13401380:-MK- said:
Exactly, I had problems a few months ago, but it's so odd and undesribable, I haven't mentioned it to anyone... I'll have episodes, but I always just seem out of it. Having a serious episode after smoking weed is like snapping into reality, then constantly falling back into depersonalization, then tripping out, then falling back in until you accept it.
Could you tell me how you got over it or what you felt?
I’ll give you my story. In my early teenage years I was an extrovert. I was outgoing and motivated to makes lots of money.
By age 14 started to become negative in my thought process, I became less motived and didn’t give a shit about anything. I didn’t want to earn money, didn’t want to do anything. At this point in my life I suffered a few spontaneous panic attacks. I felt like my heart was going to explode and that I was going to pass out.
A few months later I felt like everything was unreal, like I was in a movie. Separate from reality and thinking that no one could possibly understand what I was feeling. I was numb and scared. I would frequently feel like I was separate from my body and my feelings were floating in space. I would compare it to feeling numb, while something controls your movements as you stare though a cave at reality. lol
However, I started to exercise heavily and eat healthy. My symptoms went away and I was feeling better.
By age 20, a few months ago I experienced what I would describe as a panic attack whilst smoking weed. It could of been that I was dehydrated, nevertheless, I felt like I was going in and out of consciousness, which was pretty weird. I stopped smoking for a few weeks and felt very odd. I would have anxiety attacks randomly, especially at school/work but I always felt like something was wrong with how I was thinking. I would think of how I would think before I had my panic attack and notice how aware and clear headed I was, I literally felt retarded/dull.
I was deckhand and lighting technician for a college theatre production that hired our company. I had two incidents that week. During the production the actors and actresses unclothed themselves in what is called a quick change area. I felt very odd working in such a small and confined space. It didn’t help that half of the girls were lesbians and almost all of the guys were gay. I seriously started to question my sex. During the opening act I had to remove a palm tree with wheels and run it back to the props area.
A wide set women probably 22 was bare naked in the quick change area and I accidentally hit her right leg with the palm tree. I then tripped over the palm tree and my shoulder hit her right boob and the rest of my body hit her abdomen. When I said sorry and proceeded to the props area I noticed that my neck and shoulder was drenched in liquid so I took a swab with my finger only to find out that it was milk of some sort.
I kind of wanted to confront the girl but I didn’t.
Also I was groped by a tall gay actor. I was just stuck in this small confined space so I was pretty much fucked. So yeah, those incidents really exasperated my symptoms.
I started thinking I had a brain tumor or something was messed up in my brain.
I started smoking weed again and my symptoms of anxiety lingered if I did not distract myself. One night I smoked a lot of weed with my friends and had a lucid dream, whilst high. It was a beautiful dream about past memories and skiing and that I should take a break from smoking and start fresh. Its been almost a month and I feel a lot better. My anxiety still lingers but It is starting to dissipate. I have become grateful for what I have and have found a love for nature and simple things in life, which doesn’t help with the earning money aspect but I’m trying.
I’ll probably be called a pussy or something