Jokes

shortest joke in the world::

'a baby fur seal walks into a CLUB'

(hint the all caps word is a big clue)

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Sam

ASW Street Team :: N. West

www.actionsportsworld.net
 
Good one. I hope nobody finds this cruel, but 'what goes around in circles and taps on the window?'

baby in a microwave.

Can I pleeeeeaaaase skip school for the X-Games?
 
hahaha..

how do u make a blonde and burnett?

stand her on her hands.

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Sam

ASW Street Team :: N. West

www.actionsportsworld.net
 
THIS WILL TAKE A WHILE, BEAR WITH IT---

One day sitting on his chair and watching a football game a dad is asked by his oldest daughter why she was named rose. He replies that when she was young he'd taken her into a garden and a rose petal fell on her so that's what she was named. Content, she turns and leaves. A while later the dad's second oldest daughter walks up and asks why she was named daisy. Similar to the other daughter she'd had a daisy petal fall onto her head when she was young. She leaves and a few minutes later his youngest daughter walks up and lets out an inhuman cry that no one in the world could understand. The dad turns around chucks his beer at her and yells shut up...cinderblock!!

If god can do anything can he make a chili pepper so hot he can't eat it?

MISS Urine Tester USA '02-T-Shirt someone in Japan was wearing not knowing what it meant (www.engrish.com)
 
One night, this couple who had not had sex in a while was siting at home. The wife suddenly says, 'Baby, go get some condoms, I'm horny.' The husband races to the store, buys the condoms, and comes back. The wife takes the condoms and says 'I'l be back by morning'

Can I pleeeeeaaaase skip school for the X-Games?
 
Sorry to all the ladies out there....

Q: Why did the woman cross the road?

A: That's not the point, what they hell is she doing out of the kitchen?

 
why did the snowboarder start skiing?

so he wouldnt get beat up on for sucking ron jeremys dick..

i just made that one up. i know its gay. but i dont like snowboarders.

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Sam

ASW Street Team :: N. West

www.actionsportsworld.net
 
This is one you have to see, but i think i can describe it.

'Who am I and what am I doing' asks the joke teller while biting at the inside of hie wrists. then he says 'im jesus biting my nails!'

'He got fired? What did he do?'

'He jumped off of the roof again'
 
your mammas so fat.............. she is weighs a lot.

haha i like that one

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Sam

ASW Street Team :: N. West

www.actionsportsworld.net
 
a jewish girl goes up to her dad and says 'dad can i borrow 50$' he says 40$!! what do you need 30$ for!!!!

and..Confucious say man who walk through airport,turnstyle sideways going to Bangkok.

'i jerk off so much that when i have sex with my girlfriend i feel like im cheating on my dick'

im a hobum!
 
heres one..

rwkobs.

hahahahahah i like that one. hahahahaha

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Sam

ASW Street Team :: N. West

www.actionsportsworld.net
 
Bear with me...this one's worth it.

There's a fly flying above a lake. And, there is a fish that sees the fly and says, 'When the fly goes down to the water, I'm going to jump out and eat the fly.' There is a bear that sees what's going on. The bear says, 'The fly will go down to the water, the fish will jump out of the water to eat the fly, and I am going to eat the fish.' There is also a hunter eating a cheese sandwich that is watching all of this. He says, 'The fly will go down to the water, the fish will jump out of the water to eat the fly, the bear will eat the fish, and I'm going to shoot the bear.' There is a mouse watching all of this and says, 'The fly will go down to the water, the fish will jump out of the water to eat the fly, the bear will eat the fish, the hunter will shoot the bear and drop his cheese sandwich, and I am going to run out and get the cheese sandwich.' There is also a cat watching all of this who says, 'The fly will go down to the water, the fish will jump out of the water to eat the fly, the bear will eat the fish, the hunter will shoot the bear and drop his cheese sandwich, the mouse will run out to get the cheese sandwich, and I am going to get the mouse.'

So it all happens.

The fly goes down to the water, the fish jumps out of the water to eat the fly, the bear eats the fish, the hunter shoots the bear and drops his cheese sandwich, the mouse runs out to get the cheese sandwich, the cat lunges at the mouse, the mouse sees the cat and ducks, and the cat misses and flys into the lake.

What is the moral of the story? When the fly goes down the pussy gets wet.

 
ryan... i didnt.... laugh at all.. that was the stupidest joke in the world. and that wasted about 5 minutes of my life.

ya. thats what i thought. bitch

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Sam

ASW Street Team :: N. West

www.actionsportsworld.net
 
theres A brunet, red head, and blonde

There all standing in an elevator,

when the brunnet looks over and sees a white puddle,

she looks over closer and goes 'Oh my god is a giant puddle of cum,

So the red head leans over and looks at it, 'yup, thats'' definatly cum' she says...

then the blonde reaches over, dips a finger in it and says,

Yup, it's diffinatly cum, but it's nobody from this building....

'I'm still Ugly'
 
ya your right.. i should not tell some manypeople bout that.. heheh ;)

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Sam

ASW Street Team :: N. West

www.actionsportsworld.net
 
come on. keep posting those funny ass jokes. I like the ones about the animals and the daughters.

Can I pleeeeeaaaase skip school for the X-Games?
 
heres a funny one..

newschooljibber...

ooooooo i got you chicker fuker bacock!!!!!

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Sam

ASW Street Team :: N. West

www.actionsportsworld.net
 
what gets redder and redder and longer and longer?

a dogs red rocket

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Sam

ASW Street Team :: N. West

www.actionsportsworld.net
 
i know ryan.. i am just that cool..

here is a conversation me and steve simons just had over the internet.

stevexs2: guess what?

skierdood86: chicken butt?

stevexs2: donkey butt

stevexs2: guess why?

skierdood86: cow pie

stevexs2: donkey's are shy

stevexs2: guess who?

skierdood86: fuck you

stevexs2: steve

skierdood86: you got me on that one.

stevexs2: :-)

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Sam

ASW Street Team :: N. West

www.actionsportsworld.net
 
HOW DO YOU KNOW WHEN A LADY IS TOO OLD TO SKI VAIL?

WHEN HER BEAVER CREEKS!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Can I pleeeeeaaaase skip school for the X-Games?
 
thats fuking disgusting.. your a toad.. nasty shit.

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Sam

ASW Street Team :: N. West

www.actionsportsworld.net
 
what do you call a blonde on her way back from a football party???

A box full of assorted creams

===================

'Just Jib It'
 
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early.

'Hey, girls,' says the brunette, 'let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know.'

So the next day, they all leave right after the boss does. The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband having sex with the female boss! She quietly sneaks out of the house and returns at her normal time.

'That was fun,' says the brunette. 'We should do it again sometime.'

'No way,' says the blonde. 'I almost got caught.'

Can I pleeeeeaaaase skip school for the X-Games?
 
im not sure if this is right, but here it goes:

a blonde was driving by a cornfield when she saw another blonde sitting in a canoe in the middle of the cornfield. she got out of her car and told her to stop, it makes blondes look bad. then the blonde in the canoe said ill do whatever i want. the other blonde said, if i could swim, id get out there and kick your ass.

wow thats not funny.

-Chris

'you ski? oh wow no one skis anymore.'- my cousin's friend
 
'just gimme a liter-a-cola' 'what?' 'gimme a liter-a-cola' 'do we make liter-a-cola?' 'just gimme a liter-a-cola!' 'whats a liter-a-cola?' 'liters french for gimme some fucking cola!!!!!'

-Rodney Farva, supertroopers

'i came up with a name for our car' 'oh ya whats that?' 'your names ramathorn, my names rodney farva, get it? car ram rod... haha get it?' 'ya i get it.'

-Rodney Farva and Ramathron in the car.

'meow whats funny meow?' are you saying meow?' ' what meow? do i look like a cat meow? am i jumping all hibity jibity from tree to tree meow? am i drinking milk from a saucer meow? i didnt think so'

-cant remeber his name giving a ticket to a guy in a car.

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Sam

ASW Street Team :: N. West

www.actionsportsworld.net
 
this is another girl joke

q:why do girls have such small feet

a:so they can stand closer to the sink

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Hey, after you take a crap and wipe your butt and then go to wash your hands, do you guys turn on the faucet with your wipe hand or the other one?

-Shane McConkey

*Proud Member of the HoBum Posse
 
Q: What did the frog say about the mushroom???

A: Hes a 'fun guy'

HAHA, get it fungi, haha

ok that was stupid

++++++++++++++++++++

Keep it live 24/7 365

*Proud Member Of The Hobum Posse

 
whats got 4 teeth and 60 legs?

the front row to a willie nelson concert

-Chris

'you ski? oh wow no one skis anymore.'- my cousin's friend
 
this guy wanted to find the 'perfect girl.' His definition of the perfect girl is a chick that can sing the national anthem flawlessly, and that give head at the exact same time. Well on his search to find this girl, he goes all over the country, and he can't seem to find her. Well finally he makes a stop at a whore hosue, and he finds her. The perfect girl. She could sing the National Anthem so beautifully, and she gives the best head that he has ever had. He goes back week after week. After a few times he wants to see why she can do it and none of the other girls can't. So while she is doing her job, he flips on the light switch and he sees a glass eye rolling on the ground.

luv,

Sonya

________________________________________

just because i don't care, doesn't mean i don't understand!
 
k well Old Pappy and Little Johnny go out for a fishing trip one day, and there out there for awhile and Old Pappy pulls out a cigarette and Little Johnny says can I have a drag off your smoke and Old Pappy says can your dick touch your ass? Little Johnny says no and Old Pappy says well then you can't have any of my smoke. A bit later Old Pappy pulls out a beer and Little Johnny asks if he can have a drink of his beer and Old Pappy asks him can your dick touch your ass? Little Johnny says no and Old Pappy says well then you cant have any of my beer. So its getting late around lunch time and Little Johnny pulls out these cupcakes and Old Pappy says, oh those look good can I have one? and Little Johnny asks can your dick touch your ass, Old Pappy says yes and Johnny replies well then go fuck yourself cos you aint getting any of my cupcakes.

'Don't like hesh - Don't like rap - kicked ol' sally cos she fat - I'm a jerk I'm a punk took a shower cos I stunk - smoked a bong killed a cat - had my nuts attacked by rats dad got nude - I wore a thong - for a hobby I make bombs' Tom DeLounge

 
why did the chicken cross the road???

ANSWER: To get to he other side

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!! jk

Hoked on foniks wurked fur me. kant u tel?

 
10 Things Men Won't Say

1. Let's watch Lifetime!

2. Sex is overrated.

3.I don't want to go too far on the first date.

4.Yes, I did notice your sister's breasts are bigger than yours.

5.There is nothing I like better than crawling into bed with a good book.

6.I'm glad I don't have a large penis.

7.My hips are too big.

8.Aw, can't we watch Oprah?

9.Does this suit make me look fat?

10.I'll never get tired listening to Celine Dion.

Can I pleeeeeaaaase skip school for the X-Games?
 
the one about the national anthem, she used her space where her eye would be to give head and her mouth to sing.

'i jerk off so much that when i have sex with my girlfriend i feel like im cheating on my dick'

im a hobum!
 
whats red and bubbly and sticks to windows?

a baby in a microwave

Whats easier to carry, 10 bowling balls, or 10 babies?

babies, you can use a pitchfork

Why do you put babies in the blender feet first?

(in evil voice)so you can see their facial expressions

'I PUT MY KNEE ON HIS TESTICLES!!'

'god made adam and eve, not adam and steve. down with buttsex.'

-i_am_retarded

 
Why Hockey is Better than Sex

It's legal to earn money playing hockey

Many people play hockey even after they're married

The puck's always hard

The protective equipment is reusable

It lasts at least an hour

A two-on-one or a three-on-one is not uncommon

You always know how big the stick is

You can clean your stick in public without anyone minding

You can change players on the fly

You don't have to be embarrassed if you don't get the puck up

Everyone is finished when the buzzer sounds

Your parents cheer when you score

Periods last only 20 minutes

You're sure to get it at least twice a week

You can tell your friends about it afterwards

hoked on foniks wurked fur me. kant u tel?

 
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