Jokes
- Thread starter Wiggy23
- Start date
meb9486
Member
make another fuckin puerto rican joke and i'll fuck you you up dude my gf's family is puerto rican and kick ass. they are the coolest people ever. AND WTF IS UP WITH DROPPING THE N BOMB. do you people have any respect for other people. WTF?!?!? just tone it down a bit
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'Over time, most people experience life involving love, suffering, compassion and an unspeakable drive for something new...For me there's skiing, nothing more nothing less and it encompasses everything, everyday I'm out there.'
-Pep Fujas-
__________________
'Over time, most people experience life involving love, suffering, compassion and an unspeakable drive for something new...For me there's skiing, nothing more nothing less and it encompasses everything, everyday I'm out there.'
-Pep Fujas-
HP just announced the HAL10000 computer and is displaying their new prize at the computer show. Anyone who cares to, can walk right up and carry on a conversation with the machine. So the first person steps up and the HAL10000 says, 'Good Morning I'm a HAL10000 computer, if you will tell me your IQ, we can have a conversation.'
Well, the guy responds, 'I have an IQ of 160.' So the HAL10000 says, 'Very well, let's discuss Einsteinium tensor mechanics in close proximity to a singularity event horizon.' And so they did.
Later, another guy walks up and exclaims, 'My IQ is 110.' So the HAL10000 says, 'Very well, let's discuss the working of the internal combustion engine.' And so they did.
Finally, this third guy walks up and says, 'My IQ is 65.' So the HAL10000 replies, 'Buenos dias senor.'
Well, the guy responds, 'I have an IQ of 160.' So the HAL10000 says, 'Very well, let's discuss Einsteinium tensor mechanics in close proximity to a singularity event horizon.' And so they did.
Later, another guy walks up and exclaims, 'My IQ is 110.' So the HAL10000 says, 'Very well, let's discuss the working of the internal combustion engine.' And so they did.
Finally, this third guy walks up and says, 'My IQ is 65.' So the HAL10000 replies, 'Buenos dias senor.'
mnjib
Active member
time to ballance this out a bit....
You know you're trailer trash when...
The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse.
You think a woman who is 'out of your league' bowls on a different night.
You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
b-little photography
You know you're trailer trash when...
The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse.
You think a woman who is 'out of your league' bowls on a different night.
You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
b-little photography
you know your white when your porch collapses and kills at least 20 dogs
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'michael moore called...said he is ready to fuck you again' - SUpilot
'Yeah, most pros are strict Mormons. I read an interview with Tanner where he talked about his experience with a caffinated beverage. He said that it screwed up his style because he was poisoning the temple that is his body. Then some of his wives left him.' - Mistaskier
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'michael moore called...said he is ready to fuck you again' - SUpilot
'Yeah, most pros are strict Mormons. I read an interview with Tanner where he talked about his experience with a caffinated beverage. He said that it screwed up his style because he was poisoning the temple that is his body. Then some of his wives left him.' - Mistaskier
what do you call a bunch of farm tractors at a mcdonalds on a saturday night? prom night in alabama.
what do you do when your dishwasher stops working? beat her until she gets back to work.
a concussion a day keeps the doctor here to stay
they say i got stupid when i hit my head
the german's excuse for the holocaust: 'nothing happened, we were on a vacation!'
what do you do when your dishwasher stops working? beat her until she gets back to work.
a concussion a day keeps the doctor here to stay
they say i got stupid when i hit my head
the german's excuse for the holocaust: 'nothing happened, we were on a vacation!'
flippintricker
Active member
a guy driving his motorcycle hits this lady.
whose fault is it???
the guys, he shouldntve been driving in the kitchen
'Don't be an asshole JD.
If you dont like it you dont have to read it. '-J.D.May
whose fault is it???
the guys, he shouldntve been driving in the kitchen
'Don't be an asshole JD.
If you dont like it you dont have to read it. '-J.D.May
Tosh
Active member
The blind little girl
A guy had a blind cute little daughter. This girl's dream was to be able to see, and the family had tried everything, without results.
One day, the man approaches his girl and tells her: 'I just spoke to a doctor, and he told me we are blessed. He created a lotion that must be applied for two weeks, and you must keep your eyes folded and NEVER open for those two weeks. After that, you'll be able to see everything!'
The girl was so happy!! 'Yes daddy, I love you so much, may God bless the doctor'
Every day the father applied the lotion in her cute closed eyes, and the girl kept saying 'I'm going to SEE after two weeks, right dad?' 'Yes sweetie, you'll be able to see and we will be all happy'
Finally, the last day came. The father said 'OK sweetie, this is it. Unfold yourself and open your eyes really slowly'.
The girl was nervous... she unfolded and started to open her eyes, smiling ... but she could't see anything.
'What's happening, daddy? I can't see at all...'
'APRIL'S FOOL, BLIND MOTHERFUCKER!'
A guy had a blind cute little daughter. This girl's dream was to be able to see, and the family had tried everything, without results.
One day, the man approaches his girl and tells her: 'I just spoke to a doctor, and he told me we are blessed. He created a lotion that must be applied for two weeks, and you must keep your eyes folded and NEVER open for those two weeks. After that, you'll be able to see everything!'
The girl was so happy!! 'Yes daddy, I love you so much, may God bless the doctor'
Every day the father applied the lotion in her cute closed eyes, and the girl kept saying 'I'm going to SEE after two weeks, right dad?' 'Yes sweetie, you'll be able to see and we will be all happy'
Finally, the last day came. The father said 'OK sweetie, this is it. Unfold yourself and open your eyes really slowly'.
The girl was nervous... she unfolded and started to open her eyes, smiling ... but she could't see anything.
'What's happening, daddy? I can't see at all...'
'APRIL'S FOOL, BLIND MOTHERFUCKER!'
poor@$$skibum
Active member
from october freeze: what's the last thing a redneck says before he dies?
hold ma beer and watch this!
fat people should avoid buffets
hold ma beer and watch this!
fat people should avoid buffets
eric@jerzy
Member
why do black ppl smell
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
+so blind ppl can hate them too +
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
jerzy
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
+so blind ppl can hate them too +
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
jerzy
ECfreeski3
Active member
ya black jokes are funny, but being seriously racist isnt. and that thign about the menu was not cool at all
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oh yeah? well me and my friends have been bathing off the southern coast of st. bards, chilling with spider monkeys. tripping on acid gave us a whole new perspective on shit.
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oh yeah? well me and my friends have been bathing off the southern coast of st. bards, chilling with spider monkeys. tripping on acid gave us a whole new perspective on shit.
sconnyFC
Active member
why do thugs drive leaning so far to the inside of their car?
they think the smell is coming from outside.
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Jack and Jill went up a hill riding on an elephant. Jill got down to help Jack off the elephant.
they think the smell is coming from outside.
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Jack and Jill went up a hill riding on an elephant. Jill got down to help Jack off the elephant.
KootenayGuy
Active member
whats straight, black and long? the unemployment line
Yeah i dont have anything against, its all fun if u dont take it serious
STARMAN DIED IN VAIN!!! 'Eat the poor'
Yeah i dont have anything against, its all fun if u dont take it serious
STARMAN DIED IN VAIN!!! 'Eat the poor'
this isn't really a joke, but it's a hilarious pick up line:
hey, i'll nosepress your box if you lipslipe my rail
a concussion a day keeps the doctor here to stay
they say i got stupid when i hit my head
the german's excuse for the holocaust: 'nothing happened, we were on a vacation!'
hey, i'll nosepress your box if you lipslipe my rail
a concussion a day keeps the doctor here to stay
they say i got stupid when i hit my head
the german's excuse for the holocaust: 'nothing happened, we were on a vacation!'
12ParkRat60
Active member
A handjob's the man's job. Yo job's a blowjob.
He who hesitates masturbates
He who hesitates masturbates
NickMartini
Active member
tosh that as awsome!
-Nick Martini
Stept Productions
go buy 'to whom it may concern'
Liberty skis
So what?..... So lets dance!
-Nick Martini
Stept Productions
go buy 'to whom it may concern'
Liberty skis
So what?..... So lets dance!
pmills
Active member
kinda long but great read...
Is Hell exothermic or endothermic ??
The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of
shington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so
'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the
Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying
it as well. Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or
endothermic
(absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law
(gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some
variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we
need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate
at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a
soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different
Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state
that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.
Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not
belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to
Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of
souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of
change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order
for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of
Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls
enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase
until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in
Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes
over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman
year that, 'it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you, and
take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number
2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has
already frozen over.
The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it
follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore,
extinct...leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine
being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY 'A'
volkl karma: it's the sickest thing to ever happen to skiing
Is Hell exothermic or endothermic ??
The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of
shington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so
'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the
Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying
it as well. Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or
endothermic
(absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law
(gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some
variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we
need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate
at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a
soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different
Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state
that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.
Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not
belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to
Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of
souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of
change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order
for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of
Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls
enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase
until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in
Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes
over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman
year that, 'it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you, and
take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number
2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has
already frozen over.
The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it
follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore,
extinct...leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine
being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY 'A'
volkl karma: it's the sickest thing to ever happen to skiing
BillyMFBadass
Member
how do u get a black guy out of a tree?
BillyMFBadass
Member
cut the rope
BillyMFBadass
Member
what do u calla 100 white guys runnin down a hill?-avalanche, what do u calla bunch of black ppl runnin down a hill?-mudslide, what do u call a bunch of mexicans runnin down a hill?-jailbreak
BillyMFBadass
Member
what do u call 100 chinese ppl holdiing hands?
BillyMFBadass
Member
a chink link fence
