Long hair gives you powers

beer.

beer.

Active member
this is a prob one of the stupidest things ive ever done. I generally cut my own hair, and had cut my hair shorter recently. I was on my way to a date and realized I missed a long strand of hair. being the genius that I am I decide that the best course of action is, rather than push the hair back so it is completely unnoticeable and go about my business, I will trim it with...a lighter. I've done it before, but only when I miss a spot shaving, and to be fair, although it works dont try it because it will hurt really bad.

anyways, I guess my hair was particularly dry, and I was using a gas jet lighter. as soon as the flame nears my head the entire left side of my head goes up in flames. I savagely beat the side of my head as I struggle to maintain control of my vehicle while screaming "fuck!" as the flames dissipate, the smoke clears to a painful realization: I just almost scarred myself for life, and my ear hurts like a bitch and is throbbing red. I roll the windows down to get rid of the smell, and drive the last 5 minutes to pick up the girl. that should be enough time for the smell of burning human hair to fade, right? I straighten out my ruined hair, which is not noticeably burnt to the human eye, and she gets in the car.

"what the fuck is that smell?"

I almost tried to say something about smoking a cig, but fortunately I realized cigs dont smell anything like human hair. I bit the bullet and explained what happened...hey, some girls like hearing what a retard I am, makes em feel better about themselves

so first thing when I get home, I grab my pair of clippers and decide to give myself a long buzz and get rid of that nasty, burnt hair. I buzzed my hair once in 8th grade after losing a bet, the words "neo-nazi" and "cancer patient" come to mind whenever I think of that sad period of my life. so I get to work on the front...hey, its not looking too bad. kind of a buddhist look, I like it. OK, time to do the back. I get to work.

What I don't know is the length attachment fell off right before I started. So I am now trimming at zero length, as in bald, smiling all the while as I think "yeah this look could work for me....wow, these clippers are working a lot better now, thats a lot of hair coming off the back." so I look in the mirror, and scream in a pathetic i-just-got-my-balls-removed yelp "oh fuck." I am absolutely bald in the back. so there is only one thing left to do...everything must go.

so here I am 2 weeks later. I'm no longer completely bald, but I still have 2 very nasty head scars showing. the next weekend I visited my friends at va tech and got raging drunk by 9 PM due to beer pong. I ended up drawing a swastika on my pec and parading around shirtless, edward norton style. there are some posed pictures of me curbing my asian friend that I hope never see the light of day. around 3 am my friend brought some freshman babes over. they came in to find me sleepwalking, the sharpie swastika still intact. when I came to, that was extremely embarassing.

and now I completely suck at beer pong without my hair, like I was unstoppable and now I suck. sorry to ramble but maybe someone will find this entertaining.
 
haha i laughed so hard imagining you driving down the strett with half of your head on fire haha that made my day
 
dude, the flame spreads sooo fast with your hair. i did it to my little brother when he was eight but put it out before he even knew it was on fire.
 
thanks for pointing that out. I thought that by A) saying it was one of the dumbest things ive done and B) calling myself a retard, no one would make obvious comments like that, but you came through for me. in reality I'm definitely not retarded, i just make bad judgments from time to time. but hey who doesnt, ya know?
 
think of it this way, one bad judgment by you makes for a good ns story and also a good one to tell friends and your grandkids.
 
you know long hair may give you superpowers, but i've proven that having a beard gets you better SAT scores.
 
i got some motherfuckin long hair. its startin to look real bad! im thinkin about a nice trim.

i've lit my hair on fire befroe when i was drunk, just one precious locks worth of it. burnt about one centimeter and then put itself out. totally sucks that you were driving and had to experience that.
 
not at all, i shaved my head a month ago and i get soooooo much moore now. well not soooooo much but a little bit. they say i look cleaner.
 
long hair takes away from my power...i had really long hair and i was trying to get a job but just got shut down over and over and over...so then i cut my hair short and got hired the same day
 
my buddy had this happen. different situation.

we get bored around where i live, so we decided to get high, graffiti with KKK things and douse a port a potty in gasoline and light it on fire. i pour two whole gatorade bottles full of gas all over it, in the toilet, inside, outside everywhere. i figured he would light the paper and throw it, but he was so excited for it to happen he lights the paper walks up to it and before it even touches the port a potty it basically explodes in flames. he runs out screaming, his hair is on fire and he is fucking running around. now keep in mind we are high so i am laughing SO hard. i am running around screaming pop lock and drop it!! and he gets his hair to go out. he is like dude my hand is FUCKED. so i look, it is missing skin beat red and he is almost crying. it was fucking awesome. his hair was fucked too. i have a video on my phone of the port a potty burning.
 
i wanna see the pictures too! me and my friend casey found this story really entertaining, thank you.
 
sorry but...

ThatsWhatSheSaid_Fullpic_6.jpg
 
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