the age of fourteen, seemed to give the brightest color, though

it should be noted that they also have the lowest muscle density.

During the early days of Ghost Blood, it was still easy and cost

effective for the scientist and his trained color practitioners to

acquire prostitutes; however, as the market for the rare color grew,

the practitioners moved to other types. The shift from young women to

older women and ultimately men can be seen in the late 1820s. Though

the glimmer was a little less vibrant, the market continued growing.

The rarest Ghost Blood made from the young women of royal Prussian

families was still available for the richest and most powerful courts

in the world, including numerous kings, queens, barons, and filibusters

of the century. Like the furs of an extinct animal, the richest men of

the world sought to paint their most prized possessions in the hue.

Martin

Van Buren was the first U.S. president enticed with neon. Believing the

substance to be crafted by aliens, his desire to obtain neon eventually

consumed his daily life. Numerous accounts exist graphically describing

his public bowel movements and appearances in front of congress nude

with only a ring of glowing blue around his mouth. One story involving

the White House chamber maid and a gallon of neon earned him the

nickname the "Little Magician." At the threat of "getting cut real

bad," congress gave full control of the navy to Van Buren, and during

his presidency his military actions account for the majority of fresh

subjects acquired by the CCC, as the navy collected prisoners of war in

every conflict throughout the late 1830s and early 1840s in Peru,

Argentina, Mexico, Sumatra, Fiji, China, the Faulkland Islands, and

Canada. The stories of these P.O.W.s was grim, for their lives were

worth a pittance of the quantity of Ghost Blood their supple bodies

stored. The secret practice was outlawed within the first week of

William Henry Harrison's term in office. He died three weeks later of

"pneumonia."

oposs.jpg
With

the help and finances of Victor Victor, a millionaire financer and

publically known sociopath (more information on V. Victor can be found

in the Neon Red section), the burgeoning color industry grew beyond the

small organization founded by Dr. Busenitz and into an unmentionable

superpower. Evidence hints towards the CCC's involvement in the Civil

War, though such claims are uncertain. It is clear, however, that by

WW1 the CCC had moved beyond human subjects to obtain Ghost Blood. The

great grandson of Dr. Busenitz discovered a method to infuse human

tissue into opossums, allowing the color to be mass produced without

being a drain of human life. For his discovery, he was given a Nobel

Peace Prize and murdered by a follower of the Cult of Martin Van Buren.

Since the CCC could acquire fifteen opossums for the price of one

child, price dropped drastically. Because of this production shift, it

is believed that Ghost Blood, then rebranded to the world market as

Electric Blue, was the first neon color to be produced for the common

man.

Electric Blue is only the first of numerous neon colors to be exposed. If interest is shown, further secrets shall be revealed.

- Ian "Salmon Season" Golding
 
Is that true..^wow is right i mean wtfand that president thing "naked with a ring of blue around his mouth"..
 
is this how neon colors are still made? lol. Harvesting young children for their delicate muscle tissue
 
ummm... wow!!! hahahaha

i really think NS needs some kind of font or flashing text that reads *sarcasm* for those kids who haven't yet developed the sense of humour that matures from dick, boob and poo jokes.

That was piss funny!!!! I'm impressed by the writing.

And yes, i see that my sig has everything to do with dick jokes.
 
I was referring to the absolute butchering of the wordI mean I kinda assumed people could tell the difference between a joke and reality...
 
Really? I was under the impression that this was in fact quite a legitimate source of information. I am perturbed by your skepticism towards this exposure of truth.
 
Yes, quite odd indeed. It appears you've been beguiled into presupposing this dossier as a provision of valid data. However, upon meticulous scrutiny, one can easily determine said dossier as false.

Two can play at this game, sir.
 
ahhh Gentlemen, it appears the leitimacy of the literature has been called into question and indeed may appear to be fraudulent in nature. However, the notion of its intent is to be humorous and to which I applaud said author, as this particular brand of eloquent sarcasm has appealed to me.
 
Neon is an element and by combining it with other elements or changing the temperature you get different colours. Do you really think royals would wear neon.
IT WAS A JOKE!! i lol'd though
 
I too would like to extend my congratulations to the author of said article, on his apparent hoodwinking of the majority of the unintelligent youth lacking in their sense of sarcasm and his most excellent composition. I, among others I am sure, find his exposition of these facts to be most intriguing.
 
It would appear that you sir have overlooked the sarcasm in my computerized text posted above. Upon further scrutiny you may discover an intricate playful mocking in said post. Moreover, it was merely a jovial attempt at paradoxically mocking those poor lost souls who lacked the logic to question the validity of the article.
However, I may have been bamboozled into the belief that there was a void of sarcasm in your post, when it is quite probable that my sarcasm meter has been damaged and therefore you win.
 
I said that he missed the sarcasm in my post. And if he looked harder he would see that my post is making fun of the people who took the article seriously, and didn't bother to question if it was real. My original post was a wordier "No shit sherlock", if you will. Just a fun way of saying so.
And the last bit is me contemplating whether or not he had sarcasm in his post, and has drawn me in to believe that he was serious. If he did, then my sarcasm meter has broken and he wins.
Those are the simple words of my post. It did make sense, kinda.
 
The best part is that the pictures are in black and white but you can somehow see the blue and people still don't realize that it's fake.
 
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