Letter to the manager of my home hill. Take the time to read it if you're not busy.

ILoveOhio

Active member
Tell me what you think. Keep in mind that this resort is pretty poor and the park and resort itself are fucking sketchy.

"Dear George, Manager of Alpine Valley Ski Area. My name is Steve Nemeth writing this letter on behalf of Nick Frank, Andrew Bruss, Nick Niebes, myself, and all of the other customers and patrons of your ski area who are behind our thoughts.

Alpine Valley is my home during the winter months. I spend more time at Alpine than I do at my own house. I have been coming here for 6 or 7 years now and it has been a great place to learn, however I have seen so many good friends and customers stop spending their money at Alpine due to one reason. That reason is the terrain parks. When people look at where to go skiing and snowboarding they would normally look for great terrain, significant snowfall, and vast mountains. The problem is that we live in Ohio. While we cannot exactly serve the needs of people seeking amazing these three things, we can fulfill customers other important needs. The two main aspects that attract customers to a small resort in the Midwest are the Ski School and Terrain Parks. Alpine Valley has done an amazing job of providing a great place and program to learn to ski and ride in. We are unfortunately lacking on the Terrain Park side of things. Countless people are choosing the local competitor, Brandywine and Boston Mills, over Alpine Valley for that very reason. Here at alpine we have one thing that Brandywine doesn't. we have locals who refuse to give up on Alpine and try their hardest to work with what we have.

What I'm trying to put into words sir, are some ways that Alpine Valley can set up a safe, fun, and well maintained terrain park. This is very achievable with some low budget, easy improvements. Ski resorts all over the world have what is called a "park crew", which is a team of workers who’s job is to maintain terrain park and make sure everything is safe for the customers. We don't have to look far to see resorts with a park crew. Brandywine and Boston Mills have a decent sized park crew.

I think it would be a great thing for Alpine Valley to have a park crew for a few important reasons. Firstly, the park would be safer than ever because features will be properly built and maintained. Currently, Alpine Valley has put rails on the hill and not taken care of them. This often results in injury. Kids also come to Alpine and build jumps all over the place. This is a safety hazard. The rails are being thrown on the tow ropes. This is a problem because the tow rope is the only way to the Quad and the Double. Everyone goes on the tow ropes, but not everyone wants to go in the terrain park. This puts many customers at risk for injury. If the terrain park was moved to it’s own fenced off area, only people who chose to hit the features will have to enter the park.

Secondly, having an improved park will only do good for Alpine Valley. New customers are going to be attracted, but it also keeps non-freestyle skiers and snowboarders safer than ever.

Thank you for reading all of that George. I really appreciate it. It might be crazy that I’m writing an essay out of school over summer break, but I’m only doing it because it’s about something that me and my friends truly care about. We just love Alpine Valley and would like to see it develop and change for the better.

Sincerely,

Steve Nemeth"
 
so many grammatical errors there is no way you can expect a letter like that to be taken seriously

sorry to hate, but you asked an opinion
 
what you need to do is read this out loud to someone or yourself, but actually out loud, so you can hear the grammatical mistakes you make. If it sounds awkard or in anyway unporfessional, change it. The more professional you sound, the more seriously youll be taken.
 
personally i'd take that to your english teacher, explain whats up and let him/her edit it a little. it's good that your taking the time to write a good letter about that though.
 
Soo true... Proofreading makes your writing soo much stronger, if you took it to an english teacher, and had him proof it, and then you rewrote it, you might have a case, I don't think this guys will even look twice at this with those errors... sorry.
 
once you finish the proofreading youll be in a much better position. the best thing you can do is just get connections. talk to the people there and try to get to know them personally. it worked for me when i was trying to setup a rail jam for my local mountain. i got to know everyone really well and we were all cool but then i decided i was to lazy cus all the construction companies i called wouldnt lend me trucks for the snow but whatever
 
This bit here: Maybe take out the second sentence.
however I have seen so many good friends and customers stop spending their money at Alpine due to one reason. That reason is the terrain parks.

No "Sir" Here, speak to him like an equal. Actually, apply that to the entire letter.
What I'm trying to put into words sir, are some

Don't need 2 sentences here, will make it sound less manufactured.
We don't have to look far to see resorts with a park crew. Brandywine and Boston Mills have a decent sized park crew.No offense, but I found this part here a little confusing;
The rails are being thrown on the tow ropes. This is a problem because the tow rope is the only way to the Quad and the Double. Everyone goes on the tow ropes, but not everyone wants to go in the terrain park. This puts many customers at risk for injury. If the terrain park was moved to it’s own fenced off area, only people who chose to hit the features will have to enter the park.Take out the secondly here, sounds weird...
Secondly, having an improved park will only do good for Alpine...Look at this again, sounds a little weird.
Thank you for reading all of that George. I really appreciate it. It might be crazy that I’m writing an essay out of school over summer break, but I’m only doing it because it’s about something that me and my friends truly care about.

All in all, good job, but proof read it again after printing for spelling errors, spell check is good, but not magic. And maybe get some statistics concerning injury and costs. I think the mammoth park crew has some good ones, so you could try to get ahold of them.
 
ya steve sounds good... one thing that would probably be really important is addressing george by his last name...mr _____ instead of just george...hope it works out well so when i come pick brad up we can shred !!
 
It may just be me but it sounds a hell of a lot better when you don't use phrases like i think or it should, you should make it sound like you're confident with what you're saying and makes it sound more professional.

And definately use mr ____ Vs. using just george
 
I might not understand the actual size of the mountain/company, but I would also try to gear the letter towards a more broad of audience than just the general manager. The grooming manager and others may have a much better grasp on the effects of adding a terrain park to the mountain because they spend more time specializing in specific areas. Get them on board and the GM has to come along.
 
Dudes....I wrote that in like 15 minutes because I was bored at my grandparents house. I'm going to proofread it and shit. That's just a rough draft. Heff, nobody knows George's last name....ahhahahahha, I'll find it out somehow. Their website doesn't even have an email adress on it...wtf.
 
This "resort" is a tiny, mostly manmade, hill in Ohio. It's extremely ghetto. The only people who have the power to change anything are the GM and the owner who is never there. The lifts were bough 40 years ago used. Here's their website. http://www.alpinevalleyohio.com
 
Back
Top