ct_steeze
Active member
not sure if its a repost but didnt find it in searchbar. this is a real letter to john madden from redskins lineman john madden kind of old lol but enjoy
from:http://loot-ninja.com/2007/08/23/a-...hington-redskins-long-snapper-ethan-albright/
To: John Madden
CC: Electronic Arts Sports
From: Ethan Albright
Re: Being the worst rated player on Madden ‘07
Hi,
John, my name is Ethan Albright. I play line for the Washington
Redskins. You probably already knew that, so I’ll continue. I am writing
in regards to the overall player rating of 53 that I have received in
Madden NFL Football 2007. I feel that this is fucking bullshit and you
should kiss my mother-fucking ass. Ahmed Carroll was rated a 78 and the
Packers just cut his ass on a Tuesday morning after his performance in a
Monday night game. That is pretty terrible. The worst part is that his
overall rating was sniffing 80.
You
know what, John? Two can play this game. I rate you a fucking 12. I
rate you a fucking 12 in Ethan Albright Football 2000-ever… except for
in the category of ball-licking. That is where I will spot you a 98
rating. You will receive this score because I will never give your
blubbery ass a 99 in any category. Take that, pencil-dick. Go do Al
Micheals or something. Boom.
It’s also pretty wonderful that my
awareness rating was 59. You make it sound like I wake up in the
morning, helplessly shit and piss myself, then lose three of my teeth
before I discover that I am trying to eat a rock for breakfast. Fuck,
John, I understand you saying that I am slow and lacking athleticism,
but a rating like this pretty much labels me as retarded. Rod “He Hate
Me” Smart has a 52 in this category. Electronic Arts is saying that
seven rating points separate me and the breathing embodiment of the
perfect oxymoron. Rod Smart struggled to arrange words in sentence form.
Cave men had better hold of the English language. The only actions that
separate point values of ignorance at this embarrassing level are
things like using your own toothbrush to wipe your ass. I basically
edged out Rod by my lack of shit teeth. If I take a night school class,
could you bump me up to a 60?
I guess I just can’t fathom the fact
that I am the absolute worst player rated out of the entire NFL. Fuck,
man, there are some shitty guys out there. Amongst everyone, I was rated
the absolute worst.
I have received the impression that you feel
that I am lacking in the agility category. I should consider a walk
through my living room where I don’t crash through a wall or kick over
furniture a resounding success. My agility rating on your game is 33. It
makes it sound like I just topple over if I start walking too fast. Ted
Washington is rated a 40 in agility. He is listed at 365 pounds. If Ted
Washington tied a white lady up and made her wear a metal bikini, he’d
look just like Jabba the Hut.
John, you are such a fucking dick. I
also noticed that my kick return rating was a 0. I was rated a fucking
zero? So you feel that I shouldn’t even receive a 10, or even a 5? You
are pretty much saying that I couldn’t even fall forward on a ball
kicked in my direction. I would just stand there and let the ball bounce
off of my fucking face. Fuck that, John, I returned an onside kick 6
yards in 2002. You should have just slapped a – 4 on me and had the EA
staff ambush me with paintball guns.
Finally, I would like to
comment on an unlikely topic, my pass coverage ratings. I see that I am a
better at man-to-man coverage (31) than zone (21). Fuck me sideways
with a lunchbox. Where did these scores even come from? How much time is
spent coming up with the pass coverage ratings of offensive lineman?
Can I have that job? Let’s see here, I think that Orlando Pace would be
slightly better at jumping intermediate routes than Larry Allen. While
I’m at it, I can assign the passing ratings for offensive lineman as
well. I can use mine as a guide.
I was rated with a throwing power
of 17 and accuracy of 16. Orlando Pace has a 22 power and 17 accuracy
rating. Did someone at EA really put time into figuring out that Orlando
Pace edges out Ethan Albright in both throwing power and accuracy? I
will challenge him any day. My horrible passer ratings are of greatest
misfortune to my son, Red Beard Jr. The poor boy is not only hideously
ugly and covered by freakishly large freckles. He also has to suffer
through playing catch with me and my senile-elderly-woman-type passer
ratings. A session of tossing the pigskin usually consists of me missing
my son by thirty yards in sporadic directions. I led him in front of a
fire truck once and my wife kicked my ass. This is because of my 76
toughness rating. Yes, a 76 is far better than the other ratings, but
I’m a fucking lineman, damn it. NFL Linemen are considered to be
synonymous with toughness. According to your game, I am a retarded,
uncoordinated, pussy-ass fuckwad that can’t fall on a kickoff, throw, or
spell. I am, however, slightly better at manning up on a receiver than
dropping into zone coverage. You lose your mind more and more each year,
old man.
Fuck you, John. Please expect to find red pubes in
various meals you consume for the rest of your life. If you fuck with
Ethan Albright, you call down the thunder.
Rot in Hell,
Ethan Albright
from:http://loot-ninja.com/2007/08/23/a-...hington-redskins-long-snapper-ethan-albright/
To: John Madden
CC: Electronic Arts Sports
From: Ethan Albright
Re: Being the worst rated player on Madden ‘07
Hi,
John, my name is Ethan Albright. I play line for the Washington
Redskins. You probably already knew that, so I’ll continue. I am writing
in regards to the overall player rating of 53 that I have received in
Madden NFL Football 2007. I feel that this is fucking bullshit and you
should kiss my mother-fucking ass. Ahmed Carroll was rated a 78 and the
Packers just cut his ass on a Tuesday morning after his performance in a
Monday night game. That is pretty terrible. The worst part is that his
overall rating was sniffing 80.
You
know what, John? Two can play this game. I rate you a fucking 12. I
rate you a fucking 12 in Ethan Albright Football 2000-ever… except for
in the category of ball-licking. That is where I will spot you a 98
rating. You will receive this score because I will never give your
blubbery ass a 99 in any category. Take that, pencil-dick. Go do Al
Micheals or something. Boom.
It’s also pretty wonderful that my
awareness rating was 59. You make it sound like I wake up in the
morning, helplessly shit and piss myself, then lose three of my teeth
before I discover that I am trying to eat a rock for breakfast. Fuck,
John, I understand you saying that I am slow and lacking athleticism,
but a rating like this pretty much labels me as retarded. Rod “He Hate
Me” Smart has a 52 in this category. Electronic Arts is saying that
seven rating points separate me and the breathing embodiment of the
perfect oxymoron. Rod Smart struggled to arrange words in sentence form.
Cave men had better hold of the English language. The only actions that
separate point values of ignorance at this embarrassing level are
things like using your own toothbrush to wipe your ass. I basically
edged out Rod by my lack of shit teeth. If I take a night school class,
could you bump me up to a 60?
I guess I just can’t fathom the fact
that I am the absolute worst player rated out of the entire NFL. Fuck,
man, there are some shitty guys out there. Amongst everyone, I was rated
the absolute worst.
I have received the impression that you feel
that I am lacking in the agility category. I should consider a walk
through my living room where I don’t crash through a wall or kick over
furniture a resounding success. My agility rating on your game is 33. It
makes it sound like I just topple over if I start walking too fast. Ted
Washington is rated a 40 in agility. He is listed at 365 pounds. If Ted
Washington tied a white lady up and made her wear a metal bikini, he’d
look just like Jabba the Hut.
John, you are such a fucking dick. I
also noticed that my kick return rating was a 0. I was rated a fucking
zero? So you feel that I shouldn’t even receive a 10, or even a 5? You
are pretty much saying that I couldn’t even fall forward on a ball
kicked in my direction. I would just stand there and let the ball bounce
off of my fucking face. Fuck that, John, I returned an onside kick 6
yards in 2002. You should have just slapped a – 4 on me and had the EA
staff ambush me with paintball guns.
Finally, I would like to
comment on an unlikely topic, my pass coverage ratings. I see that I am a
better at man-to-man coverage (31) than zone (21). Fuck me sideways
with a lunchbox. Where did these scores even come from? How much time is
spent coming up with the pass coverage ratings of offensive lineman?
Can I have that job? Let’s see here, I think that Orlando Pace would be
slightly better at jumping intermediate routes than Larry Allen. While
I’m at it, I can assign the passing ratings for offensive lineman as
well. I can use mine as a guide.
I was rated with a throwing power
of 17 and accuracy of 16. Orlando Pace has a 22 power and 17 accuracy
rating. Did someone at EA really put time into figuring out that Orlando
Pace edges out Ethan Albright in both throwing power and accuracy? I
will challenge him any day. My horrible passer ratings are of greatest
misfortune to my son, Red Beard Jr. The poor boy is not only hideously
ugly and covered by freakishly large freckles. He also has to suffer
through playing catch with me and my senile-elderly-woman-type passer
ratings. A session of tossing the pigskin usually consists of me missing
my son by thirty yards in sporadic directions. I led him in front of a
fire truck once and my wife kicked my ass. This is because of my 76
toughness rating. Yes, a 76 is far better than the other ratings, but
I’m a fucking lineman, damn it. NFL Linemen are considered to be
synonymous with toughness. According to your game, I am a retarded,
uncoordinated, pussy-ass fuckwad that can’t fall on a kickoff, throw, or
spell. I am, however, slightly better at manning up on a receiver than
dropping into zone coverage. You lose your mind more and more each year,
old man.
Fuck you, John. Please expect to find red pubes in
various meals you consume for the rest of your life. If you fuck with
Ethan Albright, you call down the thunder.
Rot in Hell,
Ethan Albright
![[tk]](/data/avatars/m/113/113646.jpg?1745610659){kind=avatar}
